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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22950946">In Duty, the Heart Dwells</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby'>Gabby (Kirahsoka)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Arranged Marriage, Comfort/Angst, Drama &amp; Romance, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Love vs Duty, Multi, Political Alliances, Rebellion, greater good</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:29:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>111,939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22950946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barriss Offee, Jedi and Empress of Mirial, battles her own heart to save it.<br/>Ahsoka Tano, Togruta Chieftain, rages against loss and betrayal.<br/>A young princess fights her own demons as she struggles to become more than a pawn in her father's quest for power.<br/>When a Sith Lord sets his plans into motion, their destinies collide. </p>
<p>It's difficult to describe this story. The closest analogy is probably a small-scale <em>Game of Thrones</em> with lightsabers--minus the incest, blood, gratuitous battles, and horrible people. Oh, and less depressing. Yeah, um, maybe not very GoT at all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Choice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><em>Rating Note:</em> This story has mild references to physical and emotional abuse. It also includes a potential arranged marriage between a sixteen-year old and an adult. Lastly, there is a bit of sexual touching (not underage).</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barriss makes a decision that changes the course of everything.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How can you?! You know what this will mean—she’s practically a child for Skrye’s sake! It doesn’t make any sense. And we’re—I thought you'd never…” A trembling hand reached out to stroke her cheek. “Please, Barriss.” Her voice coarsened to a desperate whisper. “Why are you doing this?”</p>
<p>Barriss maintained an impassive expression, while her heart died a thousand deaths. “My duty is to my people, Ahsoka.”</p>
<p>Eyes that roiled like a storm throttling the winter sky gazed back at her. They conveyed so much—disbelief, confusion, anger, hurt, and… betrayal. Then, the blue iced into crisp stillness. “As you wish.” Ahsoka spun on her heel. “I hope your duty brings you happiness, <em>Eminence.</em>” The oak door slammed behind her, sounding the death knell of everything.</p>
<p>Gripping the back of her chair, she stared at the closed door, beating her screaming heart into submission. Her fingernails dug into the upholstered padding with so much force they punched through fabric. When Ahsoka’s hard footfall finally faded into nothingness, Barriss slid to the floor and cried.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alayna goggled at the ornate foyer. Despite its size, the space was brighter and less imposing than in her own home. <em>Home? What does that even mean? Why should this place be any different? Another realm, another prison.</em></p>
<p>An open hand slapped the back of her head. “Stop gawking, girl. I haven’t spent a fortune on premiere tutors for sixteen years to have you gape like a scrapper from the wheat farms of Raggalia.”</p>
<p>Wincing, she straightened. “Yes, Father.”</p>
<p>“I have gone to great lengths to secure this opportunity. You had better not waste it.” Cold eyes drilled into hers, and a hand clenched her chin so tightly it sent shots of pain through her jaw. “Let me make myself very clear, daughter mine. If you return to me with anything less than a betrothal to the Empress of Mirial, you will wish you had never entered this world.”</p>
<p><em>I already wish that.</em> “I will not fail you, Father.”</p>
<p>“See that you don’t.” His hand released her face with a sharp jerk.</p>
<p>The doors to the inner sanctum finally swung open. Ignoring the throbbing in her jaw, Alayna focused her attention forward. No matter the outcome, she had already decided the end result. One way or another, the Princess of Coruscant would never go home again.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Eyes the hue of a moonlit indigo sky and the consistency of molten steel surveyed them. “May the Force shine upon your land, Alaa the Bold. You are welcome to my court.”</p>
<p>Her father bowed with more magnanimity than Alayna thought him capable of producing. “And upon yours, Barriss the Wise.”</p>
<p>She returned a nod of acceptance, and they both started their approach.</p>
<p>Ignoring the ogling court members lining their path, Alayna took quick stock of the Empress. Reports of her striking features had not been exaggerated. The ruler’s entire presence conveyed subtle power. Her posture, neckline, and shoulders aligned in elegant symmetry. Obsidian hair peeked from underneath a magnificent, jeweled headdress, which draped an olive-skinned face. Diamond tattoos were etched along her jutting cheekbones, adding fierceness to an otherwise serene countenance. Everything rang true.</p>
<p><em>Except…</em> The graceful fingers of one of her hands absently curled and uncurled around an arm of her throne. The inconsistency in the otherwise controlled picture of dignified perfection was jarring.</p>
<p>Arriving at the front of the court, her father pronounced, “May I present my only daughter, Alayna.”</p>
<p>Taking her cue, Alayna performed a long-ago perfected curtsey. “It is an honor, Eminence.”</p>
<p>The Mirialan gripped the folds of a richly detailed gown as she rose from her throne. Pewter threads were interwoven into artistic swirls across the maroon silk. As she swept back her matching robe, Alayna spotted an unembellished, silver-plated lightsaber hanging from a lithe waist. A departure from the flamboyant displays of power common among rulers. Her father’s saber had a sapphire-encrusted curved hilt complete with golden accents. It always rested prominently on his belt, in its equally ornate sheath. Still, it was a small yet effective reminder of the woman’s status. “The honor is mine, Princess.” An aloof gaze assessed her. “His Excellency speaks highly of your beauty, disposition, and accomplishment. I can see the first is not without basis. I look forward to evaluating his other claims.”</p>
<p>She answered with hollow acceptance, “And I look forward to proving my worth.”</p>
<p>A touch of emotion warmed the steel blue. “One does not need to prove what one already has.”</p>
<p>The unexpected softening revealed something Alayna had missed upon first examination. Unless the woman possessed abnormally youthful features, she had not yet entered her fourth decade of life. Immensely young to have maintained unchallenged power since Alayna’s birth, much less commanding such fear and respect in other realms. The thought kindled a spark of genuine interest.</p>
<p>Perhaps, this wasn’t another prison but a chance. Her chance to finally be something more than she was.<em> Reality, Princess.</em> Alayna would be a plaything, a means to an end, a negligible product of a contract. She would deserve no consideration and attention, consort or not. <em>What if I could earn her respect? Show her I am capable of more than simply serving as a symbol of her power?</em> A heart accustomed to blank resignation skipped a beat, surprising its owner. A sliver of hope tinted the perfunctory submission. Still, she was wary of giving it weight. Alayna’s life had never been her own.</p>
<p>Her father proclaimed with bombastic surety to the entire court, “You will not be disappointed, I assure you.”</p>
<p>The girl registered his implied threat. However, it was unnecessary. Alayna knew it was in her best interest to impress. She met the masterful gaze of the Mirialan ruler. “I shall do everything in my power to ensure that every expectation is fulfilled, my lady.”</p>
<p>Her mouth tightened. “Yes, I see that you will.” She motioned her first handmaiden forward. “I imagine you both wish for a period of refreshment after your journey. Our best quarters have been prepared for your stay. Brianna will see that every need is met.” Turning to her father, she added, “Did I understand your advance messenger correctly, Excellency, that you now will be remaining only the night?”</p>
<p>He nodded. “I apologize for the alteration to our arrangements, Eminence. Word of issues in my own realm have reached me. They are delicate in nature and require my personal attention. Unfortunately, I am uncertain when they will reach completion. I trust you understand and take no offense to my abrupt departure.”</p>
<p>Alayna suppressed a snort. The supposed issues were a total fiction. Her father wanted an excuse to leave her here unaccompanied for a longer than standard courtship assessment. It also would create the impression of a commitment where none existed. Something he could exploit if things went badly. It was a less than subtle ploy. However, the Empress appeared to either not notice or was willing to overlook it. Given her reputation, Alayna leaned toward the latter. Either way, the girl was grateful for his imminent departure. His presence always dispelled any confidence she managed to gather. Besides, her father was anything but a polite guest. Not having full control tipped his temper. And the resulting wrath was usually exorcised on her.</p>
<p>“Indeed.” The steel blue flashed. “Duty to those we serve must come first. Your daughter will be treated with all due her station while in my care. Please, rejoin us when circumstances allow.”</p>
<p>A smug expression tinged his face. “You are too gracious, my lady.”</p>
<p>“Not at all.” She clapped her hands together. “Please, show our honored guests to their quarters.”</p>
<p>Everyone gave ceremonial bows to each other. Then, Alayna was marched away to whatever fate awaited her.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alayna stiffened as the Mirialan handmaiden paused over a bruise decorating her upper arm. However, nothing was spoken, and the girl carefully rolled her sleeve over it. Adjusting the scalloped ends to best effect around her wrists, she stepped back.</p>
<p>Checking her completed outfit and hair in the mirror, she nodded. "Thank you for your assistance."</p>
<p>“Can I provide anything else, your ladyship?”</p>
<p>Alayna looked up at the young woman. Considering for a moment, she asked, “Do you have any suggestions?”</p>
<p>The girl hid her surprise well. There was barely a twitch in the respectful impassivity. “I would never presume to offer such an insignificant opinion as my own to royalty.”</p>
<p>She lifted an eyebrow. “That implies you do have one.” Alayna’s father had only ever allowed her one handmaiden. And they were regularly rotated. The king didn’t want his children to become dependent on anyone. Of course, his paranoia added impetus. He saw disloyalty around every corner. Still, her handmaidens had all been over forty and severe. This one was something different altogether. Rising from the vanity, Alayna gave her what she hoped was a disarming smile. “What is your name?”</p>
<p>Her eyes lowered. “I am called Leeka.”</p>
<p>“It is a pleasure to meet you, Leeka. How long have you served the Empress?”</p>
<p>Keeping her gaze on the ground, she answered, “My entire life. My mother, her mother, her mother’s mother, and beyond served the royal family. Our history is the history of Mirial.” The girl added with a hint of pride, “My grandmother was first handmaiden to the Empress Luminara.”</p>
<p>“Ah, a great honor. I hope you will not take offense, but I have rarely seen a handmaiden as young as yourself. Have you been trained for the role since childhood?”</p>
<p>“Oh no, my lady. I began my service as a royal page at eight and then worked my way into other areas. I wanted as much experience as possible, you see. I have held this post for under a year. And I am only a third handmaiden with no assigned mistress. When I am not needed, I must perform unrelated duties. It will be a long time before I have an opportunity to earn a permanent position with a member of the court. I still have much to learn.”</p>
<p>“Hmm, I suspect you are underplaying your talents. Handmaidens are typically selected from those with outstanding aptitude, commitment, and ability. Most work for many years to obtain even a chance at the position you possess in a royal household. How old are you?”</p>
<p>“I have recently reached my age of majority.”</p>
<p>“As I thought. To achieve a third handmaiden’s position by seventeen, where one is trusted to attend visiting royalty no less, would be no small accomplishment in my realm. Is that true here, as well?”</p>
<p>Her eyes slowly lifted, a spark of pleasure gleaming in the umber hues. “I am the youngest in the history of Mirial, my lady.”</p>
<p>The Force was shining on Alayna for once. This wasn’t just any handmaiden. Leeka was a legacy with the skills to match and a thirst to prove herself worthy of her family’s honored position. Her knowledge of the royal household was likely unparalleled. More than that, it was comforting to have someone her own age to talk to. <em>Or anyone to talk to, really.</em> “I am blessed with a prodigy for my stay it seems.”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t say that, miss.” She twisted her fingers together. “I would hate to disappoint.”</p>
<p>“I believe we’re in no danger of that, Leeka. In fact, I’m so confident that I’d like to propose a partnership, assuming you are willing to put the same trust in me. I promise to sing your praises to the Empress herself, if you promise to help transform me into the most impressive visiting royal Mirial has ever seen.”</p>
<p>The girl blinked. “Well, that’s new. I’ve been offered bribes, concubine proposals, and all manner of threats for many a nefarious scheme.” She bristled. “As if I would ever betray my Empress and bring shame upon my family.”</p>
<p>“I can’t say I’m surprised. Foolhardy, though. Attempting to buy the loyalty of a handmaiden merely illustrates one’s own failings.” Her thoughts drifted for a moment. “Expecting disloyalty only breeds more of it.” Shaking herself, she continued, “I am not proposing anything of that nature. This situation is not one I’m accustomed to is all. It would be nice to have someone who knows this environment to help me navigate it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I did not mean you were of that ilk, my lady.” Her upper lip quirked. “It’s only that I’ve tended to a multitude of distinguished personages. Not one has ever suggested a partnership in order to make each other look good. If you don’t mind my saying as such, you are an unusual Princess.”</p>
<p>She chuckled. “You may think me as strange as you please. Assuming it also comes with expert advice.”</p>
<p>Thoughtful eyes flicked over her figure without lingering on any one feature. It was the gaze of a perfect servant, assessing but not familiar. Finally, the corners of her mouth edged up. The expression added a touch of charming mischief to Leeka’s plain face, crinkling pairs of opposed triangles that were tattooed from the bridge of her nose to her forehead. “I believe we have an understanding, your ladyship.”</p>
<p>The weight that had been pressing on Alayna’s chest since arriving lightened. “Excellent.” She flashed a conspiratorial grin. “Alright, partner, here is our first challenge. I’m about to have my welcome dinner with an Empress, whose reputation for discernment, rectitude, and brilliance is only outclassed by her exacting standards. To make matters worse, I’m hoping to convince this paragon of my worth as a prospective consort. I need all the help I can get.”</p>
<p>An amused expression flitted across her face. “And no one has ever requested tips on wooing my mistress.”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “More fool them. An intelligent handmaiden is a fount of knowledge. So, any ideas?”</p>
<p>“Perhaps.” Leeka vanished out the door, returning with a wildflower from the corridor display Alayna had noted earlier. “This bloom is her eminence's favorite. Plus, it will enhance your natural features rather than distract the eye. If you will trust my judgement, I believe we can give you just the right touch.”</p>
<p>Alayna took a seat at the vanity. “I’m in your hands, Leeka.”</p>
<p>“One moment, miss.” Removing a hairpin from her own hair, she rewound the copper tresses into a tight bun and used a band from her pocket to restrain the wispy strands. The girl moved behind Alayna and tucked the flower into her hair, using the pin to hold it in place during her arrangement. “You already seem inclined toward simplicity, which makes my part easier. Most deck themselves in gaudy jewels or fancy trimmings.”</p>
<p>“So, you think it’s alright that my dress is a bit plain?” She’d never had the option of lavish costuming. Her father found fashion to be a frivolous extravagance for someone like her. Alayna squeezed as much elegance as she could from her limited resources and had created a modest style that suited her own disposition. When packing, concern over her wardrobe had been negligible. If she was to be sold, Alayna determined to do so as herself. However, since meeting the Empress, unanticipated investment in the outcome had overtaken her prior indifference. And now every outfit felt not good enough.</p>
<p>“Oh yes, my lady. The mistress dislikes ostentatiousness. If I didn’t think you had the right stuff, I never would have agreed to the deal.” Leeka wound the long, flexible stem through a coiffed conglomeration of curls on the top of Alayna’s head. “I’ve seen many overwhelm natural beauty that way. And those without looks such as yours only draw attention to their situation by too much finery. To me, it’s like saying you don’t have confidence in yourself.” Stepping back, she assessed her work with a faintly satisfied air. “Done.”</p>
<p>Evaluating herself in the mirror, Alayna smiled. It was a subtle but effective touch that added a pop of color to her snowy blonde hair and pale skin. The pine green hues nearly matched her eyes, while also complementing her unadorned, sepia gown. “It’s perfect. You are brilliant, Leeka.” Her chest began to tighten once more as she stared at the finished product. <em>I’m going to mess this up somehow.</em> Her social experience was limited. She rarely even made public appearances. As her father often pointed out, only her brother was fit to rule. Why waste her time on such things, when it was better spent learning how to be marriage material? That was the solitary way Alayna could serve her realm. Especially since all she did was regale people with nonsense. Her throat stung as she whispered, “Let’s hope I don’t squander your efforts.”</p>
<p>Leeka gazed at her reflected face for a moment and then smoothed down the sleeves of her dress. Her eyes lifted and met Alayna’s directly in the mirror. “I believe we’re in no danger of that, miss. Just be yourself. Trust me.”</p>
<p>Her breaths eased a bit, and she remarked lightly, “Well, I’d hate to disappoint my partner. I’ll let you know how it goes.”</p>
<p>“You won’t have to,” she replied with a mischievous lilt. “I’ll hear about it well before you retire.”</p>
<p>Alayna laughed. “Of course, you will. I expect a full report on my prospects from the serving quarters. Either way, I appreciate your help, Leeka.”</p>
<p>The girl curtsied. “May the Force shine on you this evening, your ladyship.” Then, she slipped out the door.</p>
<p>Taking one last look at herself, Alayna rose to her feet. It was time to see what her life would be. Maybe, for once, she could have a hand in making it.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Barriss sagged against the railing of her balcony and gazed at the setting sun. <em>So young.</em> The girl was as promised. There appeared to be little room to maneuver. Ahsoka’s grin floated into her despairing mind. Barriss refused to give it up. <em>Not yet.</em></p>
<p>Her eyes drifted across the moorland tundra that stretched beyond her vision. Out there—toiling day after day in fields, mines, rivers, and cities—her people built lives on a foundation of faith. They trusted her to help them thrive, to do what needed to be done, to keep them safe. They needed her to be a dispassionate ruler not a heartbroken woman. And, though Ahsoka would never know it, so did she.</p>
<p>Straightening, Barriss pushed her shoulders back. Their empress wouldn’t fail them. Whatever the cost to her own heart.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Welcome to my story, Reader of Distinction. May the Force shine upon you during your sojourn.</p><p><em>Updates:</em> I intend to update this story on a weekly basis. It is 85% drafted. Editing is commencing. As I polish off a chapter, I'll post it. Everything is under constant revision during this process. So, feel free to leave feedback as we go. I hope you enjoy!</p><p><em>Gabby's Steadfast Readers of Unswerving Devotion that she doesn't deserve but loves dearly:</em> This story superficially shares a few features with my <i>Where I've Always Been</i> series. It is set on a single planet with lands that may or may not sound familiar, populated by species and/or people you may know from SW canon. Of course, Ahsoka and Barriss are prominent as in all my works. However, it is unrelated and quite different in tone, theme, tech, and mythology. It also doesn't attempt to replicate Canon events. If you combined Star Wars concepts, Old Republic Sith &amp; Jedi, and a Fantasy Medieval Environment, you might get close. Still, I thought I'd mention it to avoid any possible confusion.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Matter of Business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barriss deals with reality, and Alayna has a moment.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss stiffened as the young woman entered the dining room. She was wearing one of Ahsoka’s flowers in her hair. And it fit her so well. <em>Oh, my sins will never be absolved.</em></p>
<p>Shaking off the consternation, she found herself surprisingly pleased. Alayna’s style was simple yet refined. It accented her delicate beauty without overwhelming it. Even her manner was unpretentious, while still being graceful. <em>So unlike her father. Let’s see if it holds.</em></p>
<p>She noted Alaa hesitate before giving his daughter the deference of sitting first. Apparently, it was something he was unaccustomed to doing. The princess took her place at Barriss’ right hand.</p>
<p>Once the king had seated himself on her other side, Barriss lowered herself into the head chair. “You look lovely, my dear. Where did you obtain the fresh wildflower?”</p>
<p>Alayna returned a demure smile. “Thank you, Eminence. It originates from the striking display outside of my quarters, I’m afraid. I trust you aren’t offended at the liberty.”</p>
<p>“Not at all. As it happens, that bloom is a favorite of mine.”</p>
<p>“Ah, I am glad,” was the only response.</p>
<p><em>Clever girl.</em> “Well, shall we?” She motioned to her lead dining attendant and the dance began.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>“So, you disagree with the commonly accepted view and believe Yoda’s last conundrum is more metaphorical than literal?”</p>
<p>Alayna fidgeted with her napkin. “I do not propose to assert my suppositions over more learned scholars.”</p>
<p>King Alaa leveled a harsh glare. “I should hope not.”</p>
<p>Barriss sighed. It was clear the girl had a deep mind with a wealth of opinions, which was an unexpected and welcome discovery. However, getting them was proving impossible with her father glowering death everytime she dared open her mouth. Shifting toward her, Barriss encouraged, “I am interested in all viewpoints, whether I agree with them or not. I would like to hear your reasoning, if you would share it.”</p>
<p>The princess snuck a wary glance at her father’s scowling countenance. Her fingers trembled and then clenched around her fork. Taking a deep breath, she shifted her sole focus to Barriss. “I lead a… confined life at home. As a result, much of my time is spent in study and reflection. This particular riddle has fascinated me from childhood.” The sedate green hues of her eyes began to sparkle. “My journal dedicated to the topic has a multitude of theories I’d love to discuss with you, if we have time. As I sifted through them a few months ago, it occurred to me the fountain of renewal Yoda spoke of may be the Force itself. Therefore, the transformation would be after death, rather than partaking from an elusive physical location where mortal life may be obtained. I think this interpretation is consistent with his other writings, especially his final two treatises on the Force and existence.”</p>
<p>“Fascinating,” Barriss mused. “An insightful theory.” In actuality, she knew Yoda meant exactly that. It was a message meant for Jedi, who would grasp the act of becoming one with the Force. That the girl had an instinctive understanding at sixteen was more than impressive. Her stomach began to knot. Not only had Barriss been strongarmed into this courtship and betrayed the woman she loved in the process, coldly extrapolating a strategy to extricate herself was becoming unconscionable. The princess had no obvious unsuitability to capitalize on as expected. Yet, acceptance would mean binding a bright girl with so much promise into a life not of her own choosing, before she had even gotten a chance to find out what it could be. A refusal would bring shame and censure to that same girl. Perhaps, something much worse, if her father blamed her for the outcome. Barriss was in no doubt of what kind of man he was.</p>
<p>“Does that mean you disagree?” There was a flicker of anxiety in the now intense green. “Do not be polite on my account. I am willing to admit flaws in my position and would like to hear your opinion.”</p>
<p>Dragging herself back to the present, Barriss smiled. “Actually, my dear, I meant what I said. It is very perceptive and not without foundation, based on my own study. I am impressed.”</p>
<p>The pensive expression morphed into pleasure. “Thank you, Eminence.”</p>
<p>Alaa blew out a loud breath. “Well, I think that’s enough mystical talk for one dinner, eh?” Taking a gulp of brandy, the man waved his goblet around as he remarked, “I hope you two don’t spend all your time discussing nonsense while I’m away.”</p>
<p>Her lead attendant refilled the cup as it weaved through the air and then faded back in preparation of the next. After six such instances, Pil’at was evidently taking no chances of not serving up to his exacting standards.</p>
<p>Bringing the goblet back to his lips, the king started at seeing the magically replenished liquid and glanced around. Shrugging, he downed it all and then rose from his seat. “Eminence, I hate to be rude, but I must get an early start in the morning. As such, I will now retire. However, I would request a brief conference to discuss some business first.”</p>
<p>Barriss raised her eyebrows and then looked at Alayna. “I shall leave the decision up to my guest of honor. Would you prefer we remain through the final course?”</p>
<p>There was a muttered curse from Alaa. “There’s no need for all that. Alayna is accustomed to dining alone and requires no special attention. I did not raise her to be a dependent weakling. Daughter, I’m sure your next flight of fancy can hold, yes?”</p>
<p>Alayna’s posture withered. “Certainly, Father. Whatever you wish.”</p>
<p>Piqued at the casual dismissiveness, Barriss reached over and squeezed her arm. “If you will wait for me, we can enjoy dessert together. Assuming you wish to.”</p>
<p>Her eyes widened and then brightened. “I would like that. Please, take your time. I will await your return, my lady.”</p>
<p>“Excellent.” Barriss rose from her chair and addressed Alaa, “We may adjourn to my study.” Glancing at Pil’at, she communicated her wishes.</p>
<p>The man returned a subtle nod. He immediately refilled Alayna’s glass and waved an entire tray of delicacies over for her perusal. The girl grinned up at him, and Barriss smiled as she followed Alaa from the room.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>“Well, what is it, Excellency?” Barriss settled into her armchair and regarded him from hooded eyelids. “Was there a purpose to this impromptu demand for an audience? Or, do you merely get satisfaction from ruining my dinner? I hope your daughter hasn’t inherited your penchant for disregarding the rules of propriety. That would be unfortunate for her suitability as a royal consort.”</p>
<p>The man growled. “I make no apologies for prizing business above ceremony. You are in luck, however, if you prefer form over substance. I ensured Alayna was taught every grace I lack.”</p>
<p>“That is a great comfort,” she replied dryly. “I am still awaiting this pressing matter of business.”</p>
<p>Pouring himself another serving of brandy from the decanter by her desk, he sneered. “Before I depart, I felt it wise to remind you of the state of things. Your realm cannot afford another armed conflict with the Chitaran. Our potential alliance is the only thing holding them in check. And your paramour’s pitiful life as well as her tribe’s is still in my hands.”</p>
<p>“I am aware of these facts. I will also remind you the agreement was for a courtship assessment, contingent on finding no flaw in the offering. Nothing you hold will induce me to marry against my realm’s best interest. If your daughter is worthy, you have no reason for idle threats. Is your hand so weak?”</p>
<p>Alaa grunted. “Damned Jedi stoicism. Iron in your blood, the lot of you. At least, Alayna’s fanciful nonsense appears of no concern. Girl spends more time daydreaming than doing. Of course, I always thought it no matter—not bred for anything more after all. She does what she’s told and sets a fine figure. And really, what more can one ask for in a consort?”</p>
<p>Barriss curled fingers around the arms of her chair, resisting the urge to flick her hand and send a fireplace poker through his massive chest. “I think you’ll find we have vastly different views on the subject.”</p>
<p>Cold yellow tinged his eyes. “You won’t get out of this one, Empress. I’ve finally got you dead to rights.” He sucked down his drink and tossed the emptied goblet onto her desk. His mouth twisted into a savage grin. “I hold <em>all</em> the cards this time.”</p>
<p>Rising with slow deliberation and crossing to the door, she opened it and fixed him with an impassive gaze. “Safe travels, Excellency. Be wary. The moors of Mirial can be a dangerous place for those blinded by their own surety.”</p>
<p>“As dangerous as it is for those who don’t see reality, Eminence.” He chortled and lumbered from her study.</p>
<p>Barriss closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Reaching beneath her cowl, she pulled out the Akul necklace and twined it around her fingers. Pressing trembling lips to that which she may never have again, the tears came once more.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alayna tried not to squirm in her chair. The evening had been going well, despite her father’s wracking glares. However, sitting alone in the strange environment was fraying her nerves. <em>What if she doesn’t come back? Maybe she only said that to be polite?</em> Tomorrow, there would probably be some excuse about it being late and business taking longer than expected. Why would she want to spend the rest of her evening with Alayna, when her duty was fulfilled?</p>
<p>The main dining attendant leaned down to remove her plate. “Was the final course not to your liking, Princess? Shall I bring you something else?”</p>
<p>Startled, Alayna looked up at him. “Oh. No, it was excellent. Thank you.”</p>
<p>His lips pursed. “Yet, you ate only two bites?”</p>
<p>She winced. “Please, tell the cook not to be offended. I overindulged on the earlier delectable choices and find myself somewhat famished is all.”</p>
<p>“Understood, your ladyship. Can I bring you a palate cleanser prior to dessert? The Empress will return shortly, and I presume you would like to be able to partake.”</p>
<p>Alayna hesitated. “So, you believe she will come back?”</p>
<p>What had been an unreadable face betrayed a hint of surprise. “Of course. If her eminence stated she would return, that is what will happen.”</p>
<p>The confident words brought a touch of calm to her stomach. “Thank you. Perhaps, I would appreciate a small refreshment.”</p>
<p>“Excellent.” The man flicked his hand and another attendant appeared. She delivered a thin flute of orange liquid, before vanishing. “This is a cherished drink in Mirial. It comes from the fruit of the Mimona tree. Mimonas are sacred to Mirialan and said to be imbued with the Force at conception. A healthy tree will produce but ten pieces of fruit, which take half a lifetime to ripen. After it bears to maturity, the Mimona dies and returns to the ground, in turn bringing life to another of its kind. The painstakingly cured juice that results creates a truly unique flavor. If found worthy, the drinker may also be blessed with a moment of perfect clarity.”</p>
<p>She stared. “I am not sure you should be wasting such a precious gift on me. Should we not save it for the empress?”</p>
<p>“Bestowing a gift on someone deserving of it is never a waste.”</p>
<p>Alayna blinked and then lowered her gaze. “I believe you are under a misapprehension about my importance.”</p>
<p>Picking up the flute, he placed it into her hand. “Perhaps, my lady, you are the one under a misapprehension.”</p>
<p>Her eyes jerked up to see not trite politeness, but surety in his. Clenching her fingers around the glass, she murmured, “I am honored. Thank you.”</p>
<p>His expression resumed its impassivity, and he made a deep bow. “Mimona is at its best when imbibing the entire serving at once. It begins to stale as soon as it is disturbed by mortal lips. I hope you enjoy the experience.” The man faded to the edges of the room.</p>
<p>Alayna examined the honey orange liquid in her hand. Lifting it to her lips, she followed his advice. Placing the emptied glass on the table, she savored the flavor along her tongue. It was incredible. The tart sweetness with hints of spice along the edges was blended to perfection, each part neither overwhelming nor wanting. It somehow exactly suited her taste.</p>
<p>Euphoria began to rise. A silly grin spread across her face, but she didn’t care. Then, her environment snapped into sudden alignment. Alayna could feel the fibers of the rug beneath her feet, hear the previously undetectable breaths of the lead attendant somewhere behind her, smell the faint aroma of chocolate from wherever dessert was being readied, parse the various tastes still lingering in her mouth, even see dust particles floating in the air. She could sense everything at once, melding together in perfect harmony; her own existence intertwined among each thread. And it was… beautiful. For perhaps the first time in her life, Alayna was part of the whole. <em>I belong here.</em></p>
<p>Sinking into her chair, she sighed and took in the moment.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Rolling her shoulders, Barriss relaxed her muscles and then reentered the dining room.</p>
<p>Alayna jolted up. “You came back.”</p>
<p>“You find that surprising?”</p>
<p>The young woman cringed. “A little. Pil’at insisted you would, but I must admit not being entirely convinced.” She shot a diffident grin at the lead attendant, who was pulling out a chair for Barriss.</p>
<p>Lowering herself into it, she chuckled. “Oh my. Pil’at is not accustomed to being doubted.”</p>
<p>The man in question harrumphed. “Her ladyship is hard to convince, Eminence. I consider it a challenge.” Laying a napkin over her lap, he then retreated to call for dessert.</p>
<p>Barriss cocked an eyebrow at Alayna. “What are we to do with you, my dear? One evening in and you’ve already thrown down the gauntlet to my staff.”</p>
<p>Her pale skin drained of remaining color. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”</p>
<p>Raising a hand, Barriss interrupted, “I’m teasing you, Alayna. No one is upset.”</p>
<p>The girl slumped. “Oh. Of course. I apologize.”</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“For being too… whatever I am,” she replied weakly.</p>
<p>Barriss frowned. “And what is it you think you are?”</p>
<p>Alayna twisted the corner of her napkin. “Not what I should be.”</p>
<p>“That’s your father talking. His opinion is his own. Who do <em>you</em> think you are?”</p>
<p>Her mouth parted. Then, the intense green unfocused. After several moments, she murmured, “I don’t know. But I’m more than <em>he</em> thinks I am.”</p>
<p>Barriss smiled. “An excellent place to start. Now, since we can at last talk unhindered, shall we enjoy dessert by continuing our discussion on Yoda’s last conundrum?”</p>
<p>Alayna lit up. “I’d like that.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If I'm allowed to wax poetic about something I wrote (am I? or is that a bit egotistical? probably. doing it anyway!), my favorite part of this chapter is the legend of the Mimona. I really enjoy the idea of this Force tree that produces 'magical' fruit that must be cultivated to truly achieve its potential. And once done, it passes its magic onto what comes after it. I'm not sure why any of you would agree, since it's rather an odd thing to choose among the various beats. Still, it struck a chord for me. Patience and care can bring amazing results sometimes.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barriss, eighteen-year old heir to the Mirialan throne, is captured by her realm's ancestral enemy of Chitar. She manages to escape their grasp only to find herself on the run in unknown territory. When she meets a mysterious stranger, it sets the future Empress on a path that will have repercussions for decades to come. </p><p>[Flashback]</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Nineteen Years Ago…</strong>
</p><p>Barriss raced through a purple-hazed forest, weaving through trees and leaping over ravines. The Chitaran warriors were nearly on top of her. She could sense their presence closing in. <em>Damned Chits. Don’t you ever stop to rest?</em></p><p>After an exhausting five hours, her crazed escape looked to be a short-lived one. She made it another four minutes, before hitting the wide bottom of a rocky crag. “Blasted Force! You just had to choose the dead end, didn’t you?” Her stomach dropped as she scanned the sheer rockface for handholds and found none. <em>Wonderful.</em></p><p><em>Plan B it is.</em> Barriss grabbed a hefty branch from the ground and crouched in an attack position as a dozen, hulking warriors thundered out of the thick underbrush. The jagged ridges lining their gray, leathery skin rippled at spotting her. Fangs bared in vicious triumph as they fanned out, clearly intending to box her in.</p><p><em>Make a hole.</em> Not waiting for them to surround her, Barriss thrust both arms outward and sent the warriors flying through the air with varying degrees of distance. Most immediately popped back onto their feet. <em>That’s it. I am so upping my training regimen when I get home.</em></p><p>Rushing the weakest looking group, she whipped her branch through the legs of one Chit. Her makeshift weapon cracked at the contact but managed to make him stumble. Plunging the remaining half of her splintered stick between the side gap of his chestplate, she didn’t bother to watch her first enemy fall. Instead, Barriss jumped into a spinning kick to take down the one beside him. Landing an elbow strike to the back of his neck, she smiled as he joined his compatriot on the ground.</p><p>Pressing her advantage, Barriss snagged the spinning mace he’d dropped. Winding it up, she flung it at Force-enhanced speed into the next two charging her. It ripped through the arm of one and ricocheted into the other’s abdomen. They both collapsed with matching shrieks. <em>That’s for Moku, you bastards.</em></p><p>She cartwheeled toward the final enemy blocking her escape route and then dropped into a slide between his bowed legs. Barriss flung a hand into the air to send him careening straight up. Hole now achieved, she jumped to her feet and sprinted through it.</p><p>It was a sloppy mistake. She’d gotten ahead of herself and neglected to verify the remaining enemy positioning. An electrified blade sizzled across her back, and she smacked the ground.</p><p>Rolling up, Barriss turned to face her attacker. Before she’d made it ninety degrees a beefy arm had her around the neck. “Where do you think you’re going, Mirial cur?” Rancid breath burnt across her face. “We have plans for you. It's time for your mother to finally give us what's ours.”</p><p>“I'll die first, Chit scum.”</p><p>“That can be arranged,” he snarled. The vice grip cinched, crushing her airway.</p><p>Her chest hammered as she writhed in his grasp. Barriss attempted to loosen his hold using every technique she could think of, but her enervated muscles balked in stubborn refusal. Black edges crept into her vision, and the pain in her back spiked to near unbearable levels. But then, the suffocating choke abruptly released.</p><p>She collapsed to the ground as screeching howls and a hissing blade echoed in ringing ears. Twisting her head, she parsed the fuzzy image. Someone was attacking the Chitaran. <em>Who?</em></p><p>A chilling war cry sounded as her savior flipped and spun in arcing loops around the warriors. The combatants soon passed out of view. A minute later everything fell quiet. Until, a question came. “Who are you?”</p><p>Struggling to clear her mind's haze, Barriss shifted toward the voice as much as her agony would allow. “G-going… ask you… same thing.”</p><p>There was a grunt and then a figure appeared over her. The features finally came into focus and Barriss gasped. “You are T-Togruta.”</p><p>The face of what Barriss now could see was a young woman around her own age froze. Wariness surfaced in amazingly blue eyes. “Yes. Is that a problem?”</p><p>She coughed thickly. “P-people saving me… never a p-problem.”</p><p>The Togruta stared at her and then grinned. It was a damned attractive grin. “Good philosophy. Tell me, unknown victim. Would you like more of my expert help? Or should I leave you bleeding on the ground? If you prefer, I could speed up the process by directing some wandering Chits your way.”</p><p>Barriss managed a weak smile. “Tough c-choice but… going with… help, please.”</p><p>She chuckled. “Well, since you asked so nicely.” The woman adjusted her into a half-sitting position and examined the various injuries incurred in her escape. She prodded the edges of the slash on her upper back, causing sharp jabs of pain. Barriss held her breath, trying not to show the distress.</p><p>Apparently, she was unsuccessful as the woman grimaced. “Sorry. I was trying to see how deep it was. Hold on.” Pulling something that resembled a rectangular bar of chalk from her leather utility belt, she knelt by Barriss’ right side. “This will help dull the pain but also slow the bleeding, so you don’t drop dead on me.” Putting one arm across her chest, she leaned Barriss slightly forward to brace her. Using her free hand, she rubbed the unknown substance into the wound with a surprisingly gentle touch.</p><p>The effect was immediate and soothing. Barriss’ battered airways began to loosen, and breaths came easier. An aroma of sweat, pine needles, and hyacinth flooded her nostrils. She found the combination strangely appealing. Her eyes roved along her rescuer’s sinewy arm muscles to leather-clad shoulders, up apricot orange skin, and across a sharp jawline. Reaching the white wingmarks on her cheeks, she continued to similar demarcations lining the eyebrow ridges and ended her journey by tracing each blue striped headtail. Barriss couldn’t decide if she’d lost too much blood to think clearly, it was an effect of being rescued by someone for the first time in her life, or if this Togruta truly was the most magnificent thing she had ever seen. Pushing the thought away for when her brain was actually functional, she slurred, “Not dead isss good.”</p><p>“Can’t argue there.” Finishing her work, the woman wiped hands on the soft hide lining her pants. “Ok, the back injury is severe. I can’t believe you’re still conscious and forming semi-coherent words. It needs swift attention and better medical supplies. I’ll have to take you to our encampment.” Her expression tensed. “I give you my word, you’ll be safe there. Will you trust me?”</p><p>“Dee-depends. Does that mean you’re going to carry me?” Barriss had no idea where the cheek had originated, but she wasn’t sorry.</p><p>The woman blinked and then what was quickly becoming Barriss’ favorite grin returned. “Are you saying you do or do not want that to happen, Victim?”</p><p>Barriss tried to follow-up her uncharacteristic forwardness with something more meaningful, when a racking cough choked her lungs, producing a fresh layer of agony.</p><p>Arms of steel scooped her up without ceremony. “Alright. I’m taking you, whether you like it or not.”</p><p>Lolling against the warm chest, Barriss rasped, “My—my hero.”</p><p>A soft laugh rumbled through the body she was clutched against. “We’ll see how you feel about it after I stitch you up.” They began moving through the trees at what seemed like an unreal clip.</p><p>Lifting her head, Barriss finally got out what she’d meant to say. “I trust you.”</p><p>Eyes flicked down to hers. Then, that damned grin flashed once more. “Good.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“This is the one you saved from Chits, while you were supposed to be scouting?”</p><p>Continuing to tend a minor laceration on Barriss’ arm, her rescuer responded wryly, “Well, scouting does include noticing things by definition.” The woman winked at her. “Besides, she did take out half of them herself. I simply evened the odds a bit.” Jerking her head at the newcomer, she added, “This is our Chieftain.”</p><p>Barriss strained to look over the top of the Togruta’s head montrals and saw a human male. Piercing blue eyes assessed her, a perpendicular scar running across the outer edge of one of them. Wavy, dark blond hair spilled over well-built shoulders. He wore the same sleeveless cuirass as her savior. However, it had burnished metal swirls serving as buckles. An ebony sash, embroidered with a dragonesque creature spitting five jagged lines of fire across it, wrapped his waist and covered the top of leather leg greaves. His appearance and bearing matched her mental image of a fierce Togruta hunter. <em>Except…</em> While Barriss had spotted other species among the tribe, a human chieftain surprised her. “It is an honor to meet you. And she's being modest. I literally was dying when she came to the rescue.”</p><p>The man grunted. “Don’t worry. Modesty is not a problem for Ahsoka.”</p><p>Her savior, who was apparently called Ahsoka—which Barriss thought was a very nice name indeed—threw a glare. “You’re ruining my good first impression here, Anakin.”</p><p>He chuckled and then addressed Barriss, “Welcome to our little community. Do you have a name?”</p><p>Grimacing, she tried to think of a way to avoid identifying herself without being rude, when Ahsoka jumped in, “I think she’d prefer to remain mysterious. Presumably, the Chits were after her for a reason.”</p><p>Barriss smiled at her. “I believe it would be safer for your tribe, as well.” Switching attention to him, she continued, “I hope you will not take offense. I’m extremely grateful for your help, Lord Chieftain.”</p><p>He shrugged. “It’s your business. Also, you can call me Anakin. We don’t have much use for titles here.”</p><p>She pursed her lips. “Forgive my curiosity, Anakin, but I haven’t had much experience with your people. Is it unusual to have a human Chieftain?”</p><p>His eyebrows lifted. “Yes and no. We accept any that wish to live our way of life and prove an asset to the whole. Species has no bearing on who may lead the tribe. We are all Togruta. As a practical matter, since the presiding Chieftain is proportionally more likely to be biologically Togruta and has the right of designation, a human Chieftain would be rare.”</p><p>“Right of designation? Is that choosing a successor?”</p><p>He nodded. “The tendency is to select a family member one has personally prepared. This is due to an opportunity to train the designee from childhood for the role rather than reasons of blood. Qualifying to become a Chieftain requires a level of mastery in all disciplines that is extremely difficult to achieve. So, it is possible a Chieftain may have no qualifying family or does not feel those they trained are up to the task. In those cases, they will present a worthy successor outside of the family line for consideration. If death precedes the designation, any qualified member of the tribe may present themselves.”</p><p>“Is that what happened in your case?”</p><p>“No. When I was a child, my mother…” Anakin’s jaw clenched. “... died in a Tusken raid along with the rest of our village. I was left for dead. The Togruta found me and saved my life. The previous Chieftain admired my tenacity and took me as his son. So, I would be considered a family designee.”</p><p>“Fascinating. In my realm, bloodline is the primary way of ascension. Marriage or adoption can be used to designate an heir, where a blood option isn’t existent. Though, in those cases, the choice must be acceptable to the populace. A citizen or even noble without family ties would not be able to succeed to the throne.”</p><p>He frowned. “I am aware. I find it short-sighted. If a ruler dies intestate or leaves a weak heir, it usually results in a bloody and destructive battle for power. Ascension based on the worthiness of the supplicant seems more practical and effective.”</p><p>Despite the ache in her back, Barriss adjusted her straddle of the bench to better face him. “But who decides the worthiness of that supplicant? A group of powerful tribal leaders? Political interests? One Chieftain's opinion or wish to continue his own legacy? The risk of a weak ruler seems just as likely.”</p><p>Anakin bristled. “That is not how it works. The tribe must approve the choice. There are no backroom deals when everyone has a voice. And we have stringent requirements for even qualifying to be considered. Out of roughly a thousand members, less than a dozen usually meet them at any given time.”</p><p>“Yet, you train your own to do so, thus perpetuating the line. Do those outside of the ruling family have the same opportunities to excel or access to expert training and resources? The same principle applies in my realm. Royal heirs are prepared from childhood to lead or often integrated from another royal family. Additionally, there is no guarantee the whole will choose based on leadership qualities rather than personal biases or ill-informed propaganda. Besides, if you only present one choice, it is essentially a matter of everyone agreeing they are qualified. This sounds similar to our method.”</p><p>“There are key differences,” he huffed. “If family members of the Chieftain do not have the capability or motivation, there is no risk of putting an inept or disinterested leader forward due to some irrelevant qualifier of what family you belong to. Chieftains also do not typically serve their entire lives. In cases where the tribe feels they are holding onto power at the expense of the whole, they can bring forth a resolution to demand a designee be named. So, there is less chance of avarice or infirmity harming the tribe. The group is additionally strengthened by having former Chieftains still contributing invaluable expertise long after their tenure ends.” His tone flattened. “Most importantly, who is deemed acceptable is based on merit, not elitist biases.”</p><p>Barriss opened her mouth to point out that constancy added stability and retaining power would simply mean having the right people on your side, when Ahsoka interjected, “Alright, that’s it. My feisty victim needs to rest, not argue with my equally feisty Chieftain on the finer points of politics. Plus, you’re giving me a headache.”</p><p>They both snorted. Anakin’s posture relaxed, and he made a formal bow to Barriss. “Rest well. Perhaps, we will have a chance to continue our debate once you are recovered.”</p><p>She smiled. “I look forward to it. Thank you again for your hospitality and help.”</p><p>“It is only right to return what has been given to you. And saving a life is always worth the effort.” His lips twitched as he shot a sidelong glance at Ahsoka. “Especially such a… feisty one.” Giving an amiable nod, the man exited the small dwelling.</p><p>Ahsoka hissed a breath. “Sorry. Anakin gets a little touchy about these things. He has—” She paused, before saying, “He’s experiencing a situation where your type of political system may prevent him from keeping something he loves for reasons that have nothing to do with his own merit.”</p><p>“Ah.” <em>Perhaps, a romantic attachment to a royal?</em> No realm she was aware of would ever accept a Togruta Chieftain as a consort and potential regent. She felt a pang of sympathy. A ruler’s life was never their own. Even for Togruta it seemed. “No apology necessary. I enjoy hearing other viewpoints.”</p><p>“Well, he’ll be happy to regale you with them ad nauseum. Ok, victim mine, it’s time to sleep.” The woman carefully lifted her from the bench and carried her to a nearby hammock. Laying Barriss on her side, she pulled a blanket over her. “Try not to move. The flex stitches need to meld into your skin. I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”</p><p>Barriss grinned up at her. “Promise?”</p><p>Ahsoka gazed down with a soft, “Count on it.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss rolled over in the hammock. “Agh! Son of a—erghamholygah!” Her spasming back was no more cooperative than it had been two and a half days ago. <em>Wonderful.</em> How was she going to get home if just sitting up was a challenge?</p><p>A drumbeat rumbled through the mud-packed walls of the dwelling the Togruta had provided her. <em>Again?</em> Barriss had listened to a full day and now apparently would endure a night of the incessant thrumming, accompanied by occasional war cries that jolted her out of a fitful sleep. Still, the unusual community fascinated her. It was so different than her world, yet not.</p><p>People talked of Togruta as uncivilized savages that used up valuable resources as they passed through the realms. From a shallow observation, perhaps there was some basis for the misconception. They lived in rudimentary shelters, never stayed in one spot for long, served a version of the Force they called Ashla, employed a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, and clearly engaged in archaic drumming ceremonies.</p><p>However, they also had comprehensive medical care, power generators, sanitized water, and advanced tools. Their technology merely had a more elemental and unique form, making it less obvious. Even their weapons, while appearing primitive, had a similar energy basis to modern ones. What looked like wooden bows and arrows ended up being sophisticated designs with internal circuitry and adjustable energy pulse tips. Their swords were akin to the vibroblade of a Mandalorian but forged to resemble ancient metallic blades. The whips were made of knotted leather that somehow carried an electrical charge.</p><p>Barriss had even spotted a lightsaber staff attached to Ahsoka’s back yesterday. The redwood hilt had an exquisitely detailed, abstract design carved into it. Still, there was no mistaking what it was. Sabers were exceedingly rare in any context. The revered weapon had no equal in battle and was an honor reserved for rulers or the occasional high prestige warrior. Only her mother carried one in Mirial. It would be passed down to Barriss upon her ascension. In theory, those who followed the path of the Jedi or Sith alone could possess and use a lightsaber. And those teachings were a closely guarded secret of the elite. Yet, here one was, casually strapped to a Togruta’s back.</p><p>Granted, it wasn’t just <em>any</em> Togruta. She stroked her throat with an absent smile. Rest and treatment definitely hadn’t dimmed the admiration for her mesmerizing rescuer. Quite the opposite, in fact. Since Ahsoka had left to take care of what she termed tribal business two hours ago, Barriss found herself increasingly antsy. <em>Maybe I could see what’s going on?</em> Perhaps, the woman would be dancing to the rhythmic beat. Her stomach fluttered at the thought.</p><p>Adrenaline spiked, spurring confidence, and she swung her legs over the side of the hammock. Pleased she didn’t collapse, Barriss edged onto her feet. It was a mistake. She hit the ground with a gasping cry. Lying in paralyzed throbbing, she waited for the agony to subside.</p><p>A minute or two later, footsteps and a muttered curse sounded behind her. Strong hands gripped her armpits and dragged Barriss to a standing position. She found herself face to face with a frustrated Ahsoka, who remonstrated, “Is there a reason you decided to ignore explicit instructions not to stir from your bed, my stubborn victim?”</p><p>Barriss attempted a smile that was probably more of a pained grimace. “That’s what happens when I’m deprived of your company for too long.”</p><p>An impish eyebrow arched. “Sweet-talk isn’t going to get you out of more bedrest, you know.”</p><p>Sticking out her bottom lip, she pleaded, “Please? It doesn’t hurt as much now. And I’ve been laying around for almost three days.”</p><p>Ahsoka snorted, but her fingers slid down to hold Barriss’ waist. “Uh huh. Adorable pouts aren’t going to work either.”</p><p>She smiled and rested her hands on Ahsoka’s forearms. “Hmm, guess I’ll have to step up my adorableness factor then. At least, tell me what’s going on outside. The drums keep waking me.”</p><p>There was a heavy sigh. “Fine. If I let you see, will you promise to stay in bed the rest of the night?”</p><p>“Depends. Are you going to stay with me?”</p><p>This time she was rewarded with her favorite grin. “Such a demanding victim.”</p><p>She gazed into the eyes that evoked the crashing waves of an ocean storm and murmured, “Barriss. My name is Barriss.”</p><p>Ahsoka swallowed and lifted a hand to brush disheveled hair off her forehead. “Nice to meet you, Barriss.” She stared for another moment, before sweeping her into the arms of steel.</p><p>It might have been perfect; except she couldn’t stop a sharp yelp from the rub across her upper back.</p><p>“Blast!” The woman immediately popped Barriss upright, hands dropping to grip her thighs.</p><p>Surprised and a bit dizzy from two sudden shifts in equilibrium, she clutched Ahsoka’s neck and wrapped legs around her waist. Settling her weight into the embrace, Barriss processed the new position. Heat flooded her body, intensifying everything including the painful throb. Though, she couldn’t exactly say the trade-off wasn’t worth it.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” Ahsoka’s tongue darted out to lick her lips. “Erm, my excuse is that I forgot about your injury in a momentary fit of chivalry. Are you ok?”</p><p>Barriss stared into the evocative eyes that were now so close she could see multiple shades of blue swirling in them. Her fingers pressed into coiled neck muscles. “Perfect,” she breathed.</p><p>Ahsoka’s pupils dilated. “Yes…” Moist lips drifted closer. “… you are.”</p><p>Cheeks flaming, Barriss glanced away and then cursed whatever part of her mind had done such a ridiculous thing.</p><p>There was a loud cough. “Right. So, uh, let me show you how Togruta celebrate a victorious hunt.”</p><p>She gave the woman a bright smile. “I like parties.”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed and carried her toward the door. “My kinda woman.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is one of three flashback chapters meant to add context to Barriss &amp; Ahsoka's past, the world they inhabit, as well as accent a few overarching themes. So, you'll get the rest of this particular story as we go. Lots of set-up in this one, but hopefully you enjoyed it. If so, I'd love to know what you liked (or didn't).</p><p>Next, we'll head back to present day events...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Journey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barriss, Ahsoka, and Alayna find themselves on paths they didn't expect.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alayna floated into her quarters. She couldn’t ever remember being this happy.</p><p>Sitting on the edge of her bed, she pressed shaking palms into the mattress. <em>What if it's all a lie? What if she decides you’re not worth the effort? What if she sends you back?</em></p><p>There was a respectful knock as Leeka appeared in the doorway. Her eyebrows drew together. “Are you well, your ladyship?”</p><p>She shrugged. “The Empress and I just finished our tour of the surrounding villages. It was… nice.”</p><p>Walking over, the handmaiden began unfastening her mud-splattered cape, habit, and boots. “And that’s made you upset?”</p><p>“Not exactly. It’s more that it was…” She wrapped arms around the thin chemise left covering her chest. “... too nice.”</p><p>Leeka laid her top layer of clothing over the wardrobe bar. “I see.” Returning to Alayna, she hovered expectantly.</p><p>Rising, she stood in place as the girl stripped her remaining clothing, stepping out of each pants leg on cue. “I think I’m scared, Leeka.”</p><p>There was a momentary pause in the undressing ritual, before it continued to the finish. A hand guided her by the elbow to the bathroom, where a steaming tub awaited her. “May I suggest a hot bath? It will help clear your mind.”</p><p>Obeying the instruction without question, Alayna sank into the water. Laying her head against the lip, she gazed up at her handmaiden. “Do you think it will last?”</p><p>“What will, my lady?”</p><p>“Happiness,” she whispered.</p><p>Umber eyes widened and then the girl crouched next to the tub. Pouring a pitcher of water over her head, she slicked down her curls. “Life gives and takes many things. I think happiness is a journey of our own making. Even when our paths diverge, we must believe it will wait around the next bend.”</p><p>She sighed. “It has never waited for me.”</p><p>Soothing fingers massaged soap into her scalp. “That doesn’t mean it won’t this time.”</p><p>Closing her eyes, Alayna slid further down and let the warmth engulf her body. “I hope you’re right. Because I can’t go back, Leeka. I can’t.”</p><p>More water cascaded over her hair and down her face. “I understand. Don’t give up.” There was a demure cough. “I’ll leave you to relax now. I’m nearby, should you need me.”</p><p>Her eyes fluttered open. “You’re too good to me.”</p><p>An eyebrow cocked. “Oh no, my lady. I am your handmaiden. By definition, I can’t be any such thing.”</p><p>She laughed, haze lifting from her mind. “You’re more than that, partner. Still, I won’t argue if I’m the beneficiary.”</p><p>Leeka’s expression brightened. “In that case, my work here is done. Call if you require anything.” She exited the bathroom.</p><p>Alayna smiled to herself. Perhaps, there might be a chance to hold onto happiness after all.</p><p>_______</p><p>“Fear of failure is no excuse for not trying.” He waved an airy hand. “Besides, young Chieftain, failure is but one step on the path to enlightenment. That doesn’t mean we give up the journey.”</p><p>Ahsoka groaned. “Prison has made you insufferable.”</p><p>“Gah!” Anakin clutched his chest. “I think you mean wiser, Snips.”</p><p>She couldn’t help but grin. And for a shining moment the weight pressing on her soul lifted. “Well, anything else we should cover? They’ll be dragging me out of here soon. It took a king’s ransom to get a ten-minute visit, and corrupt guards are surprisingly punctual. Then again, if I leave now, you can’t regale me with more unhelpful advice. Wonder if they’d give me a partial refund?”</p><p>“Ungrateful.” He winked but then the gleam faded from his eyes. “There is, actually. Since I don’t know if—when I’ll see you again, I need to tell you something.”</p><p>Her grin vanished. “Such as?”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he met her gaze. “It took far too long for me to understand the full measure of my failure. It’s important you do too. None of this is your fault. I convinced you to trust Alaa and come to his aid. I’m also the one that pushed you to negotiate, when he didn’t deliver the promised terms.” His mouth pinched. “I was confident it was simply a misunderstanding.”</p><p>She opened her mouth to object, but he cut her off, “Let me get this out, please.” His hands ran through unkempt hair that had begun to dust with gray. “Alaa had done right by the tribe in the past and lended me support on many occasions when I was Chieftain. I thought him an honorable and wise leader. He seemed to understand what others could not. He even tried to help me with Pad—” A vein pulsed in his neck. “It was on his advice that I forced her hand. I let his poisonous words seep into my soul and destroyed what I should have sacrificed everything to protect.”</p><p>Ahsoka watched him pace around the dank cell, chest aching at the sight. His once proud bearing stooped. Dark circles encased his eyes. Deep lines carved into features aging much too quickly. A tunic more ripped than whole hung on his skeletal frame, scars from a barbed whip littering the sallow skin underneath. <em>So much pain. </em>Diamond tattoos and a smile like gentle rains bringing an end to the summer drought surfaced. She shoved the image away. It was one loss too many for her heart to handle.</p><p>Limp arms fell to his sides. “When Alaa offered me a position in his court, I believed I could do good there. I thought it a way to change the rotten system that ostracizes us. Make sure it never happened to anyone else.” He barked a laugh. “I was such a fool. Resentment, arrogance, and loss blinded me. It wasn’t until he used me against you that I finally saw the truth.”</p><p>“You trusted a man you thought a friend,” she protested. “There is no shame in that.” Her jaw set. “Besides, I am Chieftain. The decision to join his fight against the Corellians and the subsequent choices that led us here were mine.”</p><p>Anakin grimaced. “Ahsoka, a chieftain cannot control everything. And you’ve endured the last few years with incredible strength. Better than I could have managed. I got off easy for my sins. You still pay for my mistakes everyday.” His trembling fingers curled into fists. “The tribe was almost lost. Because of you, they live. And as long as there is life, there is hope.” He gazed at her through the electrified bars. “You are a fierce, wise, and compassionate Chieftain. One more than worthy of the title. Never doubt who you are.”</p><p>Blinking back tears, she croaked, “I’m closer than ever before this time. Soon, I will get you out of here. I’ll free all of our people. I swear it.”</p><p>Her brother smiled softly. “I know.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss glanced up at the unexpected knock. “Come.”</p><p>Alayna edged into her study. “I apologize for the intrusion, Eminence. Is my unannounced visit appropriate?”</p><p>Laying her stylus aside, she smiled. “Of course, my dear. The guards wouldn’t have let you past the outer door, if I hadn’t told them to allow it. I believe I informed you of such last week.”</p><p>The girl’s gaze dropped to the floor. “You did. However, I didn’t know if that would hold true at all times.”</p><p>“Ah.” Rising from the desk, she crossed to Alayna and lifted her chin. “You’re afraid of testing my patience. That my apparent goodwill won’t last.”</p><p>Her eyes widened and darted away. “I’ve merely been taught not to depend on the goodwill of others.”</p><p>Barriss rolled a thumb over her chin. “I know. However, I’d like you to try something different with me. Would you do that?”</p><p>She chewed her lip and then dragged eyes back to Barriss. “I will do my best.”</p><p>“Good.” Taking Alayna’s arm, she guided her to the divan on the opposite side of the study. “I’m glad you’re here. I think we should talk.”</p><p>The young woman sat beside her. “About what?”</p><p>“About what you want, my dear.”</p><p>“What—what <em>I</em> want?”</p><p>“Indeed,” Barriss replied with a light smile. “I’d like to know how you’re feeling about the situation.”</p><p>Alayna ran a wary gaze over her face as if expecting a trap. “I don’t understand, Eminence.”</p><p>Releasing a long exhale, she decided directness was required. “Alayna, you’re here for a courtship assessment. It can end one of two ways. I’m asking which of those ways you want to happen.”</p><p>Her pale cheeks tinged pink. “That’s not my choice to make.”</p><p>“It is as much your choice as mine,” Barriss said wanly. “The options may not be ideal, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”</p><p>“Because my father forced you into this?” she blurted.</p><p>Her mouth parted. “What makes you say that?”</p><p>Alayna stared at her hands. “I know how he works. Once arriving here, I was also able to ascertain you have a long-standing mistress that you cannot marry for political reasons. The fact that you keep no courtesans suggests it is a monogamous, committed relationship. These things together imply only one reasonable explanation for my presence.”</p><p><em>Clever girl.</em> “Very well, we will speak truth to each other. Yes, your father manipulated me into this courtship. I intended to use every resource to extricate myself. As you say, I’ve never married for a reason. However, I soon found my original view on the matter short-sighted. You are not wanting, Alayna. I believe you could represent Mirial well. I will seriously consider the option, if you wish me to. First, I want you to understand what that entails.” Sudden pain stung her heart. “A ruler’s life is never her own. It belongs to the people she serves.”</p><p>Concerned eyes flicked back to her. “Are you alright?”</p><p>She brightened her tone. “Yes, of course. Do you understand what I mean?”</p><p>Alayna rubbed her throat with a short laugh. “My life has never been my own. Being here is the first time I’ve ever felt like it could be.”</p><p>Barriss grimaced. “Do not confuse people treating you as they should with control of your own destiny, Alayna. Your desires will evolve as you mature. If you are my consort, you may be prevented from following them. Sometimes, one can find a way to achieve personal happiness and serve one’s people at the same time. But it is a difficult journey.”</p><p>Her fingers flexed and then balled into a fist. “Please. Don’t send me back. I can’t go back.”</p><p>Sliding closer, she took the clenched hand in her own. “Calm.” Barriss massaged the trembling fingers, until they began to relax. “Let everything else go and focus on this moment.”</p><p>The chaotic green settled into stillness. “Yes, Eminence.”</p><p>It was impressive control for one so young. And concerning. Too much compliance was a dangerous habit for a leader. “I have two options for you to consider. Neither involves returning to your father. I will present both and let you think on them. Agreed?”</p><p>There was a determined nod in response.</p><p>“The first is a marriage to the Empress of Mirial. If we choose this path, your life will be very different from even your current one as royalty. You’ll be treated as your intelligence and abilities deserve. You would not be merely a secondary consort, interior to the royal household, but an empress consort. She is a public figure with her own power base and duties, akin to a queen in your realm, who is seen as a leader by all Mirialan. You must become adept at every facet of leadership from military oversight to social navigation to economic administration. When you are ready, you shall rule by my side. In return, you must dedicate yourself to the service of Mirial and put aside personal desires when necessary for the good of our people. Your destiny would belong to Mirial. It is not an easy life, but it is a meaningful one.”</p><p>She licked her lips. “I understand. And the second choice?”</p><p>“Anonymity. I only suggest this, because I truly believe you capable of mastering the challenge. I can provide resources to start a new life of your choosing in the world. My personal guard will transport you to a realm in the outer region with enough funds to strike out on. Whether you thrive in the long run would be up to your own ingenuity. This path would mean changing your identity and fading into the masses. It would be a difficult transition from the world you’ve known, especially alone. However, your destiny would be your own.”</p><p>Alayna stared. Then, her face pinched. “Why would you do either of these things for me? They do not benefit you. The second option may even result in a breach between our realms, unless we can find a convincing way to pull it off. I hold nothing of value to make me worth such a risk. It would be more advantageous to devise a strategy to get rid of me that wouldn’t fully compromise your position.”</p><p>Barriss ground her teeth. “Damn your father’s callous damage. He is blind to what he possesses. Don’t let it blind you to who you can be.” She placed her hand on a flushed cheek. “In the past two weeks, have I not followed through with any promise made?”</p><p>The young woman cringed. “No. I’m sorry. You’ve been <em>too</em> good to me.”</p><p>She pressed fingers into her delicate skin. “I haven’t been anything more than you deserve. Now, I’d like you to think on both options. I will make no decision, until you share your wishes. Do we have an agreement?”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her and then slowly nodded. “Yes, Eminence.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A short but important chapter in the lives of our heroines. I won't say much else as there's plenty more to come. To keep us entertained in the meantime, does anyone have a favorite scene out of the 3 in this chapter? There's a different dynamic in each, and they serve different purposes. So, I was just curious if one resonated more than the rest. It's always difficult to tell.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Enlightenment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A young Barriss continues her recovery with the Togruta. As her bond with Ahsoka deepens, both women start down a path that will change their lives forever.</p><p>[Flashback]</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Nineteen Years Ago…</strong>
</p><p>Reclined in an open litter Ahsoka had wrangled into something between chair and bed, Barriss tightened the hemp string on her linen tunic. It crisscrossed halfway down the front and was gaping considerably. She frowned at the still exposed cleavage. <em>Well, at least you’re leaving half of you to the imagination. </em>Of course, given the attire the dancing Togruta were sporting, she was downright modest.</p><p>The gifted clothing was meant for a more ample bosom and longer torso than her own. A soothing aroma of pine needles and hyacinth told her exactly whose body normally inhabited it. Smiling, Barriss curled up on her mound of blankets and pulled the loose sleeves over her fingers. Folding hands under her head with a content inhale, she watched Ahsoka dance in flickering firelight.</p><p>The rippling muscles, agile movements, and willowy lekku were perfection incarnate. Ahsoka’s midriff top and slatted skirt that revealed bare skin with every twirl didn’t exactly hurt. Not being able to join her was the only flaw in the moment. Then again, the complicated choreography probably would have resulted in Barriss crashing into everyone else, before tumbling into the huge bonfire.</p><p>Ahsoka winked as she spun by in a flurry of limbs. Her gaze drifted to Barriss twice more, before the Togruta worked herself out of the circle and returned to her. “Still doing ok? Ready to sleep yet?”</p><p>“Perfect and absolutely not.”</p><p>Her lips pursed. “Alright. We’ll stay a little longer, but not much. Your injuries need proper rest.” Plopping beside her, she checked the blankets and wadded one into the curve behind Barriss’ knees.</p><p>She smiled happily. “This is first-class service. I should almost die more often.”</p><p>“Hmm…” Ahsoka picked a piece of ash from her cheek. Fluttering her fingers, she let it float away on the night breeze. “How about we skip the dying part, and I treat you like a princess anyway?”</p><p>Barriss tried to think of a playful reply, but the unwitting reference to reality dimmed her mood. “No argument here. Also, I meant to ask yet another favor. Since traveling on my own anytime soon seems unlikely, could we send my family a message to come retrieve me?”</p><p>“Um, sure. But I mean… well, I assume you are from Mirial. We’re near the border. I could take you to them faster.”</p><p>She fidgeted with her sleeves. “That’s very generous, but I live near the capital city, beyond the moors. That’s at least a full day's journey and not an easy one, even by hovercart. I’ve disrupted your life enough.”</p><p>Ahsoka cocked her head. “You’re under my protection, Barriss. It’s my duty to ensure you are delivered to safety. And you haven’t disrupted anything. We suspend all tribal functions during the renewal period. I’ve got nothing but free time now that the hunt has ended. Besides, it might be difficult for your people to find us. The renewal ends the day after tomorrow, and we’ll be moving on. You can use that time to heal enough for travel and, when the tribe heads out, I'll escort you home.”</p><p>The prospect was incredibly tempting. Still, part of her resisted. Barriss wasn’t accustomed to being dependent on anyone. And she found letting Ahsoka take care of her a bit too enjoyable.</p><p>Calloused fingers wrapped around her arm. “Please, trust me. I promise I’ll get you home safely.”</p><p>The touch caused a jolt along her skin, killing any thought of refusal. “I trust you.”</p><p>Ahsoka beamed. “Good.” Switching to a cross-legged position, the woman wiped sweat from her brow. Adjusting an askew leather cord around her neck, she fingered the ivory, triangular charm it held.</p><p>“Does your necklace have a special significance?”</p><p>She nodded and dangled it mid-air for Barriss to inspect. “It’s the tooth of an Akul, a fierce predator in the Shili wastelands. To earn a certain status in the tribe you must successfully hunt one using only what nature provides. You can bring no weapons or technology to aid you. Some die in the attempt, especially those who do not respect the journey itself. They're often victims of the elements, losing their way, or unrelated predators. However, those who triumph are awarded the rank of apex hunter and a tooth of their prey. It serves as a symbol of enlightenment. You achieve an understanding of Ashla’s balance by conquering yourself in a sense. The experience shaped who I am,” she ended with a distant expression.</p><p>“Impressive. Does an apex hunter have specific duties or is it an honorary designation?”</p><p>“Typically, each leads a hunting party. However, an apex often has a specialty area. So, their role may alter based on the tribe’s needs. There is a master of the hunt who designates assignments and manages the overall strategy.”</p><p>Her brow furrowed. “Doesn’t that mean only a limited number take this Akul challenge? Not everyone can be a leader.”</p><p>“That surprises you?”</p><p>“A little,” Barriss admitted. “It’s just I thought all Togruta were hunters? It seems like everyone would be required to prove their prowess at some point.”</p><p>Amusement flitted across her face. “Togruta are hunters, but that doesn’t mean every Togruta <em>is</em> a hunter. Nor must every hunter be an apex. What we prize is the philosophy of the hunt—patience, respect, awareness, tenacity, collaboration, balance, and so forth. We apply those lessons to all facets of existence. Togruta believe Ashla imbues our essence with a purpose. Whether this means being a hunter or supporting the hunt doesn’t matter. Every role is important, and one must embrace your purpose to find true enlightenment.”</p><p>Stroking absent fingers along her throat, Barriss followed each movement of the bewitching lips. “I see.”</p><p>“This is why the Chieftain must have an understanding of all things, not simply be the best hunter,” Ahsoka continued. “So, my Akul’ayt is the heart of who I am. However, a Togruta that maps and predicts the herd migrations faces their own challenge and wears a different symbol of their purpose.” She shifted positions to face Barriss directly with a wry expression. “Besides, how would the tribe thrive, if we all knew only hunting? There must be those who teach, heal, create, and so forth. I didn’t learn how to stitch you up from magical forest sprites.”</p><p>Warmth tinged her cheeks. “True. Silly of me. I’m asking too many questions, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Of course not. Acquiring knowledge about unknown elements is also a philosophy of the hunt.” The corners of her mouth twitched. “Plus, you’re even more adorable when you blush.”</p><p>Barriss blinked and then unsuccessfully tried to prevent another occurrence.</p><p>Ahsoka waggled her eyebrows in response, which only exacerbated the issue. The Togruta tapped a finger on her chin. “Actually, it’s a very pretty dark green hue.”</p><p>“Stop it!” She slapped hands over her now flaming cheeks and glared.</p><p>“Huh. Did you know your blush spreads all the way down your neck?” An appreciative gaze caressed her entire figure. “Now, I’m curious about the skin I can’t see.”</p><p>“Gah!” Barriss picked up a small stick from the ground and flung it at her. The projectile hit Ahsoka square in the nose with more force than intended.</p><p>“Oww!” Ahsoka grabbed her face and turned away.</p><p>“Force, are you alright? I didn’t mean to throw it that hard.” There was a tiny whimper, and her pulse increased. “Ahsoka, talk to me. Is it bleeding? I’m so sorry. Can I see the damage?”</p><p>The response sounded suspiciously like suppressed giggling.</p><p>“Seriously?! Oh, that’s it.” She lunged up to take her revenge and immediately collapsed with a wheezing gasp. “Mistake.”</p><p>Ahsoka spun back around. “Dammit, Barriss. Why did you move?!” She knelt over her and began inspecting her wound, teeth grinding together. “I’m sorry. I should have thought that through. Staying still isn’t exactly your skillset.”</p><p>Barriss shot squinty eyes at her. Cocking her arm, she delivered a decent punch to the woman’s stomach but then winced. <em>Is it possible Togruta are actually made of steel?</em></p><p>Ahsoka yelped—probably from surprise, given the rising throb in Barriss’ hand—and toppled onto her backside. She gaped at a now laughing Barriss.</p><p>It hurt, but she couldn’t seem to stop. Bringing herself under control, Barriss remarked, “That’s what you get for underestimating your prey, Apex Hunter.”</p><p>“Wily prey.” The evocative blue gleamed. “My favorite kind.”</p><p>She smirked. “As it should be.”</p><p>Her favorite grin flashed. Then, the Togruta lifted palms in the air. “Truce?”</p><p>Barriss flexed her fingers. “At least until my hand recovers from the rocks you call abs.”</p><p>Snorting, she resumed checking her injury. Apparently satisfied no damage had been done, Ahsoka declared, “Whelp, I think you’ve earned a timeout for the night.” Before Barriss could object, she swept her into the arms of steel and carried her to bed.</p><p>_______</p><p>“Is being an apex why you have a lightsaber?”</p><p>Ahsoka started. “No. It is carried by the master of the hunt. That is often the Chieftain but doesn’t have to be.”</p><p>Gripping the hammock, Barriss shifted more onto her side and was pleased at the lack of agony. Apparently, the enforced rest had helped. Of course, the person doing the enforcing certainly hadn’t hurt. Whenever Barriss drifted off, she felt gentle hands tucking a blanket around her. And when she opened her eyes once more, Ahsoka was sitting beside her. The result was a state of utter contentment. “So, you’re the apex of apex hunters?”</p><p>There was a weak grin. “Not exactly.” She paused, before adding with seeming reluctance, “Anakin is my elder brother and has designated me as his replacement. It is traditional for a chieftain to retire in honor when a worthy successor appears. Once I have mastered all the areas of enlightenment, he intends to do so. He recently bestowed the leadership of the hunt on me to further hone my skills.” She rubbed hands over her face. “Hopefully, I will not fail his or my people’s faith in me.”</p><p>The aching burden radiating beneath the words was a feeling she knew well. “I’m certain you will be a great leader. I understand, though. I’m…” Barriss trailed off, afraid to lose what she’d found. Ahsoka looked at her as no one had her entire life. Not as an empress, a commodity, or an opportunity, but simply as herself.</p><p>“You’re what?”</p><p><em>If you want to get home, you’ll have to tell her at some point.</em> Releasing a heavy exhale, she pushed forward, “I shall one day succeed my mother as the ruler of our people. That is why the Chitaran were after me. They are ancestral enemies of Mirial and intended to leverage my life to force concessions from her.”</p><p>Her lips parted. “Are you saying you’re the daughter to Empress Luminara of Mirial?”</p><p>Jerking assent, Barriss stared down at her hammock. “Is that a problem?”</p><p>Calloused fingers guided her face back to eyes that looked at her the same way they always had. “Saving a life, future empress or not, is never a problem.”</p><p>The knot in her stomach loosened. “Good philosophy.” Barriss massaged her forehead. “It shouldn't have been necessary, though. The Chitaran took something important to me. I couldn’t let go and went after it, despite knowing there might be consequences for Mirial if things ended badly. So, I'm trying to say I understand the fear of failing one’s people. If not for you, I may have done just that.”</p><p>“Nice to know I have company.” Ahsoka ran a thumb across her chin. “What did they take?”</p><p>She swallowed. “When I was a child, I found a tooka kitten injured and starving on the moors. I nursed her back to health and convinced my mother to let me keep her. Moku was fierce, deviously clever, blind in one eye, and sassy to the point of insolence. Overall, more unmanageable than a rathtar. But she was mine. Maybe the only thing that ever was.” She clutched an arm around her waist. “And they took her.”</p><p>Ahsoka blinked. “They designed an entire operation to kidnap a cat? Chits?”</p><p>Barriss bit out a laugh. “I know. Blending into the outer palace marketplace for an extended period and awaiting the perfect moment to steal the correct roaming cat? They even left a ransom note, like in a bad novella. My mother refused to do anything. And she wasn’t wrong. An Empress doesn’t hand over a huge swath of her people’s land or risk her soldier’s lives for a cat. Of course, I doubt the damned Chits thought she would. They simply wanted me.”</p><p>The woman frowned. “That seems like alot of work for uncertain gain. Why not put their resources into capturing you directly? You can’t be behind secure palace walls all the time, right?”</p><p>“Attacking an heir on their home soil is considered an act of war. We rarely make alliances, but the few we have are powerful ones. As the injured party, our allies would have been obligated to aid us. Chitar wouldn't have necessarily been able to call on their own, since alliance pacts typically permit the ally to deny aid to the aggressor of an unapproved conflict. They would have been wiped off the map. However, if they captured me in non-aligned territory, the protocol allows them to ransom me back in supposed good faith. Perhaps, they could have also leveraged the incident to rally support with their allies and force my mother’s hand. A ridiculous yet ingenious plan. I have no idea how they came up with it, knew it would work, or even identified Moku. Chits aren’t exactly celebrated for subtlety. It exceeds anything I’ve ever seen from them.”</p><p>There was a grunt. “Politics still give me a headache.” Ahsoka hesitated for a moment. “Did you find Moku?”</p><p>Tipping her head back, she gazed at the thatched roof. “I tracked them to the Agit mountains. There were only three tents and few warriors in sight. I suspected a trap and was assessing options, when I spotted Moku in a cage at the center of camp. Her tail had scorch marks, patches of fur were missing, and she looked half-starved. Her guards were amusing themselves by poking her with sticks through the bars.” A heavy dullness settled in her chest. “And she was… crying. The only time I’d ever heard Moku cry was the day I found her abandoned on the moors.”</p><p>Shifting closer, Ahsoka skimmed fingernails along her arm in rhythmic circles. “So, you charged in to free her?”</p><p>“Damn right, I did. I took out the guards in short order. After I released her, she clung to my neck and wouldn't let go. A second later, what had to be fifty warriors rushed from the tents and surrounded us. Tooka claws lodged in my skin wasn’t an ideal way to fight for our lives, so I—it may be irrational, but I swear Moku could understand me sometimes.” Her mind unfocused and swam through images of the past. “I told her that she wasn’t alone anymore; I’d always be here. I used to say that to her growing up. It always calmed her.” Touching her cheek at the memory, she murmured, “It did again. Moku rubbed my face and then settled on my shoulder as we faced the Chits.”</p><p>Only distant drumming sounded for several seconds. Until, a soft cough came from Ahsoka.</p><p>Shaking herself, Barriss continued, “I had no intention of being taken alive and used against my realm. Still, not dying is preferable.” She flashed a small grin that felt strange as it stretched her stiff lips. “I saw their line had a sloppy hole and started to take the opening, but Moku hissed in my ear. Reassessing, I noticed discolored clumps of grass were hiding freshly packed dirt just beyond the gap. I assume it was some sort of camouflaged trap.”</p><p>The Togruta nodded. “Probably a pit with an electrical field to knock you out or worse. Smart cat.” Her lip twisted. “Not very sporting. Chits have no respect for their prey. What <em>did</em> you do?”</p><p>“I decided to fight them head on, only to end up pinned weaponless to the ground with multiple electroblades pointed at me. That’s when Moku attacked.” A grim smile formed. “She was always a terror when you got her riled, even clawed the eyes out of one. I broke free in the chaos, requisitioned double blades from an obliging enemy, and began clearing an escape route. We—” Her voice fractured into a brittle rasp. “We almost made it. But as Moku raced back to me, the lead Chit managed to grab her. The bastard grinned at me and just s-stabbed—” A remnant of the furious grief that had exploded out of her four days ago shot through pulsing veins, and Barriss spat, “I gutted him like the scum he was.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s breath hitched. “Hey, focus on this moment, ok?” Cooling fingers stroked down the side of her face. “Let everything else go for now.”</p><p>As she anchored to the soothing touch, the black spots dotting her vision ebbed. Drawing a slow breath, Barriss expelled the uncontrolled rage that had stunned both herself and the Chitaran with its results. The terrible emotion soon drained and tears replaced it. Staring at nothing, she whispered, “I buried her in the mountains facing the horizon. She always loved basking in the sunrise.”</p><p>Gentle fingers dried her cheeks. “I'm sorry.”</p><p>Squeezing her eyes shut, she hissed, “Reckless. I risked repercussions to the entire realm and still lost her.”</p><p>Taking her hand, Ahsoka held it between her own. “That doesn’t make it the wrong decision. My father used to say that duty to who you are is just as important as duty to the whole. She was a part of you. Moku clearly thought the same. Animals have their tribes much as we do. You were hers as she was yours. Neither sacrifice was in vain. You lived, and Moku left this world knowing she was loved. There is no greater gift.”</p><p>Opening foggy eyes, Barriss gazed at her. Despite the rational part of her mind scoffing at the notion, something deeper felt comforted. “Do you really believe that?”</p><p>“Of course. Togruta believe any creature can reach their own version of enlightenment. This is why we respect those we hunt and those that hunt us. It is the challenge of life itself. Moku found her purpose and followed it. That should be celebrated.”</p><p>She slid her fingers between Ahsoka’s. “Thanks.”</p><p>Lifting their joined hands, the woman brushed lips over her knuckles. “Plus, she is responsible for us meeting. So, I’m quickly becoming her biggest fan.”</p><p>The weight pressing on her heart lightened. “As you should, my future chieftain.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Bedtime, already?” Barriss pouted. “Don’t you have something special planned for my last night?”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed. “You’re finally able to sit up on your own and are currently enjoying a spectacular starlit sky, while being serenaded by the dulcet tones of Togruta drummers. To top it all off, you have me sitting beside you. What more could you possibly want?”</p><p>Barriss arched an eyebrow. “Well, you are a good six inches away.”</p><p><em>That</em> grin appeared. Leaning closer, she traced a finger over one of the diamond tattoos on her cheek and murmured, “Better?”</p><p>Her pulse spiked as she inhaled pine needles and hyacinth. “Getting there,” she breathed.</p><p>Before they could continue an unfamiliar series of complicated drumbeats shook the air. Ahsoka lit up. “Hey, looks like you’ll get a special treat after all.”</p><p>Barriss opened her mouth to ask for clarification, when a mass of people appeared from everywhere. They staggered themselves into a complex formation of concentric, overlapping circles. She marveled at the coordination, completed to the rhythm of a repeated double-strike of the drum. The shapes were too large for Barriss to see how far they extended, but this ritual clearly included hundreds of people. As the incessant beat sped up, the Togruta stretched their arms straight out and froze in place.</p><p>Nothing moved, until a Twi’lek came twisting through the maze. She whirled from one set of arms to the next, matching the cadence of the drum’s downbeat with each rotation. At the same moment, a Togruta spun in from the other direction. Majestic lekku whipped in sync with each twirl of his body.</p><p>The drumming reached a frantic pace, until the figures pivoted out of the last set of arms. There was a final, reverberating thump as they both halted in front of the bonfire and stood a foot apart, gazes locked.</p><p>Anakin moved between them and raised his hands. Speaking in a language Barriss didn’t recognize, he trilled, “Aayuut roos b’ndii!”</p><p>The man on his left swallowed several times. Then, he threw his shoulders back and declared, “I am cast upon the lonely waves of life. My truth is plain to see. Only half a heart do I possess.”</p><p>His partner smiled. “And here I stand on the desolate shore, awaiting the completing tide. Your half is part of mine.”</p><p>Anakin lowered his hands and stepped back. “Lost halves must be made whole.”</p><p>The Togruta removed a piece of jewelry from his bicep. A long strip of silver had been hammered out and twisted around itself three times to form a snake-like band. An unbroken line of perfect squares was engraved across its entire circumference. Ahsoka leaned into her ear. “He is an apex builder of the tribe.”</p><p>Fastening his symbol on the woman’s arm, he fixed glassy eyes on hers. “Here is my other half. All I have left to give.”</p><p>Tears began trailing down her cheeks. “I happily accept that which makes me whole.”</p><p>The couple raised shaking palms into the air. As their fingers locked together, the man said thickly, “My entire heart is yours. Now and forever.”</p><p>Barriss barely heard the choked response. “You can replace it with my own. Now and forever.”</p><p>Anakin trilled more unintelligible words, but Barriss didn’t need to understand them. The bonding ceremony didn’t have the pomp and formality of her own realm, but the meaning was unambiguous. It was so… pure.</p><p>As the couple kissed, raucous whoops sounded, and the drumming resumed with a triumphant serenade. Ahsoka glanced at her with a soft smile. Hopping up, she lifted Barriss in her arms once more. “I think that’s a perfect way to end our night.”</p><p>Leaning against the strong body, she ran fingertips along a lek draping the woman’s shoulder. A hum rumbled through Ahsoka’s chest. Gaining confidence, Barriss rolled the end between her fingers with a content sigh. “Actually, this is.”</p><p>Lips touched her hair. “No argument here.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Hey, are you awake? There’s a palace the size of a small city up ahead. I figured it must be yours.”</p><p>She opened her eyes with a groggy smile. “Technically, it belongs to the people of Mirial.”</p><p>Ahsoka grinned as she checked Barriss’ compression pack. “I thought an Empress was the embodiment of her people.”</p><p>“Not an Empress yet,” she replied with a yawn. There was a hard jolt as their vehicle hit an air pocket, causing an involuntary wince.</p><p>Hands braced her shoulders, holding Barriss flat on the padded bench as they rode out the current. “Are you alright? Should I tell Yurro to slow down? He’s been driving like a rancor is on his tail.”</p><p>“No, I’ll be fine.” Glancing around the covered hovercart Ahsoka’s people had provided them for the journey, she spotted a full moon through the back window. “I've been asleep for hours.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>Barriss frowned. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”</p><p>“You needed the rest.” Ahsoka finished her examination and pulled the hem of her tunic back down.</p><p>“Yes, but…”</p><p>Evocative blue eyes gazed down at her. “But what?”</p><p>Barriss wet her lips. “I’m home now. We won’t have anymore time to… talk.”</p><p>She stared for a moment and then murmured, “Is that what you want to do? Talk?”</p><p>Her pulse scattered, heat rising under her skin. “Definitely not.”</p><p>Lifting her hand, Ahsoka dragged the back of it down Barriss’ cheek. “Me neither.”</p><p>Reaching out to caress an elegant lek, she sighed. “You are so beautiful.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s face drifted closer. “No need for sweet-talk, my charming victim. If you want me to kiss you, just ask.”</p><p>She grinned and slid a hand around the woman's neck. “I’m a future empress. We don’t ask for what we want. We make it happen.”</p><p>Wispy exhales fluttered Barriss’ eyelashes as lips ghosted across them. “Well, I’m a future chieftain. Pretty sure that means we take what we want.”</p><p>Raising her head, she nuzzled her mouth into Ahsoka’s throat. “Tell me, Chieftain. Do you think you can manage to do that before my mother bursts into our cart? I’d prefer you continue to exist with all limbs intact.”</p><p>“Hmm…” Ahsoka spread fingers across her cheeks. “You’d be worth it.” Then, she pressed lips against hers.</p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew. This was a heavy chapter with alot and yet very little happening. And I gave you a kiss. What more could you want? 🙃<br/>In any case, a bonus chapter this week to keep us rolling. We've all earned an escape to another universe for at least twenty minutes, I think. No need to leave your house, when you can stay here with me and read!</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Unfinished Business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"What is our life except one long piece of unfinished business? Otherwise, why would we bother sticking around to finish it?"</p><p>Reference: Barriss the Wise. "Destiny, Duty, and Self-Care: How the Empress of Mirial Stays Fit while Running an Empire." Interview by Gabby. <em>Galaxy Weekly Magazine [Special Feature]</em>, a long time ago in a galaxy far away, p. 6.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss stood rigid behind her chair, heartbeat thumping in her ears. “Would you care to sit?”</p><p>A blank face pointed at the wall above her head. “No thank you, Eminence. I’ve come to deliver a message from my lord, nothing more. Once I do so, I will depart.”</p><p>Of course, the man would send a reminder of his hold over her. Alaa had always been a devious tactician. <em>You expect any less from a Sith lord?</em> “I see,” she replied with a spirit wearied by a path that was far too long. “Then, I suppose you’d better deliver it.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s eyes flicked to hers and then careened away. “King Alaa will return in three days’ time. He expects your decision upon his arrival.”</p><p>Her nails dug into the seatback. “And will he be remaining? Should I have rooms prepared?”</p><p>“I imagine that will depend on your decision,” was the terse reply.</p><p>Floating to her study window, Barriss watched a rising storm stain clouds over the moors. “Yes, I suppose it might. Unfortunately, I don't know what it will be.”</p><p>“Why is that?”</p><p>“It is not my choice to make,” she answered quietly.</p><p>“And whose choice is it?” Bitterness edged into her tone. “Is Ashla to come down from on high to proclaim her will?”</p><p>Barriss dragged her gaze back to Ahsoka. “How have you been?”</p><p>She stiffened. “Is there any reply you wish me to convey to his excellency?”</p><p>Leaving the window, she planted herself in front of the woman. “Please, Ahsoka. Tell me you’re alright.”</p><p>Her hand twitched and then slowly lifted. It jerked back and balled into a fist. “The woman I love intends to marry the child of my greatest enemy. The blackguard who keeps my tribe in bondage, my brother rotting in prison, and me in servitude. Strengthening his hand, right when I had gained enough support to mount a coup against his rule. Not only has she undermined my best chance to free my people, trying to do so may mean making her my enemy as well. I don’t believe I’ll <em>ever</em> be able to tell you I’m anything close to alright.”</p><p>Barriss closed her eyes. “I understand.”</p><p>Silence hung in the air for several moments. “Why isn’t it your choice?”</p><p>She squeezed her eyes tighter. <em>Stay the course. </em>Ahsoka would never allow it to happen, if she knew the answer. Confessing the truth would cause the exact outcome Barriss was sacrificing everything to prevent. “The girl isn’t like her father, you know.”</p><p>“Of course, I know,” Ahsoka snapped. “You think I want her to be unhappy? It is not her that betrayed me.” She released a long exhale. “Are you aware of how Alaa treats her?”</p><p>Flicking her eyes open, Barriss saw unexpected concern. “I have surmised much.”</p><p>The woman gave a short nod. “She deserves better.”</p><p>“Better than her father? Or better than me?”</p><p>Her expression pinched. “You tell me, Empress.”</p><p>Unable to handle the suppressed pain looking back at her, she raised a trembling hand to her cheek. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>She flinched. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t do this.”</p><p>Barriss teetered on the edge of annihilation, chest wrenching in painful jerks. “I-I… have no choice.”</p><p>Ahsoka grabbed her hand. “Why, Barriss? Why don’t you have a choice? Alaa has been trying and failing to gain a foothold in Mirial for years. Now, you’re simply opening the gates. There has to be a better option to protect your people than allying yourself with a man you know will betray you.”</p><p>Tears welled up from a soul that was so damaged it stuttered in pain. Lifting Ahsoka’s fingers to her lips, she held them there. Soaking in what might be the last time, Barriss whispered, “My heart is still yours. Now and forever.”</p><p>Inhaling sharply, she gripped her face and pleaded, “Then, trust me. If you reject his alliance, I’ll regain my now wavering supporters. Once I depose Alaa and my tribe is free, I'll be in a position to help you with Chitar. We can figure out another way together. I’m so close. <em>Please</em>, don't do this.”</p><p><em>Oh, Ahsoka. How I wish that were true.</em> The temptation to bring her house of cards crashing down was overpowering. Each moment shredded more of her resolve, producing layer upon layer of delusional hope that everything would somehow work out if she did. <em>Stop this. You know what must be done. Let her go.</em> “There is no other way.” She stepped back and resumed the bearing of an Empress once more. “Inform King Alaa I look forward to his return. We will settle the matter upon his arrival.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s lips flattened, and the expressive blue fell silent. “Your choice is made after all, it seems.” Moving stiffly to the door, she halted but didn't turn around. “Treat the princess well. Alayna is more special than she first appears.”</p><p>“I know.” Barriss strained to keep the tremor out of her voice. “I promise her life will be as good as I can make it.” She crushed a palm to her mouth to stifle a rising sob.</p><p>A taut voice clipped, “That is something, at least.” Wrenching the door open, Ahsoka walked through it without looking back.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna's heart soared as she saw the figure being escorted by two praetorian guards. “Ahsoka!”</p><p>The Togruta twisted around. Her face held a pained expression, but it quickly transformed into a grin. “There’s my favorite princess.”</p><p>Running over, Alayna skidded to an undignified halt in front of her. “I’m pleased to see you.”</p><p>Ahsoka gave a formal bow. “And I you, my lady. Are you enjoying your stay in Mirial?”</p><p>She bobbed her head. “The Empress has been so kind to me. And the people are very different than at home.”</p><p>Her eyes softened. “You seem happy.”</p><p>Warmth crept onto her cheeks. Looking at the lead guard, she requested, “Waxer, would it be alright if you let us talk for a few minutes?”</p><p>He gave a snappy salute. “Of course, your ladyship. We will wait at the end of the corridor to escort General Tano from the palace.”</p><p>She beamed at both of them. “Thank you.”</p><p>Boil returned a wink. “Anything for <em>our</em> favorite princess.” He shot a superior glare at Ahsoka as they marched out of earshot. They took up position at the far end of the hall, clearly ready at a moment’s notice for any threat.</p><p>Ahsoka whistled. “Well then. Guess I’ve been put in my place. Three weeks in and you’ve already charmed the elite praetorians. Those guys growl in their sleep.”</p><p>Alayna couldn’t help a pleased grin. “I don’t know why he said that. It’s not like I’ve done anything to deserve it.”</p><p>“They appear to believe differently, my scrappy little fighter. And was I right? Are you happy here?”</p><p>She ducked her head and mumbled, “Yes. Happier than I’ve ever been, I think.”</p><p>Calloused fingers lifted her chin. “If that’s true, why do you look upset about it?”</p><p>Alayna fidgeted with her dress sleeve, before blurting, “Because I’m afraid it won’t stay that way. Or, the Empress won’t want me. Or, I’ll mess something up and she'll send me back.”</p><p>“Ah.” Her expression fluctuated. “I doubt any of that is going to happen. I just spoke with her eminence and she seemed quite pleased with you.”</p><p>“Really? What did she say?”</p><p>There was a brief hesitation. “That you were special.”</p><p>Alayna gaped. “Why would she think that?”</p><p>She arched an eyebrow. “Maybe because you are?”</p><p>Heat speckled her neck. “You always say that.”</p><p>“Maybe because it's true.”</p><p>Alayna gazed up at her. “Thanks.” She chewed her lip. “I have missed our secret training sessions, you know. I haven’t gotten to practice at all here.”</p><p>“That’s alright. Don’t you dare come home on my account. There are plenty of experts in Mirial to continue your lessons. The Empress herself is a superior warrior. Perhaps, better than me.”</p><p>She regarded her doubtfully. “I’ve never seen anyone better than you.”</p><p>The woman grinned. “What I like to hear. Did you tell the praetorians that too? Explains some things.”</p><p>Snorting, she had a sudden thought. “Wait. Why are you in Mirial?”</p><p>Her grin vanished, gaze floating toward the study door. “Unfinished business.”</p><p>“For my father?”</p><p>“He sent me, yes,” was the flat reply.</p><p>Alayna ordered her fingers to stop trembling. <em>Why does just talking about him make you anxious? How can you be a consort to an Empress, if you can’t control your own mind? </em>“And were you able to finish it?”</p><p>“I suppose I did,” she answered with a note of melancholy. “There’s nothing more to be done.” Her attention returned to Alayna. “I’m glad it provided an opportunity to see you, though. Witnessing you happy for a change makes me happier.”</p><p>She grinned. “I bet I’m happier to see you.”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed. “Still scrappy.” The eloquent blue eyes that always filled her with a sense of confidence flared to life. “Don’t let fear keep you from chasing what you want, Alayna. Be a fighter, like that tenacious princess I found beating a wall into submission. The one who told her father he was wrong and had the bruises to prove it. You didn’t give up then. Don’t you dare do it now.”</p><p>Alayna's throat thickened. “I’ll try my best.”</p><p>“That’s all you need to do.” She brushed knuckles over her forehead. “You are capable of so much more than he believes. Choose to be <em>Alayna.</em> Because she can accomplish anything.”</p><p>Her heart swelled. “Like you,” she murmured. Shaking herself, Alayna continued, “I’m delaying your departure, aren’t I? Selfish of me.” She tucked her hand into the woman’s arm. “Can I at least walk out with you?”</p><p>Ahsoka winked. “I’d be honored to be escorted by <em>my</em> favorite princess.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Our time has run out, my dear. Your father sent word of his imminent arrival. He will expect my decision.”</p><p>Alayna froze and then lowered herself onto the divan.</p><p>The Empress sat beside her. “I can give you until tomorrow morning. No later, though. If you choose to disappear, it will take time to make the necessary preparations and put together a convincing fake death. Do you need any questions answered to decide what you want?”</p><p>“I know what I want already.” <em>I want to be like you.</em> She chewed her lip. “I’m just not sure if it’s what you want.”</p><p>“I thought we’d covered this. I wouldn’t have offered either choice, if I wasn’t willing to follow through.”</p><p>Alayna grimaced. “Yes, but I…”<em> Be a fighter.</em> Lifting her eyes to the steel blue, she ventured, “Do you want to marry me?”</p><p>The woman’s mouth parted. She leaned back against the cushions and was silent for a few moments. “Alayna, I will take care of you. I will teach you. I will ensure you are treated with the respect and deference due my consort. I will give you as much freedom as I am able. And I will do everything in my power to make your life a good one. That is all I can promise. My heart belongs to someone else.”</p><p>“Oh. No, I—thank you for telling me, but that’s not what I meant. I don’t expect you to love me in that way. I’m worried you aren’t really—I don’t want you to do it out of pity or because my father forced your hand. I’m afraid you’ll come to resent me for it.”</p><p>“Ah, I understand.” Shifting up, she laid a hand on her cheek. “No amount of pressure would induce me to choose someone I didn’t think capable of being everything I am. You will begin your journey as an empress consort. I intend for you to end it as an empress regnant. I have no heir apparent, no family still living. I am offering to marry you, because I believe you are worthy of one day leading Mirial.”</p><p>Breath bottled up in her chest. “Y-you believe in me that much?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Tears Alayna couldn't control spilled out. “I want to be with you,” she begged. “Please, let me stay. I won’t disappoint you. I promise.”</p><p>Slender arms wrapped around her, pulling Alayna against a warm chest. “Oh, my dear. I already know that.”</p><p>She couldn’t remember ever being held before. It soothed the anxious thoughts into a single feeling. <em>I belong here.</em> A silly grin crept onto her face, but she didn’t care. “So, are you in the market for a consort? I happen to be available.”</p><p>There was a soft laugh and lips touched the top of her head. “Funny you should mention it…”</p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Story prompt: Your character is stuck inside their house for days, listening to people forgetting to mute themselves on conference calls and those with no clue how to operate a virtual meeting room saying, 'this thing doesn't work right!'. Perhaps, your character struggles not to point out once again, like a prat, that the operator has forgotten to hit the share button. Oh, and they occasionally see things that can't be unseen from participants who don't realize their webcam is on.<br/>Your character is usually very tolerant of this ineptitude. Not everyone has experience with this sort of technology, right? People are doing the best they can. Yes, of course they are. However, your character soon discovers their tolerance level has a limit when it reaches the 22nd occurrence. In fact, it soon plummets to subzero levels.<br/>For an added twist, the impulse control section of your character's brain has been battered by far too many major decisions for eight very, very, very long work days. At night, they alternate between making impulse buys online and staring at walls on a regular basis. Lastly, there is a world somewhere outside of their little bubble in varying types of distress.<br/>Your character has also spent countless hours writing a story that they love dearly. There is an irrepressible need to post finished chapters ahead of schedule. Who cares if it means at some future point readers may have to wait two weeks for a clean up of the drafted chaos that lies ahead?  So, they post and await a response, some spark of hope, a sign it wasn't in vain--that life still...<em>is.</em></p><p>Now, go forth and write.<br/>____<br/>On a more serious note, I do hope all of you are weathering current events in good health &amp; spirits. And that a little extra Star Wars fantasy escapism makes your day a tiny bit brighter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bond</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A young Barriss and Ahsoka navigate their new relationship and input from those that love them most. Then, they set their course for the future.</p><p>[Flashback]</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Eighteen Years Ago…</strong>
</p><p>Barriss shot up in her bed as scraping noises sounded from the balcony, followed by a thud and labored breathing. She had left the archway doors wide open per usual. The habit drove her personal guard into regular meltdowns. But she enjoyed the fresh air and soft moonlight. It gave her a sense of calm and freedom. Now, she was going to pay one way or another for her casual approach to security. <em>No good choices here.</em></p><p>There was handling it herself, of course. Patently idiotic, but… If she rang the alarm, whoever the intruder was would likely scurry away. More importantly, it would mean enduring her praetorians’ grave faces of subtle disapproval. She could already envision the impassive eyes that would somehow still convey 'we told you so'. <em>Maybe I'll just assess the situation first… could be a bird, right? Right. A really big one. That breathes like a person.</em></p><p>She rolled onto her feet and crept across her bedchamber. Grabbing a fireplace poker, Barriss slid along the wall to the archway and listened. She heard someone crash into her ornate stone bench and then curse.</p><p>Seizing her opportunity, Barriss jumped onto the balcony and tackled the hunched figure. Planting herself on the intruder’s chest, she flipped the poker longways and pressed the iron bar against their throat. “Not today.”</p><p>“B-barr… issss … me!”</p><p>“Ahsoka?!”</p><p>A gurgled breath was the only response.</p><p>“Oh Force.” Tossing the poker to the side, she laid hands on the woman’s barely visible face. “Are you ok? I’m so sorry. What are you doing on my balcony?”</p><p>Ahsoka choked out, “Wanted… see you.” Clumsily jerking up a hand, she shoved a crumpled object at her. “Brought you… this.”</p><p>Barriss was glad the dim light would hide her flushing countenance. Taking the gift, she realized it was a flower. It had a nice smell. Like pine needles and hyacinth. “Thank you. It's beautiful. Or, I'm sure it is, if I could see it.” Laying her bloom on the bench beside them, she continued, “So, you thought the best way to deliver this was to infiltrate the palace? How did you even get up here?”</p><p>The wheezing breaths slowed to a slight rasp. “Old hunter’s trick, of course. I didn’t think a Togruta knocking on the palace gates and asking for the future empress would get me anywhere.” A grin edged into her tone. “And climbing up your balcony seemed more romantic.”</p><p>Her skin tinged hotter. “Also dangerous, impractical, and unnecessary.” Circling thumbs over the woman’s cheeks, she hummed. “But very romantic.”</p><p>Hands ran along Barriss’ sides. “You’re worth falling from a balcony for.”</p><p>Bending closer, she kissed her nose. “Hmm, we might need to discuss your priorities.”</p><p>Fingers danced up her back and through unrestrained hair. “Ashla above, I can barely see you and you’re still amazing.”</p><p>Barriss nipped at Ahsoka’s bottom lip. “Is this what couldn’t wait until we met next week? You risked life and limb just to sweet-talk me?”</p><p>Instead of the expected teasing response, Ahsoka went silent for several moments. “No. I realized—” The confident tone faltered. “I want you more than anyone I’ve ever known, Barriss. Whether we’re just talking for hours about nothing or kissing under stars, I’m floating in happiness. Each time we part, I’m drowning in agony. I nearly killed myself to see you, because I need to know if there’s a chance.”</p><p>Breath hung in her chest. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”</p><p>Ahsoka pulled Barriss’ face down to hers; moonlight reflected off the dazzling blue. “I know it’s crazy. We live in different worlds. Both of us have responsibilities to fulfill that aren't exactly compatible. You probably have a long line of suitors vying for your attention. I’m sure all of them are better choices than me. It’s so impossible, it’s laughable. I’ve tried to talk sense into myself, but it won’t go away. I decided I can’t give up without asking if I at least have a chance to win your heart.”</p><p>Her stomach rolled into her chest. “I-I am… we…”</p><p>“It’s alright.” Ahsoka released her grip and looked away. “You don’t have to make up an excuse. We never said this was anything special. If you want to keep things at casual fun, I understand.”</p><p>Swallowing the tightness in her throat, she said quietly, “You are much more than that.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s head jerked back to her. “W-what are you saying?”</p><p><em>I’m done thinking.</em> Barriss gave the feelings she’d been battling for months free reign. “You’re right. It’s impossible and crazy. But I don’t care.” Leaning into her montrals, she whispered, “I’m saying you have much, <em>much</em> more than a chance.”</p><p>She blinked several times. Then, her eyes shined with something deeper than moonlight. Arms shot around Barriss. Rolling them over, Ahsoka attacked her mouth.</p><p>Pleasure rushing through her, she clenched the woman’s back and pulled her closer. Barriss curled her tongue around the one burrowing inside her mouth as she dug fingers into rippling muscles.</p><p>Stopping to gasp air for only a second, Ahsoka switched attention to her jawline, caressing it in a steady rhythm. Barriss smiled and tipped her head back as moist lips sucked on her throat. Shifting under the woman, she bent her leg and pressed it against Ahsoka’s side. Dragging nails up her spine, she scraped them down the length of a lek.</p><p>There was a responding shiver. Then, the hands tangled in her hair began roving across her body. One slipped under her nightdress and massaged a quivering thigh.</p><p>Barriss stiffened as heat erupted below her stomach. Ahsoka had never touched her this way before. But oh, how she’d wanted her to. Calloused fingers wandered up and slid into throbbing folds of skin, eliciting a shuddering moan.</p><p>Ahsoka flinched and hopped off so quickly she crashed onto her backside. “I-I’m sorry.” Her breaths came in short rasps. “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re—it’s hard to control myself sometimes.”</p><p>Her body reeled from the abrupt stop. Then, an impish smile formed as she processed the implied desire behind the words. Crawling to Ahsoka, she delivered tiny kisses to her jaw. “I thought chieftains took what they wanted.”</p><p>She inhaled sharply. “Well, I’m not a chieftain yet.”</p><p>“Mmm…” Straightening on her knees, Barriss took the woman’s hands and guided them to her breasts. “Good thing we have a future empress around to make things happen then.”</p><p>Ahsoka let out a high-pitched laugh but didn’t remove her hands. She circled thumbs around hardening nipples with a shaky breath. Fingertips sunk into the thin fabric, chafing it against the taut breasts beneath.</p><p>Muscles trembling, Barriss thrust her chest further into the touch. “Don’t stop.”</p><p>Wrenching her gaze upward, Ahsoka croaked, “Are you sure?”</p><p>Shifting back into a shaft of moonlight, she pulled off her nightdress and tossed it to the side. “Oh, I’m certain.”</p><p>“Holy mother of Ashla.” The woman scrambled over to Barriss, attention never wavering from her naked body. A tongue darted across her lips. “I feel it important to point out that, uh, any notions you may have about the, erm, performance of powerful hunters may be exaggerated.”</p><p>Barriss snorted. “I only have one notion in my head right now.” Locking their eyes, she breathed, “I’m yours. Take what you want.”</p><p>There was a choked sound and then Ahsoka stumbled to her feet. Sweeping Barriss into arms of steel, she carried her to the bed.</p><p>_______</p><p>
  <strong>Seventeen Years Ago…</strong>
</p><p>“I’ve interacted with him a great deal in the past few years. He’s given the tribe free range in his territory, provided military assistance when locals cause issues, helped smooth over disputes in neighboring realms, and thinks there is much to learn from the Togruta way of life. Alaa believes in a more egalitarian society.”</p><p>Padmé hissed a breath. “I have one major alliance in my sights right now. I may not get it as they rarely ally themselves with anyone. Either way, you’ll never be able to convince me to court Coruscant as one. Being an occasionally magnanimous general is very different than leading a powerful realm in the core region. In his short time as a ruler, Alaa hasn’t shown himself to be worthy of my respect or anyone else’s.”</p><p>Anakin scowled. “Why? Because he represents a threat to the entire foundation on which you royals base your right to rule?”</p><p>Slowly placing her spoon on the table, she met his eyes with an equally fiery gaze. “No. Because he deposed the rightful ruler of a realm by manipulating the populace, bribing or threatening court members, and killing anyone who opposed him.”</p><p>He scoffed. “King Valorum was a tyrant. He didn’t deserve to rule anything. His people chose to rise up and aid a respected general in overthrowing their oppressor. I’m not saying I agree with all of Alaa’s tactics. But changing an ingrained, unjust, and ineffective system sometimes requires bold action.”</p><p>She continued on as if he hadn’t spoken, color rising with each word, “Then, the self-proclaimed king slaughtered the entire royal family, their personal staff, and any others he deemed loyal to them—including their <em>children.</em> They were executed without trial, dispensation, or notice, <em>after</em> they had surrendered.”</p><p>His posture faltered for a split second, before he shot back, “That was not his doing. One of his commanders, without authorization, became overzealous when securing the castle. Alaa had the man executed for his actions. And it doesn’t change the fact that he believes in a form of government that allows everyone to succeed on their own merit—where status and leadership is based on deeds not birth. Alaa, himself, was once a common soldier. He worked his way up the ranks to lead an army.”</p><p>Her nostrils flared. “Merit according to who? His idea of merit is likely to be those who can bring him more power. Three months into his rule, he has begun imposing harsh penalties on any citizen that does not meet the newest tax burden to fund his army. If you expect Alaa to start appointing upstanding commoners to his court or not play by the rules of the elite to hold his newly acquired territory, you’re lying to yourself. He wanted power. He took it. Now, he will do anything needed to keep it.”</p><p>“Like you?” Anakin snapped. Then, he winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”</p><p>Pained eyes gazed back at him. “I hope that’s true.”</p><p>“It is.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’re nothing like that. I have no idea why I said it. Sometimes, I get…” His body deflated. “I just hate how things are so much.”</p><p>The sharp lines of her face softened. Reaching over, she rubbed his cheek. “I know. Me too.”</p><p>Taking her hand, he lifted it to his lips. “My fault. I shouldn’t waste our time together arguing about things we can’t change.”</p><p>“At least, let’s not do it while Ahsoka has to sit awkwardly across from us, pretending she’s not here.”</p><p>At her name, Ahsoka glanced up from her careful study of the wood grain in the table. “Um, that’d be nice.”</p><p>Anakin snorted and picked up his spoon. “Sorry, Snips.” He blew on his stew with an airy expression. “What? Don’t you and your illicit love have the occasional heated debate on high politics?”</p><p>Ahsoka squinted at him. “We spend our time doing more enjoyable things.”</p><p>Padmé eyed Anakin. “Sounds good to me.”</p><p>Leaning across the corner of the table, he delivered a lingering kiss and a husky, “More than good.”</p><p>She trailed fingers under his chin. “Mmm… Hurry up and finish your dinner.”</p><p>Plopping back into his seat, Anakin winked and began shoveling stew into his mouth.</p><p>Chuckling, Padmé turned her attention to Ahsoka. “So, how <em>are</em> things going with your enigmatic paramour?”</p><p>A happy smile blossomed. “Excellent.”</p><p>“I see,” she replied in clear amusement. “I hope they deserve you. Since I’m allowed to know nothing about said paragon, I’ll have to reserve judgement.”</p><p>“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve them,” she commented wryly. “Actually, I do think you’d get on well with each other.”</p><p>“Would we? Does that imply we have things in common? Interesting…” Her nose scrunched. “My latest theory was a married noble in one of the core realms. However, now I’m considering a more intriguing possibility. A royal, perhaps?”</p><p>Ahsoka fixed an impassive stare. “Nice try.”</p><p>Shrewd brown eyes assessed her. “But not just any royal. One in an ancient realm with a tradition of regimented social customs, given your evident concern with secrecy. Knowing your prior dalliances, I'd guess a female one?”</p><p>She took a sip of her ale, stomach knotting. “Give it up, Padmé.”</p><p>The woman tapped a finger against her chin. “A princess is more probable than a sitting ruler, who would typically have consorts and courtesans to manage already. I’ll take a leap and assume it is someone within… we'll say ten years of your age. Yes, that does narrow the field. Then again, Alderaan has seven princesses alone. Let me think…”</p><p>Muscles tensing, Ahsoka pleaded, “Stop, please.”</p><p>That finally got her attention. Padmé leaned forward to lay a hand on her arm. “Oh, Ahsoka. I was only teasing. Besides, I would never do anything to compromise someone you love. Nor would I use your relationship against her.”</p><p>“Even if the person lived in a realm that was an enemy of Naboo?”</p><p>Her eyebrows shot up. “Does she?”</p><p>Ahsoka gazed across the table at her. “You didn’t answer my question.”</p><p>She frowned. “Alright. You have my word. Though, that worries me. I can’t think of any royal among those good enough for you.”</p><p>Anakin cleared his throat. “Ahsoka doesn’t share your identity with her, either. Realms fight for every advantage. Alignments change here and there, as well. It seemed prudent to limit the possibility of anyone leveraging us against either of you, now or in the future.”</p><p>Padmé shook her head. “Perhaps, but Naboo has no significant enemies left. In the last year since becoming queen, I've settled hostilities with all but two minor principalities. While it’s unfortunately true we have no advantageous alliances, I have negotiated a multitude of non-aggression pacts. If your friend is from a non-aligned realm, it may give us a starting place for friendship.”</p><p>He shot a triumphant look at Ahsoka. “See? I told you she would say that.”</p><p>Hissing a breath, she replied, “I didn’t disagree with you. But it’s…” Ahsoka curled fingers into her palms. “I don’t want to risk hurting her position, even indirectly.”</p><p>Padmé smiled. “Ah, young love. Do you remember when you were that careful, Ani?”</p><p>Her brother grunted. “Only to make you happy. You were the one who thought Naboo would be plunged into chaos, if your court found out about us prior to your ascension.”</p><p>She stiffened. “That is not true. Why are you acting as if you had no say in anything lately? We discussed the options together.”</p><p>His mouth flew open but then hung there as he fixed on the entrance to their hut.</p><p>Ahsoka followed his gaze and froze.</p><p>Twisting around, Padmé remarked, “We have a visitor. A visitor that has caused consternation. This is turning into quite an evening.”</p><p>A scarlet-cloaked figure floated into the light. “Well, that was a fascinating discussion. Luckily, I’ve arrived just in time to settle the matter.” Barriss pulled back her hood with a wry grin. Crossing an arm over her chest and then sweeping it outward in a traditional Naboo greeting, she addressed Padmé, “Your majesty. It is a pleasure to meet you again so soon, given you departed Mirial only a few hours ago. Apparently, we shared the same idea. It isn’t often the tribe is located near enough to drop by for dinner.”</p><p>Padmé blinked a few times and then threw a silently mouthed 'wow' at Ahsoka. “The future Empress of Mirial was on my dream list.” Rising from her seat, she smiled and gave Barriss a Mirialan salute. “The pleasure is mine, your highness. I do hope my presence won’t hinder you from joining us. Because I have so many questions.”</p><p>Barriss chuckled. “I’d be honored. Though, perhaps, I should leave the answers up to my surprisingly paranoid but endearingly gallant future chieftain.”</p><p>Brain finally catching up to reality, Ahsoka leapt to her feet. Picking Barriss up and twirling her around, she exclaimed, “I can’t believe you’re here.”</p><p>The woman grinned. “You were too close to resist. The Naboo delegation prevented me from coming sooner.” She flicked an impish glance at Padmé. “Once they left, I was finally able to slip away. Good thing I did. A few more minutes and you would have had the Queen of Naboo believing I was a nightsister.”</p><p>Ahsoka cringed. “Um, well, I just—”</p><p>Barriss stopped the words with a tender kiss and then murmured, “Thank you for protecting me.” She turned back to the table. “So, did you save me any stew?”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Getting bolder, I see. Shimmying down your balcony became tiresome, I presume?”</p><p>Barriss froze, hand gripping the latch of her bedroom door. Putting on an impassive expression, she turned around. “Mother. You are up late this evening.”</p><p>The Empress quirked an eyebrow. “That’s what happens when your only child and heir has a habit of sneaking out to meet her secret mistress at all hours.”</p><p>Trying not to show any reaction, she remarked, “Is that right? Perhaps, you should reassess your priorities. That sounds like an unnecessary use of an Empress’ critical rest and recovery period.”</p><p>Luminara sighed. “My dear, let’s not play with words tonight. You knew this conversation would come. I thought the issue would resolve itself after the novelty wore off and reality was reasserted. I was clearly mistaken, since you have been carrying on a clandestine relationship with that young Togruta who rescued you for at least a year. Probably much longer,” her mother added dryly, “since I didn't put things together until the quartermaster expressed concern about the tenth coil of rope vanishing from the royal stores.”</p><p>She crossed her arms. “And what of it?”</p><p>The imperious expression Barriss hated appeared. “Is it really necessary for me to remind you of who you are? Why do you insist on engaging in actions that can only bring you unhappiness?”</p><p>Barriss bristled. “That’s your opinion. You don’t know how it will end.”</p><p>She clasped hands behind her back. “I know how it will <em>not </em>end. One day, I shall join the Force. You will become an Empress. An Empress sworn to protect and serve people who trust in her for their very lives. That same Empress must sire an heir or take a royal consort to continue the line. And it must be someone the citizens of Mirial will accept as their future ruler. Whether unjust or arbitrary, Ahsoka Tano is <em>not</em> that person, even if she could abandon her own duty and chosen lifestyle in order to do so. Have I said anything that is factually incorrect?”</p><p>Heat rushed to the surface. “It doesn’t matter! Maybe we’ll find a way to make it work. Maybe I’ll die before you. Maybe I’ll simply have what I want for once in my life. You don’t understand anything!”</p><p>Her cerulean eyes softened. Moving closer, the woman laid a hand on her cheek. “Oh, my child. I am sorry. The life of a ruler isn’t easy. I wish I could have kept you from its pain. But I can no more control what is to come than you can. An Empress’ destiny belongs to her people.”</p><p>Tears began to swell. “Please, let me be happy. Let me try to make it last.”</p><p>She wrapped arms around her. “I won’t stop you, my headstrong girl. However, you must remember a ruler should not depend on happiness. Fulfillment, pleasure, meaning, and contentment, we may have perhaps. The type of happiness you desire is a luxury rarely afforded to us for long. Our sacrifice allows others to have what we cannot. It is not fair or right. It simply <em>is</em>.”</p><p>“You’re worried I would sacrifice Mirial for my own happiness?”</p><p>“No. I’m worried, because I know you <em>won’t.</em> You lead with your heart, Barriss. I don’t want you to have to sacrifice it, as well.”</p><p>“I can’t give her up, Mother,” she whispered. “I can’t.”</p><p>Gentle lips kissed her hair. “One day you may have to do just that.”</p><p>Collapsing into the embrace, Barriss began to cry.</p><p>_______</p><p>
  <strong>Sixteen Years Ago…</strong>
</p><p>“That’s easy for you to say. How would you feel if I asked you to abandon your responsibilities and desert your tribe?”</p><p>“My people aren’t the ones that won’t accept you,” Ahsoka spat. “They won’t treat you like vermin to be wiped out.”</p><p>“That’s not fair! Mirial isn’t hostile to Togruta.”</p><p>“Oh, and I suppose your people, your royal court, and your mother would be just fine with you marrying me.”</p><p>Barriss winced and looked away.</p><p>“That’s what I thought.” Ahsoka ground her teeth. Taking a steadying breath, she pleaded, “Barriss, please. I’m going to be declared Chieftain at the solstice. You could be my partner in every way. A Chieftain's maté has equal standing in the tribe. Together, we can conquer anything. I know it’s not an Empress and you’d be giving up alot, but I promise I’d make you happy.”</p><p>She dragged a foggy gaze back to her. “Oh, Ahsoka. Don’t you think I want that? All of it sounds perfect. Living a life of my own choosing. Having what I want for once. Being yours always. Even leaving the stuffy opulence and simpering sycophants behind. I would do anything to be with you.” Her voice began to crack. “Except, betray who I am. I have a duty to protect my people, the same as you do. Maybe if Mirial wasn’t in such a precarious position, if my mother wasn’t ill, if Chitar wasn’t waiting to attack at the first sign of weakness, if I had a younger sister or anyone to take the throne, if I could—something.” Hanging her head in shaking hands, she caught the tears. “You don’t understand.”</p><p>There was a growl as footsteps crunched snapping grass. Then, they returned and arms slid around her. “Don’t cry. I do understand. I just hate it.”</p><p>Sagging in the embrace, she buried her head in Ahsoka’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to make it better. I only know I can’t lose you.”</p><p>“Ssh, it’s ok.” Fingers stroked through her hair. “We’ll figure it out. Even if it means going on as we are forever, I’ll do it. You are stitched into my soul. I will <em>never</em> give you up.”</p><p>The tension drained from her body. “I love you so much.”</p><p>For several moments, only the sounds of the desolate moors filled the space. Until, Ahsoka leaned back and swallowed multiple times. When she finally spoke, her voice jumped an octave. “M-my truth is plain to see. Only half a heart do I possess.”</p><p>Breath caught in her chest. Swaying on her feet, she gripped Ahsoka’s arms. Taking a few seconds to process the ricocheting emotions, Barriss did exactly what her heart demanded. Each word reverberating inside her, she rasped the responding vow, “Your half is part of mine.”</p><p>Ahsoka let out a quick exhale and snapped her eyes shut. Then, they flipped open with shining brilliance. She removed her Akul necklace and lowered it over Barriss’ head. “Here is the other half.” She lifted a trembling palm into the air. “All I have left to give.”</p><p>Muscles quivering, Barriss raised her own to meet it. Clammy skin melded into tingling warmth as their fingers locked together. “I happily accept that which makes me whole.”</p><p>Blue fire smoldering in her gaze, she flattened the Akul’ayt against Barriss’ chest. “Whatever this life brings, my entire heart is yours. Now and forever.”</p><p>The world around her fell away. There was only this moment. And all it contained was Ahsoka. Barriss pressed lips to hers with a whispered, “You can replace it with my own.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And here is another one for your 'self-isolated' reading pleasure. Don't say I'm not encouraging social distancing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Sacrifice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>To die for one's people is a great sacrifice. To live for one's people, an even greater sacrifice.<br/>--Riyo Chuchi, <i>SW: TCW</i></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The proclamation must go out prior to the ceremony. I <em>will</em> verify. I’m sure you’d prefer your blood not be publicly shamed at the bonding altar.” It was an idle threat. Barriss would never hurt Alayna in such a way. Still, she intended to ensure her full demands were met.</p><p>Alaa chortled. “So distrustful!”</p><p>The man had been in an exultant mood all evening. <em>You expected any less? </em>After sixteen years of maneuvering, he could finally revel in a victory. <em>For now.</em></p><p>Allying with Mirial made him a force to be feared by even the strongest realms. A marriage alliance carried even more advantages, both economic and military. Benefits he could leverage for his long-term plans. Alaa had much loftier ambitions than one powerful alliance. And he knew, as she did, achieving them required eventually defeating her.</p><p>Gaining control of Mirial meant controlling the core region, allowing him to consolidate a power base that could potentially conquer the entire world. He had a great deal to accomplish before that possibility, however. It would be a risky and protracted cold war, but Barriss intended to win it. All Sith had the same weakness. Alaa’s overconfidence would be his undoing. Believing he'd positioned his daughter as a future puppet ruler might be his biggest misjudgment. <em>You underestimate her at your own peril, Excellency.</em></p><p>“As it happens, I have anticipated you,” Alaa continued. “The proclamation freeing a portion of the Togruta vermin has already been prepared. I brought a copy for your review. Once we fill in our now agreed upon one-third, it awaits only my signature. As for your traitorous paramour, she will be spared execution for masterminding the plot to undermine my rule.”</p><p>“And what <em>do</em> you propose to do with her?”</p><p>He swirled the brandy in his glass. “Undecided. Nothing you hold would induce me to release her from service, however. She is much too dangerous to let wander, especially after a large chunk of her people are on the loose.” His face darkened. “The Lady Chieftain is already receiving far more than she deserves. Were it not for your adamant insistence, the same Togruta I’m freeing would have been mowed down in the fields as she watched.”</p><p>Her lip twisted. The man was vile. Yet, there was nothing she could do about it. And he wasn’t wrong. Ahsoka would without doubt kill him or die trying. “That doesn’t answer my question.”</p><p>“Hmm, I’m feeling generous today. She is my best general after all. And our pact will make her less inclined to take future action, lest she make an enemy of you as well. Alienating her primary source of power and support would be foolish.”</p><p>Leaning back in her armchair, Barriss steepled fingers and evaluated the self-satisfied expression. <em>He truly believes that.</em> Duty, sacrifice, and compassion were false narratives to him. People would always make the choice that best protected their own interests, whatever those may be. An attachment to anyone or anything was merely a type of possession to leverage. <em>He can’t understand those unlike himself. Another weakness.</em></p><p>“Yes,” the king mused. “I’ll agree to leave Lady Tano where she is, after appropriately impressing on her that any hint of future disloyalty will be met with severe consequences.”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed. “You trust her continuing to lead part of your army?”</p><p>He smirked. “Oh, all of my generals want me dead. They never succeed for a reason. She is no different. Though, I did discover her plot later than most. Another reason she is a valuable asset I’d hate to waste. It’s the same strategic mind that wins battles for me. I can’t promise she won’t create a new death sentence for herself as so many other traitors have. Once they get a taste for power, there is usually no stopping their machinations. That doesn’t keep me from exploiting them for my own purposes in the meantime.”</p><p>Alaa's overconfidence was already paying dividends, it seemed. She had anticipated having to offer additional concessions to prevent Ahsoka from being tortured in a prison or worked to death in the mines of Coruscant. Barriss tried to be grateful for that much. And she'd negotiated him up to a third being freed. Still, it hurt to leave the woman she loved in servitude. <em>It's only temporary. For now, just keep her alive.</em> Pushing down the bile in her throat, she stated, “Very well.”</p><p>“Excellent. I believe that covers the conditions of our deal, does it not?”</p><p>She rubbed her temples. “Not quite. Are you forgetting the principle goal of this arrangement? Mirial must be protected from the Chitaran threat.”</p><p>“Yes, yes. They are already on the defensive.” He took a swig of brandy and then waved the glass in her direction. “News of the impending nuptials has done our job for us.” His eyes gleamed. “A marriage alliance between the two most powerful realms in the core has rippled far and wide. My spies have reported the Chits are reassessing their planned invasion of Mirial. The realms that joined their little super alliance have withdrawn support. Even if they manage to drum up additional forces to move forward, our combined armies will wipe them off the map.”</p><p>The intel tallied with her own intelligence network’s accounts. If it came down to a war, a painless victory it may not be, but a probable one. <em>Yes.</em> Mirial would be safe for the near term. Ahsoka would live. Wrongly enslaved people would go free. A tormented girl would have a chance at a life. And the only cost to Barriss was her heart. She straightened. “The terms are acceptable, Excellency. I look forward to our new alliance.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna tried not to panic as her father instructed her on holding a bonding sash in an appropriately royal fashion. Apparently, the man thought he was being fatherly. His manner had been downright jovial the entire day, and it put her nerves on edge. Right when she felt close to a meltdown, they were interrupted by the door to the prep room flying open.</p><p>Ahsoka stormed in without preamble. “What is the meaning of this, <em>my lord</em>?”</p><p>Her father spun around. “Is there a reason you are interrupting my daughter’s preparations, General?”</p><p>She held up what looked like a royal proclamation. “One of your simpering courtiers stuck this in my face. You have freed all the Togruta in the Raggalian fields. Why?”</p><p>Alayna’s mouth dropped open. “You have?”</p><p>Rocking on his heels, he flicked lint from his opulent waistcoat. “Didn’t think I was capable of mercy, did you? It’s my daughter’s bonding day. I felt a little benevolence was in order.”</p><p>The fiery eyes narrowed into a harsh squint. “You expect me to believe that.”</p><p>“Believe what you want, Togruta. I did it. Is there a reason you would be upset about it?”</p><p>Her lip curled. “What are you up to?”</p><p>Stepping in front of Ahsoka, he stuck his face within inches of hers. “If I were you, I’d be more concerned about what I’ve already done. Specifically, I have dismantled your traitorous conspiracy against me, killed your fellow collaborators, and taken possession of your entire weapons cache.”</p><p>There was a barely noticeable flinch. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>His eyes glinted yellow. “Did you truly believe you could plot a coup under my nose? I only let it go on for this long in order to sniff out the entire chain of traitors. Thank whatever heathen Force you serve that my interests lay elsewhere for the moment. The Empress of Mirial is notoriously high-minded. Or, so I’d heard.” He smirked. “I wanted no bloody publicity to hurt my negotiations and decided to rid myself of rebellious Togruta another way. Mass roundups for public executions take considerable time and expense, as well. I do so hate waste. Besides, it adds a bit of magnanimous flair to the festivities, don’t you think?” His teeth bared into the grin that always made Alayna shudder. “Otherwise, your <em>people</em> would have been cut down one by one in retaliation for your betrayal.”</p><p>Her fingers balled into fists, orange knuckles whitening. “If you think me disloyal, why isn’t my head on a pike?”</p><p>“Indeed. It’s what you deserve. Unfortunately, you are a necessary evil for the present. I must keep the other vermin in line, mustn't I? You will be ensuring there is no further resistance to my rule. Perhaps, a speech espousing my benevolence or a propaganda tour of the workcamps? Yes, I’m certain we can find an acceptable approach.” His tone edged into quiet threat. “Of course, if you have tired of being in my service, my original offer is still open. I can simply kill all of you, starting with your fool of a brother. Are you saying you’d prefer that option?”</p><p>Ahsoka’s jaw clenched so hard, Alayna heard teeth crack. There was a long silence, before a grinding response came, “No, Excellency.”</p><p>He leaned back with a smug expression. “That’s what I thought. Remember this, Lady Tano. You escaped justice this time. It won’t happen again. Even a whiff of future disloyalty will result in me carrying out my full measure on every single Togruta in the realm. Are we clear?”</p><p>Her eyes burned blue fire. “Oh, we’re very clear, Alaa.” Spinning on her heel, she thundered from the room.</p><p>Alayna gripped the back of a chair. Ahsoka had been planning a coup. Yet, her father had let her live. Not only that, he’d freed the very people it would most hurt her to kill. It didn’t make any sense. She knew her father. There was no possible reality in which he’d choose mercy, publicity or not. <em>Why?</em></p><p>“You see, daughter?” His mouth drew back into a sneer. “Attachments are a fool's indulgence. Does your simple mind remember why?”</p><p>She dug trembling fingers into the padding and recited, “Dependence brings only weakness. Control someone’s weakness, you control them.”</p><p>His terrifying grin turned on her. “It is a truth even those with power ignore at their peril. Do not make the same mistake. Or, like the rest, it will be your undoing.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss hurried toward her chambers. Her personal guard had been in a tizzy all day managing the wandering guests, who apparently thought they had full run of the palace. She'd left them dealing with a delegation from Malastare and snuck down the back corridor to prepare for the ceremony.</p><p>Her nerves were shot. She just wanted this day to be over. Alaa to be gone. Everyone to stop requesting audiences. Alayna to be settled. Her life to return to its normal rhythm. And hopefully to stop thinking of what she’d lost in the process. <em>Almost there.</em></p><p>A tormented cry echoed from a side corridor. It was a sound she recognized instantly. Taking off at a sprint, she ran room to room, until finding her target.</p><p>Ahsoka was in a small storage area, tearing a wooden crate apart. She slammed jagged pieces against the wall until they splintered into shards.</p><p>Barriss hovered by the door. She had rarely seen Ahsoka in this kind of rage. However, she’d learned long ago that intervening was a dangerous proposition.</p><p>Once the Togruta ran out of wood, she began slamming fists into the hard stone. Spindly cracks spread along its surface. Then, the fury abruptly died as Ahsoka collapsed into a heap of defeated limbs.</p><p>Heart wrenching at the sight, Barriss rushed over and knelt down. Dulled eyes lifted to hers. Barriss didn’t say anything. She simply pulled Ahsoka into her arms and held her.</p><p>The woman stiffened but then crumpled into the embrace. Her sobs wracked both of their bodies. After the tears ran their course, a hoarse voice whispered, “I’ll never be able to free them, Barriss. He’s taken it all. I can’t even fight him anymore without risking those I have left. I’ve failed my people. Their Chieftain has led them to destruction.”</p><p>“Ssh, it’s ok.” She stroked her montrals. “We'll figure something else out. It will just take time.”</p><p>Ahsoka jerked up. “Time?! There is no time. My people are dying in the mines, the fields, the workhouses everyday. Their spirits are being crushed. Do you know how many I’ve already lost? Soon there will be no one left to free. This was my last chance to do something about it without spilling innocent blood. And I failed.” Her voice broke. “H-he should have killed me. What good is a Chieftain, who can’t even protect her tribe? My purpose, you, our way of life, everything that makes me who I am—all of it is gone. I’m… nothing.” The trembling jaw hardened. “Perhaps, it’s time to become someone else.”</p><p>Barriss grabbed her face. “That’s not true, Ahsoka. Don’t you dare do something stupid.”</p><p>Her eyes flashed. “Like allying myself with a murderous despot?”</p><p>She flinched but tightened her grip. “I have a plan to leverage this new alliance. Eventually, we’ll be in a position to free them and you. There’s no need for any brave and reckless last stands. I just need you to trust me.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s expression twisted. “We have different priorities, Barriss. You're the one who made that quite clear. You take care of your people. I’ll take care of mine. The only way I have left to do it.” She rose to her feet. </p><p><em> No. </em> She’d misjudged the impact. Barriss had somehow caused the very outcome she’d been hiding the truth to prevent. Seizing her arm, she pleaded, “Don’t do this! We can handle it together. I promise to be there. Ahsoka, <em> please</em>.”</p><p>The woman hesitated and then leaned down. Lifting Barriss’ chin, she delivered a tender kiss. “You did make me so happy. But that can’t be my life anymore. You’ve made your choice. Now, I’m making mine.”</p><p>Leaping up, Barriss jumped in front of her. “Wait! Let me explain—”</p><p>She put a hand on her mouth. “It doesn’t matter now. I only have one path left. Maybe that’s all there ever was. How this was meant to end.” Gentle fingers stroked her cheek for a moment. Then, her hand dropped. “Goodbye, Barriss.”</p><p>Ahsoka vanished and Barriss sank to the cold floor, staring at nothing.</p><p>_______</p><p>As Barriss escorted Alayna out of the bonding ceremony, her eyes found Ahsoka in the crowd. The Togruta stood at attention, fixed on the opposing line of guests.</p><p>Barriss passed by, hoping for a look, an acknowledgement, even a glare. But there was nothing. The usually expressive blue were devoid of life. There wasn't even a flicker.</p><p>When she glanced back in desperation, Ahsoka was gone.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that was... depressing. I'm not doing so well on this cheering people up in their isolation thing, am I? Eh, I'll work on it.</p><p>Milestone note: This is the structural turning point of our story. Where our characters make the choices that set them on a new path and define what is to come. Perhaps, they'll even manage some happiness along the way. Hope springs eternal.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. New Reality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alayna and Barriss adjust to their new life.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alayna scratched her wrist once again and then winced. Prodding the spot, she muttered, “Excellent attention to detail, your highness.” The clasp of her bonding bracelet had snagged earlier, and she’d somehow managed to turn a sliver of pinched skin into a raw welt. Shaking her hand in the air, Alayna attempted to focus on something else. <em>Like what? The other fifty things driving you crazy?</em></p><p>Sliding around in the glossy insanity pretending to be sheets, she shifted onto her back. <em>Not helpful.</em> The satiny bed linen seemed to cling to her bare legs no matter what position she tried. Meanwhile, a gauzy chemise squeezed any inch of her body not being tormented by finely woven silk. Of course, those inches were very few indeed. The strapless garment stretched across her breasts just above nipple-level and then continued downward, only to come to an unceremonious halt at the top of her thighs. Whether it even qualified as clothing was in question. She tugged the bottom hem lower for the tenth time, attempting to keep her sensitive areas protected from gummy sheet fabric.</p><p>Sinking her head into a pillow, Alayna curled fingers into her palms and stared at the darkly outlined canopy above. When the handmaidens had escorted her to the Imperial bedchamber, they’d instructed her to wait patiently for the Empress to arrive. She was to remain in bed, be demure, and not to speak until spoken to by her eminence. Alayna intended to follow orders to the letter.</p><p>She knew this moment would come. Alayna thought to handle it with equanimity. It was a duty like any other. Compared to other things she’d endured, this would be nothing. In truth, a part of her anticipated the experience. She wondered what it would feel like—whether it would be enjoyable as Leeka insisted or a painful torment as one of her severe Coruscant handmaidens had pronounced. However, the rest of her was terrified. She didn’t know what to do or how to do it. The Empress may not find her pleasing. What if she decided Alayna wasn’t worth the effort after tonight? <em>No. I won’t let that happen. I’ll be whatever she wants.</em></p><p>Forcing herself to take slow breaths, she closed her eyes. Despite her silk-laden turmoil, this space at least felt like the Empress. It had a comforting essence that she was grateful for. Everything else was new—new quarters, new bed, new people, new clothes, new life. It was too much at once.</p><p>The onslaught of well-wishers and sycophants at the bonding reception had shredded her already taxed nerves. Even her father’s departure hadn’t stilled the turbulence. Afterward, a group of solemn attendants she didn’t know had guided her to a wing of the palace she’d never seen. Once they departed, Alayna had simply stood in the unfamiliar, luxurious, and empty chambers of a royal consort.</p><p>She’d kept hoping Leeka would somehow appear, but only the Empress’ handmaidens had arrived to prepare her. They were kind and deferential. They said she’d have her pick of the finest and most seasoned handmaidens for her retinue. But she wanted Leeka. Alayna didn’t say it as she knew what the reaction would be. Plucking an inexperienced third handmaiden as her first—when there were others who’d toiled for years to earn such a post—would be a breach of the carefully balanced hierarchy a royal household ran on. Alayna wasn’t sure if a consort even carried enough clout to do so. And it certainly wouldn’t endear her to the staff she would depend on to succeed. Still, she desperately wanted Leeka.</p><p>Her tumbling thoughts screeched to a halt as the door to the bedchamber swung open. Alayna pulled the duvet up to her neck, limbs trembling. The moment had come.</p><p>The Empress trudged across the dimly lit room without acknowledging her. Her posture wasn’t the ramrod perfection Alayna was accustomed to. It was weary and hunched. <em>She’s sad.</em></p><p>Alayna wanted to provide relief in some manner, before realizing it wasn’t her place. She chewed the inside of her cheek. <em>I could help make you happy. I know I could, if you’ll let me try.</em></p><p>Removing her jeweled headdress, the Mirialan tossed it onto the dresser and pulled a pin from the top of her head. Obsidian hair spilled down her back. Running fingers through the thick tresses, she braced her shoulder against the balcony archway. There was a long stillness as the woman gazed into the night. Then, she sighed and began stripping layers of clothing.</p><p>Her elegant form was silhouetted in the moon’s glow, and Alayna’s eyes followed its movements. Flickers of light danced over smooth olive skin as more of it became visible. She’d always suspected the hidden body was lithe, but the level of toned leanness surprised her. When the last undertunic vanished into a pile on the floor, Alayna traced every curve. The woman had remarkably well-defined arm and stomach muscles. Her nipples were tiny splashes of dark color, while the breasts themselves were nicely rounded and larger than her own. <em>What if she wants mine to be like that?</em></p><p>As the Empress leaned down to remove her leggings, a triangular piece of ivory swung from a leather cord around her neck. The roughhewn item was disconcerting on a figure she usually pictured in refined elegance. It must have special meaning. <em>I wonder what?</em> Though, the charm struck a vaguely familiar note. Alayna couldn’t place where she’d seen its like but knew she had.</p><p>Graceful fingers caressed the necklace for a few moments. Then, the woman crossed to a table, where her handmaidens had evidently prepared a selection of sleep attire. She pulled on an alabaster nightdress that hugged her hips and torso. It loosened mid-thigh and ended at her knees.</p><p>Alayna scrunched her forehead. Wouldn’t she want to remain disrobed to take her?</p><p>The Empress finally turned toward the bed. She froze in place, jaw dropping. “Alayna? What are you doing here?”</p><p>Pulse spiking, she gripped the sheet to her chest and sat up. “They told me to wait for you. Was that wrong?”</p><p>The woman blinked several times, before letting out a groan. “I am so sorry, my dear. I neglected to inform them in all the chaos. You don’t have to perform those kinds of duties.”</p><p>Her mind spun. Then, Alayna frowned. “Why? Am I not pleasing to you?”</p><p>“It’s not that.” She raised the light level, before sitting next to her. “You are extremely beautiful. You’re just young to give yourself to me in that way, even if you wished to.”</p><p>Tears began to form. “I can handle it. Please, let me try to be what you want.”</p><p>Hands gripped her face. “This is what I feared. You are misunderstanding. You don’t need to prove your worth to me. I never would have made you my consort otherwise. Being intimate won’t increase or lessen my respect for you.”</p><p>“It’s not only that. I want you to…” She couldn’t stop the need from leaking out. “... c-care about me.”</p><p>The steel blue softened. “Oh, Alayna. I do care about you. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. That also doesn’t require anything more than who you are.”</p><p>“If that's true, why don't you want me?”</p><p>“Physical intimacy doesn’t equate to affection, my dear. It can be separate or part of the whole.” She paused. “How about we make an agreement? Focus on adjusting to life here and learning as much as possible in areas related to your new role. The rest can come later, once you’ve settled more into who you are and what you want. At that point, if you decide you’d like me to teach you the art of lovemaking, we’ll discuss it.”</p><p>“But will we still talk and do things? Can I come and visit you anytime like before?”</p><p>“Of course. Also, I plan to instruct you in many things myself. We’ll be spending a great deal of time together.”</p><p>Alayna searched for confirmation in her face. “Is that a promise?”</p><p>“Yes.” She locked their eyes. “You’re not alone anymore. I'll always be here. You are a part of my life now as I am yours.”</p><p>Her heart lightened. “That’s what I want.”</p><p>Thumbs circled her cheeks. “I’m glad. Since that's settled, would you prefer to return to your chambers or sleep here?”</p><p>Alayna twitched. “What do you want me to do?”</p><p>There was a hissed breath. “That’s not what I asked. Be honest with me, please.”</p><p>Grimacing, she fidgeted with the cover. “Is it alright if I stay with you tonight? My new quarters are so empty and like they’re not mine. Even the servants are different in this wing of the palace. I’m—it all feels a bit overwhelming.”</p><p>The woman smiled. “An honest answer. And it will be rewarded in kind. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed myself today. Company would be welcome.”</p><p>Her muscles released their tension. Affecting her best courtly air, Alayna declared, “Worry not, my lady. I shall be your company.”</p><p>She chuckled. “And I shall be yours. Also, you can dispense with the formalities when we’re alone. I’d rather you call me Barriss.”</p><p>“Oh.” Rolling the jarring word around in her head, she gave it a try. “Alright… Barriss.” Alayna frowned. “That sounds wrong.”</p><p>“Get used to it,” was the impish reply. “I’m certainly not going to suffer through you calling me eminence during bedtime conversations.”</p><p>“I’ll do my best, B-barriss. Barrrrriss. Barrisssss. Barriss.”</p><p>There was a small snort. “It’s a start.” Her attention shifted to where Alayna still had a sheet clenched to her chest. “What have they dressed you in, my dear? Whatever it is, you clearly hate it.”</p><p>Ducking her head, she mumbled, “Kind of.”</p><p>Barriss tweaked her nose. “Let’s handle that travesty, shall we?” The woman crossed to the table of sleepwear. Evaluating options, she hummed. “No. I believe we need something special for my special consort.” She opened an oak chest at the foot of the bed and dug through it. “Ah. Hello, old friend.” Shaking out a full-length nightdress, Barriss caressed it before returning to Alayna. “This gown makes no bold statements. Neither stylish frills nor colorful dyes decorate it. The cotton isn’t high quality or hand spun. Its threads are interwoven and shaded unevenly without regard to their appearance. In fact, there’s nothing noteworthy about this piece of cut fabric. It simply <em>is.</em>”</p><p>Her eyebrows gathered. “Didn’t you say it was special?”</p><p>“Very special. It once belonged to the Empress Luminara.” Her expression turned distant. “My mother gave it to me when I wasn’t much older than you. She said it was her reminder that sometimes life is only as complicated as we make it. For me, it became a way to strip the chaos. Whenever I found myself adrift over the years, I’d curl up in this. It helped calm the stormclouds of my mind. Now, its lessons will be yours to discover.”</p><p>Alayna gaped. “I can’t. That’s… <em>too</em> special.”</p><p>“Too special for <em>you</em> is what you mean,” Barriss stated archly. “Fortunately, the gift recipient doesn’t get to decide what they deserve or what the giver is willing to part with.” She placed the garment into her hands. “This gown now belongs to Alayna. Figure out what it means to her.”</p><p>Clenching fingers around the gift, she swallowed a lump in her throat. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p>“And you will succeed.” She tucked a stray curl behind Alayna's ear. “You can also pick another option from the table to sleep in tonight. Whatever makes you comfortable. I’ll wait on the balcony, while you experiment.”</p><p>“No, don’t go!” Surprising herself with the impulsive objection, she added in slow realization, “I think I don’t mind you seeing me.”</p><p>The woman pursed her lips. “You think or you know?”</p><p>Dropping the sheet, she straightened onto her knees and drew her shoulders back. “I know.”</p><p>Her eyes widened as they flicked over Alayna’s figure. “Well then. That is… quite an outfit.”</p><p>Returning a rather pleased grin, she rotated to face the other direction. Lifting her hair, she twisted her head back to Barriss. “Plus, I need someone to undo this monstrosity. Otherwise, I’ll have to live in it.”</p><p>“I don’t know. That would certainly make long days at court more interesting.” Slender fingers untied the lacing, relieving the pressure on her torso. “There.”</p><p>Working the chemise off, Alayna handed it to Barriss. Then, she pulled on her new gift. Dense fabric draped her body, feeding much needed warmth into heat-starved pores. The unrefined granular threads felt natural against her skin, unlike the purified waxiness of silk sheets. This had no such pretensions. It was what it was. Alayna rolled the roughly textured cotton of a too long sleeve between her fingers with a happy sigh. “Thank you.” She lifted eyes to Barriss. “I love it.”</p><p>She smiled softly. “I’m glad.” Placing the chemise on the table, Barriss remarked, “Does this even qualify as clothing, do you think? Though, I must admit my handmaidens didn’t choose poorly for their intended purpose. Should you ever need a foolproof way to send one of your paramours into a meltdown, complete with worshipping at your feet, definitely put this thing on.”</p><p>It took her a few seconds to process the comment. Doing so resulted in a small flush but also a mischievous impulse. Producing a smug expression, she tossed her hair back. “Uh huh. Regretting your hasty decision to ignore my charms and make me wait, are we?” Flourishing a hand, she examined her nails. “I <em>suppose,</em> given the proper incentive, I could be convinced to put it back on.”</p><p>Her mouth parted and then drew back into a laugh. “Oh my. One day in, and I’m already getting smarm.” Dimming the lights to quarter-level, she returned to Alayna. “If you’ve finished preening, scooch over. You’re on my side of the bed.”</p><p>She smirked. “What if I like this side of the bed better?”</p><p>Barriss squinted at her. “Move it, missy. I get very grouchy about sleep.”</p><p>“Hmm, what’s in it for me?”</p><p>“Alright, that’s it.” The woman pounced on her, tickling down her side.</p><p>She giggled and escaped to the other half of the bed. “As you wish, <em>Eminence.</em>”</p><p>There was a groan as a slender body slid next to hers. “I can see I’ve unleashed your well-hidden sassy streak.”</p><p>Alayna edged as close as she dared to the woman. “I think you secretly enjoy a little insolence.”</p><p>Rolling toward her, Barriss arched an eyebrow. “I do indeed, my smarmy consort. You’re learning already.”</p><p>Her heart swelled. “You just wait. I’ll show you how much I can learn.”</p><p>Barriss reached over and rubbed her cheek. “You don’t have to show me. I already know.”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her for a moment. Then, she buried her face into the woman’s shoulder and whispered, “I care about you too.”</p><p>Arms slid around her with a quiet, “I'm glad.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Resting elbows on the arms of her chair, Barriss steepled fingers. “Can you make it happen?”</p><p>Her seneschal sighed. “Of course, Eminence. I’ll speak to Seela. We will formulate a suitable explanation for the breach in protocol.”</p><p>A faint smile touched her lips. “I’m not doing this to be mercurial, Lim. I believe she’s formed a bond. That level of trust does not come easily for her and will be difficult to replicate. It'll be better for everyone if we have a smooth adjustment period. Though, I want you to ensure it is clear the Empress Consort did not make the request. Nor did Leeka behave in an untoward fashion. It is a whim of their Empress.”</p><p>He raised eyebrows. “I expected no less. Her highness knows better. And Leeka would certainly never contemplate this <em>unprecedented</em> honor.”</p><p>Barriss laughed. “I, on the other hand, am quite willing to flout the way of things.”</p><p>The corners of his mouth twitched. “I did not say as such.”</p><p>Rising from her seat, she gripped his arm. “Tell them I’m in a state of madness these days. They will shake their heads, pity the poor Empress Consort for being so deprived of experienced help, grouse for awhile, and then go about their business.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s exactly what I planned to do, Eminence.”</p><p>Snorting, she moved to the window of her study and gazed out of it. “You anticipate me as always, Lim. I presume you will also be careful to give Leeka a true choice. Taking the position is not without pitfalls for her.”</p><p>“Indeed.” There was a brief silence and then a less formal voice asked, “Are you?”</p><p>“Am I what?”</p><p>“In a state of madness?”</p><p>“Perhaps, I am,” she answered distantly. “I hope one day it will pass.”</p><p>“As do I, my lady. You deserve happiness.”</p><p>Surprised, she twisted her head back to the earnest face. “Thank you for the thought. However, happiness is not something a ruler should expect. To have it and then lose it… well, I suppose I should be grateful for the reminder of who I am.”</p><p>“And that is?”</p><p>Pivoting, she crossed to her desk to resume reviewing troop movements on the Chitaran border. “The Empress of Mirial.”</p><p>“I understand.” His tone softened. “I, for one, am very glad you are.”</p><p>Barriss smiled. “And she is glad to have such a wise seneschal to manage her bouts of madness.”</p><p>His eyes sparkled, and Lim made a formal bow. “All in a day’s work for his empress.” Moving to the door, he paused. “Do not worry about her highness. I will ensure her path is free of obstacles.”</p><p>“I know you will,” she said quietly. “Thank you.”</p><p>He nodded and exited the study.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, the Empress got to work.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna stood in the middle of her enormous sitting room and hugged her stomach. <em>Come on. You can do this.</em> After the bonding night with Barriss, she’d faced the next morning with fledging confidence. But two and half days of a new life had crushed it into fine powder.</p><p>The multitude of servants she couldn’t remember the names of, her new personal secretary that kept asking about meetings she didn't understand, the dressmaker who insisted on measuring every inch of her body with a clicking tongue, a pack of advisors hoping to gain her favor, the stern matron of the house Seela who ran them off, the harried head cook who wanted to know her every dietary preference, even her newly assigned praetorians that hovered everytime she dared leave her chambers… all of it felt panic-inducing. How was she to become a confident and skilled ruler, if she couldn’t handle basic domesticity? Alayna needed to be strong. Show she was in charge with no fear. Like the Empress. But she had no idea how to do that. <em>I don’t even know how to get to the royal dining room from here.</em></p><p>To make matters worse, she was awaiting her new handmaiden. Seela said the Empress herself had made the selection. Alayna could choose the others, but this was to be her first handmaiden, her right hand. It was out of the ordinary, based on Seela’s disapproving expression. And Alayna was terrified. What if they didn’t get along? What if the woman thought her a foolish child? Would she be able to ask her advice? What if it was someone severe and cold like the handmaidens her father had always assigned her—the ones who made her feel inept and nervy? How could she reject a handmaiden given to her by the Empress?</p><p>Rubbing hands over her face, she slumped into an armchair. <em>Why did I think I could handle this?</em></p><p>There was a respectful cough. “Your highness?”</p><p>She jerked up. “Leeka?”</p><p>The girl pursed her lips. “Were you not expecting me?”</p><p>“Wait.” Her muscles froze and then began tingling. “Are you the handmaiden the Empress selected to be my first?”</p><p>“Ah. Is that how it happened? Madam Seela was less than forthcoming on details. Though, she did spend significant time lecturing me on appreciating my good fortune and behaving in a humble manner.”</p><p>Leaping up, she raced to Leeka and threw arms around her. “Oh, thank you.”</p><p>The girl patted her back awkwardly, before extricating herself. “Yes, well, there’s no need to thank me for accepting a post all handmaidens dream of having. And try not to do that in Seela’s presence. I’ll be shipped to the undergalleys.”</p><p>Alayna’s smile stretched so wide it hurt. “Sorry, it’s—I was—I’m just very happy you’re here.”</p><p>Her umber eyes shined. “All in a day’s work for the Empress Consort’s <em>First</em> Handmaiden.”</p><p>“That does sound impressive, doesn’t it?” A sudden thought grounded her joyful bubble. “Is this ok, though? Won’t it cause problems for you with the others?”</p><p>She shrugged. “They’ll get over it.” A mischievous gleam flitted across her face. “You could have sizzled an egg in the air, when I reported to the prep room. I thought I was being marched to the gallows. Fortunately, I’ll have private quarters adjoining your chambers. Otherwise, I might seriously consider barring my door at night.”</p><p>Alayna chewed her lip. “But you do… want to be my handmaiden, right? I don’t want you to be unhappy. If you’d rather not deal with it all or me, I can talk to the Empress.”</p><p>Her expression intensified. “Don’t you do any such thing. This is where I’m needed.” She paused, before adding slowly, “Of course, if you feel differently, I can recommend another handmaiden or—”</p><p>“No!” The word came out as a high-pitched squeak. Clearing her throat, she met Leeka’s eyes and tried again. “No. I only want you.”</p><p>Her mouth curved up, and she made a formal curtsey. “I am honored to be wanted, my lady. Now, you’re upset. Tell me what’s wrong, so we can fix it.”</p><p>“Everything.” Her anxious thoughts returned and tipped into a flood of words. “I’m supposed to be meeting the master-at-arms in less than an hour to arrange my training schedule. I have no idea what one wears. Am I supposed to dress down or look regal? And they gave me an entire room full of new clothes that I hate. I’m not sure if that means my normal dresses won’t do. There’s also this gaggle of royal advisors that follows me around. Can I tell them to go away or am I expected to put up with it? What about my guards? Is it ok for me to talk to them? In Coruscant, we weren’t supposed to, but I always thought it was wrong not to speak to people who are protecting you. I talk to her eminence’s, and they don’t seem to mind. I don’t know if everyone will think me a complete idiot if I try. Also, where is the master-at-arms located? Is there a map of the palace? And what about when I—”</p><p>A hand grabbed hers. “Stop, miss. You’re working yourself up.”</p><p>Holding back rising tears, Alayna clung to her fingers like a lifeline. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Leeka. And I feel so…” <em>Scared. </em>“... unprepared.”</p><p>The girl locked a confident gaze on her. “It’s going to be alright. I told you the night we first met. You have the right stuff.” Her tone softened. “And you won’t be alone. We’re partners, remember?”</p><p>The weight crushing Alayna’s chest lightened, and she took what felt like her first breath in days. Gazing at Leeka, her smile returned. “How do you always know what I need?”</p><p>An eyebrow cocked. “I’m your first handmaiden.”</p><p>Something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle escaped her lips. “You’re more than that, partner.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss cartwheeled across the mat and was surprised to find no target to deliver her kick. Spinning around, she barely ducked an incoming punch from her repositioned opponent. It was swiftly followed by a well-executed leg sweep.</p><p>Hitting the ground, she rolled out of the way of a pinning maneuver and gained enough distance to regain equilibrium. <em>Impressive.</em> She’d underestimated Alayna’s skill. Her laissez-faire surety had nearly cost Barriss their first match.</p><p>Alayna crouched low. One leg outstretched from her body; its foot tensed against the mat to push off from if needed. She rotated in place on the other as Barriss circled. The focus and concentration never wavered as her eyes tracked every movement. Her exceptional intensity suggested she might be instinctively drawing on the Force.</p><p>Stretching out with her feelings, Barriss explored the currents. <em>Yes.</em> The young woman’s presence was open and harmonious in this moment. No fear or insecurity clouded it for once. Her aura radiated a quality that was difficult to define, distinctive in its integrity. <em>Pure? Authentic? Simple? Natural?</em> No word quite captured the essence Barriss was sensing. <em>She is what she is. </em>The thought caught her off-guard yet rang true. <em>Ah, that’s it. True.</em></p><p>Alayna’s hand straightened, fingertips slightly withdrawn in a shuto strike. <em>Very impressive.</em> The girl had identified an ideal fist combination for either blocking her potential attack or delivering a targeted strike should Barriss make a mistake.</p><p>Of course, she still had much to learn. Charging forward, Barriss feinted a roundhouse and dropped to the ground. Having started a high defensive block, Alayna couldn’t recover in time to prevent Barriss from sliding between her legs. Gripping her calves, she flipped the girl onto her back and twisted on top to pin her shoulders. “Match.”</p><p>“Argh!” Alayna groaned. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”</p><p>Barriss grinned down at her. “You probably won’t again.” Getting up, she pulled Alayna to her feet. “If it helps, I’m extremely impressed.” Her concerns about an extended timeline were moot. Jedi training could come sooner rather than later. “Your skills are already several notches above standard.”</p><p>The girl brushed dirt flecks off her training jumper. “If that's true, it’s only due to Ahsoka’s patient instruction.” Alayna grunted. “Though, she apparently forgot the lesson about people faking direct assaults.”</p><p>She froze, heart speeding up in her chest. Barriss tried to keep her tone casual. “Ahsoka Tano trained you?”</p><p>Her efforts evidently weren’t successful as Alayna’s head shot up and tilted to the side. She assessed her for a moment, before replying, “Yes. Since I was thirteen or so. Why?”</p><p>Clamping down on her emotions, Barriss shrugged. “Unusual is all. In most realms, a general wouldn’t be responsible for training the royal family.”</p><p>Alayna looked away. “They aren’t. Besides, my father believed learning combat skills to be a waste for me. This was… special circumstances.” She curled and uncurled her fingers, before blurting, “You see, I’d objected to his torture of a young page, who he believed disloyal merely because the boy’s mother had run off with a Corellian soldier. My father… strongly disagreed with my opinion. Ahsoka happened upon me a short time later and helped treat the aftermath.”</p><p>Her nostrils flared. <em>Bastard.</em> She brushed a thumb over Alayna’s trembling chin. “That was a courageous act.”</p><p>Dragging her gaze back to Barriss, she shook her head. “It was foolish. I’m not sure what I hoped to accomplish. It sent him into such a rage, he even flung my usually favored brother against a wall. So, Alax paid for my mistake, as well.” Alayna took a shaky breath. “Anyway, I guess Ahsoka felt sorry for me. She showed me techniques to break powerful grips and fall in ways that minimize injury. I begged her for more lessons. Selfish of me. It put her at grave risk. I still don’t understand why she agreed.” Her expression tinged with distant happiness. “But I’m glad she did. Our training sessions always made me feel… alive.”</p><p>Her throat tightened. <em>Oh, Ahsoka. Even amidst your own darkness, you still bring light.</em> “If Ahsoka Tano thought you worthy of risking Alaa’s wrath and her own time to train, it was because she saw something special in you. And she was absolutely correct.”</p><p>Glossy eyes gazed at her. “Thanks.”</p><p>Barriss rubbed her cheek. “No need to thank me for saying what is. Now, I suspect we’ll eventually need a master at melee weapons and hand-to-hand for you. An exceptional one that can challenge your analytical style with creativity and adaptation. First, how about you focus on taking down the entire royal training staff one by one?”</p><p>Alayna blinked and then a grin edged onto her face. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some pieces of a story are challenging to write. Others flow right out of my brain with little effort. Either way, the editing process can start to wear away enthusiasm. Finding a fresh way to communicate an emotion, having an epiphany on a new approach, or enhancing a scene is satisfying. When I'm able to get dialogue to flow or exposition to integrate, I grin. It's enjoyable... to a point. By the time a chapter is posted (i.e. I call a halt for my own sanity), I'm so done that fixing a comma splice seems like too much. Not this time. I enjoyed tweaking every last inch of this chapter. I loved it from its first word to its last. I still do. And I have no idea why.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Shadow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The past hovers over the future as Alayna navigates the unexpected, Barriss reunites with an old friend, and Ahsoka takes action.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Leeka, if you smooth your sleeves once more, they are going to fall off.”</p><p>“Hmm? Oh. Yes, miss.” She frowned. “I knew I shouldn’t have worn my new robe. This bright trim overwhelms the sage tones. I thought, perhaps, I could compensate by…” Her thought stayed unfinished as the garment’s elegant clasp caught her attention. Leeka whipped out a tiny buffing pad from Force knew where and polished the shiny metal.</p><p>Alayna watched her fidget with everything from the silvery inner lining to the raised collar. When the girl resumed attacking her sleeves, she couldn’t handle anymore. “For the love of Trikara, please stop. You’re making me twitchy.”</p><p>Leeka winced and clamped arms to her sides. “Apologies, my lady.”</p><p>She pursed her lips. “You seem awfully on edge for a delegation welcome. We do these all the time. Is there something I should be concerned about with this one?”</p><p>“No, you’re right.” Her fingers twisted together. “It’ll be the standard meet and greet, I imagine.”</p><p>Alayna nudged her. “Come on, partner. Tell me what’s so special about these particular visitors.”</p><p>Leeka’s gaze lifted to hers and then a diffident grin crinkled her freckles. “It’s only that my—” The royal fanfare sounded. She snapped into the pose of a perfect handmaiden—posture squared, head bowed, hands folded in front of her.</p><p>The inner doors to the throne room swung open. Catching her eye, Alayna winked and mouthed ‘later’. Then, she made her entrance with Leeka trailing behind her.</p><p>Alayna gave gracious nods to the most critical court members on her way in, who returned deep bows. Reaching the canopied dais, she halted at the first step. Sweeping back her cape, she took a knee and waited.</p><p>“The realm recognizes the Empress Consort.”</p><p>Drawing back up to her full height, Alayna responded, “Her loyalty is to the realm.”</p><p>Barriss motioned toward the smaller throne adjoining her own. “And the realm returns it.”</p><p>Ascending the platform, she settled into her cathedra. Alayna rested arms along the chair’s and mimicked Barriss’ attitude of a ruler surveying her court. Despite having now performed this ritual dozens of times, it still thrilled her heart. <em>I belong here.</em></p><p>She marked Leeka’s stiff movements as the girl took her place behind the corner of Alayna’s throne, mirroring the position of the Empress’ first handmaiden. Her curiosity would go unsatisfied for the moment, though. It was time to hold court.</p><p>After a brief switching of the scribes, the Empress ordered the outer doors be opened to welcome the delegation from Naboo.</p><p>A stately woman appeared. She was resplendent in a wigged headdress, elaborate facial makeup, and a lavish costume that spread at least a foot outward. Chin held high, she glided down the gauntlet, followed by eight scarlet-hooded handmaidens. <em>Well, that’s a bit excessive.</em> Still, there was a grounded refinement to her bearing that helped offset the extravagance.</p><p>Once the ceremonial approach was completed, Barriss moved to the top step of the dais. “May the Force shine on your realm, Padmé the Just. You are welcome to our court.”</p><p>The woman dipped her head and then lifted it with a warm smile. “And on yours, Barriss the Wise. It is pleasing to be in Mirial and your company once more.”</p><p>Barriss returned the smile, and Alayna was surprised to note it was genuine. “As it is to have you among us, Majesty.” She waved a hand. “May I present Her Imperial Highness, the Empress Consort Alayna.”</p><p>Rising on cue, Alayna crossed an arm over her chest and swept it outward in a traditional Naboo greeting. “It is an honor, your majesty.”</p><p>Queen Padmé forsook the customary return in favor of a Mirialan salute. Touching two fingers to her forehead and chin, she held her palm face up. “The honor is mine, your highness. I look forward to making your better acquaintance.”</p><p>This was typically when Alayna took over the hosting duties, but she was preempted by the queen. “If I may, Eminence. I must beg a slight imposition to your no doubt excellent arrangements awaiting us. Would you grant a personal audience to discuss a critical matter that has arisen during my journey? It would better not wait for our formal welcome dinner this evening.”</p><p>Barriss inclined her head. “Certainly. We will adjourn to my receiving area. Whilst we do so, have you any objection to settling your delegation?”</p><p>“Not at all. That would be most kind.”</p><p>Alayna hesitated. She wasn’t sure what to do now. If the queen did not accompany her party, there was no need for a royal escort. However, she’d not been invited to the private meeting either. Was she to stay in the court? And do what? She cast a surreptitious glance at Leeka.</p><p>The girl maintained her impassive stare at the ground but circled three fingers over her thigh and then double-tapped.</p><p>Alayna straightened. “Majesty, if your retinue would care to accompany my first handmaiden, Leeka will ensure they have everything required for your accommodations.”</p><p>Eyes brightening, the queen flicked them to Leeka, who had taken up position behind Alayna’s shoulder. “It is a pleasure to see you, Leeka. You look well.” The corners of her mouth quirked as she glanced at her own lead handmaiden. “Habé will be happy to follow your lead, I am sure.”</p><p>The cloaked head lifted and fixed on Leeka. A dryly amused voice replied, “As will she.”</p><p>Leeka hissed a breath Alayna barely heard, before moving toward the side doors. “This way, please.”</p><p>The group trailed out, leaving Alayna in a heightened state of confusion. There was clearly a history she was missing. And now she was left without her right hand in an unknown situation.</p><p>Barriss gave a subtle nod to her own first, and Brianna faded away. Then, she turned to the court and pronounced, “The Empress Consort will preside in my absence.”</p><p>Alayna resisted the urge to gulp as the other women retired to an adjoining chamber. Resuming her throne and setting her face in what she hoped was a confident expression, Alayna addressed the court master, “Let us hear the first petition.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss smiled to herself at Alayna’s determined command as she closed the door behind them.</p><p>“I do hope your young consort doesn’t hold it against me,” Padmé commented. “Assuming she survives the wolves.”</p><p>Chuckling, Barriss poured two servings of toniray. “Alayna is more than capable of handling them. Besides, being thrown off the deep end often makes one rise to the occasion.”</p><p>“True.” Padmé smiled and took the offered glass. “In all honesty, when your betrothal was first announced, I confess to being a bit taken aback.”</p><p>Settling into an armchair, she sipped her wine. “Why is that?”</p><p>The woman arched an eyebrow. “You know very well why. I had thought you would never marry due to,” she paused delicately, “other considerations. And selecting the daughter of Coruscant was… unexpected.”</p><p>She sighed. “Sometimes what is best for one’s realm does not align with one’s own wishes.”</p><p>Padmé squeezed her shoulder and then sat on the settee. “I know. My misgivings have proven unfounded, however. Alaa seems to be holding up his end of the alliance. And, by all reports, your consort is showing herself to be well-suited for the role. My advisors now hold the opinion she will be a force to be reckoned with in future.” Her expression took on a sardonic edge. “By their calculus, it was a stroke of brilliance. You identified potential where others insisted none existed and acquired it from under Coruscant’s nose. Now, it can be molded into the perfect ruler.”</p><p>Barriss frowned. “Alayna is not an object to be possessed and remade.”</p><p>“Unsettling, isn’t it?” she replied distantly. “This world we inhabit distills what truly matters into cold analysis and political stratagems. Everything, even one’s heart, is viewed through a prism of advantages and losses.”</p><p>Her own thoughts drifted. “Yes.”</p><p>Attention refocusing, Padmé continued, “Still, her natural abilities <em>will</em> be enhanced and shaped by your tutelage as she matures. And you wouldn’t have married anyone, much less bestowed a consort rank that denotes an heir apparent, if you didn’t believe them worthy of one day leading Mirial. That is what most confused me about your choice. Granted, I never had an opportunity to judge for myself. But opinions of those I respect tallied with the general consensus, if more nuanced. They described the Princess of Coruscant as a quixotic girl, made reclusive, anxious, and ineffectual by her father’s maltreatment. The young woman I just met had none of that flavor. Even her uncertainty at my breaking of protocol was well-hidden and handled with aplomb. You obviously saw what others could not.”</p><p>“I merely had an unhindered opportunity to see what was there. Her father never allowed it to flourish. Perhaps, being disregarded by her own resulted in a bittersweet benefit. Alayna has a superior mind, fierce tenacity, intensity of purpose, and a drive to succeed. Those same qualities, if Alaa had recognized them, could have been twisted into a ruthlessly effective ruler after his own heart. His loss is Mirial’s gain, however.”</p><p>The woman swirled her wine with a half smirk. “Advantage Mirial?”</p><p>Barriss flicked her eyes upward. “My point, <em>your majesty</em>, is that she is much more than her father or others believed. She always has been. It only required opportunity and support to show itself.”</p><p>“That is true for anyone to reach their potential. However, someone must still recognize it exists. <span>Speaking of, she has clearly earned Leeka’s sole allegiance, which is no trifle. </span> Loyalty from anyone of her line is unsurprising. True devotion is rarely bestowed.” Her eyes softened. “My own experience can attest it is a precious gift.”</p><p>“Ah. I take it Habé has been keeping you abreast of the dynamics?”</p><p>Padmé laughed. “I wish. Do you know how difficult it was choosing a hostess gift? Leeka will tell Habé nothing about her mistress, even her preferred beverage. Which in itself tells me everything.”</p><p>She smiled. “As it does for me. Thank you.” Barriss savored her wine for a moment. “So, what is this critical matter? You didn’t ask for a tête-à-tête to chat about my domestic arrangements, I presume.”</p><p>Her posture tensed. “No.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve received word that Ahsoka Tano has taken action.”</p><p>Barriss slowly set her glass on the side table. “What kind of action?”</p><p>“She organized free Togruta and a contingent of her Coruscant troops that had pledged loyalty to her banner. Ahsoka positioned pockets of these forces near locations holding enslaved Togruta. Yesterday at dawn, a coordinated bombing of several unrelated facilities in Coruscant occurred. Once Alaa dispatched troops to those incidents and was presumably distracted, she called for her people to break free under the rallying cry of ‘Liberty or Death’. Her planted forces blasted the message and rendezvous through a subwave frequency only distinguishable to Togruta montrals at each location. They then provided cover and transport for prisoners able to break through the inner security cordon of their captors.”</p><p>She gripped the arms of her chair. “And was the gambit successful?”</p><p>Padmé massaged her forehead. “It depends on your definition of success. Her people largely responded. Camps are in tatters. Mines collapsed. Fields razed to the ground. Slavemasters, soldiers, and anyone who attempted to stop them now lay scattered across a bloody landscape. Those that survived joined her near the western border. She tarried so long the Coruscant army nearly trapped them there. I imagine Ahsoka didn’t want to leave anyone behind. She was finally forced to flee and lead those who made it out into parts unknown. However, the cost was high. A number of them were killed in their race to freedom. Then, Alaa ordered every Togruta unable or unwilling to escape be destroyed.” Her lips curled back. “He slaughtered children, the elderly, and the infirm with no mercy.”</p><p>Barriss squeezed her eyes shut. “How many?”</p><p>“I have varying reports that suggest 60-70% made it to freedom. The number of confirmed dead for the Togruta and their allies is currently near two hundred.”</p><p>Pain pierced her heart. <em>Oh, Ahsoka. </em>Hoping for some mistake, she inquired, “How did you obtain these details? My people haven’t even heard of it yet.”</p><p>“Unsurprising, given the bulk of events took place only yesterday morning.” There was a long pause. “I dispatched handmaidens to gather additional information after Ahsoka’s captain intercepted me during my journey. Ahsoka sent him to—” Her voice choked into a brittle rasp. “Anakin was among the dead. He sacrificed himself to get a group of children onto an escaping transport.”</p><p>Eyes flying open, Barriss left her seat and sat beside the woman. “I’m so sorry, Padmé.”</p><p>Her chin trembled. “Even though our relationship didn’t end on the best of terms, he always held a piece of my heart. And now I’ll never be able to tell him that. H-he left me his Akul necklace.” She hung her head. “Oh, Anakin.”</p><p>Barriss gripped her hand. “He knew.”</p><p>Padmé gazed at her sadly. “Did he?” Her face tightened. “Don’t let her go, Barriss.”</p><p>Flinching, she slumped against the cushions and whispered, “She’s let go of me.”</p><p>The woman squeezed her fingers. “Don’t believe it. That’s what I thought about Anakin. Please, don’t give up.”</p><p>Fighting back tears, Barriss lifted eyes to hers. “I’ll try.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna entered her chambers with a long exhale. “Force above, Leeka. This must be what getting trapped in front of a speeding hovercart feels like. Assuming one gets run over repeatedly.”</p><p>There was an unfamiliar laugh in response, and Alayna jerked her head around the foyer. Instead of seeing her own handmaiden, she saw the Naboo queen’s. Her hood was down. Shining copper hair framed a freckled, Mirialan face of perhaps thirty-five, which was currently gazing at her in amusement. <em>Wait. Mirialan?</em></p><p>The woman performed a formal curtsey. “My apologies, your highness. That was inappropriate. My only excuse is that you took me by surprise.”</p><p>Leeka appeared around a corner, a tumbler of bright blue liquid in hand. She halted in her tracks. “Oh, my lady. I apologize. You normally take three minutes longer to arrive from the throne room.” Jumping forward, she offered the prepared drink. “I thought you might require something stronger than a warm bath today.”</p><p>Alayna took the glass with a bit of annoyance. “And does your zealous regimen of care include unexpected handmaidens of visiting royals awaiting me upon my arrival?”</p><p>Leeka cringed. “Sorry. H’lyn delivered a hostess gift from the queen and was just leaving.”</p><p>Her brow furrowed. “H’lyn?” Naboo handmaidens had a strict tradition of adopting a variation of their mistress’ name.</p><p>The woman in question smiled. “I can see my little sister has become the perfect handmaiden, including sharing nothing about her personal life.”</p><p>Alayna blinked. <em>Sister? In the service of Naboo?</em></p><p>Leeka huffed. “Can you please let me do things my own way for once?”</p><p>H’lyn lifted placating hands. “Please, do go on. Pretend I don’t exist.” Her tone shaded with a hint of pique. “I’m used to it.”</p><p>“That’s never been true for me and you know it.”</p><p>Eyes the same shade as Leeka’s softened. “I know.”</p><p>Alayna absently sipped her drink as she watched the exchange and then tried not to choke as it burned down her throat. <em>What is this stuff? I like it.</em> Recovering her voice, she interjected, “So, this is your sister?”</p><p>Leeka switched attention to her with a grimace. “Yes, my lady. That is what I was trying to tell you prior to us being interrupted. This is my eldest sister H’lyn—now Habé—first handmaiden to Queen Padmé of Naboo.”</p><p>She lifted eyebrows. “The black sheep of the family, I take it?”</p><p>Both women stared.</p><p>Alayna grinned. “Leeka’s family legacy is legend in Mirial. I can’t imagine any daughter of it pledging allegiance to another realm going over well.”</p><p>H’lyn grunted. “That’s one way to put it. I believe my mother still speaks of me as if I’m dead.”</p><p>Leeka glared at her. “That is also not true. You are so dramatic.”</p><p>“Runs in the family, sister mine.” Turning to Alayna, she continued, “It is an honor to meet you, Highness. I hear good of you from a multitude of sources. Of course, choosing my sister as your first tells me much more. Not many royals would break religious levels of tradition to have a very inexperienced, totally inappropriate…” She winked at Leeka. “... if brilliant handmaiden.”</p><p>The girl groaned. “Are you quite done?”</p><p>Alayna couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I wasn’t the only rebel involved. Apparently, Leeka takes after her sister in non-traditional approaches. Accepting the job didn’t exactly endear her to anyone but me. I believe even your mother took a dim view of the situation. I thought for sure I’d have her on my side, but alas.”</p><p>“Hmm, I’m willing to bet our mother recovered from the egregious violation in short order,” H’lyn replied wryly. “I guarantee there is an embossed picture of her new favorite daughter, first handmaiden to the future Empress of Mirial, hanging on every wall of the house by now. Probably a few of you, as well. Still, I must admit a certain level of pride in my sister’s gumption.”</p><p>Leeka’s mouth curved up. “As you should.”</p><p>She chuckled. “Well, I shall take my leave. You came here for rest not a family reunion, I presume. It was a pleasure, your highness.”</p><p>Moving forward, Alayna squeezed her arm. “And for me, H’lyn. I hope you will visit us on your own at a future date. I'm certain Leeka would enjoy someone to talk to besides me. I'll be happy to arrange guest quarters, so there is no inconvenience to your family. Do come, if you are able.”</p><p>Her eyes widened. Then, she smiled warmly. “That is extremely kind, my lady. Thank you. Keep my little sister on her toes.” Crossing to Leeka, she rubbed her cheek. “Be good to this one, my tiny rebel. She’s a keeper.”</p><p>Leeka cocked an eyebrow. “I know.”</p><p>H’lyn snorted and kissed her forehead. Bowing to Alayna, she let herself out.</p><p>“Sister, huh?” Alayna examined her new favorite beverage with an airy expression. “I have so many questions.”</p><p>Her handmaiden sighed. “I know that too.”</p><p>_______</p><p>
  <em>“Anyway, you were right all along. I should have listened to you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anakin’s piercing blue eyes gazed at her through the electrified bars of his cell. “Actually, I don’t think I was.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka stared and then crossed her arms. “Let me get this straight. You told me my relationship with Barriss would eventually end badly. That our worlds and priorities weren’t compatible. She would never choose me over her duty. All of that has proven to be true. And now you say the opposite?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her brother grimaced. “I said that after my own experience had left me hurt and bitter. Thank Ashla you didn’t listen. Because you both persevered, overcame every obstacle, and were very happy for years. Now, you’re ready to throw it all away? Sure, it’s possible you’ve finally hit what may be an impossible barrier. I don’t know. That doesn’t negate what you shared or mean it has to be over forever.”</em>
</p><p><em>“She’s the one who threw us away,” Ahsoka snapped. “It </em>is <em> over.”</em></p><p>
  <em>His eyebrows lifted. “If that’s true, why are you here? You could have sent a subordinate or bribed a guard to give me the cell code. Instead, you snuck in, risking both your life and the tribe’s freedom if you aren’t around to enact your plan. Why? To moan about losing the woman you love. Doesn’t sound over to me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka huffed. “She allied herself with the bloody Sith keeping you locked in this prison! Or, did you miss the part where I said she married his daughter?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shrugged. “Do you still love her?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears clawed at her throat. “Yes.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anakin moved closer to the bars. “Then, do something about it.” His voice thickened. “It took me years to realize the truth. I demanded something the woman I loved couldn’t give—to betray who she was. It tore us both apart. When I die, that will be my biggest regret. Don’t repeat my mistakes. Please, don’t let her go.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka looked away. “She’s let go of me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sighed. “I don't believe that’s true. But you clearly aren't ready to hear that yet. At least, will you think about my advice?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Blowing out a breath, she replied, “Let me focus on freeing the tribe first. One problem at a time.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fair enough.” His expression fluctuated. “Ahsoka, if I don’t make it out tomorrow, I want Padmé to have my Akul'ayt.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stiffened. “Don’t say things like that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s ok. I don’t mind dying, especially if it means the tribe lives. I just need her to know, despite everything, I never truly gave her up.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka swallowed, unable to stop the tears this time. “Please, don’t leave me. I can’t lose you too.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anakin smiled softly. “Be brave, Snips. We can’t lose that which is a part of us. No matter what tomorrow brings, remember who you are.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She gazed at him and then whispered, “I’ll try.”</em>
</p><p>The memory faded along with her brother, and Ahsoka stared across the desolate mountains as her heart cried.</p><p>Feet crunched behind her, but she didn’t turn around.</p><p>“General,” Rex clipped, “my mission was successful. The queen asked me to convey her heartfelt gratitude and deepest condolences.”</p><p>“Thank you, Captain,” she responded hoarsely.</p><p>His voice lowered. “Her majesty also requested you remember what was can still be. You’re not alone.”</p><p>Her eyelids shuttered. <em>But I am.</em> Grief, defeat, and rage ripped through her soul like a violent tempest. Then, everything inside of her hardened. <em>No more. I'm sorry, Anakin, but who I am isn't good enough. It’s time to become someone else. Someone who won't fail.</em></p><p>Ahsoka’s jaw set as she flipped her eyes open and pivoted around. “What was can never be again. There is only what is and what we do about it. I won’t let it happen to anyone else. If it costs everything left of my soul, I swear Alaa will be destroyed. Are you with me, Rex?”</p><p>The man snapped to attention. “To the end, General.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is a transitional chapter, setting up the dynamics and character positions for the next phase of the story. Not always the most exciting, but I'm hoping it kept your interest as there is quite a bit going on. I believe I enjoyed writing Leeka's pieces most of all. Weaving character traits as well as her family's dynamic into this chapter was fun. H'lyn is also an intriguing character to me, who has her own story that might be fun to write.</p><p>Of course, there's a good deal of exposition. Some is world/character building but a chunk is simply relating events. Writing 1-2 chapters showing Ahsoka plotting &amp; acting wasn't required for the story I'm trying to tell. However, I did need something to convey Ahsoka's mindset at this point. So, I tried to deliver that through memory/flashback and exposition combo. Hopefully, it worked! Guess you'll have to tell me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Purpose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alayna discovers new dilemmas on her journey, Ahsoka decides who she is now, and Barriss soldiers down her chosen path. Single-minded purpose comes with challenges.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>3 years later…</strong>
</p><p>“It appears the insurgents have done serious damage to the ore processing plant on Coruscant’s southern border. However, the operation cost them dearly. I have reports of fifty to sixty casualties.”</p><p>Barriss gave her shattered heart a single moment. <em>Oh, Ahsoka. So much death. Is all of this making you happy?</em> Regaining her countenance, she turned from the study window to look at her spy chief. “What is your analysis of the impact to Mirial?”</p><p>Haaj pursed his lips. “The single action is negligible. We import little ore from Coruscant. However, the overall situation is growing in scale. It will soon endanger our stability. There are reports that Coruscant citizens are now replenishing Lady Tano's decimated ranks. If true, this is becoming a full-fledged rebellion. In any case, it is clear she has no intention of stopping, until toppling the king. Perhaps, not even then. Her tactics have blurred from surgical strikes into wanton destruction over the last several months.”</p><p>Barriss stiffened. “I do not believe she will focus her wrath on us.”</p><p>The Twi’lek shrugged. “You know best, Eminence. It is merely that I have never witnessed a terrorist leader stop raging after achieving their stated goal. Be that as it may, the escalating violence will eventually spur King Alaa to take extreme action. No matter what manner he exercises his full measure of power, it is unlikely to benefit Mirial.”</p><p>“True. Do you believe he will request our assistance, forcing us into an unwanted conflict that consumes our resources? Or, put it down himself, resulting in refugees and economic instability in the region?”</p><p>“Hard to say. I do not have enough data at present. He remains publicly dismissive of the threat and has committed minimal forces to combating it. His current directive is that the magistrates should handle any rebellious activity at a local level. Privately, Alaa has deployed his acolytes to root out the insurgent strongholds by any means necessary. They have been largely unsuccessful thus far. Without devoting extensive military resources to the task, I doubt that will change. That is something he appears unwilling to do. After three years of this situation, one would think he’d be tired of hearing his nobles whine about it.”</p><p>Barriss grunted. “Not if it doesn’t directly harm his goals. He has plans that are more important than, as his propaganda claims, ‘savages playing with explosives’. Pulling assets away from other operations could break his carefully constructed web.”</p><p>Alayna cleared her throat and finally spoke. “Besides, mobilizing the army would mean acknowledging Ahsoka as a valid threat to his power. My father would see that as weakness. And, honestly, so would his generals. Fear not loyalty keeps them in line. Any chink in his power base may tempt one or more to make a play. Then, he would be fighting multiple fronts.”</p><p>He raised an eyebrow. “If your assessment is correct, I would expect his current policy to continue, until Lady Tano pushes him too far. Perhaps, with a major strike against his shipyards or the capital. Too close to home will force him to take decisive action for both practical and political reasons.”</p><p>The intense green unfocused. “I suspect he will come to us, rather than handling it himself.”</p><p>His lekku twitched. “Why?”</p><p>Alayna’s jaw set. “Because my father never risks his own interests, when he can use others—even if it results in a short-term loss. He’d also get twisted enjoyment from forcing the Empress to…” Her gaze flicked to Barriss and back. “... participate in something that goes against her values.”</p><p>“Fascinating.” Haaj tapped a finger on his chin. “I believe there is an element of timing, as well. Calling on our alliance is not a smart move, if he wants us to remain disengaged from his other efforts. Thus far, Alaa has tried to weaken our position by manipulating external allies and resources. That has been mostly ineffective due to our countermeasures and anticipatory preparations. However, he’s made no moves toward a direct approach. He clearly believes pulling us into his web, before it is fully constructed, puts him at a disadvantage. How long that will last is difficult to predict. We can only maintain this stalemate for so long. Eventually, he will create more threads than we can break.”</p><p>“Yes,” Barriss agreed. “Alaa will not request help, until he has all his pieces in place.”</p><p>The young woman frowned. “Then, perhaps, we should speed up the process on our timetable.”</p><p>Haaj gave her an impressed nod. “You are becoming quite adept at strategic thinking, your highness.”</p><p>Barriss smiled. “Indeed.” Picking up a pad, she handed it to Alayna. “Haaj and I have already been analyzing potential options for a final solution, now that your father has revealed his hand.”</p><p>Alayna grinned and scanned over the information. “Why am I not surprised?”</p><p>The spy chief added, “Of course, our planning may be for naught, if something unexpected happens. Should Alaa discover the main rebel stronghold or Lady Tano ramp up her operations, events may become less predictable. We will need to adapt on the fly.”</p><p>Massaging her temples, Barriss returned to the window. “War has become inevitable. It is simply a matter of whether it occurs on our terms or our opponents. Mirial, Coruscant, Togruta, Chitar, and perhaps the entire world, hang in the balance. Not all of us can triumph.” Her voice hardened. “If it costs everything I have left to give, I intend to ensure we are the ones to finish it.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“What exactly are you trying to say, Elder?”</p><p>Gliding across the rocky outcropping, the older Togruta laid a hand on her shoulder. “A Chieftain’s duty is to preserve the identity and continuation of her people. Not to conduct a guerrilla campaign against those who have wronged us.”</p><p>Ahsoka stiffened. “You think if we just walk away, Alaa will leave us to go about our lives in peace? That he won’t continue his quest for power? It’ll happen again and again. One day, no realm may provide safe harbor for anyone.”</p><p>She sighed. “I’m saying it doesn’t matter. We’ve always had those who would see us vanish. But we survived. Not only that, we thrived. That is no longer true. The experienced are passing from this life and onto Ashla’s reward. The ablest in the next generation are perishing everyday in a battle that may be worthy but is not who we are. The young are forgetting our very essence. There are so few of us left. If we continue down this path, the Togruta will cease to exist. When that happens, what are we fighting for?”</p><p>Shrugging her off, Ahsoka turned to look out across the Agit mountain range. Folding arms over her chest, she rasped, “I can’t give up, Shaak. I have to make it all mean something.”</p><p>A gentle voice responded, “Then, don’t let us die. It’s time to let the past go and build a new future, Chieftain.”</p><p>As the woman’s quiet footsteps retreated, Ahsoka continued to stare at the fading sun on the horizon.</p><p>_______</p><p>Attempting to gain a few moments of recovery time for her throbbing muscles, Alayna stalled with a grin. “Afraid today is the day I will finally whip you into submission, Commander?”</p><p>Her eyes glinted as she shifted into an attack position. “You’re welcome to try, Highness.”</p><p>Digging her pike into the floor, Alayna used it to launch herself over the woman’s head. Spinning immediately into a roundhouse, she sent her training commander sailing across the sparring area. Realizing she’d misjudged the force of her strike and was too far away for an effective follow-up, Alayna changed tactics and hastened into a flying kick. It was a mistake.</p><p>The blunt end of a pike knocked her out of the air. Then, her opponent flipped into a half rotation and pinned Alayna to the mat. A lock of hair tinted with fire and lilac fell across a triumphant eyebrow as Commander Wren looked down at her. “Today is not that day, apparently.”</p><p>Her body shot into instant awareness of the one straddling hers, and Alayna gazed up at the woman she could only describe as intoxicating. Sweat glistened on tan skin. The corded neck muscles strained as they fed the strong arms that held her in place. Eyes like autumn leaves fighting valiantly against their fate shined in exaltation. “There’s always tomorrow,” Alayna murmured.</p><p>She licked her lips, before asking breathily, “Does that mean you concede?”</p><p><em>Get yourself together. This is a very bad idea.</em> Focusing amid her body’s demanding haze, Alayna worked to keep the quivering heat from erupting into an inferno. Then, she cleared her throat. “Looks like it.”</p><p>Her commander continued staring for a few seconds and then seemed to shake herself. Jumping up, she offered a hand. “You have truly become a master warrior, my lady.”</p><p>Alayna ignored her fluttering stomach as her fingers gripped the other woman’s. “There’s no need to sugarcoat it.”</p><p>“I’m not doing anything of the sort. If you hadn’t overplayed your kick, I wouldn’t have had time to recover.”</p><p>Picking up her pike, she frowned. “I still lost, Commander.”</p><p>Moving closer, she laid a hand on her arm. “For now. A year ago, you wouldn’t have been able to adapt to my offensive, much less turn it into a near victory. You’ll soon surpass anything I have left to teach you.”</p><p>Alayna’s eyes flicked to the hand and then back up to the person it belonged to as her heartrate skyrocketed once more.</p><p>The woman flinched and jerked away. “Apologies, your highness. I did not mean to take an inappropriate liberty.”</p><p>“No!” Mentally cringing, she continued in a calmer tone, “It’s alright. I am glad you think I've improved.”</p><p>A wary gaze scanned her face and then reverted to an impassive military stare. “Would you like to keep our standing session for next week or will you be occupied with preparations for your annual tour of the realm?”</p><p>“Oh. Yes, I suppose we may need to reschedule.” Alayna curled and uncurled her fingers. “I’ll ask R’alo to consult you on a new time. Hopefully, we can fit it in. I’d like to relax a bit prior to the flurry commencing.”</p><p>Her commander saluted. “Very good, my lady.”</p><p>Producing a bright smile, she handed her pike to the woman. “I look forward to it.”</p><p>There was a respectful nod in response.</p><p>Alayna evaluated the unreadable face, uncertain whether to address the lingering awkwardness. <em>Leave it alone.</em> Returning the nod, she left the sparring area.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna hadn’t made it five steps into her chambers before Leeka appeared with a robe in hand. “How do you always know when I’m arriving?”</p><p>An eyebrow arched. “I’m your first handmaiden.”</p><p>She snorted and walked into the dressing room, Leeka in tow. “Why did I even ask?”</p><p>Unfastening the back of her training jumper, the woman replied, “Good question, my lady.”</p><p>Alayna couldn’t help another snort. “How was your morning?”</p><p>“Frustrating. I spent most of it arguing with the royal dressmaker about your new consignment of gowns. She seems to be of the opinion copious amounts of pleats are in style.”</p><p>“Oh my. We need to get you a beau to lavish your attention upon, if you’re spending two hours a day ensuring my pleats aren’t too plentiful.”</p><p>There was a short hiss. “You know very well you hate them.”</p><p>Sliding arms into the offered robe, Alayna turned around. “Yes, but not enough for you to squander your little free time protecting me from them. You already commit nearly every waking hour to my needs.”</p><p>Leeka stiffened. “I take as much pride in my work as you do in yours.”</p><p>She winced. “And I appreciate it. You treat me far better than I deserve.” Raising her hand to stop the objection, Alayna groaned. “Yes, yes. It’s impossible, I know.” She pressed on, “I only am worried your total dedication to my every whim is preventing you from enjoying your own life. I do have two other handmaidens. Can’t you let them handle some of these things?”</p><p>Her nose wrinkled. “The last time I let Melita and Lutte take care of you on their own, you were late to a state banquet in a ridiculous dress that made you look like a sun goddess come down from on high.”</p><p>Alayna burst into laughter. “Ah, yes. That was a most unfortunate choice. Still, I survived the evening with no lasting effects.”</p><p>Leeka looked away. “You deserve better than survival. Besides, when you’re drawing too much attention to yourself, it makes you nervy.”</p><p>She cocked her head. “Is that right? Perhaps, you should teach them how to manage me more effectively.”</p><p>The young woman crossed her arms with a harrumph. “Really, miss. It’s nothing of the sort. They simply don’t understand you.”</p><p>“But you do,” she murmured. “You always have.”</p><p>Her gaze returned to Alayna. “Yes. So, please let me do my job.”</p><p>Admitting defeat, she said, “Alright, you win. Will you at least try, though? To do something for yourself alone every once in a while?”</p><p>Leeka sighed. “If it will make you happy, my lady.”</p><p>“It will.” She took the woman’s hand. “I want my partner to be happy too.”</p><p>Umber eyes met hers and then lowered. “Perhaps, I am.”</p><p>Alayna tightened her grip. “Not happy enough. Not since your mother passed. I understand you, as well.”</p><p>Her head lifted with a faint smile. “You always have.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Uh huh. Tell me again about this spiritual experience?”</p><p>There was a groan. “Don’t shove words in my mouth, Jax. I’m just sayin’ this Moku must have been somethin’ special.”</p><p>Ahsoka halted mid-step and spun around to the group of guffawing soldiers. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Tup rubbed the back of his neck. “Nothin’ important, General.”</p><p>Grey elbowed him. “Now, now. Don’t be shy. Tell the general all about your mystical encounter.”</p><p>Resisting the urge to tap her foot, Ahsoka stated, “Yes. Do.”</p><p>The man sighed. “It’s that grave, ma’am. I’m on perimeter duty every dawn. And yesterday, there was this tooka cat laid out on it like none I’ve ever seen. Bright white and gazin’ at the sunrise. I glanced away for maybe a couple of seconds and when I looked back, it was gone. I don’t understand where the bugger went. There’s no way to get off that ledge, ‘cept past me.” He glowered at his fellow soldiers. “It happened, ok?”</p><p>Gregor burst into an off-kilter chuckle. “Hey, hey! I believe ya. I’ve seen some crazy things in these mountains.”</p><p>Grey grunted. “I bet you have.”</p><p>Ahsoka crushed fingers into her thighs. “What grave?”</p><p>They all gaped and then Jax exclaimed, “The one at the east end of camp on that tiny bluff. It’s all done up with ivy and a polished stone inscribed to Moku. Someone put alot of effort into making it nice. Which is crazy. It’s out in the middle of nowhere.”</p><p>“That’s not the strangest part, though,” Tup chimed in. “The grave’s really small, like it’s a child or somethin’. I mean who would bury their kid here and what happened to them? And who tends it? They couldn't take the body back to wherever but can return to take care of it? There’s a story there, I’m tellin’ ya.”</p><p>Grey remarked drolly, “Maybe the cat handles it.”</p><p>Tup glared. “I saw it, ok?” Then, his expression turned thoughtful. “What if it’s a cat buried there? Right size. Who tends the grave of a cat, though? And why’s it here?”</p><p>Ahsoka murmured, “Maybe someone who loved their cat very much and thought this Moku would enjoy basking in the sunrise over the mountains…”</p><p>A host of eyebrows shot up. Returning to the present, she continued, “Alright. Enough chitchat about ghostly felines, boys. Back to work.”</p><p>There were responding grumbles as they headed out to their various positions. Ahsoka licked her lips and then slowly walked toward the east end of camp. Reaching the bluff, she spotted Moku’s resting place and immediately understood her soldiers’ fascination.</p><p>It was truly beautiful. Deep green ivy twined around the headstone and stretched over smoothed rocks making up the grave. The contrast against the dull gray terrain it sat on was remarkable. An elegant inscription read, ‘Grief is the price we pay for love. Moku deserved every tear.’</p><p>How it was thriving in this wilderness, she had no idea. Barriss must have returned periodically over the years to keep it flourishing. <em>You never brought me here in all that time?</em> The thought made her flinch. Looking down at her hands, she muttered, “You loved the damned cat enough to risk everything but gave me up without a second thought?”</p><p>There was a loud hiss. Her head snapped up. A pure white Tooka cat lounged on top of the mound of rocks. Fierce amber eyes slitted and fixed on her.</p><p>Ahsoka’s jaw dropped. “No way.” She inched closer. The creature watched her movements but remained in place. Sidling up to the grave, she crouched beside it and lifted out a trembling hand.</p><p>A sharp gaze assessed her. Then, the cat rose and stretched its limbs. Eyeing her for a few more seconds, it deigned to approach and rubbed against the tips of her fingers.</p><p>Her breath hung in constricting lungs. Twisting her fingers under its chin, she heard a pleased rumble. A grin formed as Ahsoka ran fingers through the silky fur. Hunkering down, she petted the cat for what felt like an eternity. Tears she couldn’t stop came and went as the sun lowered on the horizon.</p><p>Finally, there was a soft purr and the animal left her touch. Wandering to a crack in the rockface, it gazed back at her.</p><p>Her throat burned as she rasped, “Thanks for the company, my friend.”</p><p>A cheshire smile upturned its face. Then, the cat vanished into the rock.</p><p>Ahsoka started. Hopping up, she examined the narrow crack. “Now, how did you fit through there?” A small voice inside of her whispered a crazy answer.</p><p>Slumping against the rocky mountain side, the woman stared at the setting sun and floated through images of the past. “Duty to who you are is just as important as duty to the whole. But who is Ahsoka Tano anymore?”</p><p><em>Not who you were.</em> As the light left the sky, she rose. “It's time for the cycle to start anew, Chieftain. The past is done. And the future isn’t yours to build.”</p><p>Halting next to the grave, Ahsoka cleared a stray piece of ivy from the inscription. Swallowing fresh tears, she allowed her shattered heart a single moment. “Barriss, I never—I miss you so much. I'm not sure who I was can ever come again. Yet, you remain. Always there.” She trailed fingers over the stone. “Maybe one day you'll explain how you did it. Because I still can't let you go.”</p><p>Pushing the pain deeper into her soul, she let herself harden once more. Nothing else mattered now. She had a single purpose. And Ahsoka Tano would fulfill it.</p><p>_______</p><p>“What’s wrong, my dear?”</p><p>Alayna rolled over in the bed. “How do you always know?”</p><p>Barriss reached out and rubbed her cheek. “Maybe I see too much of myself.”</p><p>She smiled. “I hope that’s true.”</p><p>“And I hope it’s not,” Barriss murmured. “Now, what’s bothering you?”</p><p>“I think I’m—you know how we discussed the possibility I might one day find someone I wanted in a romantic way?”</p><p>Her eyebrows shot up. “Are you saying you have?”</p><p>Shifting onto her back, Alayna blew out a long breath. “There is someone that… well, she’s important to me. I know you said I could explore those types of relationships as long as I did so in an appropriate manner. That’s the problem. I’m not sure it is in this case. Plus, it will only distract me from my duty and probably lead to unhappiness for everyone involved. It’s a foolish desire on every level.” Her chest compressed. “But I can’t seem to make it stop. And I have no idea what to do about it.”</p><p>A concerned face appeared above hers. “What do you <em>want</em> to do about it?”</p><p>Alayna closed her eyes and whispered, “I want… her.”</p><p>Gentle fingers stroked her face. “Tell me.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Ahsoka took a deep breath and met his eyes. “It’s time, Kanan. Time for you to become what you were meant to be.”</p><p>The man stared. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”</p><p>She gave him a wan smile. “If that includes me presenting you as the new Chieftain, then yes.”</p><p>Kanan slowly blinked. “Well, alright then.” His eyebrows knitted. “Why now?”</p><p>“Why not? You have mastered all the areas of enlightenment and shown yourself to be an adept leader with the best interests of our people at heart. You are ready. It is time for me to retire and let Ashla start her cycle anew.”</p><p>He hesitated. “You understand what this will mean. If I am Chieftain, I won’t…” His Adam's apple bobbed.</p><p>Stepping forward, she gripped his shoulders. “That is why it should be you. I have a new purpose now. And, as you have argued many times, the tribe did not choose it. You will rebuild what was lost. I will stay here and ensure you are free to do so.”</p><p>The clouded teal eyes cleared into shining relief, and he bowed. “I swear I won’t fail you or our people’s faith in me.”</p><p>She smiled softly. “I know.” Walking over to the table, Ahsoka traced the carvings in her saber staff one last time. <em>Another goodbye.</em> Picking it up, she turned back to him. “The council has already approved your designation. I will gather the tribe at dusk for the official presentation and vote. It is possible some may wish to stay and fight. I will encourage them to consider the tribe’s needs in their decision, but…”</p><p>“It will be their choice,” he finished with a firm tone. “Only they can decide their purpose. By staying with you, they would still be protecting the tribe from its greatest enemy.”</p><p>Ahsoka nodded. “Good.”</p><p>The man paused, muscles tensing. “I would like to invite all that wish to live our way to accompany us. It will benefit our continuation, of course. More importantly, many of the refugees have families. Some of our new recruits are only here because they had nowhere else to go. Even a few of your former soldiers may be tired of constant battle. We should give them a chance at a new life, if they choose to take it.”</p><p>She tapped fingers against her thigh for a few moments and then sighed. “Agreed.”</p><p>Kanan’s mouth parted. “No arguments? It could put a sizable dent in your forces.”</p><p>“We will have enough to maintain our efforts, albeit on a smaller scale. More of Coruscant’s downtrodden desire freedom. If they want it enough, they will fight for it. Besides, what good is any of this if we can’t provide hope to those most in need of it?”</p><p>His face relaxed into a grin. “You’re being too reasonable today. I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed. “True. You better take everyone and run, before reality sets in.” Twirling around the saber, she presented it to him. “This belongs with the new master of the hunt.”</p><p>Kanan gripped the saber and gazed down at it. “No.” Lifting his head, he put the weapon back into her hands. “It belongs with the person responsible for our freedom and continued protection. That is its purpose now. When you have completed yours, it will return to us to start anew.”</p><p>She stared and then swallowed a painful lump in her throat. “Thank you. It will be used in service of the tribe always. I won’t fail you or our people.” <em>Not this time.</em></p><p>He smiled softly. “I know.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Our major time jump is complete--assuming you consider 3 years as meeting that definition. Let's see... </p><p>Years of uphill fighting has obviously taken a toll on the Togruta. Ahsoka's motivations here are a bit murky. Does she believe the reasons she gives Shaak? Or is she freeing herself from additional responsibility, in order to dedicate her entire being to destroying Alaa? Making up for her perceived failure to prevent this in the first place? Needs to turn losing everything into a higher purpose? Sacrificing for the tribe's greater good? Or is revenge slowly consuming her? Perhaps, she's simply running away from the pain. Up for interpretation, since even Ahsoka doesn't seem to know the answer.</p><p>Barriss is unwavering in her course at this point. On the other hand, a mostly matured &amp; adept Alayna is now confronting issues not unfamiliar to Barriss. I imagine Alayna dedicated the last 3 years to becoming the best future empress ever seen with fervent tunnel vision. As Barriss once advised her, 'the rest can come later'. Well, apparently, later has arrived. Poor girl.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Price</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alaa pulls off a daring move in his high-stakes game. Will the other players cut their losses or double down?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss gazed out her study window as tears trailed down her face. “I appreciate you delivering the news personally, Haaj.”</p><p>There was silence for several seconds and then a throat cleared. “I am sorry to bring such sad tidings, Eminence. I know you were close.”</p><p>“Yes,” she answered blankly. “We learned life’s lessons together—its joy and its pain.” Her mind wandered through the past, when everything seemed so much brighter. “She was the last. There were more of us once. Full of hope and resolve. We pledged to create a better world than the one we inherited. Our mission began nearly two decades ago. Now, they’ve all left me to finish it alone.”</p><p>“And you will.”</p><p>“I suppose I have no choice.” Shunting her grief behind a wall of pain bursting at its seams, she wiped her cheeks and turned around. “What’s the impact?”</p><p>“Serious.” He scowled. “I have no evidence, but we both know who is responsible. The planning and execution screams of Alaa’s handiwork. It must have taken years to find or train an agent with the required skill level and willingness to die, who also couldn’t be traced back to Coruscant. Not to mention the amount of deep intel and careful bribery needed to evade extensive security protocols. It was effort well spent for him. Without Naboo, Mirial’s position is weakened. And Queen Padmé was a critical player in our strategy.”</p><p>Barriss scrubbed a hand over her face. “Recommendation?”</p><p>“Prevent him from further capitalizing on his villainy. Alaa will attempt to put one of his puppets on the throne. Controlling Naboo provides him additional resources and potentially accelerates his timeline. Both of which we can’t afford to let happen.”</p><p>“Agreed. Fortunately, we have a strong position in Naboo. Let’s leverage that to ensure it goes our way.”</p><p>Haaj nodded. “I’ve already taken the liberty of deploying operatives prior to coming here. I believe the queen’s designated heir, Apailana, will suffice for our purposes. We’ll still need to reformulate our final phase. She does not have the same level of skill and weight to pull it off. Besides, using her doesn’t make sense. A new queen would be focused on securing her own power base, not courting non-aligned realms on our behalf or supporting a supposed invasion of Coruscant. Alaa will conclude it is a ploy, which is exactly what we <em>don’t</em> want.”</p><p>“Alright, we’ll deal with that issue after the immediate crisis is resolved. I imagine we will need a show of force to support the transition.”</p><p>“Yes, I recommend at least a battalion. I’ll ensure we are officially invited by the time they get there. Alaa will likely delay any overt moves to defray suspicion. If we arrive first, I suspect he won’t risk sending his own troops.”</p><p>Barriss grunted. “No, he doesn’t want a war before he’s ready to win it. Just in case, I will dispatch an official notice to Coruscant, claiming we’re acting on behalf of our alliance to ensure stability and protect our joint interests. Naboo is an ally of Mirial but not Coruscant. That makes it under our purview by default. If he sends forces after we've done so, it will violate the terms of our pact.”</p><p>He raised eyebrows. “A nice touch, Eminence. Shall I inform General Cody to mobilize and move out today?”</p><p>“Please, do. Give him all relevant details. Let’s reconvene in three hours and see where we stand.” Crossing to her desk, she wrote out the command on the specialized parchment reserved for royal orders and affixed her seal. Handing it off to her spy chief, she added, “Thank you for your diligence and rapid management of the situation. Also, would you be kind enough to ask Lim to come in as you depart?”</p><p>“Certainly.” Haaj paused at the door. “Again, my lady, I am sorry for your loss.” He vanished with a bow.</p><p>Barriss crushed palms into her desk. <em>Oh, Padmé. It won’t be in vain. I will finish this. I swear.</em></p><p>_______</p><p>Leeka curtsied and folded hands at her stomach. “Master Lim said you requested my presence, Eminence?”</p><p>She took a deep breath. “Yes. I have some distressing news. Would you like to have a seat?”</p><p>Her mouth parted. “No, thank you, my lady. Distressing news that concerns me?”</p><p>Moving in front of her, she went straight to the point. “This morning, during her annual address to the realm, Queen Padmé of Naboo was assassinated.”</p><p>Leeka’s eyes bulged and then anxiously searched hers.</p><p>“The assassin evaded security protocols by utilizing an ancient-style bow as his weapon. He then killed himself to avoid capture. His motivations are unverified at this point.” Keeping her voice even, Barriss continued, “Habé threw herself on top of the queen after the initial arrow strike and was hit by the incoming second shot. Sadly, the queen succumbed to her wound, which penetrated an artery. Her first handmaiden remains in critical condition with severe damage to both her spine and internal organs.”</p><p>She went rigid; palms pressed into her thighs. “Do they believe she will survive?”</p><p>“Unknown. We have only just received a first report of events. However, I wanted to share what we know so far.”</p><p>Her voice trembled. “Thank you.”</p><p>Barriss put a hand on her shoulder. “We are gathering additional details. In the meantime, I can arrange transport to Naboo. Do you wish your family to accompany you?”</p><p>Leeka slumped. “I’m not sure my duties will permit me to go immediately. The Empress Consort has an upcoming citizen’s gala I am coordinating.”</p><p>She pursed her lips. “Leeka, a gala is not as important as your sister. Her highness can do without you. I’m certain she’ll agree.”</p><p>The young woman cringed. “Of course, you’re right, my lady. I believe my brother, Stefyn, will wish to accompany me if he may.”</p><p>Barriss nodded. “Your brother serves in the royal stores, does he not? I will speak to the quartermaster and ensure he is granted leave.”</p><p>Her muscles relaxed. “That is very kind, Eminence.”</p><p>“What about your other sisters?”</p><p>Leeka shook her head. “Ilyian is on a tour of the realms with Lady Jamila. Raas is in confinement due to the imminent birth of her child. Besides, they probably wouldn’t—” Her jaw tightened. “I will inform them of the situation.”</p><p>She frowned. “You do not think they will want to see their sister? Even now?”</p><p>There was a brief hesitation. “I don’t know. H’lyn burned many bridges behind her, when she chose to serve Naboo. Since my mother passed, things have become further strained.” As if feeling a need to justify the situation, she rushed on, “H’lyn was the eldest and most talented, you see. She was the child everyone thought destined to carry the family legacy. Even though they reconciled prior to her death, my mother never quite—” Leeka looked down. “As the youngest, I didn't experience the same—It was difficult for my sisters, living first in the shadow of H’lyn's accomplishments and then in the aftermath of what they viewed as a betrayal that broke my mother’s heart.”</p><p>Barriss sighed. “I understand.” And she did. Choosing heart over duty brought consequences. Sometimes, they weren’t repairable. “Alright, I will make the necessary preparations. Can you be ready by early evening? It would be advisable to cross the moors prior to nightfall.”</p><p>She straightened. “Certainly, my lady.”</p><p>Squeezing her shoulder, Barriss said, “Keep faith. All will be well.”</p><p>Misty eyes blinked at her. “I hope so.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“I could take you myself. I have a royal chariot for a reason. Telir claims her upgrades make it faster than a hovercart with all the comfort of a ground vehicle.”</p><p>Leeka shook her head. “There’s no need, and you have responsibilities here. I’m sorry about the gala. I’ve briefed Melita and Lutte, including finalization of the agenda and your hosting duties. I instructed them to ensure they are always nearby to rescue you from overbearing court members, delusional suitors, and awe-struck citizenry. I’ve also emphasized the importance of keeping you on schedule.” She frowned. “They’d better follow my instructions to the letter. If not, you may need to—”</p><p>Alayna groaned. “Enough, Leeka. The gala is not what I care about.” Breaking off her pacing, she halted in front of her handmaiden. “What can I do to help?”</p><p>Her expression softened. “I promise I’ll be fine.”</p><p>She exhaled a long breath. “At least, update me after you arrive. Tell me if you need funds, transport, housing, specialists, or anything else that may arise. Whatever it is, I want to know about it.”</p><p>A faint smile touched her lips. “If you wish, my lady.”</p><p>Lifting a hand, Alayna brushed her cheek. “I do.”</p><p>Leeka gazed at her for a moment. Then, she jumped. “Wait! I nearly forgot.” She sped to the door and vanished down the hallway.</p><p>“Alright then,” she remarked to empty space. Alayna remained standing in the sitting room for a good two minutes. Hearing no return movement, she wandered to the corner altar and rearranged the incandescent candles surrounding the statue of Trikara. Drifting to the fireplace, the woman poked the logs. One broke apart in a whooshing deluge of embers. <em>Oops.</em> Cascading fingernails on the mantle, she yelled, “Leeka, this better not have something to do with the gala!”</p><p>There was a warbling, unintelligible response from Force knew where in her cavernous chambers.</p><p>Blowing a rogue piece of hair out of her eye, she noticed an askew cushion on the settee. Handling that travesty, the woman sat down. Her foot tapped the thick rug underneath it as she fidgeted with the silver piping on her dress sleeves. Hopping up, Alayna returned to the center of the room. “I’m going over the edge in here! If you don’t come back soon, I’ll start experimenting with your meticulous furniture arrangement!”</p><p>A few seconds later, her handmaiden skidded into view. “Sorry, my lady,” she panted. “I ran into a minor issue in the storage room.” Copper strands of hair flew in all directions. A bottom edge of her robe had inexplicably gotten twisted into the sleeve of the opposite side, while the arm that belonged there was not to be found. Presumably, it was somewhere in the mess of fabric. Thick dust obscured the cinnamon-shaded hem of her pants. The once ivory color of her shirt now had a dingy hue. A button was missing and the one above it gaped open. To top it off, a sticky, black substance streaked her left cheek.</p><p>Alayna’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly, before she exclaimed, “Do we keep a pet rathtar in the storage room?!”</p><p>Her expression pinched. “We might as well. Lutte apparently put away the winter clothing in the wrong area, blocking my path and making a quarter of the space inaccessible. Really! I even made her a detailed grid of my layout to follow. How hard can it be?”</p><p>The corners of her mouth curved upward. Moving to Leeka, she buttoned her shirt. “Perhaps, if your grid wasn’t eighteen pages with a separate chart to translate the color codes and another to cross-reference each type of clothing, you might not look like you lost a wrestling match with an entire tribe of Wookiees.”</p><p>Leeka squinted at her, but her lips twitched. “That’s no excuse.”</p><p>Alayna laughed. “So, are you going to tell me what required such drama in the first place?”</p><p>“Oh!” She dug into her voluminous cloak with no success. Hissing, the woman struggled to untangle herself.</p><p>“Stop, stop, stop,” Alayna half-commanded and half-giggled. Grabbing a dangling sleeve, she pulled Leeka’s elbow out of it. Turning her around, she worked the rest free. “There.”</p><p>Flashing a diffident grin, Leeka took the mangled cloak from her. “Thanks.” Unknotting a bulky wad, she presented a small parcel wrapped in dark green cloth and secured by a twine string. “This is for you.”</p><p>She blinked. “Me?”</p><p>The woman sent her eyes skyward. “Yes.” Her voice lowered. “Your doublet is next week. The dawning of a new decade in a person’s life should be commemorated. Since I won’t be here, I wanted to make sure it happened.”</p><p>Taking the package, Alayna curled fingers around it. “You didn’t have to get me something.”</p><p>“I didn’t,” she replied impishly. “I made you something.”</p><p>Her throat thickened. “No one has ever made me a present. Well, for that matter, only the Empress has given me any.”</p><p>A mischievous gleam flickered. “I beg to differ. I receive and catalog tributes to her Imperial Highness on a regular basis.”</p><p>“Oh, please. Pretentious and often downright absurd tokens from fanciful admirers do <em>not</em> count.”</p><p>One side of her mouth quirked. “Not even the sparkly statuette last month? Sir Saxon sculpted it himself, I’m informed. Apparently, his lordship required multiple attempts to get the curve of your ankles just right.”</p><p>Alayna stared. “You’re not serious.”</p><p>“Quite.” She cleared her throat. “In any case, my tribute doesn’t approach that scale. So, temper your expectations.”</p><p>“Too late. It’s from you.” Glancing down at her gift, a silly grin crept onto her face. “Can I open it now?”</p><p>Leeka returned the grin. “You better.”</p><p>Resisting the urge to giggle again, Alayna ripped off the string and pulled away the covering. A creamy blanket appeared. “Oh, Leeka. You knitted this?”</p><p>“Yes. It’s lamb’s wool. Very simple, but I thought you'd like it that way. Finding a high quality one in a shop that doesn’t have ridiculous designs, artificial smoothers, metal loops, or other frills proved an impossible task.” Leeka added quietly, “It felt more fitting for you with the natural beauty intact.”</p><p>Tossing away the trimmings, she unfurled the gift and rolled an end between her fingers. The rough purity and textured threads were blissfully different from the silky thin, overstitched fabric ubiquitous in the palace. No lavish designs or golden inlays cluttered the surface. It simply was what it was. <em>She knows me so well.</em></p><p>“If it’s too plain,” her handmaiden put in, “I can embellish it or whatever you prefer.”</p><p>She lifted her gaze to Leeka’s. “Don’t you do any such thing. It is <em>perfect.</em>” Wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, she blinked back tears. “Thank you.”</p><p>Soft eyes ran over her. “Happy Twentieth, my lady.”</p><p>Alayna swallowed the burning knot in her throat. “You are far too good to me.”</p><p>Leeka cocked an eyebrow. “Do I have to explain why that’s not possible yet again?”</p><p>Choking out a laugh, Alayna reached up. Tucking wispy copper strands back into Leeka’s bun, she murmured, “Well, you’re still much more than that, partner.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Ahsoka clenched fists with so much force pain ricocheted up to her neck. <em>No. Please, no.</em> “Is this confirmed?”</p><p>Hera grimaced. “I’m sorry, Ahsoka. My contact in Mirial reported it first. They’ve constructed an impressive intelligence network over the last year and often know things within hours. I obtained the details by sending an operative to Naboo. Of additional note, it appears Empress Barriss has dispatched an entire battalion to aid the transition. She probably suspects Alaa will make a play there.”</p><p>Her battered soul heaved at the haunting name. “Yes. They know, as we do, that he’s behind this.” She bit out a short laugh. “Hasn’t stopped them from maintaining their alliance, though.”</p><p>The Twi’lek pursed her lips. “True, but I now suspect there is more going on than survival or indifference for Mirial. Their moves of late suggest they’re planning something larger. What is unknown. Either way, it’s a change to their typical pattern of inaction where Coruscant is concerned. They aren’t sitting this one out.”</p><p><em>Does it matter? The monster should be slain by now. You’ve failed once again, and Padmé paid the price.</em> Her raging mind stilled into cold resolve. “Well, for today we have the same goal. Let’s help their cause with a diversion of his forces. Can you find Rex? I’m in the mood to blow something up. Or, alot of things up.”</p><p>There was a grim smile. “Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>As Hera left her tent, Ahsoka sagged against the power generator. “Damn you, Alaa. I swear you will pay. Whatever it costs, I <em>will</em> finish this.”</p><p>_______</p><p>The courier saluted and exited Alayna’s study. <em>About time.</em> Bouncing onto the settee and wrapping her new blanket around her, she loaded Leeka’s message on a pad.</p><p>
  <em>Your Highness,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I apologize for the delay in writing. Things have been quite hectic here. I am pleased to report H’lyn is out of danger. Though, there is a long way to go. They believe she will regain at least partial mobility after neurotherapy. So, the prognosis is better than we first thought. I wish I could say the same about her spirits. Hopefully, time and activity will help. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The entire realm is still in mourning. Despite the somber atmosphere, their perseverance and determination to carry on is admirable. Yesterday evening, we attended a silent memorial to honor Queen Padmé outside of the palace. The crowd was so large, it resulted in some unfortunate accidents as people jostled each other for space. The newly crowned Queen Apailana ordered the gates be opened to allow use of the expansive inner courtyard. Once everyone was settled, the ceremony itself was quite moving. A thousand people mourning together in silence as a memorial fire blazed to life on a palace veranda was unlike anything I’ve experienced.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every need is met, so do not worry. The medical care is excellent and H’lyn’s fellow handmaidens rotate to ensure she is never alone. Queen Apailana has been extremely kind and is providing our room and board. We are quartered at a very nice inn near the healing center. If you are willing to do without me a little longer, I would like to stay another week to make certain H’lyn is on the road to recovery.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope things are going well at home. Oh, tell Melita to air out your gala dress for exactly twelve hours. If they leave it too long, the fabric gets stiff and makes you fidget. Again, please convey my gratitude to the Empress for the transport and Stefyn’s leave. He has been very helpful in keeping our little nephew entertained. I think it eases my sister’s mind to know her child is taken care of. Stefyn’s also become quite popular with the other handmaidens, which amuses H’lyn and myself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alright, I shall take my leave now but will update you again soon. H’lyn sends her regards. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leeka</em>
</p><p>Alayna immediately wrote her reply.</p><p>
  <em>Hello partner,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m thrilled to hear from you! This is wonderful news about H’lyn. I am so relieved. I’m also pleased you have support there. Are you sure you don’t need anything, though? You would tell me, right? Please, let me help. I’m serious. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It must be difficult to lose such a well-loved ruler. The Empress is in a somber mood herself these days. I’m not sure how to help. I hate to see her hurting. I hope time will let everyone heal. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, you should stay! Take as much time as you need. And Stefyn, as well. I’ll speak to the Empress about having his leave extended. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Enough about the gala already! It will be fine. Stop fretting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Give H’lyn my returns. Tell her, once she recovers, she’s welcome in Mirial. We’ll find her another place here, if she wishes. Or some other option. I just thought it might help to be near her family and make you both happy. Not that I’m trying to say that’s what she should do or anything. No pressure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How are you? You sound tired. Well, not sound since these are written words. But you know what I mean. Are you getting enough rest? Are you sure you don’t need anything? Because I can be there in a day. I don’t mind. What about funds? Fresh clothes? Are you eating enough? Because I know how you skimp when you’re taking care of people. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alright, write again very soon and let me know how you are and what I can do, ok? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your partner</em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.s. I miss you.</em>
</p><p>Alayna reread her words and cringed. Biting her lip, she liberally edited.</p><p>
  <em><del>Hello partner,</del> Regards Leeka,</em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>I’m thrilled to hear from you! </del>This is wonderful news about H’lyn. I am so relieved. I’m also pleased you have support there. <del>Are you sure you don’t need anything, though? You would tell me, right? Please, let me help. I’m serious.</del> Do let me know if anything arises where I can offer assistance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It must be difficult to lose such a well-loved ruler. <del>The Empress is in a somber mood herself these days. I’m not sure how to help. I hate to see her hurting.</del> I hope time will help everyone heal. </em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Of course, you should stay! </del>Take as much time as you need. And Stefyn, as well. I’ll speak to the Empress about having his leave extended.</em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Enough about the gala already! It will be fine. Stop fretting.</del> All is on track for the gala. Do not worry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Give H’lyn my returns. If you feel it’s appropriate, tell her she’s welcome in Mirial. <del>We’ll find her another place here, if she wishes. Or some other option. I just thought it might help to be near her family and make you both happy. Not that I’m trying to say that’s what she should do or anything. No pressure.</del></em>
</p><p>
  <em>How are you? <del>You sound tired. Well, not sound since these are written words. But you know what I mean.</del> Are you getting enough rest? <del>Are you sure you don’t need anything? Because I can be there in a day. I don’t mind. What about funds? Fresh clothes? Are you eating enough? Because I know how you skimp when you’re taking care of people. </del></em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Alright, write again very soon and let me know how you are and what I can do, ok?</del> I look forward to your next update. </em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Your partner</del> </em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Empress Consort Alayna</del> </em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Your mistress</del> </em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Her Imperial Highness</del> </em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>Me</del> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alayna</em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.s.</em>
</p><p>
  <em><del>I miss you.</del> I miss you.</em>
</p><p>_______</p><p>“You’re not alright,” a soft voice interjected into Barriss’ blank contemplation of the bed canopy.</p><p>Twisting her head, she saw a wide-awake Alayna gazing at her. “I suppose I’m not.”</p><p>Lifting a hand, the young woman caressed her cheek. “You’re thinking about the queen.”</p><p>“Yes,” she whispered. “Padmé was very dear to me. Meanwhile, her killer sits on his throne, gloating in smug satisfaction. Forcing myself to do nothing about it is…” Her ribs tightened. “Nearly four years of this game and so much loss. I’m not sure I have enough strength to see it through. The price is too high.”</p><p>“You can. You’re the strongest person I know. When my father chose you as his opponent, he made his greatest mistake. Because you will finish what he started. But you won’t have to do it alone. I’ll be here.”</p><p>She smiled. “I know. You’re my light in the darkness.”</p><p>Her pale skin tinged pink. “If that’s true,” she replied quietly, “it’s because you put the torch in my hand.”</p><p>Barriss kissed her forehead. “You were meant to carry it.” Rolling onto her back, her weary mind began to stray into pain once more. “It’s hard to lose pieces of your past one by one. And knowing it only happened because Padmé was willing to stand up to evil makes it worse somehow. How many lives will be destroyed as a result?” <em>Oh, H’lyn. I am so sorry.</em> Barriss dug fists into the bed. “Alaa’s ledger is deep with red. I swear, even if it takes my last breath, I <em>will</em> make him pay it.”</p><p>A hand turned her face back to intense green eyes. “<em>We</em> will.”</p><p>Her pulsing muscles uncoiled as she smiled. “Damn right, my smarmy consort.”</p><p>“That’s more like it.” Alayna snuggled into her side. “I love you.”</p><p>Sliding arms around her, Barriss murmured, “And I you.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter has odd tonal shifts. Killing Padmé serves as a catalyst of sorts for current and future events, which needed to be threaded here. It also allowed me to weave in bits of Barriss' master plan. I'd love to hear feedback on how it worked. Did the lighter moments detract from the overall emotional weight of losing Padmé &amp; its effect on Ahsoka, Barriss, and tangentially Leeka? Or, did it allow for a breather amidst the pain? Then again, perhaps you didn't feel any emotional resonance from her death. Padmé didn't get alot of story real estate, but hopefully I included enough to illustrate her impact on Ahsoka and Barriss. Anyhow, just curious.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Conflicting Impulses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alayna runs slipshod through a minefield of mixed emotions. Meanwhile, Ahsoka keeps a promise she never kept.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her fingers twisted together. “Are you certain you can do without me again?”</p><p><em>No.</em> Alayna produced a bright smile. “Of course. Go be with H’lyn for however long you need.”</p><p>Leeka assessed her for several moments and then blurted, “You know I wouldn’t leave you if it wasn’t important, right?”</p><p><em>Get yourself together. Be supportive.</em> Tossing her pad on the desk, she crossed her study to stand in front of Leeka. “It’s fine, truly. I’m perfectly capable of managing without you. Besides, it’s nice to see you focusing on your own life for a change.”</p><p>The woman glanced away. “I see.” Clearing her throat, she returned attention to Alayna. “Thank you, your highness. I know this is the third absence in the last six months. Most mistresses wouldn’t look kindly on their first handmaiden’s personal life intruding so often in the commission of their duties.” She dipped into a formal curtsey. “You are far too generous to me.”</p><p>Her eyebrows gathered. The response sounded… not right. Alayna brushed fingers over her cheek. “Oh no. I’m your partner. By definition, I can’t be any such thing.”</p><p>Leeka’s mouth parted and then quirked up. “You’re more than that, my lady.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna rotated her gaze across the multitude of attire strewn across two settees, three armchairs, and a parlor table. <em>Seriously? This shouldn’t be that difficult. Just pick one!</em></p><p>An amused voice floated in from behind her. “Here I was concerned about my lady’s health. However, I see our training session has been co-opted by a critical matter of importance to the realm. Shall I wait in the other room, until it’s concluded?”</p><p>Twisting around to the woman standing in the partially open door leading from the receiving area, she grimaced. “Do come in, Commander Wren. I apologize. I didn’t realize the time. It was kind of you to come and verify my wellbeing.”</p><p>“Not at all. In fact, I’m fascinated by your life outside of our little world of weekly combat.” She added swiftly, “And I apologize for letting myself in. I rang the foyer bell and waited in the receiving area for a few minutes, but no one appeared. So, I took the liberty of checking the parlor.”</p><p>Alayna sighed. “Also, my fault. I sent my second handmaidens on an errand. That’s why I relocated this mess to the parlor. Of course, I had intended to usher any unexpected arrivals into the secondary drawing room. You must bear witness to the chaos, since I apparently didn’t hear the bell amidst my raging indecision.”</p><p>The corners of her mouth twitched. “Are all your decisions of such dramatic import?”</p><p>“I’ll have you know what the Empress Consort wears to greet her people <em>is</em> a critical matter,” she retorted with a tinge of embarrassment. “One must be approachable yet royal. Do you have any idea how tricky that is?”</p><p>She tapped a finger to her chin. “Very, I imagine. All I have to do is throw on the same armor each morning. However, I object to it being an issue in this particular instance.”</p><p>Alayna cocked her head. “Why?”</p><p>The autumn eyes intensified. “Her highness manages that kind of magic everyday.”</p><p>Sucking in a breath, she could think of no other response than a weak, “Thank you.” Her fingers curled and uncurled. “Though, if there’s any truth to that, it is probably due to Leeka’s influence. Unfortunately, she is currently in Naboo. I am left on my own to make the best of things. You’d think, after three such instances in the last six months, I’d be more self-sufficient.” She frowned. “Actually, that’s why I lost track of time, as well. I suppose I’m accustomed to her hurrying me along to where I need to be.”</p><p>Her commander walked over and glanced around at the various outfits. “And is Leeka responsible for the relentless approach to your duties, both large and small?”</p><p>Alayna started. “I’m not sure what you mean.”</p><p>She took another step toward her. “I’m asking whether you ever relax. Do something to make yourself happy?”</p><p>Her mouth thickened. “Um, I—well, I don’t have much time for relaxation.”</p><p>Now, the woman was so close Alayna could smell burnished leather and spicy perfume. “And happiness?” she said quietly.</p><p>She swallowed. “A leader’s duty is to provide the opportunity for happiness to those she serves. Whether she has it herself is irrelevant.”</p><p>Taking Alayna’s hand, she murmured, “Not to me.”</p><p>The touch spiked tingles across her skin. “Commander, I…”</p><p>“Sabine. Please.”</p><p>Alayna took a shaky breath and attempted to suppress her body’s idea of what the appropriate response to this situation was. “Sabine. I’m unlikely to make you happy. My life is not my own. It belongs to Mirial.”</p><p>She lifted Alayna’s fingers to her lips. “As does mine.” The woman paused. “Unless I misunderstood. Does her eminence not permit you to… pursue other interests?”</p><p>The sudden boldness after a year of smoldering snapped into clarity. She pulled her hand away. “You have been talking to the Empress.”</p><p>Sabine blinked. “We did have a discussion, yes. She intimated it would not be violating my oath, if I…”</p><p>Alayna crossed her arms. “If you what?”</p><p>The woman’s eyes darted around the room. “I can typically keep any stray attractions in check and perform my duty. But with you it’s proving impossible. This morning her eminence happened upon me in my usual state of panic prior to our session. I was pacing in circles outside of the royal sparring area and…” Her gaze returned to Alayna as she mumbled, “... giving myself a stern lecture about controlling the impulse to kiss you when you’re—well, everytime you do anything. It prompted a rather awkward conversation but left me with hope. That’s why, when you didn’t come, I couldn’t stop myself from tracking you down.”</p><p>She licked her lips. <em>You’ll end up hurting her. It can’t go anywhere. You have a rule about this sort of thing for a reason. Still… </em>Sabine was and always had been utterly intoxicating. “It’s not that I don’t—my heart isn’t something I can give, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Her tan skin paled. “I see I’ve assumed something I shouldn’t. I thought—it seemed as if you reciprocated—” Sabine stepped back with a jerky bow. “I deeply apologize, Highness, for my undesired and inappropriate overtures.”</p><p><em>Dammit, Alayna. Why is this so difficult for you?</em> Wanting to fix the painful angst she’d inadvertently caused, Alayna jumped forward and lifted her chin. “I didn’t say they were any such thing.”</p><p>There was a sharp breath. “Does that mean we could, um, give it a try?”</p><p>Deciding to figure out her insanity later, Alayna grabbed Sabine’s chestplate and pulled the tantalizing lips against hers.</p><p>_______</p><p>Ahsoka pulled her hood tighter as she moved through the capital city of Naboo. <em>What am I doing here?</em> It was foolish. Alaa’s spies were everywhere, and there were operations that needed her attention. But her mind wouldn’t let the idea go.</p><p>Entering the Theed funerary complex, she spotted the upper portion of a magnificent mausoleum in the distance. Its decorative cornice glimmered like a beacon in the bright moonlight; Padmé’s crest emblazoned along it. That same woman’s face appeared in her mind’s eye once more.</p><p>
  <em>“Ahsoka, please listen to me. Fighting evil doesn’t have to mean giving up who you are.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She crossed her arms. “Tell me who this me I’m giving up is. Since, you seem to believe you know who I am better than I do.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You do know,” Padmé responded tartly. “You’re just refusing to accept it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. You’re refusing to accept that the me you once knew is gone.” A bitter smile formed. “She wasn’t what her people needed. She wasn’t even what those she loved needed. She failed and lost everything that made her who she was. I’ll never be her again.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her eyes squeezed shut. “I hope that’s not true. Because I still need her.” Padmé strode forward and gripped Ahsoka’s chin. “I don’t care who you think you are. If it makes you happy—which I doubt—be that bloody tent pole behind you. But I'll be damned if I’m going to lose my favorite tent pole.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka blinked and then burst into hoarse laughter. The sound bounced strangely off her montrals. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The subtle smirk Ahsoka remembered too well upturned the graceful mouth. “That’s more like it.” Padmé rubbed her cheek. “At least, will you come visit us soon? It’s been forever since we’ve seen you. Jo has been practicing his leg kicks in the vain hope of showing off to his ‘Ant Soka’.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A small grin touched her lips at the memory of the boy’s determined face as he precariously threw a stubby leg in the air. “Is he still falling over everytime? I can’t be responsible for any injuries incurred to impress me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Padmé squinted at her. “I’ll have you know, his balance has vastly improved over the last six months, which you’d find out if you ever came to visit us. In fact, Jo’s become the best nine-year old leg kicker on the planet.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka lifted a placating hand. “My apologies, Mama bear. I was simply wondering if H’lyn’s coordination gene got lost in translation.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That got her a punch in the shoulder. “No distracting me from my goal, clever girl. The rebellion won’t implode because you’re gone for a few days. And I promise not to harass you with unsolicited life advice. Well, only a very minimal amount.” The woman winked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She snorted. “Uh huh.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her expression tightened. “Please, Ahsoka. I don’t want to lose you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Swallowing the sudden knot in her throat, she scrubbed hands over her face with a long exhale. “Alright, I’ll try.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears sprung into the deep brown eyes as Padmé pulled her into a hug. “Thank you. Though, more than trying would be preferable.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Slowly lifting her arms, she slid them around the woman. Another strange feeling that Ahsoka didn’t want to admit she’d missed. “Don’t worry about me so much. I’m ok, I promise.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can say that all you like. I plan to make sure it’s true.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her lips curved into a smile. “Fine. You win. As always. I’ll come visit soon. I promise.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reaching up, Padmé tilted Ahsoka’s head to kiss her temple. “I’m going to hold you to that promise, Ahsoka Tano.”</em>
</p><p>Pain stabbed her chest, and Ahsoka slumped against a tomb. She’d failed that promise, as well. There was always another group of slaves to free, another base to evacuate, another village to recruit, another operation that needed her saber. She’d kept telling herself next week. That would be the week she would go to Naboo. And then the next. Until too many weeks went by, and there was no longer any Padmé to visit.</p><p>Yet here she was. As if it mattered now. <em>What’s the point of this? What was can never be again. You only care about what is, remember?</em> Still, she kept going.</p><p>As her feet moved inexorably toward their uncertain goal, a much older memory surfaced. She’d been in Naboo to make contact with an explosives supplier but had met Padmé and H’lyn for dinner. They’d remained nestled at a discreet inn well into the evening, laughing and talking. <em>So long ago.</em> It felt like a different life.</p><p>She’d considered tracking down H’lyn, but her letter requesting a rendezvous had gone unanswered. That silence seemed to be an answer. It was probably for the best. The misery in the woman’s eyes would hit too close to home. An imagined expression of sadness would say Ahsoka hadn’t come while it still mattered. <em>Too much. Get whatever you’re doing over with.</em></p><p>Speeding up her meandering tread, she finally reached the majestic mausoleum. Unexpected figures were gathered near its entrance. Ahsoka ducked behind the line of opposing gravesites. Creeping tomb to tomb, she took up position across from them and evaluated the group in the bright moonlight.</p><p>A Mirialan was blocking the entryway from four rough looking Weequays. Ignoring the standard goons, Ahsoka was drawn to the quirky features of the young woman they were threatening. A richly fabricked, sage robe suggested an elite rank, while its lack of adornment contradicted that assessment. Copper hair fell over squarely built shoulders. The unrestrained style and color were unusual for a Mirialan but framed an ordinary, even plain, face dotted with splotches of random freckles. What should have been commonplace brown eyes were made exceptional by a touch of rusty red shining in calm defiance. The woman was unremarkable yet fascinating.</p><p>Crouching in a classic Soresu posture sans weapon, the intriguing stranger stated crisply, “If you want to desecrate the final resting place of the queen, you will have to get past me.”</p><p>They guffawed. One of them pulled out an electroblade. “If you insist, girl. The dead need no finery. Includes you.”</p><p>Ahsoka stiffened. They were bloody grave robbers, scum of the lowest order. <em>Prepare to die, bastards.</em></p><p>Before she could take action, however, the Mirialan lunged forward and knocked the blade from his hand. Spinning into a low grab, she snagged his weapon and continued her rotation to slash him across the chest.</p><p>He collapsed with a surprised howl. She finished him off with a powerful downward elbow to the back of his neck. Her movements were practiced and fluid. There was a grace to them that, if her anger hadn’t clouded the moment, Ahsoka would have taken the time to admire.</p><p>The young woman pivoted to her next opponent and delivered a heel palm strike to his nose. As the Weequay stumbled back, she swept his legs and slammed the blunt end of her requisitioned electroblade against his skull. His head lolled into stillness.</p><p>The last two never got a chance to respond as Ahsoka flew into the fray. Grabbing one around the neck, she twisted it until she heard a satisfying crack. Tossing him to the ground, she turned attention to the remaining Weequay by delivering a series of lightning fast punches to his body, decking him flat.</p><p>Picking up his dropped crossbow, Ahsoka flicked the power setting to maximum and pointed it at him. Panic seared his face as he scuttled backwards, one hand up in a useless attempt to block the shot. Anger flared into fury at the coward, who only had enough courage to plunder the dead, and her finger tightened on the trigger.</p><p>“Leave him. He’s no longer a threat. And even his pathetic life has value.”</p><p>The firm interjection snapped Ahsoka out of her rising rage, and she snarled, “Run, scum.” He didn’t need to be told twice and scrambled out of sight.</p><p>The unusual woman stepped in front of her. “Who are you?”</p><p>Dropping the crossbow, she tugged her disarranged hood back over her montrals. “No one important. I just happened to be passing and don’t care for grave robbers.”</p><p>Her head tilted to the side as an intelligent gaze assessed Ahsoka’s figure. “Well, No One Important, my name is Leeka. Thank you for your assistance.” One edge of her mouth curved upward. “Though, I could have handled them.”</p><p>The understated surety and mischievous gleam in the girl’s countenance caused a grin to touch her own lips. “What fun is that?”</p><p>An eyebrow cocked. “By that calculation, you stole my fun.”</p><p>Ahsoka chuckled. “Tell me, Leeka. Why are you at the queen’s mausoleum in the middle of the night?”</p><p>The brightness in her eyes dimmed, and she looked away. “Fulfilling a promise.”</p><p>“I understand,” Ahsoka replied quietly. She released a long breath. “I am also… well, fulfilling a promise I didn’t keep while it still mattered.”</p><p>Leeka’s gaze flicked back to her. “It always matters. One’s duty doesn’t end because the person it is to no longer cares.”</p><p>The words struck a chord, and she blurted the thought haunting her entire journey, “But why? Why do we feel the need to do so?”</p><p>“Interesting question.” She tapped fingers along her thigh for a few moments. “I think it’s part of who one is. We didn’t defend this mausoleum because the woman inhabiting it knows the difference. We did it because our own essence demanded we do so.”</p><p>Ahsoka pursed her lips. “You’re suggesting I didn’t come here out of duty to someone dear to me. I came here because of who I am?”</p><p>Leeka shrugged. “Perhaps, duty to those you love <em>is</em> who you are. Only you can say.”</p><p>She sighed. “Not really. Who I am is a matter of debate, especially to me.”</p><p>“Ah.” Her gaze floated off into the distance as she continued with a ruminative lilt, “Does your heart not provide the answer?”</p><p>Her ribs tightened. “I’ve learned not to rely on my heart for truth.”</p><p>“It seems wiser, doesn’t it?” Leeka murmured. “Still, someone recently told me heart is the only constant. It is the part of us we can never escape that dictates everything for good or ill. She believed not listening to it would lead only to misery. Yet, when she lost her heart, it made her miserable. I’m now wondering if heart should always be separate from one’s duty. Or was she correct that duty is a mere reflection of heart? Therefore, your heart is at the root of who you are.”</p><p>Ahsoka stared. “Does it matter? What is… is.”</p><p>Leeka’s attention returned to her, and she grimaced. “I suppose so. My apologies. You certainly didn’t come here to listen to me debate myself.”</p><p>“It was an interesting conversation to overhear nonetheless,” she replied wryly.</p><p>A smile tugged at the edges of her mouth. “You’re welcome.” The woman made a small bow. “It was a pleasure to meet you, No One Important. I hope you find what both your heart and duty demand.”</p><p>Ahsoka watched her walk away, before calling, “And I you, Leeka.”</p><p>She twisted her head back with a wan smile. “Oh, I’ve already found it. I simply don’t know what to do about it.” Then, she vanished into the night.</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss looked up as Alayna burst into her study. “Good afternoon, my apparently on a mission consort.”</p><p>The intense green flashed. “Is that all you have to say?”</p><p>She pursed her lips. “You’re upset with me.”</p><p>“You think?” Alayna huffed. “Since when do you insert yourself into my personal life?”</p><p>“Ah.” She sat back in her chair. “This is about Commander Wren.”</p><p>“Don’t give me that babe in the woods act, Barriss. You know very well what you did and how I’d feel about it.”</p><p>She raised eyebrows. “Actually, I didn’t.”</p><p>“I almost threw her out of my quarters! I thought she was only there because you told her to be.”</p><p>Rising to her feet, Barriss lifted a hand. “Come here, my dear.”</p><p>The young woman crossed her arms without responding.</p><p>She exhaled and went to her instead. Running knuckles across her cheek, Barriss said, “I’m sorry if I overstepped. Your commander was agitated and distressed. I only informed her that it wouldn’t be betraying Mirial if she tried her luck. I did not tell her to do so. I simply didn’t want you to miss a potential opportunity to enhance your life due to an understandable misconception.”</p><p>Her expression pinched. “I can take advantage of my own opportunities. You think I wasn’t aware of the possibility? I haven’t acted on it for a reason. You know how conflicted I am about this sort of thing. And how I also feel about—why put me in a situation that forced a decision?”</p><p>“Because it’s a situation you have to be able to resolve. There will be many more of them in your future. And some won’t be as conscientious as Commander Wren about making their desires known.”</p><p>She frowned. “That doesn’t mean I can’t work to avoid them altogether. I told you romantic entanglements aren’t something I want. It’s unfair to the other person and will only serve as a distraction from my responsibilities. Why engage in something that can only bring pain and potentially compromise my duty to the realm?”</p><p>“Yes, I recall you mentioning this viewpoint on several occasions,” she replied dryly. “You still seem to be conflating love with physical intimacy. Engaging in a romantic dalliance for mutual enjoyment requires none of the dependence you fear.”</p><p>“Don’t patronize me, Barriss. Sabine is not what we’re talking about now. I don’t understand why you insist on arguing with me on this. You know from personal experience it is a terrible idea!”</p><p>Barriss flinched and then returned a tight smile. “Don’t use my presumed views on the matter to justify your own, Alayna. Yes, I know love is difficult and can end in pain. I also know it's worth all of that and more. However, that’s not your real issue, is it?” The shattered pieces of her heart began to sting, and she turned back to her desk.</p><p>Alayna grabbed her arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to open an old wound.” She chewed her lip. “I’m sure you were only trying to help. But, please, let me handle things in my own way.”</p><p><em>So much fear, my girl. One day you’ll have to face it.</em> “Very well.” She kissed her forehead with a deep sigh. “I promise not to interfere again.”</p><p>“I don’t—” She scrubbed hands over her face. “I’m overreacting, aren’t I?” Her jaw trembled. “It’s just that most of my life someone always made my choices and I…”</p><p>“Oh, my dear. That’s not what I intended.” Barriss wrapped her in a hug. “Your father already has too much to answer for. Please, don’t let him take anything else from you. I would never try to control you. I only want to help you discover what you’re capable of, what your life can be. Finding out often requires confronting things that scare us. Experience brings wisdom and confidence. You are right, though. It’s your own path to decide. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”</p><p>“I know,” she whispered. “Sometimes, I—it’s still a bit strange to have someone who cares about me, I guess.”</p><p>Barriss guided Alayna’s head onto her shoulder and stroked her hair. “Well, get used to it. Because that’s never changing.”</p><p>Alayna relaxed in the embrace with a happy murmur. “It’s on the list.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, any questions?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Consequences</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They always follow choices.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alayna shoved the woman off their tangled pile of sheets, blankets, and pillows that had somehow ended up at the foot of the bed. “You are incorrigible.” She dug through their wreckage for the dressing gown Sabine had been refusing to let her don all morning.</p><p>Rolling onto her feet, Sabine smirked. “Yep.”</p><p>“Didn’t you say you had somewhere to be, <em>Commander</em>?” She tossed a pillow at the woman.</p><p>One arm in her tunic sleeve and the other clutched dramatically to her chest, Sabine ducked the projectile. “Are you kicking me out of your bed, <em>Highness</em>?”</p><p>Shrugging on her recovered robe, Alayna left the front hanging open. Moving to the edge of the bed, she stood on her knees and grabbed the waist of Sabine’s halfway fastened trousers. “Only when I get to tempt you back.” Tugging the woman closer, she traced a tongue over her lips.</p><p>Sabine snagged it in her teeth and ran the tip of her own across it. She curled her tongue around Alayna’s as they sank into a kiss. </p><p>Slipping her hand beneath the gaping waistband, Alayna rubbed her way down to the spot that would get her exactly what she wanted. Sabine moaned and lurched forward, groping at her chest. </p><p>Shuffling back, Alayna let the woman chase her lips. Sabine crawled onto the bed and caught them in a fierce kiss. Mouth curving into a grin against hers, Alayna reached up and weaved silky hair through her fingers.</p><p>Hands slid inside her open robe and began roving across Alayna’s body, squeezing every curve. Nails scraped along the inside of thighs still inflamed from a night of far too much pleasure.</p><p>Burrowing fingertips into Sabine’s scalp, Alayna pushed the delightful mouth lower. Obliging lips sucked on her throat, and she tipped her head back with a content sigh. “I thought you needed to go.”</p><p>There was an unintelligible mumble as teeth nipped her collarbone.</p><p>Alayna laughed and let herself fall into the moment. She soaked in the feel of Sabine’s touch—the wiry fingers caressing up her thigh, hot breath prickling her skin, the rising ache radiating across her body, chapped lips spiraling down her chest.</p><p>A warning pulse in her senses registered one second before a choked gasp reached her ears. Jerking away from Sabine, she twisted around. Her stomach bottomed out. “Leeka! You’re back.” Gathering the front of her robe and squashing it together, she rambled anything that came to her, “I wasn’t—uh, didn’t know you’d—I’m glad.”</p><p>Her handmaiden stood frozen in the doorway of her bedchamber. Her hand was gripping the latch, mouth open as if going to speak. Then, her olive skin flushed so deeply it washed out her freckles. “I am so sorry, your highness.” Wrapping arms around her stomach, she backed into the corridor. “I-I knocked but you must not have—I wasn’t aware you had company.” Without another word, Leeka shot out of sight.</p><p>Crushing palms into the bed, Alayna stared at the empty doorway.</p><p>Sabine laughed awkwardly. “Well, that wasn’t exactly how I imagined meeting your paragon of a handmaiden.”</p><p>“What? Oh. Yes. We’ll have to take care of a better introduction later.”</p><p>The woman guided Alayna’s head back to her and delivered a tender kiss. “That’s not all we’ll take care of later, I hope.”</p><p>Ignoring her churning stomach, she ran fingers through lilac strands of hair. “Mmm… definitely not. See you tonight?”</p><p>“Better believe it,” was the throaty response. Sabine started drifting toward her lips but then groaned and scrambled off the bed. “I’m so going to be late for my staff meeting. See what you’ve done to me?” Fastening her pants on the run, she winked and slipped through the hidden exit behind the wall tapestry.</p><p>Alayna pulled knees to her chest, eyes fixing on the doorway once more. <em>Why can’t you get yourself under control? </em>Forcing her mouth open, she called, “Leeka? It’s ok to come in now.”</p><p>For perhaps the first time in her memory, there was no response. Her heart beat faster. Jumping up, she gathered her messy curls into a tamed ponytail. Crossing to the nightstand basin, she scrubbed her hands and slapped water on her face. Looking in the mirror, she winced and prodded the remnants of a night with Sabine dotting her neck.</p><p>Opening her closet of ready-to-wear clothing, she found a high-collar dressing gown. Discarding the scanty one hanging off her body, Alayna snugged its replacement around herself as she wandered down the corridor to the sitting room. There was no one. Backtracking to the foyer, she worked her way through the receiving area, parlor, secondary drawing room, library, solarium, work room, pantry, bypassed her bedchamber to check the dressing room, and still ended up empty-handed. Alayna was about to brave the storage room when she finally spotted her target in the bathroom. “Leeka?”</p><p>The woman remained kneeling over the tub, her back toward Alayna. “I’m drawing you a bath, my lady. I assumed you’d want to freshen up.”</p><p>Curling and uncurling her fingers, she blurted, “I didn’t realize you were coming home today. Otherwise, I never would’ve—that shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“There’s no need to apologize, your highness.” The words had a stilted inflection. “A handmaiden is trained for such situations. It’s not you that should adapt to my activities. I’m the one who made things awkward for you and your… friend. I should have waited for a response prior to entering.”</p><p>She licked her lips. “Don’t be silly. We never do that.”</p><p>“I know. An unacceptable liberty on my part. It won’t happen again.”</p><p>Alayna was about to object but given events couldn’t find a justification. Still, she didn’t like it. That’s not how they were. She watched the jerky movements as her handmaiden mixed a fresh bottle of bath oil. Leeka had spent months formulating a special blend for Alayna. It soothed her easily irritated skin, relaxed the swollen muscles, and quieted her mind. <em>Force, I don’t deserve how good you are to me.</em> She cleared her throat. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“I’m well, thank you.” Her nimble fingers swirled the water as she drizzled oil across its surface. “It seems like you are also.”</p><p>She chewed the inside of her cheek. “I suppose.” Alayna inhaled the wafting bouquet of lavender, honeymilk, roses and the earthy element she’d never been able to identify. The aroma steadied her nerves. “Did your trip go well? How was H’lyn?”</p><p>There was what felt like a long pause, before a bright voice answered, “Yes, she was pleased I could come. Thank you for allowing me another extended absence.”</p><p>“No thanks needed. I was glad you wanted to do something for yourself. Though, I can’t lie. I’m very happy you’re back. I’ve missed you,” she ended softly.</p><p>Her body stiffened. Switching off the water, she rose to face her with a respectful expression. “And I you. Do you require anything else, your highness?”</p><p>She reached out a hand. “Your company for a little while. Please?”</p><p>Leeka hesitated and then took it. “If you wish.”</p><p>Squeezing her fingers, Alayna murmured, “I do.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“It’s happened again.”</p><p>Ahsoka halted her perusal of the intelligence report and raised eyebrows. “What happened again?”</p><p>Hera folded her arms and began to pace around the tent. “A mass protest in the capital city of Mirial. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would they be demonstrating against their Empress?”</p><p>Swallowing the automatic pain she still couldn’t seem to banish, Ahsoka shrugged. “Protests aren’t uncommon in any realm. Not everyone enjoys being under even benevolent absolutism.”</p><p>The woman frowned. “But there’s usually a specific event or building pressure that spurs citizens to march in the streets. And to demand a ruler—who’s kept them safe and thriving for two decades—abdicate the throne in favor of an inexperienced consort? Especially an Empress that enjoys phenomenally high popularity and respect both at home and abroad? The protesters don’t even appear to have a platform or central identity. I’m telling you, there’s something fishy going on.”</p><p>“Are you suggesting Alaa is behind it?” Her veins began to heat up. Whether it was from still ingrained protectiveness of Barriss or simply anger that came with every problem she couldn’t fix these days, Ahsoka didn’t know.</p><p>“If so, I can find no evidence. The Empress certainly doesn’t appear to be concerned. She’s letting it proceed as a free exercise of opinion. Which only supports my point. Mirial is one of the most citizen empowered, economically stable, and well protected realms on the planet. What is arguably the most powerful and effective ruler in the core region shouldn’t see organized unrest without some kind of reason. I can’t pinpoint <em> any</em>, invalid or justified, for the situation.”</p><p>Her nerves began to fray. The idea of Barriss being undermined by the monster Ahsoka had yet to kill was pushing her into emotions she’d been trying to bury for too long. “Fine. It’s odd. But there doesn’t appear to be anything tangible to discuss, does there? So, shall we concentrate on the actual intel in front of us?”</p><p>Hera gazed at her for a few moments. Her mouth opened and then closed. Finally, she nodded. “I suggest we review the latest from the western region next.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna put down her update on the organized protests and cocked her head. <em>I know I’m not imagining that.</em> Rising from her chaise, she stood completely still and listened. The faint sound came again. Following it out of her sitting room and into the library, she halted at the camouflaged entrance to Leeka’s adjoining room. Placing an ear to the hinged bookshelf, Alayna was now certain of what she was hearing. Someone was crying.</p><p>Crossing to the wall lamp, she twisted the decorative finial knob counterclockwise and then depressed it. Hearing the telltale click, she returned to the hidden door and cracked it enough to stick her head through. “Leeka, are you back from your errands?” Nothing stirred. The sparse, one-room quarters looked much as they always did. <em>Except…</em> There was a small, unmoving lump under the bed coverings.</p><p>Stepping into the room, Alayna moved closer. “I know you’re there. Can we talk?”</p><p>Stubby fingers appeared from beneath the blanket and pulled it down to reveal a pale olive face and red-rimmed hazel eyes. The boy’s lip trembled. “I’m so sorry, miss. Please, don’t tell Aunt Leeka. I was supposed to be very quiet.”</p><p><em>Aunt Leeka? Huh.</em> Sitting on the bed, she tousled his loose red curls. “Your secret is safe with me. May I ask what has caused such distress?”</p><p>He sniffled and wiped a sleeve across his face. “Nothing important.”</p><p>“Hmm… seems important to me. How about why you’re in my handmaiden’s quarters?”</p><p>The boy sat up, revealing a smaller than expected frame. His speech and manner suggested he was older, but his size aligned with a Mirialan child of perhaps eight or nine. If this was indeed H’lyn’s son, Alayna suspected his mental abilities had simply outstripped his physical growth.</p><p>The caliber of his now visible tunic was more confounding, however. Made from fine linen, it was perfectly fitted and dyed a non-synthetic Tyrian purple. Natural Tyrian had to be painstakingly curated from a specific type of sea snail. It was a costly indulgence even for nobles. But there was no mistaking the purity of the color. What resembled an aquatic creature with finned claws and a gaping jaw of teeth was artistically hand-stitched in amber threads across the chest. The monster’s gigantic tail curled downward and wrapped around the tunic’s waist. <em>A gift from Queen Apailana in recognition of H’lyn’s service maybe?</em> It seemed a rather extravagant one but perhaps that was customary in Naboo. They certainly weren’t known to skimp on finery.</p><p>He must have noticed her scrutiny of the garment because the boy glanced down. A frown formed as a rumpled sleeve caught his attention. Carefully smoothing it out, he answered, “Aunt Leeka told me to stay here, while she finished arranging my post in the undergalleys. She says if I work hard and…” His tiny eyebrows scrunched together. “... aim to please, I could be a royal page in a year.”</p><p>“Alright,” she replied slowly. This was making no sense.</p><p>His gaze drifted to something clutched in his hand. Short fingers uncurled to reveal a silver band with an intricate design of cutouts and etched flourishes.</p><p>Alayna’s puzzlement increased. It was obviously the work of an elite artisan, probably a custom piece. The style resembled that of a bonding token. Like his tunic, this was a bracelet one might see on a noble, not in the hand of a boy planning to work as a scrubber. The emblem engraved at its center looked familiar, but she couldn’t place it. Perhaps, his father had been of elite rank, and H’lyn gifted the sentimental object to her child. <em>Maybe.</em> Alayna didn’t even know if his father was dead or alive. “That’s very pretty. Does it mean something special?”</p><p>“Yes,” he whispered. “It’s all I have left.” He rubbed his chest, before lifting watery eyes to her. “See, I didn’t want to go. Mom’s friends were going to pay for me to live at some fancy school. But I don’t need special stuff. I can do things on my own. Besides, Paddy and Mom wouldn’t have sent me away.” His voice became scratchy. “They never would have made me be all alone. So, Aunt Leeka’s going to take care of me,” he ended with a flash of defiance as if expecting her to object.</p><p>A weight dropped into the pit of her stomach. “Where’s your mother?”</p><p>He flinched and then scrunched his shoulders. “I don’t want to talk about that.”</p><p><em>No.</em> She caressed a freckled cheek. “I understand. What’s your name?”</p><p>“Jotaal. But everyone calls me Jo.”</p><p>“It is a pleasure to meet you, Jo. I’m Alayna. Would you honor me with your company for tea?”</p><p>Pinching his bottom lip between his teeth, he fixed uncertain eyes on her.</p><p>“Please? I hate to take tea alone.” She winked. “I’ll square it with your aunt.”</p><p>A mischievous grin that reminded her of Leeka sprouted. “Ok.” Then, Jo hopped up and made a well-executed bow. “I aim to please, Lady Empress.”</p><p>She suppressed a laugh and inclined her head. “Splendid form, my future page.” Taking his hand, Alayna led him into her chambers. <em>Oh, Leeka. Why didn’t you tell me?</em></p><p>_______</p><p>Leeka came rushing into the sitting room with a panicked expression. When she saw Jo perched on the settee, happily sipping tea, her shoulders slumped. Turning to Alayna, she blurted, “Apologies, my lady. I instructed him not to disturb you.”</p><p>“He didn’t. I went looking for you and found Jo being a perfect angel. I requested his company for tea.”</p><p>The boy grinned at her and then puffed out his chest. “Yeah, I’ve been so good that Layna gave me cookies.”</p><p>Leeka groaned. “Did you just call the Imperial Empress Consort of Mirial by a nickname?”</p><p>Jo’s confident posture deflated. “Is that not ok?”</p><p>Alayna wiped crumbs off his chin. “Of course, it is. Don’t mind your aunt. She’s such a stickler for the rules. You’re much too special for those.”</p><p>He ducked his head, freckles popping off flushing skin. “I’m nothing special, miss.”</p><p>“I will brook no disagreement on this point, my future page.”</p><p>His grin returned along with dimpled cheeks. “Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>Leeka’s eyes softened and then tightened. “Well, thank you for taking care of him. We’ll be getting out of your way now.” Reaching out a hand, she beckoned, “Come on, Jo. We have matters to discuss.”</p><p>Alayna frowned. “A discussion I can’t be a part of?”</p><p>Her handmaiden sighed. “Jo, will you return to my room, while I speak with her highness for a few minutes?”</p><p>The boy glanced between them. “Am I in trouble?”</p><p>Alayna tweaked his nose. “Of course not, my dear.” Wrapping up some more cookies in a napkin, she put them in his hand. “Take these with you. Will you join me for tea again sometime soon?”</p><p>His hazel eyes lit up, and he stuffed the treats into his pocket. “Anytime, Lady Layna.” Hopping up, he sprinted past Leeka. “I’ll be in the other room being a perfect angel, if you need more company.”</p><p>She chuckled and called after him, “I’ll hold you to that.”</p><p>Jo popped his head back around the corner with a mischievous expression. “I aim to please, you know.” Then, he vanished.</p><p>Alayna sobered as she switched attention to her handmaiden. “What happened to your sister, Leeka?”</p><p>Her eyes blinked rapidly. “Dead, miss. H’lyn never recovered from the trauma. She had recurring complications and her spirits were—losing the queen was difficult for her. They were… very close. The healers said her body was shutting down. That’s why I asked for leave.” Leeka shifted her gaze to the rug. “H’lyn wanted someone from her family to be with her and handle final arrangements. She also didn’t want Jo to be alone.” Her voice cracked. “I had her buried near the queen’s mausoleum, like she wanted.”</p><p>Rising from her seat, she moved to Leeka, fighting the urge to wrap the woman in her arms. The suppressed grief behind her expression was intolerable to Alayna’s heart. “I’m so sorry. I know how much she meant to you.”</p><p>“Yes,” she replied blankly. “Since I was a little girl, H’lyn was who I wanted to be.” Leeka shook her head as if carrying on an unseen argument with the floor. Then, she cleared her throat. “One of her friends watched Jo, while I settled things for him here. He arrived this morning and is staying in my quarters until starting his new post tomorrow. I’ll ensure he isn’t any trouble. However, if you’d prefer him not to I can—”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous. He can stay as long as needed. It’s you I’m worried about.” Softening her tone, Alayna continued, “You didn’t say anything about your sister’s situation before leaving. Now, you’ve been back for two weeks and not a word about her passing.” She brushed her cheek. “Oh, Leeka. Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>There was a long silence and then her eyes lifted. “I thought it best not to.”</p><p>She flinched. “Why? Did you think I wouldn’t help? I can still help. Jo doesn’t need to work as a scrubber. I’ll get him a better place. Or we can take care of him another way. He’s very young. Wouldn’t it be better if—”</p><p>“No,” she interrupted. “The concern is appreciated, your highness. However, Jo is my responsibility. I will handle it.”</p><p>Alayna grabbed her hand. “But you don’t have to do so alone. I don’t understand why you won’t let me help.”</p><p>“That’s my business.” Leeka pulled her hand away. “You’re the one that insisted I have my own life. Please, respect it.”</p><p>Her heart recoiled at the slap. Stepping back, she slowly lowered herself on the settee. “Very well. I can’t force you. It’s just we usually handle things… together.” Apparently, Alayna hadn’t been imagining the strange distance between them lately. She dug fingernails into her palms and tried to keep her voice steady. “I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to lose your trust. I hope you’ll let me fix it.”</p><p>Leeka’s breath hitched. “No, that’s not—” She lurched forward and kneeled next to her. “It isn’t to do with trust. You’re so kind and will go out of your way to help anyone. I’ve become too—I have to be able to manage things without you. If you care about me at all, I need you to let me do that. Please.”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her. “If I care? Leeka, there are literally two people in this world I can’t do without. The Empress and <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Her muscles tensed. “Don’t exaggerate my importance, miss. You have plenty of other people. Commander Wren, for instance.”</p><p>Mouth parting, she sputtered, “You think—I’m not exaggerating anything. There are other people in my life but they’re not—Sabine and I are in a relationship, yes. But that’s different. No one else is… you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Leeka lifted a trembling hand towards her but then jerked it down. She jumped to her feet and backed across the space. “But she could be. Eventually. Anyone could be. Just give it time.”</p><p>Alayna’s heart hammered inside her chest. “No, Leeka. I only have one <em>partner.</em>”</p><p>Her gaze darted around as she whispered, “Good.” Then, she fled the room.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I find I can leave no insight on this chapter for fear of influencing your reader experience. Instead, let's have fun with an English teacher question... What 'consequence(s)' do you feel the author is referring to in the chapter title? (Hint: There's no wrong answer. Your interpretation is what gives a story life.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Tales of Heart & Duty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barriss tells Alayna about the past as the future creeps ever closer.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“As you can see, Eminence, our production output has increased by four percent since your last inspection. I’m confident we can reach ten by year’s end.”</p><p>Pulling her attention away from the contents of an open crate, Barriss gave him an impressed nod. “You’ve done well, Captain. Very well.”</p><p>Styles’ already erect bearing stood a bit taller. “It is my honor to serve Mirial.”</p><p>“And Mirial honors your service.”</p><p>“Tell me,” Alayna chimed in, “is your division satisfied with their posting?”</p><p>He stiffened. “Of course, your highness. They are soldiers, dedicated to the protection of Mirial.”</p><p>The young woman gave him a charming smile. “Without question, Captain. I simply wondered if any had expressed concerns about their assignment. This isn’t exactly what one envisions when taking up service, and they have now been stationed in an isolated facility for six months. Some consternation is understandable. Given the classified nature of the undertaking, it behooves us to ensure they find their work fulfilling.”</p><p>“They do,” Styles clipped.</p><p>Crossing her arms, Alayna fixed him with an expectant gaze.</p><p>Barriss smiled to herself. <em>That’s my girl.</em></p><p>He grimaced. “There is no more than everyday grumbling. Nothing to warrant any special concern. Quite frankly, the generous compensation and specialist rank would make any soldier loathe to abandon this posting. Additionally, we have instituted a myriad of training and off-duty activities not usually available to soldiers of the line. Ignoring tangible benefits, the close ranks builds camaraderie and deep loyalty to their shared purpose. Many have also developed unique skillsets that provide them with a sense of importance. Ambition to create the highest quality weapon or enhance its effectiveness has produced some impressive results. More than once, I have caught someone breaking protocol to etch their mark under a layer of steel or into the bottom of a hilt. It may not be what they imagined doing as a soldier, but they have no less pride in being one.”</p><p>Alayna inclined her head. “Her eminence wasn’t wrong, Captain. You’ve done well here. Attitude reflects leadership.”</p><p>His shoulders pulled back, chin lifting high. “Thank you, my lady. Though, as I said, there is an underlying pride that drives them. In their minds, they are critical to protecting Mirial.”</p><p>“And so they are,” Barriss stated.</p><p>Styles snapped even straighter. “I’m gratified you agree, Eminence.” A call came from the other side of the floor. “My apologies, but it appears I’m required to approve the forge restart so production can continue.”</p><p>“Of course, Captain. Please, attend to your duties. We’ve been here often enough to finish our inspection unaccompanied. Again, your diligence and leadership are very much appreciated.”</p><p>Giving a salute, he marched off toward his antsy lieutenant.</p><p>Returning to the spinning flail that had caught her attention earlier, Barriss lifted it from the crate and caressed the smooth wooden handle. <em>Nice.</em> Its balance and weight were perfect. She examined the spiked heads attached to three reinforced chains. She’d never used a triple-strike version before. One side of her mouth curved up.</p><p>A groan sounded behind her. “Not again.”</p><p>Barriss cocked an eyebrow at Alayna and popped the safety release with a dramatic flick of her finger. She began twirling the chained heads through the air. As she cranked up her rotation, the kinetic-powered mechanism kicked in and the heads began to spin independently of her own movements.</p><p>Its soft whir rolled into a vibrating whine, drawing attention from the other occupants of the infantry production center. Heads popped up from scattered workstations. Pumping her arm faster, she created a blur of speed. Shifting her gaze to the gawking soldiers, Barriss winked and let it fly.</p><p>It rocketed to an unoccupied area, pinged between four pipes for several seconds, ricocheted off a wall panel, and then careened toward a towering stack of crates. Each of the three heads thunked into a different crate, forming a triangle. The handle landed standing up on the floor in perfect symmetry, held in place by the taut chains.</p><p>Clapping whoops exploded, which unceremoniously died at a murderous expression from Styles. As they hunkered back over their stations, an anonymous rebel whistled. “That’s my kinda empress.”</p><p>Barriss twisted her head to the group, who were now studiously engrossed in their work, pretending not to be gauging whether they were all about to be demoted. “An empress is only as good as her soldiers make her. And whoever created that work of beauty is my kinda soldier.”</p><p>Laughing claims of responsibility dropped into a snickering silence as their captain sent another death glare.</p><p>Brushing a splinter of wood off her cape, Barriss turned to Alayna. “Well, anything else we should inspect in this area?”</p><p>Her eyes rolled skyward. “Don’t you <em>ever</em> get tired of doing that? Last time, it was snagging your dagger mid-flight with an electrowhip. Before that, a kusarigama that nearly took out Styles’ eye. Then, the new auto-target bow. That diamond shape you shot into the loading door is still there, you know. I saw two of them posing in front of it when we came in. Oh, and let us not forget the throwing axe you lodged in a rafter. Since it’s no longer hanging above us, I can only assume it eventually plummeted onto someone’s head.”</p><p>She sniffed. “Field tests are a critical step in the quality assurance process, my impertinent consort.”</p><p>“Ohhh, right. Good thing you explained that. Otherwise, I might have suspected you were just showing off.”</p><p>“It’s morale building for the troops. A vital concern as you pointed out yourself a few minutes ago.”</p><p>Alayna snorted. “Uh huh.”</p><p>Barriss tweaked her nose. “Fine. Ruin my fun, why don’t you. Not to worry. You can make it up to me. We still have the new exploding mines to go.”</p><p>“Oh. Great.”</p><p>_______</p><p>As they exited the compound gates, Barriss grinned. “See? No one was maimed during the commission of our duties.”</p><p>Alayna grunted as she hopped onto her blurrg. “Only because they know better than to get within range of their weapon-happy Empress.”</p><p>“Ye of little faith.” Mounting her own blurrg, she wound through the complex series of hidden bogs surrounding the facility. Reaching the open tundra, Barriss waited for Alayna to catch up and then they set off across the moors. She opened her mouth but never got a chance to make the challenge.</p><p>“No. Absolutely not. I refuse to race you back to the palace. I felt gritty for days last time.”</p><p>Barriss stuck out her bottom lip. “It’s not my fault you flipped yourself headfirst into a mudpit. The blurrg certainly knew better than to step there.”</p><p>She shot squinty eyes at her. “You’re lucky you weren’t in my chambers when I got home. I’ve never seen such a shade of apoplectic green on Leeka’s face.” A wistful smile formed. “She forced me to endure five different cleanser mixtures to remove the gunk from my hair. Though, I have a sneaking suspicion her true concern was the slit I embedded in her new carpet runner.” Alayna’s smile faded. “How about a leisurely trot where we talk and enjoy the beauty of the moors?”</p><p>Noting the tensed posture, Barriss slowed her gait. “I suppose that might be nice. What shall we discuss?”</p><p>Her gaze swept along the hilly landscape as a casual voice replied, “Actually, that reminds me. There’s something I’ve been curious about.”</p><p>“And that is?”</p><p>The young woman fidgeted with a clasp on her cloak. “Leeka said her sister never emotionally recovered from losing the queen. And Jo has what looks like a bonding bracelet that I think belonged to H’lyn. Last week, I realized where I’d seen the central design before. It’s Queen Padmé’s royal crest.” Her eyes flicked back to Barriss. “These facts made me wonder if their relationship was, well, more than handmaiden and mistress?”</p><p>She blinked. “Oh yes, my dear. It was much more. Why do you think H’lyn sacrificed everything to be with her?”</p><p>Alayna’s lips parted and then drew back into a wince. “Her family, her home, her purpose, her health, her heart… H’lyn lost it all. And giving Jo a happy life must have seemed lost as well.”</p><p>An ache rose in her heart. Whether it was her pain or H’lyn’s, Barriss didn’t know. Either way, it hurt. “Yes.”</p><p>Guiding her blurrg closer, Alayna reached out a hand. “I’ve brought up sad memories. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Taking it, she kissed her knuckles. “Don’t be. It’s also a reminder that sadness only comes from happiness. And they were for many years. That is no small gift, especially in our world. More so when you know they both thought to never find that kind of happiness again.”</p><p>Her posture perked up. “Do you know what happened to Jo’s father?”</p><p>“Only the basics H’lyn related. Apparently, he was the youngest son of a noble and expected to make an advantageous alliance. His family arranged a betrothal to a high-ranking courtier around the same time Jo was conceived. He offered to bring her to Onderon as a kept mistress, but she rejected the proposal. I don’t think they ever saw each other again. H’lyn said she never could decide if it was hurt, pride, giving up her profession, or pressure to carry the family legacy that motivated her refusal. Personally, I suspect her rebellious streak played a part.” Barriss flashed a wry grin. “H’lyn didn’t respond well to others putting her in a box, whether she wanted to be in it or not.”</p><p>“Did she regret her decision?”</p><p>“I’m certain she would give you an emphatic no. Despite the painful outcome, H’lyn felt the experience helped her recognize who she truly was and what that person wanted. It prepared her for the eventual choice to forge her own destiny.”</p><p>“Huh.” Her expression held a trace of confusion, but she appeared to shrug it off. “What about Queen Padmé? Did you mean she had a past love, as well?”</p><p>Barriss hesitated. “Yes, with a Togruta Chieftain.”</p><p>Her brow furrowed. “Ahsoka?”</p><p>Considering briefly, she decided there was no harm in sharing details. <em>They’re both gone now. Like all the rest.</em> Her fists clenched the reins. “This was many years ago. Ahsoka’s brother, Anakin, led the tribe then.”</p><p>“Wait! Lord Skywalker?”</p><p>Barriss stared. “I suppose you could call him that. He was Lord Chieftain of the Togruta at the time.”</p><p>Alayna shook her head. “That’s what he was called as a member of my father’s court. It was quite a scandal when my father appointed him. And Lord Skywalker’s disdain of rank, refusal to play politics, and radical ideas on an egalitarian society didn’t exactly endear him further. I used to sneak into a hidden alcove to observe court proceedings and remember enjoying his insolent remarks.” There was a diffident grin. “Plus, my younger self thought him very handsome.”</p><p>She snorted. “Yes, that all sounds like Anakin.” Steeling her muscles, she continued, “Unfortunately, his trust in Alaa’s friendship didn’t serve him well. Your father imprisoned him in his gambit to enslave the Togruta and ensure Ahsoka’s compliance.”</p><p>“Oh. I didn’t—he just vanished one day.” Her face darkened. “Everyone assumed my father had finally grown tired of his antics, since he betrayed the Togruta around the same time. It had a chilling effect on the court. The king could make any of them disappear and then commandeer their holdings and subjects.”</p><p>Barriss smiled grimly. “As Alaa intended, no doubt. Anyway, their relationship ended well before those events. Padmé didn’t feel able to abandon her duty to Naboo to be with him. And of course—”</p><p>“A Togruta never would have been an acceptable choice for a royal consort.” Her nostrils flared. “Ignorance.”</p><p>“Such is the world we live in.” She rubbed her forehead. “When we were young, anti-Togruta sentiment was high. Padmé and I actively worked to educate the public on Togruta culture. I do believe we made significant progress. Their plight since Alaa betrayed them has also generated sympathy. Though, given the level of scrutiny on even those of noble birth, I still doubt any realm would accept a Togruta Chieftain as an official consort—certainly not at a rank that would allow them to lead.”</p><p>“Guess we have more work to do then,” Alayna commented with an impish grin.</p><p>She chuckled. “Indeed. In any case, flouting her court’s approval and losing public trust would have had serious consequences. Coups have happened for less. Externally, the relatively new queen would have been viewed as a weak leader and ripe for conquest. The Naboo Padmé inherited wasn’t what it is today. She built what was an inconsequential power, barely able to fend off its neighbors, into an influential and prosperous realm. One that is now a sought-after ally and economic partner.” The ache swelled once more. “Padmé had a dream that Naboo would be a friend to all and an enemy to none. She came closer than I ever thought possible to achieving it.”</p><p>Alayna searched her face. “She couldn’t risk Naboo’s stability for her own happiness. Just like y—” Her eyes darted away. “A good leader would.”</p><p>Barriss gazed into the waning sun on the horizon. “Perhaps, it’s too much to expect of anyone. Being a secret paramour of a ruler, whose priority is her people, isn’t easy. To make things worse, your very existence is somehow so unacceptable that its public acknowledgement could bring down the person you love. How can it not create resentment and misery? You have to live with the knowledge you can never truly be together.” <em>H’lyn couldn’t even be buried with the woman she loved. That won’t happen to you, Ahsoka. I swear. I don’t care what it takes or whether you even give a damn anymore. It’s not my grave, if you’re not there.</em></p><p>“Couldn’t he have become a courtesan? My father has several that would be unsuitable as official consorts. Isn’t that accepted practice in Naboo?”</p><p>Dragging her thoughts back to the present, she nodded. “It’s fairly common in all realms. You neglect to account for the individual, however. For Anakin to leave his tribe and way of life to become a kept lover with no status wouldn’t have been a life he could have handled. Especially when arbitrary rules and a political system he found repugnant were responsible. If you’re a proud person, a leader in your own right with exceptional skills, who is accustomed to respect? I suppose Anakin wanted to keep what he had and the woman he loved. Eventually, he drew a line in the sand that Padmé wouldn’t cross by demanding she choose him or Naboo.”</p><p>“I see.” Her jaw set. “Another reason serious romantic attachments are a bad idea.”</p><p>Barriss frowned. “Experience something before you judge its merits. Padmé would tell you she cherished their time together, despite the painful result.”</p><p>Alayna hissed a breath. “Let’s not argue this again.” Then, she grimaced. “I’m sorry. Tell me the rest of the story.”</p><p>“They both kept going as we all do. Each of them tried to use their experience for the betterment of others in their own way. Padmé poured her energy into humanitarian and education projects, helping those society ostracized. And, as you witnessed, Anakin devoted himself to changing the system of elitism he believed had torn them apart. I’m not sure it was anyone’s fault. It’s simply how life is sometimes.” Her throat thickened. “Anakin eventually perished defending his people during Ahsoka’s uprising. Padmé was grief-stricken.”</p><p>“Even though she now loved H’lyn?”</p><p>“Of course. There’s no rule that you can only love one person in your life. Anakin always held a piece of her heart. And she in his. Their relationship didn’t end because of a lack of love.”</p><p>“I suppose. And, um, what about—when did she and H’lyn meet?”</p><p>“On a stay in Mirial, she was assigned H’lyn as her handmaiden. They formed a bond, and Padmé always requested her on subsequent visits. Not long after Jotaal was born, she convinced H’lyn to come to Naboo as her first. H’lyn being interior to the royal household meant no real political effect for their relationship. It was a fairly open secret. Though, Padmé did raise a few eyebrows by housing Jo in the royal wing. She also made arrangements for him to start an elite education. No doubt working toward making him a royal ward with his own title and lands one day. Padmé saw him as her own. He grew up very loved.”</p><p>Her mouth flattened. “Jo may have lost more than anyone.” She rubbed fingers over her throat. “Do you, uh, think they knew their feelings for each other right away?”</p><p>“I suspect they were in love before H’lyn went to Naboo. Whether either of them had actually realized or admitted it, I don’t know. In any case, they inhabited the same world with shared purpose. And it worked. Padmé and H’lyn understood each other in a way I’ve never seen. They were so… happy.”</p><p>Alayna chewed her lip without responding.</p><p>Barriss gazed at her. “Want to talk about it?”</p><p>She started. “Nothing to talk about.”</p><p>Assessing her for a moment, Barriss sidled alongside and halted their progress. Reaching out to rub her cheek, she murmured, “Well, when there is, you know where to find me.”</p><p>The intense green softened. Lifting her hand, she intertwined their fingers and whispered, “I know.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna arrived in her chambers to the sight of no one. Leeka wasn’t awaiting her with a drink, a robe, or even an exasperated expression at her moor-saturated appearance. Licking her lips, she called, “Hello?”</p><p>After a few seconds, Melita sped into the foyer. “My lady, I apologize for not hearing you arrive. I have fresh attire and a small repast prepared. If you’d prefer, I have drawn a bath in the manner Leeka prescribed.”</p><p>Alayna curled and uncurled her fingers. “Where is Leeka?”</p><p>“She had errands to complete and requested I attend you.”</p><p>Pain stung her chest. <em>It doesn’t mean anything. You’re being stupid. I’m sure these errands were important.</em> Still, Alayna couldn’t remember a single instance of Leeka allowing someone else to handle her arrival.</p><p>Melita lowered her gaze. “Do you—is there something I have forgotten to provide? You need only tell me what you wish.”</p><p>Wincing inwardly, Alayna pasted a smile. “No, of course not. I believe I’ve been in the elements too long and am processing a little slowly. A bath sounds lovely.”</p><p>The woman lit up and then stood in a respectful pose.</p><p>It took a moment for Alayna to realize she was waiting for her. <em>A handmaiden follows their mistress, remember?</em> Moving down the corridor, she inquired, “Did Leeka indicate when she would return?”</p><p>“No, my lady. However, I suspect it will not be tonight. She mentioned you were expecting… company this evening and we likely would not be needed until morning. I was to ensure you had everything required and then ask if you wished me to remain on call.”</p><p>Alayna’s stomach knotted. “I see. Of course.” She entered the bathroom and stared at the wall, while Melita stripped her soiled garments. As she sunk into the tub, Alayna closed her eyes and inhaled the usually soothing aroma. It didn’t help. And how the oil clung to her skin felt wrong. “Melita, would you lay out my dressing robe and the refreshment you’ve so kindly prepared? After that, you’re free to retire for the evening.”</p><p>“Oh. Are you certain? I am glad to stay nearby in case any needs arise.”</p><p>Opening her eyes, she smiled brightly. “I appreciate it, but I plan to have a leisurely bath and then relax. There’s no need for you to remain on duty. I can handle donning a robe and eating on my own.”</p><p>“Understood. Thank you, your highness. That is very kind. I shall verify my earlier preparations and then depart.”</p><p>“Excellent. Have a nice evening.”</p><p>“And you, my lady.” Giving a formal curtsey, Melita exited the bathroom.</p><p>Alayna waited until she heard the click of the door, before letting the tears come.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wonder if this chapter feels anticlimactic for those of you reading week to week? If so, I'm sorry! Anyhow, its purpose is to tie off a few dangling threads from the past, while laying some groundwork for the future. A future that is very fast approaching...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Double Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barriss goes all in, Alayna stares at her cards, and Ahsoka draws another losing hand.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sabine stretched her limbs with a sleepy grin. “Morning.”</p><p>Pulling a hand from under her pillow, Alayna trailed it along the woman’s bare shoulder. “Morning back. Sleep well?”</p><p>“I always sleep well in this marshmallow you call a bed.” Sliding an arm around Alayna’s waist, she drew her closer. “Though, I suppose it could have something to do with the person in it.”</p><p>“Mmm…” Alayna nipped her bottom lip as she danced fingers down Sabine’s body. “It better, my charming commander.”</p><p>She grabbed the hand sliding inside her thigh and groaned. “No distracting me this morning, please. I have to report to General Cody in an hour. If I’m late, you may not be able to call me any kinda commander.”</p><p>Alayna smirked and rolled herself to the other side of the bed. “Is this far enough away to prevent distraction?”</p><p>Immediately closing the distance, Sabine dragged chapped lips along her jawline. “Nope.”</p><p>She laughed and shoved the woman away. “You better go before I decide having a commander is overrated.”</p><p>Giving her a final kiss before leaping up, Sabine commented, “I must be losing my edge. That was far too easy.”</p><p>Her muscles tensed. Ignoring it, she wiggled her eyebrows. “Come back tonight and we’ll test the theory.”</p><p>Sabine tugged on her tunic with a mock salute. “As you command, Highnessness.” Then, she winked and vanished behind the tapestry.</p><p>Slumping onto her back, Alayna gazed at the ceiling. <em>What are you doing?</em></p><p>A respectful knock came from the door. She shot up and wrapped a dressing gown around her body. Smoothing her tangled curls, Alayna called, “Come in.”</p><p>Leeka appeared, hands clasped in front of her. “Good morning, your highness. I’ve drawn you a bath.”</p><p>Alayna gave her the brightest smile she could conjure. “Good morning to you. Did you sleep well?”</p><p>“I did. Thank you for inquiring. And you?”</p><p>“Hmm? Oh, yes, fine.” Alayna curled and uncurled her fingers. “So, any exciting things on schedule for today?”</p><p>Leeka’s eyebrows lifted. “Since my presence isn’t required during the audiences with your various constituency groups, I hope to reorganize the storage room. I’ve also blocked an hour to teach Melita how to track the pantry inventory.”</p><p>Alayna laughed, but it sounded strange in her ears. “Not sure that counts as exciting. What about something for yourself? Any plans this evening?”</p><p>She looked away. “I am meeting a friend for dinner, if my duties allow.”</p><p>“I see. Uh, that’s good.” Alayna wrapped arms around her stomach. <em>Who? Like a friend friend? Or like a Sabine friend?</em> “Please, don’t skip your dinner on my account. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Leeka’s gaze returned to her. “That is very kind of you, my lady. However, I will ensure my duties are complete before retiring.” Silence fell between them, until Leeka inquired, “Would you prefer not to bathe at the moment? Your attire is already prepped in the dressing room. Alternatively, your morning tea will soon be ready.”</p><p>She flinched and started moving. “Oh. Yes, sorry, I’ll take a bath. Thank you.” Halting at the door, Alayna picked at the tie of her gown and then blurted, “Leeka, is everything alright?”</p><p>The woman gave her a polite smile. “Perfectly, your highness. Is there something lacking in my service to make you believe otherwise?”</p><p>“No! Your service is exemplary as always. It’s just lately you seem… not yourself.”</p><p>Something flashed in the umber hues but vanished too fast for Alayna to identify. Still, it was a spark of life. “I’m not sure what you mean, my lady. Perhaps, you should have a warm bath and your tea. I’m certain things will feel more settled after you begin your rather full schedule for the day.”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her, desperation rising. Only blank impassivity looked back at her. There was nothing to grasp onto.</p><p>Her handmaiden coughed. “Is there anything else you require?”</p><p>“No,” she whispered. “I suppose not.” Crossing the threshold, Alayna slowly walked down the corridor with a heart that felt as hollow as Leeka’s eyes.</p><p>_______</p><p>“You are aware of his incursion into Hosnia last week, surely?”</p><p>“I am.” Resting elbows on the arms of her ornate armchair, Barriss evaluated her prestigious visitors through steepled fingers.</p><p>The Grand Chancellor of Chandrila stood behind the opposing settee, gazing at her with an aloof politeness that revealed nothing. Meanwhile, the King Consort of Alderaan crossed his arms and propped himself against the fireplace mantle.</p><p><em>Blast it. This is not going to go well.</em> “If I’m understanding your veiled statements correctly,” Barriss continued, “you wish me to join your realms in taking up arms against Coruscant?”</p><p>They glanced at each other. Then, Chancellor Mothma remarked, “More direct than is customary for you, Eminence.”</p><p>Barriss arched an eyebrow. “I’m not customarily propositioned by peace-inclined leaders of ally realms to invade another ally of Mirial.”</p><p>“Ally,” the King Consort clipped. “Yes, your original choice to strengthen his hand and thus contribute to our present state of affairs is a discussion for another day.” Intense brown eyes fixed on her. “Does that mean you are disinclined to consider our proposal?”</p><p>“At the present time, yes. I will not condone a course of action that will lead Mirial to war.”</p><p>“Mirial is already at war. We all are. This myopia is beyond belief.” Bail straightened off the mantle. “When Alaa conquered Sullust, you did nothing. He installed a puppet on the throne of Onderon. You did nothing. He expanded his eastern territory within striking distance of your protectorates. Still nothing. The Togruta, a people you have long protected and advocated for, wage a rebellion against his rule. Yet, nothing. Everyday, Alaa adds to his resources by enslaving vanquished foes and innocents alike. Nothing. Now, we’ve just presented evidence he’s conducting backdoor negotiations with Chitar, which can only bode ill for Mirial. And more <em>nothing.</em>” His tone edged with steel. “Even when he assassinated Padmé, you barely blinked. In fact, the only thing you have done is marry his daughter.”</p><p>Her heart wrenched at the accusations. They were all true. And oh, how she hated it. “A lack of action <em>is</em> an action, your highness. What you mean is that I have done nothing you approve of. More specifically, I haven’t taken an action that endangers those I’m sworn to protect.”</p><p>The man scowled. “That is exactly who will be harmed in the long run. And you will take the rest of us down with you. We are approaching a tipping point. Alaa has now expanded his reach twice over. If things keep progressing at this rate, he will soon be too strong to defeat. Even for you, Empress.”</p><p>Barriss sighed heavily. “What makes you think that isn’t already true, Bail?”</p><p>Mon cleared her throat. “You have another plan. Don’t you? There must be something more to this self-destructive neutrality as Alaa creeps across the core region. Barriss the Wise is not known for her shortsightedness.”</p><p>Massaging the rising ache in her head, she considered options. Alderaan and Chandrila were critical to her final phase. Providing no explanation for her actions may make future trust problematic. However, bringing them into the fold now carried additional risk. Yet, allowing them to continue on their present track could prove even more disastrous. Every play led to a possible game-ending mistake. <em>I’m so tired.</em> “I would advise you not to take any aggressive action against Coruscant at the present time.”</p><p>The formality in Bail’s posture fell away. “Barriss, we’ve known each other for many years. Some would say Mon and I took a huge risk by coming here and revealing our intentions. But those are the people who believe Alaa has some power over you that stays your hand. We are not among them. The woman we know would never sit idly by and watch Mirial’s destruction, even it meant sacrificing everything she held dear. However, it is becoming difficult to maintain that belief in the face of your continued indifference.”</p><p>Slumping back in her chair, she released a long exhale. “That is because you do not see the entire picture. You cannot defeat Alaa directly. Do you not think I’ve assessed such a possibility?”</p><p>“We have to try,” Mon insisted. “Giving him more time to consolidate his position only hurts ours.”</p><p>She shook her head. “Whether you made the attempt two years ago or a year from now, the outcome is the same. By the time his strategy became evident, it was too late. He has prepared for common configurations of realms that may invade, down to making specific alliances that address each possibility.”</p><p>Doubtful eyebrows lifted.</p><p>Barriss hissed a breath. “Let’s pretend our forces can survive a multi-day incursion fighting across half of Coruscant and then navigating the treacherous terrain to reach his fortress. A doubtful supposition—given his troop deployments, aggressor-pact allies, and defensive traps. Once there, the only way to successfully capture the castle is if we convince three additional realms with skilled armies to reinforce us. <em>And</em> they must be realms outside of his complex web without allegiance to anyone. This leaves a handful of options in the expansion region, not in our sphere of influence by design. Even if we managed to convince them to risk their own realms’ security for a threat that appears far removed from their concerns, the outcome still has an element of chance. It will mean a prolonged siege, maintaining extensive supply lines, and heavy casualties. I could go on, but you take my point. Mounting an invasion alone is the equivalent of handing your realms to Alaa.”</p><p>“How did you come to this assessment?” Mon questioned. “Our analysis is that with your added forces and the right timing, we have a high chance of victory.”</p><p>Barriss smiled wanly. “And where did your intel for this analysis originate? From the same sources detailing his talks with Chitar?”</p><p>The woman pursed her lips. “You’re suggesting both of our spy networks have been compromised?”</p><p>“You’ve just confirmed it. What you brought is exactly what Alaa intended for me to hear. It is also what we predicted to happen this month, though we weren’t sure who would deliver the information. Alaa is operating on a plottable timetable. Tell me, has your recent intel on Coruscant also included details suggesting Ahsoka Tano was in imminent danger?”</p><p>A flash of surprise passed through her normally unreadable countenance. “Yes. There was a report that she had been pinned down in the southern region, and it was only a matter of days until her forces were defeated.”</p><p>“As I thought. He obviously believes this is his best chance of weakening the two realms most likely to aid me when I make my move. Alaa threw in what he considers a trump card. Unfortunately for him, I have anticipated such a play. The last double-confirmed sighting of Lady Tano was yesterday in the <em>northern</em> region.” A wisp of a smile touched her lips. “She led an attack on an ore processing center and freed forty slaves.”</p><p>Mon’s mouth parted as Bail murmured, “Unbelievable.”</p><p>Barriss snorted. “Welcome to my world.” She hesitated, before plunging forward. “You said I have done nothing, but I have in fact stymied his plans time and again over the last few years. He slipped my net with Onderon and… Padmé.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Any other losses have been a calculated choice to prevent much worse. Sullust is a case in point. Alaa pressured his allies into a joint multi-pronged invasion of <em>three</em> realms. We planted intel implying the entire operation was a ploy to weaken his allies for a turnaround assault. To give them a plausible excuse to backtrack, we disrupted his supply lines. His allies refused to go forward, forcing him to redirect his reduced resources toward Sullust alone. Still, I gave them a fighting chance. They wasted it by their sluggish response to his initial incursion.” Her attention fixed on Mon. “His original strategy included Sullust, Corellia, <em>and</em> Chandrila.”</p><p>She frowned. “I’d be interested in hearing how he planned to accomplish such a feat.”</p><p>“The modus operandi is always the same—manipulate, distract, strike. That’s why you’re standing in front of me now. If I refused to act and you invaded on your own, he would wipe out two strong realms and allies of Mirial in one stroke. If you chose not to attack due to my lack of support, it drives a wedge between us. If I joined you, even better. No matter the outcome he wins. You don’t understand who you’re dealing with. It took years to learn his game. Please, I need you both to trust me and do…” She locked eyes on Bail. “… absolutely <em>nothing.</em>”</p><p>The man held her gaze for a long moment. Then, he moved to the settee. Taking a seat, Bail settled back with a debonair grin. “Trust is a rare thing in our world, Eminence. One that requires reciprocity.”</p><p>The corners of Mon’s lips twitched. Then, she joined Bail and looked at Barriss expectantly.</p><p>Her fingers curled around the arms of her chair. “This is a high stakes game. A mistake could cost everything.”</p><p>Mon inclined her head. “All the more reason to ensure your partners understand the strategy. Otherwise, they may play the wrong card.”</p><p>“The odds are stacked, Barriss,” Bail added quietly. “No matter how brilliant the player, they’ll eventually draw a losing hand. Take a sure bet, and deal your partners in.”</p><p>She rubbed her forehead with a defeated groan. “Damn you both.”</p><p>“What a very undiplomatic response, Eminence,” Bail sniffed.</p><p>“Indeed,” Mon chimed in. “Perhaps, I should handle any negotiations required for our strategy. Unless, inciting major political incidents have a key role?” Her owlish eyes blinked at Barriss.</p><p>An unwilling grin slipped onto her face. “Alright, partners. We’ll beat the house together.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“You requested my presence, Eminence?”</p><p>“Yes, Leeka. Do come in.” Barriss rose from her desk and moved toward the sitting area of her office. “Please, have a seat.”</p><p>Folding hands in front of her stomach, she assumed a respectful pose. “Thank you, my lady, but that is not necessary. How can I serve you?”</p><p>Barriss lowered herself onto the settee facing the fireplace. “Sit down, Leeka.”</p><p>A sharp breath sounded behind her. Then, the young woman rounded the settee and perched herself on the other end.</p><p>Turning towards her, Barriss didn’t bother with preamble. “I want to provide Jotaal with an elite education.”</p><p>Leeka’s lips parted and then pressed into a thin slash. “Did the Empress Consort suggest this idea?”</p><p>Her eyebrows shot up. “I am uncertain of the relevance, but Alayna had no hand in this proposal.”</p><p>She winced. “My apologies, Eminence.” Her voice wavered. “It is only that her highness has been very… insistent in her wish to help Jo.”</p><p>“Ah. You assumed she’d requested intervention from a higher power, as it were,” Barriss remarked wryly. “No, my dear. Though, I must confess some puzzlement on why you would object to additional support.”</p><p>Her expression morphed into perfect handmaiden impassivity. “Indeed. May I ask your interest in supporting Jo?”</p><p><em>Hmm.</em> “It’s quite simple. Queen Padmé was very dear to me. I intend to exercise every option my power affords to do right by her child.”</p><p>“I see.” Leeka exhaled. “While I appreciate your desire to assist, I’m not sure what you’re proposing is the best choice for him.”</p><p>“You have my word we won’t prepare him for a life he can’t have. No matter what aspirations and abilities develop as he matures, I will ensure Jo has an outlet to capitalize on them.”</p><p>“I have no doubt you would follow through, my lady. That is not my concern. Do you think I didn’t offer him other options than being a scrubber? Jo is here because he adamantly refused to be sent to Lord Tyranus’ institution. Even though it would have provided a myriad of well-placed paths for him. In fact, Queen Padmé left him a sizable bequest from her personal estate. Upon reaching his age of majority, he will come into what some would consider a king’s ransom. The issue is Jo wants to carve his own place in the world. Specifically, he wants to be like his…” She trailed off and looked away.</p><p>“Mother,” Barriss finished quietly. “I admire his tenacity. I would expect no less from a boy raised by two of the most fiercely independent women I’ve known. However, he is also nine. What he doesn’t understand is that reaching one’s potential requires someone else providing opportunities to be seized. Many hardworking people are never given the chance to discover all they can be. By availing himself of every option now, he has more control over his destiny, not less.”</p><p>Her gaze returned to Barriss. “Convincing him of that will be difficult. He will view it as special treatment.”</p><p>Barriss tapped a finger against her chin. “Perhaps, we can present it in a way that does not single him out. There is already an advanced educational program in place for any royal staff that show exceptional skills. What if we were to enroll him in that? Whether he realizes it or not, Jo has already been on an elite track. I suspect he will soon outstrip what they can teach him. The program manager could then recommend him for additional tutoring. So, he would only get what he has earned. Would that satisfy him?”</p><p>Leeka sighed. “I doubt it. I’m willing to make the offer. However, it must be his choice. I cannot force him into a mold he doesn’t want to fit.”</p><p>“Yet, that’s exactly what you may be doing by <em>not</em> forcing the issue,” Barriss replied tartly. “He’s putting himself into one that will be difficult to break, based on a child’s notion of the world. His mother certainly didn’t succeed because she decided all she could ever be was a royal handmaiden in Mirial. If Jo realizes in five or ten years he doesn’t fit that mold, what then? When he comes into his inheritance, will he even know how to manage it? We’re giving him an opportunity to make his own mold. He doesn’t need to understand that now. But you do.” She paused, before deciding to push the issue. “May I ask an impertinent question?”</p><p>An eyebrow cocked. “Please.”</p><p>“Have you accepted that you are now Jo’s mother?”</p><p>She stiffened. “W-what?”</p><p>Barriss maintained her expectant gaze. “Is that a no?”</p><p>Leeka swallowed. “I can’t replace his mothers, either of them.”</p><p>“Of course not. That’s not what we’re talking about. Call yourself an aunt or a guardian or whatever makes you comfortable. It doesn’t change your role. A mother makes the best decision for their child, when they are unable or unwilling to make it themselves. She knows her child well enough to decide when they should be allowed the freedom to fail or succeed on their own terms. She picks them up when they fall and encourages them to keep fighting. She forces her advice but also loves who they are. A mother may make mistakes. She may not know every answer. She may even be terrified of being one. But it doesn’t diminish her importance. So, tell me, is that what you intend to be for Jo?”</p><p>Her fingers twisted together. “I have no idea how to do any of that.” Leeka’s jaw quivered and then set in a hard line. “I am <em>not</em> H’lyn.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be her. You only have to be Leeka. She already possesses all she needs. Did you start out as an expert when I thrust you into being the first handmaiden to a future Empress? The same skills that make you an exceptional handmaiden will make you a superb mother. Use them.”</p><p>Leeka looked down. “That’s different. Jo isn’t part of that life.”</p><p>She frowned. “There’s no need to section your life into boxes. Simply be you.”</p><p>Her eyes slowly lifted to Barriss. “I can’t. It causes—” Leeka’s expression flattened. “I’ve found my duty is best served by separation.”</p><p>Rolling the response around in her head, Barriss attempted to tease out the underlying issue to address. It felt like they were talking about more than Jo now. <em>I don’t—wait. </em>The emphatic rejection of being H’lyn, concern over Alayna’s interference, and insistence on detaching duty from personal suggested… <em>Huh. I think I’m right. </em>“My dear, your sister’s choices and outcomes were hers. They have no bearing on yours. Your life is yet to be written. Live it as Leeka.”</p><p>She flinched. “What if I can’t handle—” Her mouth snapped shut. Inhaling through her nose, she held it for a few seconds before releasing the breath. “I will consider your advice, Eminence. Either way, I do want what’s best for Jo.” The girl ran a shaky hand across her forehead. “It’s alot to take in is all. I never expected to be any kind of mother.”</p><p>Barriss took the girl’s trembling fingers and gripped them. “Like I said, reaching one’s potential requires seizing opportunities. Time to find out everything Leeka of Mirial can be. If my opinion counts, I believe the answer is absolutely anything she wants.”</p><p>The umber hues glistened. “Is it inappropriate to ask—do you have advice on how I might show Jo the wisdom of this opportunity? I believe we’ll see better results if he feels it is his choice.”</p><p>Barriss smiled and rubbed a thumb over her knuckles. “I have a few ideas. You would need to decide viability based on your superior knowledge of his disposition. Let’s brainstorm together, shall we?”</p><p>Leeka sagged against the cushions with a soft, “Thank you.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Rex held out a pad. “This message came through our Alderaanian contact in a non-standard manner. It’s addressed to you.”</p><p>Ahsoka didn’t look up from her schematic of the doonium mine. Taking it from his hand, she laid it on the rock slab she’d makeshifted into a worktable. “What do you think about only using a single infiltration team?”</p><p>He cleared his throat. “I think you should read your letter.”</p><p>Lifting her head, she glanced at the pad and then back to him. “You didn’t say it was urgent.”</p><p>“Nope. I didn’t.” Rex gripped her shoulder. “I’ll be inspecting the perimeter if you need me.” Then, he exited the cave.</p><p>Slowly picking up the message, she saw Rex had already decrypted it to basic and loaded the file. Ahsoka flinched as the sender’s tag flashed on the screen. It was a sando sea monster, Padmé’s code symbol. <em>H’lyn.</em></p><p>A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. Last week, Ahsoka had finally brewed up enough courage to send the woman a letter, apologizing and hoping. Now, she was apparently holding the answer. Putting off potential rejection, she checked the timestamp.</p><p>Ahsoka frowned down at the screen. The reply in her hand was dated six weeks ago. That meant it couldn’t be a response to last week’s letter. The time period corresponded with her trip to Naboo. <em>Ok…</em> If H’lyn had actually replied to Ahsoka’s first message announcing her visit, why the delay in sending? Perhaps, the woman only recently decided to reestablish their friendship? <em>Or, she finally got up the nerve to tell you off.</em> Still, what reason would she have to use an Alderaanian courier?</p><p><em>Only one way to find out, Tano. Stop stalling and read the damned thing. </em>Ignoring her now churning stomach, she took a deep breath and read.</p><p>
  <em>Hello my friend,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This reply will likely be well overdue by the time you receive it. It also won’t bring much happiness. I’m sorry for both of these facts. I hesitated to even send one but decided it was important in case you decided to feel guilty or some other useless nonsense. So, let’s get that part out of the way now. I forbid it. Are we on the same page? Good. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Let’s dispense with the unpleasant news. I’m afraid I am dying. They didn’t detect the rare poison from the arrow tip fast enough to prevent permanent damage. Unfortunately, it has caught up to me sooner than expected. Rather important parts of my body decided they’d prefer not to work anymore, despite my explicit orders to the contrary. No respect! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In any case, my grim-faced healers insisted on hooking me up to noisy machines that made my insides burn and trapped me in a cell they claimed was a bed. I finally told them to leave me in peace. I’d rather live a few days on my own terms than survive forever as a mechanical plant. Especially when it means watching my son obsessively clean the shiny metal tubes with tears in his eyes. I couldn’t handle it. Do you think that makes me courageous or cowardly? Perhaps, both.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They say it won’t be much longer. By the time you reach Naboo probably. Try not to spill too many tears for me (though I do demand a minimum of two sniffles but no more than four). I like to think I’m going out as I lived. Though, I suspect the truth is less defiant. Since that terrible day, the day my world fell apart, this is the only thing that’s felt… right. I’m not sure whether I should be angry at myself or happy it doesn’t matter anymore. I suppose I’m following my heart to the end, for good or for ill.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you know what’s strange? I started this letter intending to tell you what She would have said. What is doesn’t have to be all there is for you. Remember who you are. But as I write the words, they seem inadequate. Yet, they never did coming from her. I wonder what that says about us? Oh well. Still, doesn’t make her not right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My sister is handling my affairs and taking Jo. We’re in good hands with her, so don’t worry. I wish my rebellious body would have allowed me to track you down and say all of this in person. I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it? I don’t need to see your face to know you’re there. You simply being in Naboo brings rare joy. It would to her, as well. You always were a ray of happiness in our lives. It seems fitting you’d provide light one last time, when I’m most in need of it. Thank you for that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know when this will reach you. Since I’m not currently mobile, I can’t give it to your contact here. And your secrets aren’t mine to reveal to others. I’ll ask my sister to figure out a way to get it to you after I’m gone. She’s quite the tenacious prodigy. If she had to capture a mythical loth-wolf and ride it across an impassable mountain range to deliver this, that’s exactly what would happen. So, no doubt you’ll receive it eventually, one way or the other.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alright, since I have absolutely no idea how to make this letter happier, I’ll say my goodbyes. When you think of me, think of friendship not pain. Please. Because I believe I can still say life is worth living. So, don’t give up on yours. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ever Your Friend,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>H</em>
</p><p>Ahsoka stared at the words as her fingers dug into the metal frame. A choked scream erupted from her chest, and she flung the pad at a cave wall. It ricocheted with an echoing crack and clattered away. <em>Stop. H’lyn doesn’t want this.</em> Pressing fists into the cold stone of her worktable, she struggled to regain control.</p><p>A splintered chair, two pulverized rocks, and one shattered but consumed bottle of brandy later, Ahsoka stumbled over to the discarded pad. Slumping to the ground, she ran trembling fingers across the fractured screen. <em>There’s nothing left to fear now. You’ve lost them all.</em></p><p>Cradling the final goodbye against her chest, Ahsoka Tano curled up and cried for the last time.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Chin up, ladies. The sun'll come out tomorrow. Seriously. It's kinda a thing. If it doesn't, we have bigger issues. (Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow!)<br/>Oh, forget it. Just go drink another bottle of brandy, smash a few rocks, and call it a night.<br/><i>Disclaimer: The last sentence is in no way meant as life advice.</i></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Path</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alayna searches for the correct path. Ahsoka finds herself trapped in a circle. Barriss discovers weaving isn't always effective.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maintaining a casual air, Alayna stretched out an arm and flipped her hand. The arrow jerked up and struck a sunken panel in the coffered ceiling. <em>Blast.</em> She’d meant to land it in the middle of the carved design like a bullseye. Instead the tip was halfway embedded in the surrounding molding, looking as if it might plummet onto their heads at any moment. <em>Oh well. Close enough.</em> “Is that all you’ve got?”</p><p>Sabine shot a glare. “You’ve now pockmarked the sparring area with an entire quiver of pulse arrows, shredded two electrostaffs, nearly deprived me of an eye by slicing the chain on my flail mid-spin, and in a supreme act of cruelty caused the tragic demise of my favorite whip. Does your wanton destruction know no bounds?”</p><p>She spun Barriss’ lightsaber with overdone flourish and puckered her lips in a pout. “Ruin my fun, why don’t you?”</p><p>Frowning at her bow, Sabine began adjusting the grip. “If you insist.” Her wrist flicked.</p><p>Still reveling in her utter domination, it took a couple of seconds to process the vibroblade spiraling at her. Courtesy of her showing off, the saber hilt was twisted awkwardly between two fingers. So, Alayna dove left and rolled to gain time to defend herself. It was a mistake. <em>Dammit!</em></p><p>The business end of an electro-spear crackled two inches from Alayna’s throat as an exultant Sabine towered over her. “Still fun?”</p><p>Tossing her lightsaber away in frustrated concession, she huffed. “That was a cheap move, Wren.”</p><p>The woman produced an infuriatingly cute smirk. “The enemy won’t play fair either.” Deactivating her weapon and chucking it to the side, she admonished, “Overconfidence leads to mistakes. Your bag of Jedi tricks doesn’t make you invincible.”</p><p>Alayna crossed her arms and glowered from the floor.</p><p>Snorting, she stuck out a hand. “Come on, Highnessness. Don’t sulk. It’s my job to win. The more losing you do, the less likely you will in future.”</p><p>Grinding her teeth, she let Sabine pull her up. “I should have won this time.”</p><p>The woman tugged Alayna in for a light kiss. “You did. This was my final lesson. You now know everything you need.”</p><p>She scrunched her forehead. “What does that mean?”</p><p>Sabine glanced around, rubbing her shoulder. After a few moments, she exhaled and returned attention to Alayna. “I’ve been offered a promotion, commanding the entire eastern division. It’s a dream position, except for one very important thing. Since I’d be stationed at Fort Hydian, we’d rarely see each other. While racking my brain for a solution, I realized it was time to accept the truth.” Autumn eyes searched hers. “What we are now is all we can ever be. You’ll never be able to love me, will you?”</p><p>Her ribs tightened. “I—” Scrubbing hands over her face, she gathered her thoughts. <em>Do what needs to be done.</em> She took a steeling breath and cupped Sabine’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let this happen when I knew how it would probably end.” Alayna traced the curve of her ear with a wistful smile. “You’re hard to resist.”</p><p>She grunted. “Not hard enough, apparently.”</p><p>“Enough to be the first person to lure me away from my steadfast rule on avoiding romantic relationships.”</p><p>A grin tugged at her mouth. “That’s something, I suppose.”</p><p>“It’s more than something.” Throat thickening, she ran fingers through lilac strands of hair. “I’ve never had anyone like you. You’ll always be special to me.”</p><p>Her eyes tightened and blinked rapidly. Lurching forward, Sabine dug a fierce mouth into hers. Alayna wrapped arms around her and drank from the tantalizing lips one last time.</p><p>When they finally broke apart, Sabine rasped, “I think that’ll be enough.” A faint smile formed. “By definition, this was going to be complicated. You’re already a bit like the dream one never expects to keep.”</p><p>She stiffened. “I’m not even close to such a thing. Dream of someone that actually deserves you. A person who can love you properly. Commit everything they are. That’s something I can never give anyone.”</p><p>Her forehead rested against Alayna’s. “I hope that’s not true. You deserve to be loved.”</p><p>Tears burned behind her eyelids. “Go achieve what you’re meant to be. Find someone wonderful along the way. Love them with your whole heart. Live happy.”</p><p>There was a choked breath. “I’ll try.” Lifting her head, Sabine caressed her cheek. “Will you try, as well?”</p><p>Alayna looked away. “And hurt someone else? My life won’t magically change. It is not my own.”</p><p>Sabine gripped her chin. “You didn’t hurt me. You made me happy. Whether it lasted six months or six decades doesn’t change that. Don’t give up because we didn’t work out. The next person may be the one that does.”</p><p>She frowned. “I’m sure everyone aspires to be a side note in the life of the person they love.”</p><p>The woman groaned. “You’re such a future empress. Every decision must be of dramatic import because the end of the world is nigh.”</p><p>Alayna smirked. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”</p><p>Her gaze flicked toward the ceiling. “Well, <em>Eminence,</em> I never felt like a side note. All of us have conflicting duties, desires, and issues to manage. Not on the scale of an entire realm’s survival, true. That doesn’t mean you can’t create a pocket of happiness or find a person who’s able to navigate the complicated terrain of loving an empress. How will you know if you never try again?” One side of her mouth curved up. “Even if you only get five more me’s, that’s alot of amazingness to enjoy.”</p><p>She snorted. “Fine. I’ll give it some thought, my bossy commander.”</p><p>“Please, do,” she murmured. “I certainly don’t regret our time together. I’d prefer you didn’t either.”</p><p>“I don’t.” Alayna slid arms around her neck. “But I <em>will</em> miss you.”</p><p>Sabine rubbed lips over hers with an impish grin. “You better.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna ran the rough fabric through her fingers. The gown from her bonding night with Barriss still held a hallowed place in her heart. It was the first present anyone had ever given her, a symbol of affection never had but always craved, a harbinger of happiness to come.</p><p>Figure out what it means to Alayna. That’s what Barriss had told her. And she had. It reminded her that no matter what setbacks marred her journey, Alayna possessed all she needed—a place to belong and people who were always there. But her confidence in that truth was wobbling. Her life had seemed settled and focused. Now, it was a mess, and she didn’t know how to fix it.</p><p>Putting on the nightgown, she stuck her head into the corridor. Her chambers were silent and dim. Satisfied everyone had retired for the evening, Alayna padded to the solarium. She pulled sleeves over her fingers and curled up in the window seat overlooking the moors. Gazing across the moonlit murkiness, she released the tears suffocating her chest.</p><p>Sabine had taught her something Barriss had tried to instill many times. Alayna finally understood. Even happiness that doesn’t last forever is worth the effort. That was the double-edged gift of experience. No matter the outcome, you still learned from the journey. Never traveling at all was like reading your favorite book for the rest of your life, gleaning every lesson—the same lessons—from its pages again and again. It was safe, predictable, even comforting. It was also an exercise in futility.</p><p>Yet, your book was still there. When the road became rough or your path obstructed, you could pick it up and read with a fresh perspective; Lessons never before culled from its pages now materialized. Perhaps, you’d even discover it held what you truly needed all along. Unfortunately, Alayna’s book had been misplaced in the shuffle.</p><p>Without Sabine filling the gap, her eroding foundation had become impossible to ignore. Leeka and Barriss were her bedrock of stability. One of them she had apparently lost. The other felt uncertain and distant.</p><p><em>You survived on your own for sixteen years and now you’re falling apart without someone taking care of you? How can you be a strong ruler if you’re so dependent on others? If losing them makes you paralyzed? </em>Perhaps, her father was right. Attachments only brought weakness. <em>No. I won’t be like him. There must be another path.</em></p><p>Closing her eyes, she let the Force flow through her. Every sense came into alignment with the world around her, and she savored the perfect harmony. It was still as special as it’d been on her first night in Mirial, when the Mimona had shown her what could be. The first time Alayna had felt she belonged.</p><p><em>What should I do?</em> The answer came immediately. <em>Be a fighter, Alayna of Mirial. Get your life back.</em></p><p>Jumping up, she set off to recover her book.</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss twisted around as the false panel on her huge wardrobe swung open, and Alayna slipped out of the hidden passageway. “Well then. The prodigal consort has returned.”</p><p>She returned a weak laugh. “Had to happen sometime.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, she squashed palms into it.</p><p>“I’m honored.” Putting on her nightgown, she eyed the young woman’s twitchy movements in her mirror. “No Sabine tonight?”</p><p>“Hmm? Oh. She left a few weeks ago to take command of her new division and shore up the eastern border.”</p><p>Tying her hair back, Barriss moved next to her. “Are you alright with her departure? Have things gotten more serious between you since we last talked?”</p><p>Alayna continued to stare at the floor. “Actually, we decided to end our romantic relationship. Her absence did make me realize something, though.” She slowly dragged her gaze up to Barriss. “I’ve been neglecting you. I’m sorry. It just sort of happened. That doesn’t mean—you know you’re important to me, right?”</p><p>Warmth spread through her chest. Despite being pleased at Alayna pushing her boundaries, Barriss had missed her company a great deal. She kissed her nose. “Of course, my smarmy consort. As you are to me.”</p><p>Alayna let out a shaky breath. “I’m glad.”</p><p>A slight frown formed. “Why such concern?”</p><p>She fidgeted with the sleeve of her nightgown. “The last several months have been… different, I guess. We’ve barely seen each other outside of court, banquets, or joint meetings. When that happens, I usually sleep here more often so we can spend real time together. But between Sabine and my new responsibilities, the nights slipped away. Then, you cancelled our training sessions and weekly dinner. You even started doing the weapons facility inspections without me. I was worried you might have thought I didn’t care about you anymore or something.”</p><p>Barriss winced. <em>You should have risked an explanation. </em>If there was anything guaranteed to rile Alayna, it was perceived interference with her choices. However, when it came to running a realm, help was sometimes required to ensure success. The difference between help and control remained a sticky line for the girl. As a result, Barriss had begun masking her providing of it. <em>Please, take this well. </em>“No, my dear. Overseeing the economic council and educational programs gave you a significant new time commitment with an extensive learning curve. As mentioned, you also had other things going on. On my side, Haaj and I had major changes to the final phase of our strategy to accomplish. Trimming our personal schedules temporarily seemed wise. Once we both weren’t in danger of passing out on our thrones, I intended to resume your Jedi training and demand two dinners a week at least.” She winked.</p><p>“Wait.” Her face began to redden. “Without bothering to consult me on the question, you decided I needed extra time to do my job and then didn’t even tell me you were doing it. Am I getting this right?”</p><p><em>So much for taking it well.</em> “Yes. That’s exactly what I did. Do you know why?”</p><p>“Because you thought I couldn’t handle it obviously,” was the flat reply.</p><p>Barriss gritted teeth. “Because that’s the reaction I would have gotten three months ago. You would have insisted on doing everything anyway, under the pretense of not needing help. My job is to protect the realm—even from one of its leaders exceeding their physical, emotional, and mental limits due to obstinacy. Especially when them doing so can have negative consequences on decision-making that impacts people’s lives.”</p><p>Alayna stiffened. “You were running those programs plus all of your other duties! I should have been able to manage it.”</p><p>“I’ve been doing this for twenty years, Alayna,” she replied calmly. “Learning new things requires far more time and energy. You also had just embarked on your first real romantic relationship. Serving your duty in this instance didn’t require sacrificing your personal happiness or learning curve. You would have done both out of a misplaced belief it was necessary. So, yes, I took it upon myself to ensure you were set-up for success.”</p><p>Scowling, she crossed her arms. “You didn’t even let me try!”</p><p>Barriss let out a weary exhale. “My dear, if I didn’t think you were capable, I wouldn’t have handed two major areas over to you. However, you must recognize that not only is it currently impossible for you to do everything I do, you also don’t have the experience to know better. That won’t be true forever, though. I fully expect you will one day outstrip everything I am. Just not today. Do you understand?”</p><p>Her expression pinched. “Yes, I understand. I would have understood three months ago if you had told me all of this. But you didn’t.”</p><p>She massaged a rising throb in her temples. “Fine. I concede the point. It’s simply hard to know when you’ll refuse to accept my help. If you decide to prove me wrong for whatever reason, I either have to force the issue or watch you struggle. I hate both options.”</p><p>Alayna’s posture deflated. “I’m sorry. I know you’re only trying to help, and I actually do listen. It’s like an automatic reaction or something. I’ve been working on it. But I’ll never break it if you keep doing what you think is best without including me in the conversation. That just makes everything worse in my head. As if you don’t trust me to make a good choice without you leading me to it. I’d much rather you tell me I’m wrong or override my decisions than pretend I’m making my own.”</p><p>Her mouth parted. “You are making your own. I’m providing indirect guidance, so you can learn what works for you. In this case, there were many ways you could have taken control. Demanding an explanation, coming here one night to discuss things, or simply showing up in my study for five minutes to name a few. The fact that you didn’t suggests you recognized it was the right choice on some level. You literally didn’t have the time and energy to prioritize finding out until now. In other words, you still made the decision in the end. I merely nudged you onto the path. You chose to walk it or not.”</p><p>The young woman looked away. “That is such a Barriss interpretation.”</p><p>She raised eyebrows. “And what’s the Alayna version?”</p><p>Her fingers flexed and then curled into a ball, before she whispered, “That you didn’t want to see me, because you didn’t care about me anymore.”</p><p>Barriss jerked, stomach dropping. Her mind spun into a freefall of old guilt and disjointed fragments.</p><p>
  <em>She maintained an impassive expression, while her heart died a thousand deaths. ‘My duty is to my people, Ahsoka.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her face pleaded for an answer Barriss refused to give. ‘Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Please, trust me. We can figure out another way together.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Duty over heart. Heart saved by duty. ‘There is no other way.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eyes that roiled like a storm throttling the winter sky gazed back at her. Then, they iced into crisp stillness. ‘You’ve made your choice.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘No, let me explain!’ Barriss begged. ‘I promise to be there. Ahsoka, please. Don’t do this!’ But it was too late. She’d misjudged the personal impact. Thought she knew best. Withheld too much. Caused the very outcome she’d been trying to prevent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The expressive blue fell silent. ‘Goodbye, Barriss.’</em>
</p><p>The shards of memories ground into a wound that refused to heal. <em>Unintended consequences, Eminence. Do you never learn?</em></p><p>Cupping the girl’s face, Barriss turned it back to hers. “Oh, Alayna, I am so sorry. I thought we’d cleared that hurdle long ago. Sometimes I make bad decisions, as well. We’ll figure out a different approach together, ok? But please don’t doubt how much I care about you. I’ve missed you tremendously the last several months. It’s just important to me that you’re happy and thriving, even when it means finding your way without me. Remember what I told you on our bonding night about you not being alone anymore?”</p><p>Her chin trembled. “You said I was part of your life now. You’d always be here for me.”</p><p>“That’s true forever.” Pressing lips against her forehead, she murmured, “I love you. That will never change.”</p><p>Alayna sucked in a breath and leaned back to scan her face. Then, the pine green hues began to sparkle, and the rare silly grin Barriss found adorable crept up. Sliding arms around her, she sighed. “Good. Because I can’t do without you.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Corkscrewing through the air, Ahsoka mowed through the line. Planting herself in the middle of the scrambling guards, she rotated with methodical precision and sliced through armored chest after armored chest.</p><p>An electroblade sizzled skin across her back. Letting out a roar, she pivoted around and struck down the soldier wielding it. Five more charged in from the adjoining corridor, and she flipped over their heads. Landing in a crouch, she swept one end of her saberstaff through five sets of legs to a burst of discordant screams.</p><p>Smiling grimly, Ahsoka put them out of their misery and then surveyed the carnage. No enemies remained. Her raging pulse ebbed into an unsettled calm. <em>Too easy.</em></p><p>Instead of whistling the all clear, she scanned the space. The doors she’d just barreled through remained open. Generator coils hummed in the center of the room. Distant rustling from her infiltration team, still holding position in the crawlspace, reached her montrals. There were no other detectable sounds in the power station control center. Yet…</p><p>Reaching out with her feelings, she found the answer. <em>One of them.</em> Ahsoka couldn’t hear the acolyte, but she could feel him.</p><p>Strolling over to the main control panel, she deactivated her saberstaff and laid it on the power assembly. Pretending to examine the mechanism, she focused her mind and waited.</p><p>Nearly a minute went by, before a barely audible breath sounded above Ahsoka’s head. <em>Ah. The Jango Jumper.</em> Tapping random buttons on the console, she shifted weight onto her back leg.</p><p>There was a whoosh as the man landed behind her. Calling her weapon and igniting it in one fluid movement, she met his incoming strike. Ahsoka smirked across the clashing red and green. “Disappointing. I’d hoped for some improvement. There will be no mercy this time.”</p><p>A modulated growl came from his masked face as he twisted out of the blade lock and danced around her. “It is I who won’t grant mercy this time, vermin.”</p><p>“Is that so?” Ahsoka surged forward. Her double-bladed staff crashed against his in alternating, powerful strikes, pushing him back toward the electrified coils. “Because it kinda looks like you’re going to die for the glory of Alaa.”</p><p>He snarled and dropped to the ground. “I fight for my own glory.” Rolling out of range, he whipped a throwing star from his wrist. Blue energy crackled along the metal tips as it streaked towards her.</p><p>Ahsoka knocked the projectile into the generator coils with a casual flip of her blade. It sizzled into a pile of warped metal. “Well, you need to work on it. Your glory is rather dim.”</p><p>The acolyte launched himself straight up, bouncing off walls at dizzying speed. With each rotation, he shot a small barrage of spiked darts at her.</p><p><em>Enough. Finish this.</em> Ahsoka unlocked her chained emotions, channeling them into cold intensity. Halting her defense, she lifted a single hand in the air and swept the pitiful objects away. “You are starting to annoy me.” Locking onto his presence, she snapped her hand into an empty fist and yanked it downward, ripping him from his perch.</p><p>He thudded into the ground, but swiftly leapt up and flourished his lightsaber. “Fine. I’ll kill you the old-fashioned way.”</p><p>Ahsoka took up position in front of the coils, heat radiating across her injured back. Soaking in the pain, she let it feed her thrumming veins. “Pathetic. I’ll provide you a few extra seconds of life to come up with better last words.”</p><p>“After I dismember your corpse, every last one of your little friends in the crawlspace will carry your rotting parts back to my lord. Before he has them drawn and quartered.”</p><p>She barked a laugh. “That’ll do.” Spinning her staff into a defensive posture with one hand, she flicked beckoning fingers with the other. “Time for you to die now.”</p><p>He charged forward; his weapon lifted high for an apparent direct assault.</p><p>Her lip twisted. <em>All too easy.</em> Anticipating his feint, Ahsoka did the exact opposite of the proper counter and simply stepped to the side.</p><p>There was a spluttered curse as he tried to halt his intended lunge in the same direction, but it was too late. His body rammed into her extended saber.</p><p>Staring icily along the blade at his writhing figure, Ahsoka sneered, “When you get to eternal damnation, give Alaa my regards.” She plunged the saber hilt-deep in his chest.</p><p>There was a final twitch and then he slid off her weapon, helmet clanging against the metal floor.</p><p>She gazed down at the lifeless carcass. As the adrenaline and exultation of another victory died, Ahsoka Tano once again felt… empty.</p><p>_______</p><p>They laid horizontally across the bed as Alayna expounded on how she’d sliced Sabine’s favorite whip into six pieces by accident. Barriss laughed. “Perhaps, we need to resume Jedi training sooner than I thought.”</p><p>The young woman snuggled into her shoulder. “Hey, I got the job done. And Sabine thought I did it on purpose, so she was extra impressed. And annoyed. Both of which I consider triumphs.”</p><p>Snorting, she shifted the arm Alayna was resting against and ran fingers through her curls. “So, what else have I missed in Alayna World? How is Leeka? You haven’t mentioned her at all.”</p><p>Her body flinched and then tensed. “Um, fine.”</p><p>She scratched nails along her scalp. “Come on. I thought we were going to try a different approach?”</p><p>There was silence for a few seconds and then a small voice answered, “I think I’ve lost her.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Has Leeka said something to make you believe that?”</p><p>“It’s what she doesn’t say. We’re just… different. I’m not sure what I’ve done or how to fix it.” Alayna paused and then a torrent of words flooded out. “She does everything required but there’s no satisfaction in it. She’s even taken to letting the other handmaidens handle my prep and vanishing most evenings. And we don’t really talk like we used to. Everytime I bring up a topic unrelated to her duties, she won’t engage. No matter how I approach it, Leeka doesn’t want me to help Jo or her. When I ask what’s wrong, she acts like I’m imagining things. But I know better.” A tremor ran through her body. “It’s in her eyes. They don’t shine anymore.”</p><p>Barriss held back a groan and raised eyes to the heavens. Clearly, neither woman had listened to one iota of her advice.<em> Enough of this limbo. You’re getting help whether you want it or not, my stubborn consort. </em>“It sounds as if she’s accomplishing everything needed, keeping her own personal troubles to herself, and managing any additional responsibilities without compromising her duty in the process. In fact, Leeka is behaving as a perfect handmaiden should.”</p><p>Alayna jolted up. “That’s not what I want! That’s not how we are! She’s my…”</p><p>“Your what?” <em>Come on, my girl. Say it.</em></p><p>She stared at a pillow, twisting a corner between her fingers. “My partner. I n-need her.”</p><p>“Ah.” Sitting up, Barriss shifted into a cross-legged position and lifted her chin. “Then, perhaps the question is finally answered?”</p><p>Her brow furrowed. “What question?”</p><p>This time she couldn’t stop the groan. “You once asked me what your feelings for Leeka meant and whether it would be appropriate to act on them. I gave you my advice, which you promptly rejected. You then spent nearly two years saying you would handle the situation in your own way. Always insisting you didn’t want a serious romantic attachment, like you don’t already have one. As if avoiding the romantic aspects make you less attached to her. You’ve been pretending your feelings for Leeka don’t exist when you knew that wouldn’t resolve anything. Why?”</p><p>Alayna cringed and then mumbled, “I think I’m scared.”</p><p>“Fear is a part of life. When it comes, we rail against it in defiance. Don’t let it crush you without putting up a fight.”</p><p>Raw vulnerability Barriss hadn’t seen in years looked back from haunted green eyes. “What if it already has?”</p><p>“Oh, Alayna.” Reaching up, she stroked her hair. “It hasn’t. It never will.”</p><p>Her bottom lip trembled. “Why do you believe in me so much?”</p><p>Barriss smiled softly. “Because I see who you are, Alayna the true, the kind, the valiant. And the person I see can conquer anything.”</p><p>She gasped and crumpled against her chest. “I love you.”</p><p>“And I you.” Barriss wrapped her up in a tight embrace. “I know you’ve been taught differently but depending on others does <em>not</em> make you weak. No one is stronger alone. The Force binds us together. Not embracing that connection is foolish. Your father doesn’t understand this truth and lives in darkness as a result. It is a diabolical trap, because what appears to be a tempting shortcut drops you into a never-ending cycle of discontent and misery. What good is achieving your goals if your soul is empty when you arrive? You then can only fill the unnatural hole you’ve created with more temporary victories, leading to more emptiness. Your father will never find rest, satisfaction, or peace. Don’t follow his path. You’ve seen where it ends.”</p><p>A muffled sniffle sounded. “I know. But shouldn’t an Empress be able to lead without being dependent on others?”</p><p>“There’s a difference between depending on others for support versus depending on them to define you. If I didn’t rely on anyone, even to help calm my troubled thoughts or fortify my confidence, where would Mirial be?” Barriss massaged rhythmic circles along her back. “By the same token, unselfish love shores up our weaknesses and enhances what is already there. This path takes longer to master and is harder to follow than your father’s. It is not the way of cowards. Walking it requires courage, perseverance, and sometimes pain but also leads to wisdom and fulfillment. It brings light not darkness.”</p><p>“What if something goes wrong, though?” Her tone pitched higher. “What if I can’t balance my duty and my heart? What if she doesn’t want me? What if I ruin her happiness by telling her how I feel? What if she leaves me? What if I can’t handle it?”</p><p>Raising Alayna’s head, she spread fingers across her cheeks. “Calm.”</p><p>The young woman took several deep breaths and then fixed feverish eyes on hers. “I can’t lose her completely, Barriss. I can’t.”</p><p>“I understand. Unfortunately, rejection, uncertainty, and loss are also part of our lives. Where do you think the fear comes from? Everyone must find a way to deal with those things without losing themselves in the process. Pushing people away is simply a less effective form of doing so. It doesn’t change the final result. Strength is forged in pain for all of us. It’s how we choose to forge it that makes us who we are.” She dried a tear streak off Alayna’s face. “Happiness can be an elusive prize. That doesn’t mean chasing it isn’t a risk worth taking.”</p><p>Her gaze floated away. “Yes. Like with Sabine.” She refocused on Barriss. “How did you decide the person you wanted was worth the risk?”</p><p>“I didn’t. Like you, I simply knew I didn’t want to lose what I eventually lost.” Her thoughts strayed through misery and joy. “I finally understand. I worked so hard to keep my duty and my heart separated, but they are intertwined. Duty without heart is meaningless.”</p><p>“Would you make the same choice again?” Alayna ventured. “Even knowing how it would end?”</p><p>“Always,” Barriss replied wistfully. “My life would have been emptier without her in it. And I learned so much from her. More importantly, it would have meant denying who I am. How can I lead anyone while pretending to be something I’m not?”</p><p>The young woman chewed her lip. “So, what should I do?”</p><p>Surprised at the request for specific guidance, she replied warily, “It’s your choice. Only you know if you’re ready for the consequences, good or bad. I’m merely suggesting it’s time to stop pretending and accept what you already know is true. Then, you can realistically work toward resolving the dilemma. If that means acting on your desires, finding a way to let her go, or something else, you’ll have to decide.”</p><p>“But that’s what I’m worried about!” Her pale skin flushed. “What if I make the wrong choice? You’re still not telling me what you really think. I thought we were trying a different approach?”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, she laid a hand on Alayna’s face. “Don’t get upset. Explain what you need from me. Are you asking whether I think you should tell her how you feel?”</p><p>There was a jerky nod. “Please, Barriss. I can’t mess this up.” Her voice cracked. “H-help me.”</p><p>Her eyes widened at the plea she never thought to hear. Barriss automatically started evaluating the potential outcomes to tailor her approach. <em>No. Time to stop repeating your mistakes. Only one approach. Trust her to handle what comes.</em> “Alright. Yes, I think you should tell her the truth. Give her a way out, ensure she knows it’s her choice, and then ask her to be yours. Basically, my advice is to jump off a cliff and hope you land in paradise. Even if you crash on a rocky ledge below and fight tooth and nail to reach the sunlight once more, I desperately want you to jump. Because facing your fear is what separates survivors from cowards. And Alayna has <em>never</em> been a coward.”</p><p>She swallowed. “Ok then.” Alayna rubbed her throat with a weak smile. “If I decide cliff diving is for me, any suggestions on the best way to fall?”</p><p>“Hmm, perhaps. How about this? Let’s go to bed. Do your best to not think about this anymore tonight. When you wake up, ask yourself one question. If you had no more days with Leeka, what would you most regret never saying to her?”</p><p>“And then what?”</p><p>Barriss winked. “Go tell her the answer and see what happens.”</p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ah, this chapter. I intended on posting it as a mid-week surprise. However, I was never quite pleased with the flow. I felt like it dragged in places. This often happens when I'm trying to explore deeper themes &amp; character issues. It's hard to know what needs exposition and what can be inferred by the reader. In my final edit, I decided to add a bit of variety to the scenes and toy with placement. This led to splitting a scene and filling out some dialogue. So, I spent five extra days on a chapter I thought was done and added nearly two pages of content. Was the end result worth the effort? The double-edge gift of experience. You still learn from the journey. 🤨</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Dependence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dependence is a tricky thing. Does it mean jumping off a cliff and trusting someone to catch you? Trusting in yourself to land safely? Is it too much or too little dependence that might kill you? Questions I highly doubt this chapter will answer. Which is good, because all Alayna wants is to survive the fall.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Leeka, may I speak with you?”</p><p>Her handmaiden halted the rearrangement of a flower display. “Certainly.”</p><p>Glancing around the momentarily empty corridor, Alayna motioned toward her bedchamber. “It is a confidential matter.”</p><p>Leeka followed her in and closed the door behind them. She folded her hands with a respectful expression. “Yes, my lady?”</p><p><em>Give her a way out first.</em> Alayna crushed sweaty palms against her thighs. “Would you prefer to leave my service?”</p><p>Her mouth dropped open. “What? No.”</p><p>“Are you certain? Please, be honest. I don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me.” Working to keep the tremor out of her voice, she pressed on, “I’m more than willing to provide an excellent reference or even arrange another place in the royal court if you wish. We can ensure it is with someone you could respect, who would appreciate your skills. You only have to say the word.”</p><p>Leeka’s body went rigid. “Where is this coming from? Why would you think I’d ever want to leave you?”</p><p>Six months of confused hurt threatened to spill from her lips. Her efforts to hold it back resulted in a flat statement. “You’ve put up such a wall between us, I’m not sure what else to think.”</p><p>A dark flush rose in her cheeks. “That’s what you wanted!”</p><p>Alayna gaped. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>The woman thrust out her chin. “You kept insisting I stop hovering over you and delegate my duties more. You asked me to create a life outside of yours. Clearly, you felt I was stifling you and your pursuit of… other interests.”</p><p>“That’s not true! I just wanted you to be happy. Instead, it seems like you’re miserable. I can’t stand being the cause. We can find someone who will make you happy.”</p><p>“You do! I can’t—I shouldn’t—” Leeka buried her face in her hands with a plaintive cry. “I don’t understand what you want from me.”</p><p>Her jittery stomach congealed into a thick knot. <em>Be a fighter. </em>“I only want… you.”</p><p>Arms falling by her sides, Leeka’s chin sunk into her chest. “If you say so, miss.”</p><p>Edging in front of her, Alayna curled and uncurled her fingers. Raising them, she brushed the downturned cheek. Her heart clenched when she realized it was wet. “Why won’t you believe me?”</p><p>“Why would you care whether I’m here? You’ve got your choice of people like Commander Wren to keep you company. I’m simply your handmaiden.”</p><p>“There is no Commander Wren. We’ve ended our relationship.”</p><p>Her head snapped up. “You have? Why?”</p><p>“Does it matter? I’m saying I need <em>you,</em> Leeka.”</p><p>Swiping tears off her cheeks, she fixed on the far wall. “You need someone to advise you, protect you, manage your household, and help you perform your official duties. That’s what I’m doing.”</p><p>“No, no, no!” Grabbing her face, she forced Leeka to look at her. “That’s not what you are to me.” Desperate to make her understand, Alayna spun into a tumble of words. “You can stop being my handmaiden right now if that’s the issue. Be my friend, my companion, anything. It won’t change how I feel. It’s <em>you</em> I need. <em>You</em> I love.” She flinched as the truth escaped her lips. They were words she had never allowed herself to even think. Yet, they’d slipped out as naturally as a breath.</p><p>Leeka jerked back and then froze in place. “You… l-love?”</p><p><em>Take it back!</em> “What I meant was—it’s—” <em>Coward!</em> Shallow air rushed through her lungs. Her feet shifted of their own accord and began pacing in nonsensical circles. Alayna was hanging by her nails on the side of a precipice. An imaginary Barriss surveyed her precarious position and then arched an eyebrow. <em>‘If you’re going to jump off a cliff, my dear, do it properly.’ </em>Forcing herself to a halt, she summoned every shred of courage she could muster and slowly faced Leeka. “Yes. I love you.”</p><p>There was nothing but a long blink in response.</p><p>As the silent seconds ticked by, her heart began to shrink. <em>She doesn’t know what to say. Because she doesn’t want you. Why would she? You’ve ruined everything! </em>The room closed in around her as oxygen stopped feeding her lungs. Everything started spinning, and Alayna braced herself against a bedpost. Fighting through the oppressive choke, she rattled, “I know saying it puts you in a difficult position. I promise I worked hard to keep my feelings contained. I really did. But I’ve lost you somehow, and it’s killing me.” She stared down at the knitted blanket Leeka had given her. <em>Oh, what have I done?</em> “Tell me what to do. I can pretend I don’t love you maybe. We could go back to how we were. If it makes you uncomfortable—” Her strained vocal cords wheezed. “I’m so sorry. I’ll make it better somehow. Anything you want. Just <em>please</em>, don’t leave me.”</p><p>A sudden intake of breath sounded behind her. “Stop. You’re working yourself up.” A hand took her elbow, guiding Alayna around. Leeka closed her eyes, lips pressing together. When she finally reopened them, they locked on hers. “You didn’t lose me.”</p><p>“I h-haven’t?”</p><p>“Of course not.” Trembling fingers floated up, hovering mid-air for several moments. Then, they steadied and laid on her cheek with a quiet declaration. “I will never leave you.”</p><p>Alayna couldn’t help but turn her face into the touch, desperately clinging to the connection. “Are—are you sure? You’re not saying that to make me happy or because you think you have to, right? I meant what I said. I’ll fix it however you want. I swear.”</p><p>There was a wispy sigh. “Sometimes, you’re still that princess I met years ago. Trying so hard not to show the fear you could never hide from me. And just as surprised that anyone would care about you. Don’t you see? It’s impossible for me to leave the person who holds my heart.”</p><p>A strangled gasp burst from her lungs. <em>Can’t be.</em> “If that’s true, why did you push me away?”</p><p>She winced. “I had to manage my own insanity. Not only did I want you in a way I shouldn’t, I’d let myself continue living in that dream. A dream where things would stay exactly the same forever. Where I’d always be the one you wanted beside you. And you’d always need me.”</p><p>“I do,” she breathed.</p><p>Leeka smiled. Her hand drifted up to Alayna’s forehead and trailed across it. “Seeing you with someone else forced me to wake up. But it was too late. I already thought of myself as yours. Except, I wasn’t. And I had no right to feel that way. I couldn’t make it stop, though. You were everywhere. I even broke down cleaning your muddy footprints off the new carpet runner. It was irrational and terrible. The feelings I once believed under control were anything but; I couldn’t let them compromise my duty. You deserved a first handmaiden not a distracted mess.”</p><p><em>I think she really means it. She… wants me.</em> The choke hold on her lungs eased. Inhaling fresh life, Alayna began to believe what was in front of her. “I’m sorry. I was a bit of a mess myself.”</p><p>“It’s not your fault. You should be happy with anyone you want. And there was more than that going on in my head. It only seemed to confirm—” The nimble fingers stuttered mid-caress. “I’d just watched my sister die with a broken heart.”</p><p>“I wish you would have let me help. You were in pain, and I couldn’t do a thing about it.”</p><p>She grimaced. “I know, but it would have only made me even more dependent on you. Suddenly, being like H’lyn terrified me.” Leeka stared at nothing. “I’m not sure I can explain how it felt. The sister I’d worshipped since childhood, who always radiated confidence and life, who forged her own path and conquered every trial just…” She cupped hands over her face with a harsh breath. “… faded away.”</p><p>Chest throbbing at the sight, Alayna reached toward her but then let her arms drop.</p><p>After far too many helpless seconds, Leeka lifted her head. “She gave up everything to follow her heart and then it was shattered. The woman she loved and served was her world. When she lost that world, her life stopped. If she couldn’t handle it, how could I? It already felt as if your life was mine. Then, I came home to a reality where you might not need me anymore. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was only trying to untangle myself.”</p><p>An ache rose in the back of her throat. “You’re part of my world as well. An irreplaceable part. When I thought I lost you, it was…” A shudder passed through her body. “Are you saying we can’t—you need to leave me to be ok and—”</p><p>“Absolutely not.” Her hand returned to Alayna’s cheek. “I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>She exhaled shakily. “Good.” Despite the assurance, her insides continued twisting into painful knots. “But are you really alright with this? I don’t want you to stay with me if it’s going to hurt you.”</p><p>“Force above, how many ways do I have to say it?”</p><p>Alayna wrapped arms around her roiling stomach and attempted a smile. “Um, is that a yes?”</p><p>Leeka groaned. “More than a yes.” She moved closer and massaged the tensed muscles in Alayna’s shoulders, working her way down. “Before she passed, H’lyn told me I was missing the point. Duty without heart denies who you are. Living that way brings only misery.” Gripping her wrists, she guided Alayna’s arms down to her sides and then locked their fingers together. “She was right. Because, Trikara knows, I’ve been miserable. All I wanted was to let myself be yours again, even if you didn’t care. Except doing that felt akin to throwing myself off a cliff.”</p><p>The weight of Leeka’s hands in her own had a calming effect on her revolting insides. She managed a weak laugh. “I think I just did.”</p><p>Her umber hues sparkled in the way Alayna loved. “Well, your sacrifice wasn’t in vain. It snapped me out of my self-inflicted purgatory. I apparently can’t change who I am.” Her gaze unfocused. “The Empress told me this months ago. She said H’lyn’s outcomes had no bearing on mine. I didn’t listen, but I should have.”</p><p>She frowned. “When did that come up? And why were you both talking about—”</p><p>Dropping her grip, Leeka put a hand over her mouth. “Don’t work yourself up over nothing. You’re so sensitive about people wanting to help you, yet you insist on helping them. Besides, she was trying to help <em>me.</em> Her eminence had no idea you were concerned. Is that acceptable?”</p><p><em>Oh, I doubt that. Barriss always knows.</em> Still, the annoyance seeped away as Alayna soaked in the sensation of Leeka’s fingers resting on her lips. She brushed a tentative kiss against them. “Pretty sure I’d find anything acceptable at the moment.”</p><p>“In that case, accept what I’m saying.” Light fingertips traced her mouth. “She wasn’t wrong, even if it did take me until now to realize it.” Her voice roughened with a throaty intensity. “I’m not H’lyn or anyone else. I am Leeka. And there’s only one place she belongs.” A thumb pressed into her bottom lip. “With you.”</p><p>The last layer of fear fell away, releasing its crushing weight on Alayna’s heart. Something between a sob and a laugh spewed from an emotion that was impossible to describe. Raising hands to Leeka’s cheeks, she explored the texture of each of her favorite freckles. What was most certainly a silly grin commandeered her face, but Alayna didn’t care. “Is it alright to demand you never untangle yourself from me again?”</p><p>A rare full smile blossomed. “If you wish, my lady.”</p><p>“I do,” she murmured. Alayna floated closer, until she could feel warm exhales flowing across her chin. “And Leeka?”</p><p>Her breathing slowed to a soft flutter. “Hmm?”</p><p>“Two things. One, may I kiss you? And more importantly, will you <em>please</em> call me Alayna?”</p><p>An eyebrow cocked. “No.” Leeka slid arms over her shoulders. “I think <em>I’ll</em> kiss you. And more importantly…” Tender lips met hers as she whispered, “I love you, Alayna.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Kissing Leeka was existing in a tranquil summer rain, warm drops cascading over tingling skin. The sensation of their lips moving together was so unlike anything else. Her desire for it to never end greater than any Alayna had ever experienced. Yet, it wasn’t hungry. It was… soothing.</p><p>Unfortunately, fatiguing mortal bodies fail to sustain eternal perfection. Leeka pulled away and stretched her limbs with a grimace. Relaxing onto her side, she tucked herself against Alayna. Her skin always seemed to radiate heat, and Alayna savored the feel of it warming her own.</p><p>Propping an elbow on their shared pillow, Leeka gazed down at her. Nimble fingers fluttered over Alayna’s face and lingered on her mouth. “Force, I love kissing you. I thought I might get used to it after a few weeks. But looks like that’s a definite no.”</p><p>“In that case…” Raising her head, she caught Leeka’s lips in hers once more.</p><p>The woman gripped the back of Alayna’s neck and resumed her mouth’s gentle caress.</p><p>Alayna hummed and wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her as close as possible. <em>Please, never leave me.</em></p><p>After another extended round of bliss, they broke apart and grinned at each other. Settling onto her side once more, Leeka laid an arm along the top of their pillow. Winding a long curl around one set of fingers, she let the others roam across Alayna’s face.</p><p>Her lips stretched into a smile as a fingertip traced them. “Mmm… that still feels nice.”</p><p>“Good,” a quiet voice responded. “Because it’s my favorite part of your body.”</p><p>She twisted her head to gape at Leeka. “You’re not serious.”</p><p>“Completely. I’ve always found your mouth amazingly distracting. Maintaining my perfect handmaiden stare when you’re talking at court is a trial of outlandish proportions.”</p><p>Alayna scrunched her nose. “Well, that’s a new one. I mean I’ve been the recipient of gifts celebrating my hair, eyes, complexion, figure, even my ankles.” Holding up a superior hand and examining her nails, she added, “And who could forget my bosom of magnificence.”</p><p>Her expression pinched. “I still can’t believe the cheek of that scruffy nerfherder. Having the patronage of Lady Jamila and being a <em>supposedly</em> talented young artist, who appears to simply roll out of bed in the same clothes each morning—assuming a half-buttoned shirt even counts—doesn’t mean you’re allowed to paint some juvenile fantasy of the Empress Consort’s breasts.”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow. “Possessive of my breasts, are we? Don’t I still have that painting somewhere? Perhaps, we should move it to the receiving area as a conversation piece.”</p><p>“Actually,” Leeka replied with an airy tone, “I haven’t seen it in quite awhile. I fear—through some terrible oversight—Lutte may have inadvertently put it in the refuse pile last spring cleaning.”</p><p>Alayna snorted. “Uh huh. Poor Lutte gets enough guff from you. No need to add more to her plate.”</p><p>The woman squinted at her. “You are too soft on her and Melita both.”</p><p>Reaching over, she rubbed Leeka’s cheek. “Not everyone can be you. Both of them work hard. They certainly do everything you ask of them. I know they don’t always do it to your standard, but I’m not sure that’s possible for anyone. Or do you not remember the string of top tier handmaidens we ran through at first? Lutte and Melita, on the other hand, had no pretensions to greatness but were diligent and eager. They survived your trial by fire and have actually become quite skilled under your expert, if demanding, guidance. In fact, either one could now easily secure a first handmaiden’s post with a major court member. You don’t seem to realize how exceptional you are.”</p><p>She blew out a long exhale. “Fine. I’ll tell them good job every once in a while. When they deserve it.”</p><p>Alayna rolled her eyes. “Don’t overdo it or anything.”</p><p>A mischievous gleam flitted across her face. “Anyway, what were we talking about before you decided to give unsolicited opinions on my management style? Oh yes, your breasts. <em>If</em> I were possessive of said objects, it certainly wouldn’t extend to that highly suspect painting. I’m very sorry to have to inform you, my lady, but your breasts do not radiate streaks of light nor do they resemble giant grapefruit.”</p><p>She burst into laughter. “Noted, my ever-realistic handmaiden. The point is that never in any of these sonnets, artwork, ballads, or even prostrate speeches did anyone wax poetic on my lips. They aren’t exactly my best feature. They’re just kind of… there.”</p><p>“Oh, I absolutely forbid you to say such a thing ever again.” Her gaze roved over the feature in question as she breathed, “They are <em>perfect.</em>”</p><p>“Well, whatever makes you happy. Given I am the beneficiary, I won’t argue.”</p><p>Leeka returned a small grin. “It was one of the few parts of you I never really got to touch. Honestly, I’ve been over your body so many times, I can find the invisible scar adjoining your left shoulder blade blindfolded. Everything is just so familiar. But this…” Her thumb depressed a tiny notch on her bottom lip. “... is gloriously new. And I want to know every last centimeter.”</p><p>Her chest swelled. “You are—wait. I have an invisible scar?”</p><p>Stretching a hand over her and sliding it behind Alayna’s shoulder, she poked a spot in her upper back. “Right here.”</p><p>“Oh.” Alayna looked away. “Sometimes, I think you notice <em>too</em> much.”</p><p>“I can’t help it,” she murmured. “Whatever happened left a permanent mark under layers of new skin. It must have been bad.”</p><p>
  <span>“Yes…” The terrible day surfaced once more. Despite her best efforts to banish it, her mind refused to let her forget the moment. The moment Alayna had realized she was truly alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alax wrinkled his nose as he surveyed the abandoned closet they’d turned into their own. It was their space. A haven in the storm, where they could be themselves. ‘I thought weeks in a healing center would have woken you to reality, but I can see that didn’t happen. You really believe you’re somehow protected in here, don’t you? As if Father couldn’t take down the door with one swing.’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘It doesn’t matter,’ Alayna shot back. ‘If he destroyed it, we’d make another. All that’s required is us.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His lips curled back. ‘I can’t believe I swallowed your nonsense for so long. What did it get me?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Stop it! You’re letting him win! We still have each other. He can’t take that, remember?’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Except he almost did, didn’t he?’ her brother sneered. ‘Attachments bring only weakness, Alayna. Continue being a foolish child if you want. It’s time for me to grow up.’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Alax, please,’ she begged. ‘Don’t be like him. I’ll protect you. I promise.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cold indifference gazed back at her from eyes that were not her brother’s. ‘I don’t need your help. I never did.’ Turning away, he walked out of their space for the last time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Alayna swallowed the burning tears, before dragging her gaze back to Leeka. “I, um, fell against a broken metal shelf. A jagged end lodged in my back and pierced the tip of a lung. It’s the only time I can remember staying for an extended period in a healing center.” The king had been concerned her nicely developing figure might be adversely impacted without special care in the recovery process. He couldn’t allow his daughter’s only asset to be diminished. Of course, the incident did result in future discipline being more temporary in nature. Bruises always healed after all. She pasted a smile. “I didn’t realize a remnant was still there. I was a feisty child. It led to some unfortunate… accidents.”</span>
</p><p>The umber eyes flashed. “Accidents.”</p><p>She fidgeted with the sheet. “Fine. It wasn’t an accident. I was playing at being a hero to give my brother time to hide but ended up making it worse for both of us. That happened alot until Alax, probably smartly, decided he was better off without me. Anything else you want to know? A rundown of everytime my defiance got me into trouble? Or perhaps when I finally lost my nerve and started doing what I was told?”</p><p>Leeka hissed through her teeth. “Your defiance? What happened had nothing to do with <em>your</em> anything.”</p><p>“Sure,” she said brightly. “You understand what I meant, right?” Rolling toward the wall, she scrunched herself up. “Anyway, guess we should get some sleep.” Alayna chewed her lip at the resulting silence. She could practically feel the penetrating gaze drilling into her.</p><p>Finally, there was a soft, “Yes.” Leeka's body curved into hers. “I do understand.” Gentle fingers caressed a shallow indentation on Alayna’s scalp from a concussion. They floated down to rub the spot where she’d once broken her wrist. Trailing up, Leeka massaged the shoulder her father had often used to get his point across. How the woman had identified that was a mystery. Then, she slid a hand over her stomach and covered a rough patch of skin from an injury Alayna couldn’t remember. “<em>All</em> of you.” Tender lips pressed against the invisible scar on her back.</p><p>The crushing weight on her chest lightened as warmth radiated outward. The solid presence bracing her—all of her—felt like an impenetrable shield. Curling fingers around Leeka’s arm, she pulled it tighter and whispered, “You always have.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that's done. What's next? Quite alot surprisingly. </p><p>(Also... *tiny squeal*)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Perception and Reality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Is perception reality? Or is it the lie we constantly battle to see what truly is?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss flung her cape across the dressing room. Curling her gloved hands into fists, she jammed them into the top of a changing table. Staring down at the polished wood, she took deep breaths. <em>Why do you keep torturing yourself?</em></p><p>“I take it your clandestine and ill-advised expedition yielded no results.”</p><p>There was an involuntary flinch at the presence that always managed to evade her notice. <em>One would think you’d be used to it by now.</em> The singular invisibility of Brianna is what had first caught Barriss’ interest years ago. A superior handmaiden blended seamlessly into any environment, but this was something else entirely. Her very essence melded into the currents. Even when Barriss knew it was there, she had trouble finding it. In fact, she’d often wondered if the only reason anyone realized the woman was standing beside them was because Brianna somehow allowed it.</p><p>Straightening up, Barriss worked a leather glove from her fingers. “An Empress can take a brief refresher in the crisp night air without a discussion in committee.” Pulling off the other, she tossed it on the table. “There’s nothing clandestine about it.”</p><p>Her handmaiden sighed and began to strip Barriss’ mud-caked riding habit. “An Empress shimmying down her balcony after everyone has retired for the evening certainly meets my definition of clandestine. Since she did so in order to avoid input from those she usually trusts, said Empress also knows her decision was ill-advised.”</p><p>Shrugging off the sleeves of her muslin undershirt, she hissed. “Fine. In a fit of rashness, I snuck out to visit a border village for a murky purpose that ended in nothing. Not only did I risk my life and the realm’s safety in doing so, I managed to tangle my bike in a mess of thornbriar vines. This delay resulted in extreme levels of cursing, surprisingly painful scratches, and an apparent return after my first handmaiden rose this morning. In summary, my outing was the epitome of frustrated failure, and I now must suffer through said handmaiden’s not so subtle disapproval as if I’m a wayward child. Happy?”</p><p>Laying the discarded garments on the table, Brianna wrapped a dressing gown around her. “Are you?”</p><p>Tying the front of her robe with jerky fingers, Barriss fought back sudden tears.</p><p>A hand gripped her shoulder. “I am sorry. I wish I could make things better. I also wish I could let you resolve this in your own way. Unfortunately, I don’t have that luxury. It’s my duty to protect you, especially from yourself. An Empress is not indestructible. You’re already pushing beyond even your not inconsiderable limits. Running off on these impulsive trips only exacerbates the issue. You get no sleep, return more unhappy than before, and it takes days to recover your equilibrium. Honestly, the fact that you believe you’re fooling me is evidence enough of your mental state.”</p><p>Barriss grimaced and slowly turned around. “How many are you aware of?”</p><p>There was a wan smile. “Are you asking for a grand total? Only this year’s? Or your rampant escalation over the last six months resulting in an average of one expedition a week?”</p><p>She winced. “I see.”</p><p>“Do you? Because anytime I hear of an unsubstantiated report, vague rumor, or anything that potentially places Ahsoka Tano within a day’s return travel, I change into my riding gear, wait by the hoverstables, and then follow your dust cloud across the moors.”</p><p>Her lips parted and then flattened. “Stop.”</p><p>Brianna shrugged. “If you stop, I’ll stop.”</p><p>Straightening to her full height, Barriss projected a warning air of icy disapprobation, designed to gain compliance from anyone that dared challenge her authority.</p><p>Placid eyes with the barest wisp of amusement in their dusty hues gazed back at her.</p><p><em>Well, almost anyone. </em>Her posture sagged as weary muscles gave up their pretense. “You don’t understand. There’s no other option. I can’t vanish from Mirial for weeks on end to chase shadowy rumors and unknown locations of rebel strongholds, especially not in or around Coruscant. If it were easy to find her or survive the experience, Alaa would have put down the rebellion years ago.” Her throat closed up. “This is all I’ve got. I have to try.”</p><p>The stoic gray softened. “I do understand, which is why I haven’t interfered. However, you’ve been doing this since Queen Padmé died. That’s two years of fruitless searching. Over the last several months, it’s escalated to a near obsession.”</p><p>Barriss looked away. “Get to the point, Brianna. What is it you’re trying to say?”</p><p>“Holding on is hurting you,” she responded quietly. “Lady Tano left five and half years ago and hasn’t shown any sign of wanting to be found. Perhaps, it’s time to… let her go.”</p><p>Heat burned the back of her eyelids. “You think I don’t know that? It’s like walking around with an open wound in my heart. I thought perhaps fixing the only part I still can by telling her the truth might help it heal. But each failed attempt just serves to remind me it’s there.”</p><p>Brianna was silent for a few moments and then released a long exhale. “Alright. I’ll try not to worry so much. You’ll figure out a path forward. It’s what you do. Though, I still intend to ensure you don’t sacrifice everything else, especially yourself, doing it.”</p><p>She returned a faint smile. “I expected no less. I promise I’m working on it.” Barriss rubbed her own chest. It felt hollow and yet so heavy. “Because I’m not sure how much more I can handle.”</p><p>The woman squeezed her arm. “Don’t forget I’m here.” A familiar expression Barriss had mentally dubbed ‘Brianna sass’ glinted in the subdued countenance. “Speaking of, should your chosen method include continued clandestine operations, I insist on driving you by hovercart. That will prevent future occurrences of unseemly groans as I watch you inefficiently untangle yourself from thornbriar vines for <em>twenty-three</em> minutes.”</p><p>“Is that right?” she remarked with crisp dryness. “You could have simply helped instead of prowling around like a nightstalker.”</p><p>Brianna shook a grave head. “Oh no, my lady. I couldn’t possibly have shown myself with any level of dignity. Speederbiking across the moors at your pace is a menace to both of our wardrobes. Do you know how many unrepeatable curses the head laundress mutters at me these days?”</p><p>The excuse delivered with such apparent seriousness brought a momentary reprieve by way of a laugh. “Uh huh. You must truly think I’ve lost my mind if you expect me to believe <em>anyone,</em> whether laundress or courtier, would dare. They all live in terror of displeasing the great Brianna, Empress of Handmaidens.”</p><p>A barely visible smirk touched her lips. “As they should.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Oh no, my boy. We are so not spending the entirety of our teatime like this. Now, sit.”</p><p>Jo huffed and slouched over to the settee. “A royal page isn’t supposed to sit in the presence of their Empress.”</p><p>Alayna arched an eyebrow. “Well, you’re in luck then. I’m not an Empress.”</p><p>He shot a petulant glare. “You will be in a few months. That’s all people are talking about this week.”</p><p>“Tell me about it,” she replied tiredly. “I’ve never seen such a fuss. I know there hasn’t been a co-regent in centuries, but you would think Trikara herself was coming down from on high.”</p><p>The mischievous grin she hadn’t been able to produce in recent weeks made a brief return. “Maybe she is. Anyway, the rule counts for all royalty. If Master Lim walked in right now, I’d be shipped back to the undergalleys.”</p><p>Alayna grunted. “Despite appearances, Master Lim does not actually outrank me.”</p><p>“Of course not, your highness.” He puffed out his chest. “Still, a royal page must always be ready to serve.”</p><p>Pouring out two servings of tea, she hummed. “Admirable discipline, my dear. Though, it seems you’ve forgotten my name since you became one.”</p><p>An expression of pained resignation decorated his boyish features. “Fine… Layna.”</p><p>“Better. However, not behaving as if it offends every ounce of your dignity to use it would be preferable.”</p><p>He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’ll see what I can do.”</p><p>“You’re too good to me.” Stirring three cubes of sugar into his cup, the woman handed it to him. “So, how are your studies going? What about your speech we practiced? Was Master Nu appropriately impressed or should I have a small discussion with her about your brilliance?”</p><p>Blowing on his tea intently, he mumbled something unintelligible.</p><p>Alayna ground her teeth. “Jo, please let’s not have another afternoon where you act like you’d rather be anywhere else than with me.”</p><p>His head popped up. “That’s not true! I’m only trying to be proper. Royal pages aren’t supposed to discuss their personal lives. I shouldn’t even be in your chambers. It was one thing when I was a scrubber. No one cared what I did as long as I didn’t cause trouble and got my work done. Being a page is different.”</p><p>Exhaling, she massaged her forehead. <em>This is important to him. Don’t push.</em> “Alright. Our teatimes are putting you in an awkward situation with your new post. Is there something else we could do together that would be more acceptable? Should I speak with Master Lim to ensure spending time with me doesn’t cause you an issue? Or will that make things worse?”</p><p>There was a long pause before a tentative reply came. “Why do you still want to? I’m almost eleven, not a little kid you have to check on like when I first came. I am doing good, right?”</p><p>Her lips parted. “That has nothing to do with it. You know I’m impressed with your accomplishments. I want to see you because I care about you. It wouldn’t matter if you were nine or ninety; I’d still want to spend time with you.”</p><p>His eyes lowered. “But why do you care about me? Just because I used to be—it doesn’t mean I’m anything special. That's not my life anymore.”</p><p>Shifting closer, she lifted his chin. “I understand what you’re saying, but I think you don’t understand what I’m saying. It’s not because of who your mothers were. Not because you were a royal ward in all but name. Not even because I found you crying in my handmaiden’s quarters.”</p><p>Jo searched her face. “Why then?”</p><p>She hesitated. <em>I need to talk to Leeka first. </em>“The most important reason is simple. You are special to me because <em>you</em> are special.”</p><p>The pale olive hue of his skin deepened into its version of a blush. “Um, if you say so.”</p><p>Alayna tweaked his nose. “I’ll brook no disagreement on this point, my brilliant page.”</p><p>He ducked his head. “Yes, ma’am.” Jo assiduously smoothed down the front of his tabard and then fidgeted with the hem. “So, uh, what are the other reasons?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You said the most important reason. That implies there are more of them.”</p><p><em>Clever boy.</em> “Hmm… maybe there’s another big one. Though, I might need several more tea times where you actually enjoy yourself before I’m ready to reveal such sensitive information.”</p><p>Jo squinted at her. “You’re making up this second reason, aren’t you?”</p><p>Alayna grinned. “Guess you’ll need to have fun to find out.”</p><p>He groaned. “Royal pages don’t have fun.”</p><p>“Mine does.” She tapped a finger on her chin. “You know, I could always send for you every week. No one can punish you for answering a royal summons.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare! That’s the whole problem.” His expression turned pleading. “Please, don’t. Everyone will think I’m a licker.”</p><p>She cocked her head. “What’s a licker?”</p><p>The look Alayna received emphatically stated that she’d just posed the most obvious question in the history of questions. “Anyone who does things they shouldn’t to get special stuff, of course.”</p><p>“Of course,” she replied dryly. “What sorts of things do these lickerts do?”</p><p>Hazel eyes rolled to the ceiling. “Lick-<em>urrs</em>. Snitching on your own, telling secrets about other people’s masters, hanging all over important people, lying to make yourself look good, that kind of stuff. Oh, and some get special treatment by…” His tiny eyebrows bunched together. “… shaking the sheets. But I don’t really understand how airing out bed linens gets you anything.”</p><p>Alayna choked on her tea. Holding a napkin to her mouth, she managed a muffled, “I see.”</p><p>“When I was a scrubber, I didn’t worry so much about it. We only had one licker. Nobody would help him out with shift changes, tasks, or anything really. And the lead scrubbers never let him hang out with us. But he didn’t do his work and then blamed it on everyone else, so he deserved it a bit. The pages are more… complicated. Like Xayai said there was this page last year that wanted an elite page’s spot. So, he reported on her cutting through the royal wing to deliver messages, which isn’t allowed but everyone does because it’s way faster. When the other pages found out what he’d done, he had to transfer to the kitchens because they made it so bad for him. I just don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to jump line; they don’t understand how we are.”</p><p>“Force above. The politics in the serving quarters are worse than at court.” She tensed as a potential and distressing implication invaded her mind’s apparent ignorance. “Alright, my dear. I promise not to do anything that may be construed as lickerly.”</p><p>He groaned. “You’re doing that on purpose!”</p><p>“What?” She blinked innocently at him. “I assumed a made-up word could be conjugated in any manner I saw fit.”</p><p>A grin tugged at the edges of his mouth. “Whatever.”</p><p>She laughed and tousled his curls. “Well, I appreciate you risking your upstanding reputation to have tea with me.”</p><p>A mischievous gleam flitted across his face. “I guess you’re worth it.”</p><p>Sipping her tea, Alayna winked. “Better be.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Do you know the term licker?”</p><p>Leeka raised her head and stared. “Where did you hear that?”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her. “So, you know it.”</p><p>She glanced away. “Yes. Why?”</p><p>“Do they—has anyone ever used it in reference to, um, you?”</p><p>Her lips flattened. Returning to her pillow, she fixed on the bed canopy. “Is there a reason for your sudden interest in the culture of the serving quarters?”</p><p>Alayna’s heart stung at the implied answer. Rolling up, she leaned over Leeka and stroked her face. “They have. And it bothers you.”</p><p>A muscle in her jaw twitched. “Why does it matter now? I’ve been a licker since I became your first handmaiden.”</p><p>“That’s so unfair! Why didn’t you ever tell me?”</p><p>She exhaled. “What would you have done? I knew what I was getting into when I took the position. If Master Lim hadn’t made it clear, my mother reinforced the point multiple times. The Empress left the decision to me for a reason.”</p><p>Heat flushed Alayna’s skin. “If they knew you’d run into issues, they should have done something to counteract it.”</p><p>A sardonic smile formed. “Oh, Lim tried. He let slip that her eminence had been gripped by strange whimsy after her bonding night. She must have instructed him to do so. I’ve seen him dress down anyone who dared to even hint the Empress had a capricious bone in her body. A convenient rumor also began circulating that Queen Breha was experimenting with random assignment of handmaidens and had put the idea in her eminence’s head. It helped some. There was still a lingering assumption I must have done something untoward to get noticed in the first place, especially since I’d been attending you during your courtship.”</p><p>Her outrage tinged with guilt. <em>Barriss saw what I needed and made it happen at her own expense. Like always.</em> “But after a while everyone should have seen that wasn’t true, right?”</p><p>She sighed heavily. “Sort of. You’re extremely well respected in the serving quarters. A machiavellian liaison for information or sexual purposes doesn’t exactly fit with their perception of your upright character. Me manipulating or seducing you likewise contradicts their high regard for your intelligence and judgement. I believe the early consensus was you were young and far too kind for your own good but would eventually recognize my shortcomings and dismiss me. At this point, I suppose they’ve either accepted I’m earning my keep properly or have changed my dastardly ways.”</p><p>“No. They’ve realized you are the most gifted, dedicated, and hardworking handmaiden in the entire palace. People can only continue their baseless opinions for so long in the face of repeated evidence to the contrary.”</p><p>The umber hues sparkled. “You are both charmingly sweet and surprisingly idealistic sometimes. However it happened, being a licker is rarely an issue now. Any pushback these days is primarily a holdover from my early mistakes. You might say I managed to create my own political enemies.” She flashed a wry grin. “This may come as a shock, my lady, but I was much too inexperienced to be a first handmaiden—much less one to a future Empress.”</p><p>“Oh, I absolutely forbid you to say such a thing ever again.” Ghosting lips over hers, Alayna breathed, “You have always been <em>perfect.</em>”</p><p>Leeka blinked a few times and then shot arms around her. Flipping Alayna onto her back and straddling her body, she crushed their mouths into one.</p><p>_______</p><p>Sitting on the edge of her bed, Barriss rubbed sore eyes. She wiggled fluffy rug fibers between her toes for a full minute before glancing at the wardrobe once more. That was swiftly followed by a cringe. “Really, Empress?”</p><p>It’d been weeks since Alayna had emerged from the passageway that ran between their chambers. Their heavy duties, conflicting schedules, extended travel, and personal activities had resulted in such periods in the past. Why this particular stretch of sleeping alone was causing Barriss so much angst was a mystery.</p><p>It wasn’t as if they didn’t spend time together. Since embarking on her relationship with Leeka last year, Alayna had been nearly fanatical about it. The young woman had upped their dinners to twice a week, demanded longer sparring sessions, dropped by her study on a regular basis, and even convinced Barriss they should learn how to paint together.</p><p><em>Badly.</em> Her eyes drifted to the portrait she’d mangled of Alayna sitting on her throne. Even the royal artisan hadn’t been able to hide his grimace. However, Alayna had been delighted and insisted on hanging it beside the wardrobe. <em>‘Now, you’ll be able to look upon my magnificence at all times.’</em> It did usually produce a chuckle, though. But not tonight.</p><p>She couldn’t even fill the sleepless nights with another pointless expedition. Those at least provided the illusion of productivity. No new reports, rumors, or even an idea she hoped was the Force guiding her had occurred for weeks. <em>Maybe Brianna is right. It’s time to stop pretending and accept what you know to be true. Ahsoka is… gone.</em></p><p>Hand wandering to the Akul’ayt around her neck, she clenched it so hard a sharp edge of the tooth cut into her palm. The pain spurred a kick of adrenaline. Shaking her stinging hand, she finally rose from her bed and walked onto the balcony.</p><p>Her attention immediately found its way to the urn containing Ahsoka’s flowers. <em>Why do you still keep them here? Just to torture yourself?</em> Drifting forward, she picked one and held it to her nostrils. <em>Because you can’t let go of what’s already lost.</em></p><p>Barriss rolled the willowy stem between her fingers and gazed across the moonlit moors. Her mind strayed into memories she usually worked hard to avoid. This time she didn’t stop herself. Images of the past flew by as the tatters of her heart throbbed.</p><p>Reality soon bent in on itself and a grinning face peeked between the railing spindles.</p><p>
  <em>“I brought you something.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Barriss raised an eyebrow. “Is my flower in one piece this time?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka leapt onto the balcony with a masterful expression of wounded pride. “I thought one crumpled petal from me was better than an entire field of flowers from someone else?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her lips twitched. “Did I say that?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flipping back a lek, she sniffed. “Twice, actually.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hmm… Since the last offering arrived with no petals attached, I’m not sure that’s still applicable.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gah! No appreciation! Maybe I could do better if I weren’t always, you know, risking my life to deliver it.” Making a production of digging around in her pockets, Ahsoka halted, frowned, and then began searching in earnest. Panic sprung into her face. She hopped on top of the railing and scanned down. “Oh, for Skrye’s sake!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This is not helping your case, my dashing Chieftain.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She twisted her head back with an impish expression. “I never disappoint an Empress.” Then, she fell over the side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ahsoka!” Rushing to the edge of the balcony, she leaned over it and frantically searched the darkness. There was nothing. No sound, shadow, or any sign of life. “Soka!” Barriss hissed as loudly as she dared. “Please, answer me. Where are you?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“With you,” a husky voice whispered into her ear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Heart jumping to her throat, Barriss yelped and spun around to see a pristine flower in front of her face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shining blue eyes peered over the top of the bloom. “My lady, your tribute.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Barriss swayed between annoyance and adoration. The latter won out as she plucked her flower from the woman’s hand and inhaled hyacinth and pine needles. Then, she tucked it into her hair. “It’ll do.” Grabbing the front of Ahsoka’s tunic, Barriss pulled her in for a kiss she’d been waiting far too long to give. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka smiled against her lips, swept Barriss into arms of steel, and carried her to the bed. </em>
</p><p>Jerking out of the mirage, she realized her fingers were stroking the empty space in her hair where a flower once rested. Crushing bitter reality in her hand, Barriss slumped against the railing and gazed into the murky darkness below. But this time no one whispered in her ear, grinning blue eyes never appeared, and nothing could stop the tears.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I suppose the way I titled this chapter suggests the themes I'm /trying/ to explore here. Your perception of others, their perception of you, your perception of yourself... where does reality sit among them? One could argue many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. 🙃</p><p>Speaking of reality, this chapter didn't technically exist until recently. While editing the original ch. 19, I felt certain pieces needed more context. So, I added two extra scenes and expanded a few others. That made it far too long for one chapter, of course. Due to the timeline I needed to maintain for later and wanting specific ending scenes for each, I realized I'd written myself into a bit of a corner. Cue cutting, restructuring, &amp; rearranging rampage. The final result was this additional chapter and spreading 1 of the plot threads over 19-21. Guess let me know how it turned out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Love comes in many forms, each one special, challenging, and beautiful in its own way.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alayna watched Jo nibble in silence. “Alright, I can’t take it anymore. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”</p><p>The boy cringed and then gulped down the rest of his cookie. “Um, nothing really. It’s just I almost got caught sneaking through the back corridor today. I had to scrunch up behind the curtain in a window ledge. I nearly fell on Madam Seela’s head, while she was roaring like a dragon at some chimney sweep. If that had happened, people thinking I’m a licker would have been the least of my problems.”</p><p>Snorting into her cup, she nodded as seriously as possible. “I see. Would it be better if we met somewhere else for our teatimes?”</p><p>His eyes lit up. “Yeah, maybe.” Jo wrinkled his nose in evident thought. “How about the guest wing supply closet?”</p><p>Alayna stared. “Erm, ok.”</p><p>“Wait, that won’t work. Everyone will talk if you show up in the guest wing. If they spot you going into the closet, it might make them think bad stuff about you. Hmm…” His face rose and fell as he apparently rejected ideas. Slumping against the cushions, Jo crossed his arms. “I don’t know. An almost Empress can’t really sneak around.”</p><p>“You might be surprised.” Sliding down to match his position, she rested her head against the top of the settee and twisted it to look at him. “What about on your day off? Perhaps, we could meet outside of the palace.”</p><p>“Aunt Leeka and I usually go to the market. But you can’t go there without your praetorians. You’d tell them to leave because you don’t like them hovering.” Alayna opened her mouth, but Jo shot a glare. “No. I don’t want you to risk it.”</p><p>“You’d be worth it,” she replied and was rewarded with a pleased grin. “Ok. What else do you do besides shopping with your aunt? I thought you sparred with your friends? What happened to the rock fort in the moors?”</p><p>His lips pressed together. “That was with the other scrubbers. They think I’m too good for them now. And I don’t have any other—I guess because all the pages want to be the best, no one is really friends.”</p><p>She frowned. “That doesn’t sound fun. Are you sure you enjoy being a page?”</p><p>He slouched further and shrugged. “It’s different than I thought is all. Uncle Stefyn told me he hated being a page, as well. That’s why, when there was an opening in the royal stores, he jumped at the chance. But he still stuck it out for a year. I’ve only done three months. Besides, Aunt Leeka says being a page is meant to be difficult. People who work their way up to the elite squad get the best options for their next post.”</p><p>Reaching over, she brushed his cheek. “Is that what you want, though? You could do many other things in life.”</p><p>His expression pinched. “I can handle it. I’ve already been promoted to messenger, you know.”</p><p>“Oh, I know. Jotaal can do anything. That’s my point. Neither your aunt nor your mother took a standard path to where they ended up. Stefyn went another direction even earlier, and he’s now the deputy quartermaster. They all started where you’re at but realized who they were was different than everyone, including them, thought. They didn’t limit themselves to what others said they should do or how they should do it. And there’s alot of them in you.”</p><p>Jo was silent for a few seconds and then slowly looked at her. “Like what other things could I do?”</p><p>She smiled. “How about we put together a big list of options? We’ve got time, while you’re becoming the best page in existence, to discuss any that interest you. Many I could even show you in real life.” One side of her mouth curved up. “Except if you want to be a pirate. I don’t know any of those.”</p><p>He blinked and then giggled. “Well, that’s no good. It was number three on my list.”</p><p>Alayna cocked an eyebrow. “Maybe I could drum up a couple from the palace<em> dungeon</em>.”</p><p>Jo mimicked her eyebrow. “If I ended up in the dungeon, guess you could come see me anytime you wanted.”</p><p>She groaned.</p><p>“What?” he asked innocently. “You did say I could do anything.”</p><p>Alayna smoothed down a rebellious red curl. “If you want to be a pirate, my dear, I’ll buy your first ship. And the Daring Captain Jotaal will make himself a <em>legend.</em>”</p><p>His eyes widened and then began to glow. Leaning against her shoulder, he murmured, “Thanks.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Ahsoka gasped and ducked behind the information hub. <em>Not possible. </em>Pulling her hood tighter, she took a deep breath and braced shaking palms against the dashboard. <em>Maybe you’re imagining things. Wouldn’t be the first time. Check again.</em></p><p>Digging into an inner pocket of her cloak, she pulled out a clean datapad and plugged it into the transfer port. A list of items popped up on the display. Skimming rapidly, she chose anything that didn’t require a personal ID; which consisted of a visitor’s guide to Chitirial, the local news, a royal proclamation forbidding grain hoarding due to supply shortages across Chitar, and the ‘free combat lesson of the week’.</p><p>Punching the delivery button, she glanced around with the casualness of someone awaiting a data transfer to finish. Running her gaze along the multitude of businesses and dwellings lining the main thoroughfare of this surprisingly populated border town, she finally reached her target standing at the far end. The freshly risen sun chose that moment to emerge from the low clouds and flare across her vision. <em>Argh! It’s a conspiracy!</em> Ahsoka edged bit by bit along the dashboard until managing a squinting view of the figure that had cued this insanity. <em>No.</em></p><p>The posture and bearing, a hooded head rotating in methodical precision across every inch of space, and one set of gloved fingers absently flexing were far too familiar<em>.</em> But the plain scarlet cloak Ahsoka hadn’t seen in years left no doubt. <em>What are you doing here, Barriss?! </em></p><p>Based on her demeanor, the woman was searching for something.<em> Me?</em> Her chest ached at the thought. <em>Stop. Don’t go there.</em> Shoving away emotion she couldn’t afford, Ahsoka attempted to think through options. Except, that apparently wasn’t possible with Barriss made real in front of her.</p><p><em>She can’t sense me anymore.</em> Ahsoka actively concealed her Force presence on any mission that involved extended time in hostile territory. Yet, a pang of irrational hurt prickled that Barriss couldn’t pierce her shield. <em>Or she can and just doesn’t care.</em></p><p><em>Enough! Focus.</em> Her weapons supplier was a no show. That meant trouble. And now the woman her heart—or whatever passed for it these days—couldn’t let go of had materialized from thin air.</p><p>Chancing another survey of the area, Ahsoka cursed. <em>Where are your praetorians?</em> The Empress of Mirial had apparently crossed the border and was wandering unprotected through a town crawling with Chits. <em>What are you thinking?!</em></p><p>The data transfer chirped its completion, but Ahsoka ignored it. All her energy went into slowing her racing pulse as emotions she thought beaten into submission seeped through widening cracks of their deep prison. Part of her, the part she couldn’t seem to kill, wanted to run to Barriss and pretend the past never happened. Sweep the woman off her feet once more, convince her that sacrificing their love had been a mistake, show her how much she still needed her. The rest of Ahsoka sneered at its own weakness. <em>You know better. What was can never come again. She made her choice a long time ago. And it wasn’t you.</em></p><p>Internal battle aside, approaching the woman would be an idiotic choice. Whether her supplier had turned or been captured, the enemy was almost certainly here. Drawing attention to herself or Barriss would put both of them in danger. <em>Unless… she’s the enemy.</em></p><p>Clenching the insistently beeping dashboard, Ahsoka raged against the horrifying idea. <em>No, that’s not true! She wouldn’t. Not even for Mirial. A political alliance is one thing. Luring me into a trap to kill me? Even after giving me up, our years together would still mean something, right? She couldn’t. Could she?</em></p><p>Her spiral into paranoid madness screeched to a halt as a familiar presence flitted around the edges of her shield. She jerked up, adrenaline shooting into her system. Barriss was fixed on her position and slowly moving towards it.</p><p>So, Ahsoka did what she always did when the past came calling. She ran.</p><p>“Sok—Wait! Please!” The desperate plea was terrible in her montrals. Unable to stop herself, she pivoted to find Barriss sprinting towards her. Ahsoka’s heart jumped into her throat as a masked acolyte slinked into view behind the woman. <em>No, no, no!</em></p><p>Ahsoka whipped out her arms, sending an unprepared Barriss flying into the information hub. Her head collided into the metal dashboard and she collapsed face first to the ground. <em>Dammit!</em> Panic had resulted in a much more powerful throw than she’d intended. <em>Please, be ok. You need to get out of here.</em></p><p>“Missed me, vermin.” A cold laugh sounded as the acolyte sped past Barriss and weaved to the left, evading a follow-up attack. “Or do you simply enjoy tossing provincials around when they’re in your way? I can relate.”</p><p>Spotting a segment of broken trim on a nearby roof, she snagged it with the Force and sent the jagged piece of metal spiraling at him. “Oh, I love tossing anything.”</p><p>He dove out of the way and scurried behind a row of shops. <em>Scum knows he can’t take you in a direct fight.</em> He probably intended to circle around for an ambush. <em>Or he’s already found your speederbike and believes you’re trapped.</em> Either way, staying in this spot was a very bad idea.</p><p>Ahsoka remained rooted to the ground. <em>Please, Barriss. Get up.</em> The pounding of her heart dialed down a notch as the woman’s limbs started moving. Glancing around at the smattering of gaping spectators, who were keeping a healthy distance, she spotted a new figure skidding out of an alleyway. Her churning stomach calmed as the newcomer rushed toward them. The gray cloak, lack of discernible Force presence, and fluid movement told her Barriss hadn’t come completely alone. <em>Brianna will take care of her. Just make sure she doesn’t follow you.</em></p><p>Dropping her now pointless hood, Ahsoka backed away but kept her full attention on Barriss. <em>Come on. Look at me!</em></p><p>The woman’s own hood had come off in the collision. Dazed blue eyes lifted and found hers.</p><p>Ahsoka’s breath caught in her chest. <em>Still beautiful.</em> The ache began to rise once more. <em>She wanted to talk to you. Why? Don’t you want to find out? No time for that! I almost got her killed already. And? Why do you still care? For all you know, she was in on it. No, that’s not true! </em></p><p>The hurt, anger, loss, and yearning she’d worked so hard to bury washed through her damaged heart. Lungs began struggling for air. Shocks of pain radiated across her body. <em>I can’t handle this. </em>The entire situation was too much for Ahsoka’s fractured soul. There was only one thing she could manage to process in this moment. <em>Keep her safe.</em> Doing what needed to be done, Ahsoka forced steel into her tone. “Stay away from me.”</p><p>Hoping that was enough to deter the woman, she took off into a nearby shop. Bowling past the astonished patrons and out the back entrance, she continued to weave through random buildings until reaching her hidden hoverbike. There was no sign of her enemy. <em>Seriously? Alaa must be running out of competent assassins. Unless… </em>What if he’d doubled back to Barriss’ position?</p><p>Her twisting insides calmed as the acolyte rounded the corner. Tracking his realization of her mobility, she barely tapped the pedal to give him time to commandeer a passing hovercart. Once he started to give chase, she kicked her bike into high gear.</p><p>As she led him away from the woman she couldn’t seem to stop loving, Ahsoka refused to cry.</p><p>_______</p><p>The wound in her heart ripped anew at the answer it didn’t want. “Stay away from me.”</p><p>Barriss wheezed a strangled cry and reached toward the woman’s retreating back. “Soka… please. I’m sorry.” But it didn’t matter. Ahsoka was gone.</p><p>Brianna materialized beside her. “Are you alright?” Helping her into a sitting position, she prodded her head and then emitted a rough curse Barriss wouldn’t have imagined the woman even knew, much less employed. “You’re bleeding. What happened?”</p><p>A hollow laugh rose up. “Ahsoka wasn’t in the mood to talk.” The laughter died as dizzying pain replaced it. <em>‘Stay away from me.’ </em>She clutched her head but couldn’t make it stop.</p><p>Gentle hands pulled hers away. “Let me tend the wound.”</p><p><em>‘Stay away from me.’ </em>The cold words stabbed her over and over again. <em>All this searching to find out what you already knew. No, worse than that. She attacked you. Left you bleeding on the ground. Are you happy now? </em></p><p>Brianna looked at something behind Barriss and growled in Chitish. “J’yqa! Chaw git ka’emdaq.” Returning to her, she dug a bandage from her satchel. “Whatever happened prior to my arrival drew attention. Fortunately, residents of border towns are prone to minding their own business. Still, we shouldn’t linger here.”</p><p>“Ahsoka… hurt me,” Barriss whispered. “I never thought she’d—” Fixing desperate eyes on her handmaiden, she rasped, “I’ve lost her forever, haven’t I?”</p><p>Securing the bandage around her head, Brianna replied quietly, “I’m sorry, my lady.”</p><p>Her body started trembling. “I can’t—can’t—”</p><p>The woman hesitated and then pulled Barriss against her chest. “I understand.”</p><p>Laying in Brianna’s arms and staring at the spot where the woman she loved had faded from existence, Barriss began to cry.</p><p>_______</p><p>Leeka muttered at her pad. “Why did I volunteer to help develop this secret communication system exactly? Brianna is an undisputed genius but absolutely abysmal at notations. It’s as if she believes I should magically know what she means through some sort of Force osmosis.”</p><p>“Like her Empress,” Alayna commented. “Roundabout communication amid seven layers of interpretation is their specialty.”</p><p>The woman snorted. “I know you wanted me to come to tea with you and Jo this afternoon. Unfortunately, it appears I’m going to be forced to demand an emergency meeting for us to work through these details. This causes me considerable consternation, given it means I’ll have to suffer through Brianna’s grave looks at my inability to read her mind. However, we’re supposed to present our finalized strategy to Haaj tomorrow morning.”</p><p>Chewing her lip for a moment, she uncurled and sat up on the chaise. “Yes, Jo is what I was waiting here patiently to talk to you about.”</p><p>Scratching rapid notes, Leeka replied, “Hmm?”</p><p>“I want to tell him about us.”</p><p>Her stylus skidded across the pad. She continued staring at it. “Why?”</p><p>“Because I…” The words she’d planned sounded ridiculous in her head. Changing mid-stream, Alayna finished, “... want him to understand why I care about him.”</p><p>Leeka leaned back in her chair. “Knowing we’re together shouldn’t make a difference to whether he believes you care about him.”</p><p>“I’ve told him it’s because he’s special, which is true. I just thought knowing the rest might drive the point home.”</p><p>Her gaze finally shifted to Alayna. “There’s more to it. What aren’t you saying?”</p><p>Crossing her arms, she shot back, “What aren’t you saying? You’ve done nothing but question me and I’m the one who brought up the question.”</p><p>The woman winced. Rising from her seat, she crossed the sitting room. Lifting Alayna’s legs onto the chaise and leaning her back, Leeka crawled up and rested her head on Alayna’s shoulder. “Do you remember our conversation about lickers?”</p><p>She slid an arm around her. “Of course.”</p><p>“That’s how it might seem in Jo’s mind.”</p><p>Alayna frowned. “Why? It’s not as if he hasn’t experienced the concept of a relationship like ours.”</p><p>“He never experienced the effects of that in Naboo. Now, he lives in a different world altogether. There isn’t much nuance taught in the serving quarters, probably by design. Running an efficient operation, while managing hundreds of staff, requires strict rules and a culture that pressures everyone to follow them. Plus, Mirial is extremely protective of those in service. You don’t hear of young scullery maids being seduced by philandering courtiers, scrubbers being worked to death in order to earn an extra bonus, or advancement of incompetent individuals due to favors for those in power. Perhaps, allowing any shading invites unrest and mistreatment. I don’t know. For whatever reason, that’s how things are. My point is Jo’s thinking is being shaped by that mindset.”</p><p>Her ribs tightened. <em>Like yours?</em> “I think you’re not giving him enough credit. Jo can process an unconventional love relationship versus an underhanded liaison.”</p><p>Leeka released a long breath. “Maybe you’re right. I honestly don’t know what his feelings are on the topic. We don’t talk about that sort of thing. I suppose I’m just afraid knowing might make him think less of me.”</p><p>Alayna shifted down onto her side to look at the woman directly. “Do <em>you</em> think less of you?”</p><p>She stiffened, gaze flicking away. “Of course not.”</p><p>“Are you sure? You’re worried Jo can’t parse the difference and might feel ashamed due to the disdain for such things among those in service. You were indoctrinated with that same viewpoint, right? Is that why you tried so hard not to love me?”</p><p>Her eyes cut back to Alayna. “Not all of us think that way. It’s merely the more accepting are among the small upper echelons, not those in Jo’s sphere. Generally, elite handmaidens and varlets have much greater experience, especially with life outside of the serving quarters. They pay the social mores of their upbringing little mind.” Her expression took on a wry edge. “Well, as long as breaking them doesn’t disrupt a hierarchy where they sit comfortably on top. I’ve noticed such things suddenly get very important then.”</p><p>Alayna wiggled her eyebrows. “So much drama.”</p><p>“We do live in your weird world. Is it any wonder we get corrupted?”</p><p>She grunted. “Ok, I have no comeback for that distressingly accurate remark. You didn’t really answer the question, though. What about how <em>you</em> think?”</p><p>Leeka sucked in her cheeks. “Becoming your first forced me to unlearn much of what I’d been taught. It was a challenging and extended learning curve. I was a seventeen-year old third handmaiden, still firmly entrenched in my childhood beliefs.” A faint smile touched her lips. “Back then, I thought myself quite enlightened. After all, I had a sister who’d defied the system in multiple ways. I’d accepted her choices. How little I actually understood. What one can accept in others at a distance is harder to accept in yourself everyday. This life felt like another reality. If anything, you and I learned how to navigate it together. In a sense, we created our own rules.”</p><p>Alayna skimmed fingertips along Leeka’s jawline. “I like that idea.” The doubt continued to nag at her, however. “If all that’s true, what’s the issue? Because it’s almost as if you don’t want Jo to know your… dirty little secret.”</p><p>Leeka flinched and then her hands shot up to hold Alayna’s face. “No, that’s not—” Her eyes squeezed shut for a long moment and then flipped open with singular intensity. “Alright. Yes, it was hard to reconcile what’s true with what I was raised to believe. Yes, that means I’m aware of how certain people, even my own family, may view our relationship. And, yes, running that gauntlet also scares me a bit. However, being worried about the practical effects is different than being ashamed of people knowing. At least, I think it is.” Leeka’s grip tightened. “I do know, if it meant making you happy, I’d proclaim how much I love you to everyone in the entire realm. Would it?”</p><p>The queasiness receded at the sacrifice inherent in the offer. Brushing lips over hers, she murmured, “Nope. I want you to be my happy little secret.”</p><p>“Mmm… I’m definitely that.” Nimble fingers traced her mouth. “Speaking of, it’s not as if you’re going around advertising our relationship either.”</p><p>Giving a small shrug, she replied, “You know very well that’s how we do things. Everyone has their paramours, but no one talks about them. Doing so is a faux pas of the highest order. If someone had the audacity to ask, I wouldn’t be averse to admitting it. Of course, we’d barely qualify for a shocked titter. They expect me to have a myriad of lovers. And my first handmaiden is viewed by most as an eligible lady in her own right. Certainly, at a level that would make you a respectable mistress. Actually, I heard Queen Breha’s first handmaiden received an offer of marriage from a smitten courtier last month. A low-ranking patrician but still, just think of the opportunities! What if you miss your chance to be Lady Leeka by staying with me?!”</p><p>Lifting her chin, she sniffed. “True. Guess you’d better treat me with an appropriate quantity of utter adoration. Otherwise, <em>you</em> might soon be accepting sparkly statuettes from Lord Saxon of <em>my</em> ankles.”</p><p>Alayna giggled. “Demands noted, my lady. I already have to suffer through all manner of suitors propositioning you at every state banquet. It totally ruins my dinner.”</p><p>The woman groaned. “Don’t remind me. Brianna doesn’t have to put up with that kind of nonsense. I need to work on my forbidding glare or learn whatever trick she uses to make herself invisible. Seriously, I jumped out of my skin the other day when I realized she was standing beside me. How does she do that?”</p><p>“I have no idea, but I’d be happy if I could master Barriss’ expression of icy superiority.” Alayna hesitated. “Really, Barriss is my concern. Actively flaunting our relationship could harm her position. The court will see it as a failure on her part for not ensuring I behave in a <em>proper</em> manner. I can’t risk hurting her. Is it—are you ok with that?”</p><p>Leeka smiled. “Of course. I’d never ask you to.”</p><p>Her tensed muscles relaxed. “Force, I love you. Anyway, I’m sure they speculate freely behind our backs. Gossip is the official court sport. Confirming their suppositions would ruin their fun. It’s almost cruel.”</p><p>“So much drama.” She tucked her face into Alayna’s neck. “Alright, there’s one thing I’m certain about. I’m yours forever. I guess that means we should tell Jo before someone else does.”</p><p>Her heart soared. “Good.”</p><p>“Now, tell me why you really want to.”</p><p>She grimaced. “He can’t seem to—I thought maybe it would help him see me as, well, more than just an Empress Consort who’s taken an interest in him.”</p><p>Leeka raised her head. Umber eyes probed hers and then softened. “You’re hoping he’ll start to think of you as a mother.”</p><p>Alayna’s throat thickened. “It doesn’t have to be a mother exactly, but I do want to take care of him. Give him what I didn’t get. Make his life happy.” <em>I want us to be a… family.</em></p><p>Smile upturning her mouth, Leeka caressed her cheek. “I’m sure he’d like that.” Leaning in for a kiss, she whispered, “And so would I.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna popped the false panel on the ceiling high wardrobe and slipped out of the dim passageway—only to be assaulted by a firestorm of brightness. “Force above, Barriss! I didn’t even know your chambers had a light setting where one can adequately see, much less mimic an exploding mine.” She rubbed her overwhelmed eyes and then glanced around.</p><p>Her grin faded as she saw no one. “Barriss?” Checking every area of the Imperial bedchamber, including the attached dressing room, she came up empty. Alayna stuck her head into the corridor to find only dark silence. <em>Maybe she went to the bathroom? And decided to give herself a seizure upon her return?</em></p><p>Backtracking to the balcony archway, she walked out this time to verify she hadn’t missed the woman. Her vision took several seconds to adjust in the less glaring moonlight. <em>What is that?</em> In the middle of the space, there was a pile of… something. Moving closer, she realized it was a mess of shredded flowers. <em>Um, ok.</em></p><p>She picked up a tattered petal. It was the same type of flower Leeka had weaved into her hair on Alayna’s first night in Mirial. <em>Barriss’ favorite. Or was.</em> It’d been a long time since she’d seen one. They’d gradually vanished from their usual prominence throughout the palace.</p><p>Scanning the area, Alayna spotted a few still intact in a large urn next to the bench. Barriss evidently had relegated them all to a single spot. She gazed down at the destruction. <em>Until now.</em></p><p>Heaviness settled on her chest. She had no idea what was happening, but it couldn’t be good. Alayna flipped around, intending to wake Brianna, but then skidded to a halt. “Barriss!”</p><p>The woman was huddled in the corner, partially hidden behind an open balcony door.</p><p>Rushing over, she crouched beside her. “Barriss? Can you hear me?”</p><p>A head lolled up and glazed eyes blinked at her. A shaky hand clutched an empty bottle of firewhiskey. “Layyy-nuh?”</p><p><em>Well, this is new.</em> She couldn’t remember witnessing Barriss even tipsy, much less plastered to the ground. “Yes, it’s me. Are you alright?”</p><p>The woman moved her mouth a few times, before slurry words emerged. “You came back.”</p><p><em>What does that mean?</em> Propping her against the wall, she repeated her question. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Courrrse am,” she cooed. “Soka says I’m perfect.”</p><p>Alayna stared and then winced. Confirming her long held suspicions didn’t produce the satisfaction she’d always expected it would. “Is that right?” she replied softly. “Well, I’m sure she would know.”</p><p>“Not anymore,” Barriss rasped. Her gaze drifted, coming to rest on the wreckage of flowers. Tears suddenly spilled down her cheeks. “She’s never coming back.”</p><p>Chest throbbing, she cupped the woman’s face and guided it back to hers. “You’re not alone.”</p><p>“An Empress is always alone.”</p><p>Alayna tightened her grip. “That is not true. You taught me better, remember? I’ll always be here. I’m right here in front of you now.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t be,” she said blankly. “You have a chance. Don’t make my mistakes. Go be happy.”</p><p>Resting lips against her forehead, she murmured, “You’re part of my happiness too.”</p><p>Barriss let out a choked breath and then slumped against the door. Raising the firewhiskey to her lips, she frowned and then shook the empty bottle. “It’s all gone.” The steel blue flashed, and she hurled the bottle across the balcony. It smashed into the stone bench, shattering into pieces. “Forever.”</p><p>Alayna stared at the fractured remnants now scattered across shredded blooms. <em>Oh, Barriss. I’m so sorry. </em>Having no idea how to make it better, Alayna focused on what she actually could do. “I think that means it’s time for bed.” She hauled the woman to her feet only to have her collapse against the railing. “Blast. Come on, Empress. Work with me here.”</p><p>A near cackle came from the teetering woman. “Soka always carries me to bed. She’s made of steel, you know.” Barriss fixated on the pile of flowers once more. “Why didn’t she trust me?” Her voice cracked into a terrible broken whisper, like jagged shards of glass cutting against her throat. “I would have fixed everything. I swear I would have.”</p><p>Alayna physically flinched at the waves of raw pain radiating from the woman’s presence. Force, it hurt. Swallowing hard, she forced lightness into her tone. “Well, I’m not Ahsoka, but I’ll do my best.” Wrapping Barriss’ arm around her own neck and locking their hands, she gripped her waist with the other hand. Huffing breaths, she dragged the woman inside and dropped her onto the bed.</p><p>Assessing the disheveled figure, she groaned. Barriss had apparently made it halfway through her undressing ritual prior to her firewhiskey detour. Tangled clumps of hair flew in all directions, a golden threaded kimono top was decorated with wet blotches, flower sap stained her fingertips, and torn leggings hung off her legs. “What a fine mess you’ve made of yourself, Eminence. When Brianna sees this disaster, a hangover will be the least of your worries.”</p><p>Curling up, Barriss mumbled, “Fix me, please.”</p><p>She snorted and rubbed her cheek. “As you wish, my lady.” Brushing out the wild hair, she tied it back before working off the remaining clothing. Wetting a cloth in the washbasin, Alayna cleaned whiskey and grime from her skin.</p><p>Barriss groped at her necklace as Alayna shifted it to scrub the area. Pausing, she pressed the ivory talisman into her hand. “Don’t worry. It’s still there.”</p><p>“Mmmkay.” Barriss clenched fingers around it and drifted off once more.</p><p>Finishing up, Alayna picked out a thick nightgown and enveloped the now shivering body in sturdy cotton. Tugging bed covers from underneath the woman, she finally managed to get her tucked in. “There. You’ll still have to suffer through Brianna’s patented expression of disapproval that somehow makes everyone want to beg forgiveness, even when they’ve done nothing wrong. But at least you’ll be able to face her with enough dignity to argue about it.”</p><p>Eyes struggled open and then gradually focused on her. Barriss jumped as if surprised to find herself in bed with Alayna standing over her. “Where did you come from?” Each syllable staccatoed out in careful enunciation. “And why is it so bright in here?”</p><p>She couldn’t help an adoring grin. Leaning down, Alayna brushed lips over hers. “Your wardrobe and they’re called lights, my smarmy consort.”</p><p>Barriss squinted at her. “That’s my term of dearment.”</p><p>“Hmm, doesn’t seem fair,” she remarked. “I think I’ll change that rule.”</p><p>“Not an ‘mpress yet,” was the sniffing reply.</p><p>She laughed and dimmed the lights. Sliding into bed, Alayna wrapped the woman in her arms. “Don’t worry. We’ll make things better.” She pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”</p><p>Barriss relaxed in the embrace with a deep sigh. “I missed you.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is this chapter tragic or hopeful? Perhaps, love is both.</p><p>Random 'Gabby has issues' fact: Everytime I do a spot of world-building, I feel the need to conceptualize more than that single piece. Does anyone want to know the entire structure of the serving quarters? Just me, huh? Sigh. One element meant to provide extra context to Leeka's personal journey sends Gabby into world-building neurosis. End result? An entire reference doc on levels of service, ranks, and various positions. Not the culture of it, no no. Don't be silly. That's a totally different doc. Just the nuts &amp; bolts I'll never have occasion to mention in text. Why? Force knows.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Tipping Point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alaa checks, Barriss castles, Alayna opens with a queen's gambit, and Ahsoka continues to ride her knight willy-nilly across the board.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Your former pet has become a problem I can no longer ignore. The unprovoked attacks have reached an unsustainable level. Crops have been razed, facilities bombed, court members accosted on the roads, entire villages defected to her banner, all manner of nuisance. Now, she’s destroyed my largest shipyard in the realm. It will be months before it can resume production. Coruscant’s trade and economic stability are being threatened.”</p><p>Barriss steepled her fingers and relaxed back into her armchair. “Unfortunate. Why are you informing me of these facts?”</p><p>Alaa paced around her study, waving agitated arms. “I’m mounting a campaign to hunt down the disloyal vermin. Consider this my formal request for military assistance under the terms of our pact.”</p><p>“What kind of assistance do you require? I understood the rebels to be in parts unknown.”</p><p>“Interrogation of one of her terrorist cells revealed their base is located in a specific section of the Agit Mountains. I need more forces than I have available to conduct a search and destroy mission.”</p><p>Barriss pursed her lips. “You expect me to commit my resources to a problem of your own creation? You betrayed a pact with the Togruta, after they assisted you in fighting off Corellian invaders. When Lady Tano demanded the promised terms, you enslaved some of her people and treated them as cattle. When she came to you in good faith to negotiate their freedom, you cut down a dozen of them in front of her and coerced her service to save the rest. When her remaining tribe attempted a rescue, you repeated your earlier idiocy. Opportunity after opportunity presented itself for a resolution. Yet, you left her no choice but violent action.”</p><p>The skin on his face mottled, hand moving to his lightsaber.</p><p>Paying it no mind, Barriss continued, “After she called her people to break free at any cost, you ruthlessly executed any Togruta that failed to escape, most of which were either too weak or afraid to challenge their captors. Her successful campaigns against massive odds over the last several years and continued generosity to the poorest among your people have made many of them sympathetic to her cause. Meanwhile, you have alienated the others with harsh retaliation for perceived disloyalty and by ignoring your own magistrate’s pleas for assistance. You’ve thrown away any chance of a settlement and made an intractable enemy, who will not stop until your rule is at an end. After all of this bungling, you want me to fix your own stupidity?”</p><p>A red saber flashed in front of her face. It stopped just short of her throat, yellow orbs raging behind it. “If you <em>dare</em> speak to me that way again, I will gut you.”</p><p>Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “You’re welcome to try. Though, I doubt you have the nerve.”</p><p>His arm twitched. Then, his teeth bared in a savage grin. “Very clever, my lady. Attacking you would break the terms of our alliance and make Mirial the wronged party. No, I shall not let you off that easily.” The blade vanished in a hiss. “A dangerous gambit, though. What if I had killed you?”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed into harsh slits. “You presume you had any chance of doing so, my lord. Be that as it may, calculated risk is part of any negotiation.”</p><p>Sheathing his weapon, he grunted. “Bold. I have often thought you chose the wrong path, Eminence. You would have made an admirable Sith.” Alaa poured himself a brandy and took a swig. “Your estimation of my culpability is irrelevant. I have requested your assistance. Do you intend to provide it?”</p><p>Barriss contemplated. “What will you do if I don’t?”</p><p>He waved his drink with a casual air. “I will consider Mirial to have broken our pact as will my other allies. And, being freed of restrictions, I shall ally myself with Chitar. The Viceroy has already promised to handle Lady Tano and her nuisance rebellion in return for aiding their conquest of a land they have long desired.”</p><p>She tilted her head. “You intend to put your trust in people that believe in manifest destiny? How long until Coruscant becomes their next target? Short-sighted, once again. I see the lessons of the Togruta have taught you nothing.”</p><p>His lips curled back. Then, they relaxed into a smirk. “Not my first choice, I admit. It shifts the balance of power in the region, forcing me to seek less advantageous alliances with neighboring realms or expend resources on mercenaries. Still, as you pointed out, every negotiation involves risk. And, if I cannot rely on Mirial to protect our interests, what choice have I?”</p><p>The knot in her stomach twisted. They were both speaking lies, but the truth was forces outside of her control had brought things to a tipping point before she was ready. Six long years of maneuvering was finally catching up to her. Mirial’s safety hung in the balance once more. And, this time, there wasn’t another way out. <em>Oh, Ahsoka.</em> Maintaining an indifferent tone, she replied, “Very well, Excellency. Provide the details of your needs in writing, along with the timeline. I must assess our current status and resources with my command staff before I can commit any forces. You will have an answer in the stipulated five days’ time.”</p><p>Alaa’s eyes gleamed. “As will you, Eminence.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna froze as her father appeared in her study door, flanked by praetorians. He sneered. “My pretty little daughter has her own office. How quaint.”</p><p>Shoving down the automatic anxiety, she rose from her chair. “What can I do for you, Excellency?”</p><p>Sauntering into the room, he glanced around. Picking up a trinket from her curio, the man examined it and then tossed it aside. “I wish a private conversation. Tell your dogs to leave us.”</p><p>Alayna quirked an eyebrow. “And why should I grant that request?”</p><p>His eyes flashed yellow. “Do as I say, girl.”</p><p>Straightening, she rounded the desk to face him directly. “I am the Empress Consort of Mirial. You will treat me, as well as my praetorians, with the appropriate respect or you will find yourself summarily expelled from this palace.”</p><p>A vein pulsed in his neck. Leaning his face into hers, he snarled, “Do not play at what you aren’t, disloyal whelp. I made you. I can destroy you just as easily.”</p><p>Forcing herself to maintain eye contact, she put as much steel into her tone as possible. “I am what I am <em>in spite</em> of your efforts. Not only is that a force of power in this realm, but one that in three days’ time will be named co-regent. When next we meet, you will face an Empress. Our alliance will soon be in my hands to make or destroy, King Alaa. You would do well to remember it.”</p><p>His jaw popped with strain and then abruptly relaxed. “Hmph. Perhaps, I made a lion out of a lamb after all.” Stepping back, he waved his hand. “I merely wanted to assess your progress, daughter, and congratulate you on your upcoming ascension. I look forward to our future endeavors.”</p><p>Returning to her desk, she stood behind it with a placid air. “Your salutations are noted, Excellency. Is there anything else? I have much work to do.”</p><p>Her father grunted. “The Force works in mysterious ways. You may end up being my greatest triumph. Alax must be on his guard.” Moving to the door, his lips drew back into the grin that used to terrify her. “Enjoy your moment in the sun, <em>your highness</em>. Take care not to make me an enemy in the process.”</p><p>She suppressed a shiver and locked an icy gaze on him. “Then, do not give me a reason to do so.”</p><p>He chortled. “Getting there, girl. Perhaps, you can make your father proud yet.” He snapped his fingers at the praetorians. “I am ready to depart.”</p><p>Appo and Jet looked to her, causing a low growl from her father. Settling into her chair with deliberate movements, Alayna shifted attention to her pad for several moments. Then, she finally flicked a languid hand. “Escort the king from the palace.”</p><p>There was another chortle as he vanished from sight. “Bold.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Ahsoka stiffened. “Are you disobeying a direct order, Captain?”</p><p>Rex met her eyes. “If it’s the wrong order, yes.”</p><p>Clenching her fists, she growled, “You don’t get to make that decision.”</p><p>“Actually, I do,” he replied with a sad smile. “You see I once knew a wise and compassionate general. Unlike many, she treated her troops with value and care. She inspired them to be more than they were and risk what little freedom they had in order to provide it to others. Serving her was the first time in my life I felt not like a slave but a soldier. Then, there came a fateful day. Captain Rex of the Coruscant 501st was ordered to slaughter a rebellious camp of enslaved Togruta as a message. I stood in front of my general, who had no idea of the destruction ordered upon her people, and made a choice. I broke my oath and confessed the thing demanded of me. She asked me to join her in fighting for the greater good, to protect the innocent and oppressed, to disobey a direct order from my king. Do you remember her words?”</p><p>Ahsoka looked away and whispered, “A slave blindly follows orders. A good soldier knows when not to.” The final words came out in a choked breath. “We all have a choice.”</p><p>“And I’ve never regretted that choice,” the man said quietly. “Please, don’t make me do it now.”</p><p>The simple plea pierced her in a way a blade never could. “This isn’t the same, Rex.”</p><p>“Isn’t it? The general that taught me what being a good soldier truly meant is now ordering me to conduct an assault that will almost certainly spill innocent blood. Just as it did at the shipyard two weeks ago. And maybe that’s even what needs to be done to win. I can’t say. All I know is that my general never believed the ends justified the means.”</p><p>She flinched and then went rigid. “That wasn’t supposed to happen! We didn’t set the new explosives anywhere near the slave quarters. No one knew they would be so unstable or that the fire would spread so quickly.”</p><p>Rex put a hand on her shoulder. “But now we <em>do.</em> War is messy and terrible. We must live with our mistakes as best we can. Using the same method to destroy the capital weapons factory won’t be another mistake, though. It has become a choice. I can choose to follow orders, weaken Alaa’s weapons reserve for a few months, and strike a propaganda blow for the cause of freedom. Or I can choose to protect the innocents I’m fighting for in the first place, both the ones who may die in the effort and the ones who will be enslaved to replace them. I’ve made my choice. It’s the same one I made all those years ago. It’s the same one the Ahsoka Tano I know would make.”</p><p>Jerking out of his grip, she crushed palms into the table and stared down at the factory schematics. <em>No. I can’t stop now. We’re finally making a dent. I won’t go back. I have to make it all mean something. </em>Drawing up to her full height, she stated flatly, “Perhaps, that’s your problem. Because that Ahsoka Tano no longer exists. She couldn’t do what needed to be done. I <em>can.</em>”</p><p>Pained eyes gazed back at her. “Then, whoever’s replaced her doesn’t need Captain Rex. Any slave can blindly follow orders.” Taking a deep breath, he turned and started walking away. “If my general ever returns, tell her to come find me. I’ll be waiting.”</p><p>Standing motionless, Ahsoka watched the man who’d been her right hand, the rock she could depend on, the one person she never expected to lose vanish into darkness. Her body began to tremble, chest compressing in pain, but she refused to give in. <em>Get over it. You don’t need him. You don’t need anyone. If he couldn’t do what needs to be done, you’ll find someone who can.</em> <em>It’s just one more loss to add to Alaa’s ledger. Make him pay it.</em></p><p>Forcing herself to harden, she let cold purpose fill her soul once more. If Ahsoka had to go on completely alone, so be it. She wouldn’t fail, no matter the cost.</p><p>_______</p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka wouldn’t trust you enough to wait when she actually loved you. You expect her to now? The last time you saw each other she attacked you. What do you think will happen if you wander into her secret base? </em>
</p><p>Padmé’s pleading face floated into her mind. <em>‘Don’t give up on her, Barriss. Please.’</em></p><p>Rubbing hands over her face, she exhaled. <em>I know, my friend. I’ll keep trying even if it kills me. I promise</em>.</p><p>“You requested an audience?”</p><p>Barriss dragged herself back to reality. “About time, my wayward consort. It’s an act of the Force to get five minutes with you. Apparently, everyone outranks me these days.”</p><p>Alayna glided across the study. “Such is life when you’re preparing to be crowned co-regent of the realm. Consider it a blessing. R’alo sees me far too often and looks like he’s been dragged through a Wampa’s den. An hour ago, he walked into a wall while making notations in my calendar and bloodied his nose. His hair hasn’t been combed in at least three days, and his cravat is on backwards. I’m convinced he hasn’t noticed the oversight, but I feel much too guilty to tell him about it.”</p><p>She laughed. “You need to give your put-upon secretary a raise.”</p><p>Moving behind the desk, she laid arms over Barriss’ shoulders and propped a chin on her head. “If he survives, perhaps I will. So, what can I do for my empress?”</p><p>Barriss took one of her hands. “We have a problem. Per usual, it’s called your father.”</p><p>The fingers spasmed in hers. There was a split-second pause, before a steady voice replied, “Yes, I was going to mention he appeared in my study to supposedly offer congratulations on my ascension. Why he actually came, I’m not certain. Perhaps, to gauge whether his power over me remained intact. I believe he left disappointed.”</p><p>Looking up at her, she asked, “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Better than I thought. I don’t know why I still let him get to me. I’m working on it, though.”</p><p>Barriss rubbed a thumb over her knuckles. “And you will succeed. You’ve faced your fear once more. As I’ve always said, you can conquer anything.”</p><p>Her eyes misted. Alayna leaned down and delivered a chaste kiss to her lips. “I love you so much.”</p><p>She caressed her cheek. “And I you, my smarmy consort.”</p><p>The young woman sighed happily. “Now, tell me what his royal deviousness was really here for.”</p><p>Releasing a long exhale, she answered, “He claims to have located Ahsoka Tano and has requested military assistance to hunt her down.”</p><p>Alayna stiffened and then crouched beside her chair. “No. Tell him no.”</p><p>Barriss smiled wanly. “His response was the Chitaran had pledged assistance in return for his. You know where this is going.”</p><p>“Damn him,” she muttered. The intense green ran through the same calculations Barriss had already performed and came to the same conclusion. “There’s no way to delay him for long enough. Bail and Mon can’t accomplish their part in that short a time frame. An extra month to finish the bunkers would be preferable, as well. Even if Father buys into our narrative immediately, we need at least six weeks. Taking out Ahsoka to get it is… there must be another way.”</p><p>She leaned back and rubbed her temples. “I have an idea, but I doubt you will like it.”</p><p>Alayna pursed her lips. “You intend to find her first.”</p><p>Her eyebrows shot up. “Indeed. If I manage the search on the ground, I may be able to persuade her to halt operations and vanish until we implement our strategy. If she’ll do so, we can report driving the rebel forces from their stronghold. Coruscant would then no longer be under active threat and our pact is fulfilled. There is some risk, of course. It requires me to find her before the king’s forces and would also—”</p><p>“Leave Mirial in my care with a reduced military. A situation that might present a tempting target for Chitar and spur them to move up their planned attack without my father’s participation.”</p><p>“I have faith in your abilities, my dear.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean the Chits will. I don’t carry the fear and respect you do. Not yet anyway.” She grinned and then drummed fingers along the arm of the chair. “We need them to be dependent on Coruscant to attack. We can’t have Chitar getting any ideas of going it alone. Besides, repelling them will cost lives and compromise our plan at the exact moment we’re about to bring it to fruition. Yes. I should go instead.”</p><p>It was the response Barriss expected but not the one she wanted. “I understand your concerns. However, I’ve already analyzed the options and believe it’s better if I handle it personally.”</p><p>Her nostrils flared. “You know very well it isn’t anything of the kind. That’s probably his goal with this unexpected request. Father anticipates you leading the search due to… personal reasons. Since he doesn’t see me as a threat, this smacks of needing you out of the way for a short period. Whether the stratagem is intended to prod Chitar alone into action and weaken us, he has already made a tacit agreement to aid them in your absence, or he plans on locking a final puzzle piece into place that you have the ability to stop is impossible to say.”</p><p>Barriss ignored the implication about her motivation to protect Ahsoka. <em>How much has she put together, I wonder?</em> “I considered that possibility. But—”</p><p>“There is no but.” Fingers curled around her arm. “It’s an unacceptable risk, whether doing so plays into his hands or not. You’re too critical to Mirial, especially right now. You can’t run off on search and rescue missions.”</p><p>Her ribs tightened. “I’ll consider your opinion in <em>my</em> final decision. You’re not an Empress yet, my dear.”</p><p>Alayna sighed. “Barriss the Wise isn’t making this decision. Barriss the heartbroken woman is. I understand why and wish I could change things.” Her voice softened. “It doesn’t have to be an either/or this time. Not when you have me. Ahsoka and I always had a good relationship. I’m certain I can get her to at least listen to our proposal. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to protect Mirial without sacrificing her. Please, trust me.”</p><p><em> ‘Please, Barriss, trust me.’ </em> She looked away as the memory of failure overwhelmed her control. <em> Duty or heart? No. That’s not the choice. It’s two duties and one heart that demands you serve them both. Perhaps, trust is the only path that can. Don’t repeat your mistakes. </em>Clearing her throat, she returned attention to Alayna. “You’re assuming quite alot about why I want to go.”</p><p>There was a light grunt. “Actually, I’m not. I knew you wouldn’t remember. No one should ever consume that much firewhiskey.”</p><p>Barriss sagged in her chair. Indeed, she didn’t remember much about that terrible night, other than waking up in Alayna’s arms. <em>Apparently, I’m a chatty drunk.</em> “I see.”</p><p>“You only confirmed what I already knew. It didn’t take long to connect the dots.” Her gaze wandered around the study. “The Akul tooth necklace, your mistress that vanished upon our marriage, Ahsoka’s odd behavior, my father’s unbelievable mercy in sparing her life and freeing some of her people, the way you hide a flinch whenever she’s mentioned…” Her eyes traced a path back to Barriss. “Taking me was the price you paid for her salvation.”</p><p>She shifted up and gripped her face. “I paid with part of my heart, Alayna. You were not a commodity to me. Ever.”</p><p>“I know,” she said softly. “I just wish my happiness hadn’t come at the cost of yours.”</p><p>Barriss rubbed thumbs over her cheeks. “No, my dear. Our unhappiness originated from the same source. Your father would have still betrayed the Togruta. Ahsoka still would have plotted against him. And Alaa would still have wanted to kill her for it. In fact, if you didn’t exist, he likely wouldn’t have thought to use her to blackmail me into a marriage alliance. So, you actually saved the woman I love from death and Mirial from a bloody war. Now, we are on the cusp of ensuring the safety of the realm for years to come with you poised to lead it into a new age of prosperity.”</p><p>A smile edged up. “Hmm, I like that interpretation.”</p><p>Pressing lips to her forehead, Barriss murmured, “Me too.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Ensuring she didn’t so much as twitch as the needle burned into her skin, Alayna regulated her breathing. Tiny squares now spilled from the bridge of her nose across her eye ridges. The royal artisan raised his head to deliver a solemn pronouncement. “The symbol of unbending integrity will guide your way.”</p><p>He tattooed opposing chevrons underneath the squares and then straightened. His booming words echoed across the vast courtyard. “The symbol of direction will aid you in guiding others along the path of truth.” An excited chatter of unintelligible voices rose from all sides in response.</p><p>Alayna remained kneeling and bent her head low to the ground. “Honor is mine to carry the symbol of my commitment to Mirial.”</p><p>“And we are honored to accept your commitment.” Barriss stepped down off the uppermost portion of the dais to stand in front of her. “Rise, Alayna of Mirial.”</p><p>Her stomach churned as she took her feet. She made the mistake of glancing at the endless crowd filling the outer palace courtyard. The churn spun into a froth, bile rising in her throat. Swallowing multiple times to ensure she didn’t lose what little contents her stomach held, Alayna flicked her gaze to the raised court platform and found Leeka’s bracing eyes. She exhaled a steadying breath as her queasiness receded to manageable levels.</p><p>The Master of Ceremonies approached the Empress, a silver case in her hands.</p><p>Barriss danced fingers across the inlaid design in a complicated set of clicks and pulls. There was a faint whirr as the lid popped open. Reaching inside, she reverently removed an ivory cylinder with simple golden accents.</p><p>Adrenaline rushed through her veins as Alayna stared at the hallowed object she didn’t know existed. <em>It can’t be. It is.</em></p><p>The slightest of grins touched Barriss’ lips. She balanced the weapon on upcurved fingertips. “This lightsaber once belonged to Emperor Andreas the Pure, co-regent and consort of Empress Ludiya the Valiant. For three centuries it has lain in wait for a worthy successor. At long last, it has found its ruler.”</p><p>Lifting a trembling hand, Alayna wrapped fingers around the hilt. “I accept this not as an Empress but as a loyal servant of the people of Mirial. I will not fail their trust in me.” Locking her gaze on the steel blue, she added softly, “Or yours.”</p><p>Barriss smiled. Raising her arms, she addressed the assembled masses, “People of Mirial! I present your Empress… Alayna the <em> True.</em>”</p><p>She sucked in a breath. The title touched a chord somewhere deep. <em> The True. Be Alayna. That’s all you need to be. She can conquer anything. </em></p><p>Turning to the crowd, Alayna’s chest pulsed. Raising the saber over her head, she let everything hang for a few seconds. Then, her blade hissed into existence, creating an aura of verdant light around her face.</p><p>Cheers flooded the air in rolling waves. Alayna the True, Empress of Mirial, held her saber high and soaked in the moment. <em>I belong here.</em></p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise! So, I finally drafted the ending of this story. Tons of editing and a couple of stray scenes remain. Still, I'm feeling celebratory and... well, let's chat for a minute (or ten).  </p><p>I feel a need to apologize. Maybe it's writer insecurity or maybe you'll agree. Who knows. When I'm writing, I sometimes feel like Luke as his one in a million proton torpedo gets sucked into an exhaust port (Great shot, kid!). Other times, I'm mother effin' Palpatine controlling the galaxy (Unlimited powwwer!). Then, there are the moments where I'm delimbed Anakin watching my best friend walk away from my smoking carcass. (But I kinda did it to myself, ya know?)</p><p>This story got away from me and I'm sorry. While my longtime (and supra!) readers know I'm prone to expanding on the fly, never have I abandoned my outline so completely. When I started posting this, I think there were 15 chapters drafted with ~2 left to write. Then, editing commenced. Editing morphed into rewriting nearly the entire story. This madness meant heavily reworking or adding large chunks of new material (especially in the 2nd half). My original draft now lays in forgotten tatters. I watched in helpless wonder as my chapter count rose to 19, 22, 25, [insert final number here since I refuse to promise anything in my current state]. I also needed to keep relatively unaltered throughlines on the radar amid this expanded scope. As a result, it probably feels like we've barely moved the needle on a few plot threads lately. (*cough* Ahsoka's still swirling in torment, Gabby.) When planning out a story, I normally structure it to avoid this issue. Unfortunately, my own hubris in redesigning mid-stream made that difficult to accomplish. Hence, this apology.</p><p>In supplication, I can only offer an extra chapter this week, a promise to pick up the pace, and my gratitude for not leaving me burning on the lava shores of Mustafar. #isolationmademedoit #notreally #everyoneknowsitspalpatine #apologyacceptedcaptainneeda #officiallylostmymind</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alayna handles some family business as she embarks on her mission to locate Ahsoka.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Packing,” Leeka responded as she calmly continued doing just that.</p>
<p>“You’re not going,” Alayna huffed.</p>
<p>“Yes. I am.”</p>
<p>Striding across her bedchamber, she spun Leeka around. “No, you’re not. We discussed this. It's an unpredictable and potentially perilous mission. We’ll be in non-aligned territory, navigating deadly and confusing terrain, while hunting an insurgent stronghold with no idea of our reception. It’s not safe.”</p>
<p>She thrust out her chin. “That’s why I’m going. And this supposed discussion consisted of you imperiously declaring I remain in Mirial.”</p>
<p>“And? The last time I checked, I’m the one in charge around here.”</p>
<p>Her skin darkened to match her freckles. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> pull the royal card on me, Alayna. I am not letting you march into an unknown situation without my help. Especially when it may require you to stretch yourself beyond endurance in more ways than one. You need me.”</p>
<p>Alayna gripped her face. “No arguments this time. I can’t completely focus on what I have to do if I’m worried about you.”</p>
<p>She jerked away. “Well, you’re going to have to learn how, <em>Eminence.</em> I am still your first handmaiden. Or do you plan on locking me in your chambers for the rest of our lives? An Empress travels with at least one handmaiden at all times. I don’t care if you’re dancing through a minefield. I dance with you. Unless you’re no longer satisfied with my services?”</p>
<p>Slumping onto the bed, she begged, “Leeka, please. I can’t lose you.”</p>
<p>The woman hissed through her teeth. Then, she let out a long exhale and sat beside Alayna. “I don’t want to lose you, either. I’ll admit it makes me motivated to accompany you. Still, it’s more than that.” Leeka caressed her cheek. “You are my heart, but you are also my Empress. I know you worry about balancing love and duty. This is one of those times. I intend to ensure you are true to yourself—the person I adore. Please, let me take care of you, both as your handmaiden and the woman that loves you.”</p>
<p>Alayna’s chest tightened. Taking her hand, she held it to her lips for a long moment. “It’s not that I don’t want that. Simply having you with me at all times sounds like paradise to my heart. That’s part of the problem. There’s so much I should be focused on, especially for this mission. When you’re with me, <em>you</em> are all I can focus on.”</p>
<p>She grimaced. “I understand. You have a multitude of priorities to balance. I have one. However, leaving your first handmaiden behind everytime you need to do something important or remotely dangerous is ignoring the problem. It will eventually lead to compromising <em>both</em> of our duties, which in turn compromises who we are. Whether this specific objective is doable with or without me is irrelevant. It’s a symptom of a larger issue we need to address.”</p>
<p>Alayna looked away. <em>She’s right. But what if I can’t handle it?</em> “It’s only I’m so…” <em>Scared.</em></p>
<p>“I know,” she murmured. “Heart versus duty isn’t really the battle we’re fighting. It’s us versus fear. The only way to conquer fear is to face it. This is a first step toward that goal. Besides, you’re forgetting something.” Spreading fingers across her face, Leeka guided it back to bracing eyes. “We are <em>partners.</em> And damn good ones. Trust me, trust yourself. <em>We</em> can handle it.”</p>
<p>She chewed her lip and then took a deep breath. “Alright. We’ll figure it out together.”</p>
<p>“Like always.” Leeka brushed lips over hers. “In any case, it’ll take alot more than some treacherous mountains and a few ragtag insurgents to keep me from you. So, get used to having me around.”</p>
<p>The weight pressing on her chest lightened as warmth flooded through it. “Force, I don’t deserve you.”</p>
<p>A mischievous gleam flickered. “Oh no, my lady. I am your handmaiden. That is, by definition, impossible.”</p>
<p>Pulling Leeka into her arms, she whispered, “You are <em>so</em> much more than that, partner.”</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alayna jittered nails along the arm of the settee. “In any case, we’ll be leaving at dawn.”</p>
<p>Jo’s fingers tightened around his cup. “Aunt Leeka told me.”</p>
<p>“Ah, good. Hopefully, I’ll finish my mission in a few weeks. It could be a bit longer, though.”</p>
<p>His eyes darted around the sitting room. “Um, what about our list? We’ve only made it through half.”</p>
<p>“We’ll pick back up after I return. Actually, while I’m gone, why don’t you do some research in the books I gave you? See if you can find more details on the professions that caught your interest.”</p>
<p>Jo stared down at his tea. “I like when we do it together.”</p>
<p>She tweaked his nose. “Me too. But I can’t leave without assigning you homework. Otherwise, what evidence of your brilliance will I gush over when I get back?”</p>
<p>A brief grin appeared but then vanished. “Isn’t it dangerous for an Empress to go on missions?”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s not as if I’m going alone. I’ll have plenty of help between our elite company soldiers and your aunt.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “Still, seems risky. Maybe you should let someone else go.”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, risk is a part of life, my dear. An Empress has a duty to the realm she serves. In this case, accomplishing the objective is much more likely if I handle it myself.”</p>
<p>Rolling the hem of his tabard between a forefinger and a thumb, Jo mumbled, “If you say so.”</p>
<p><em>Come on. Stop stalling.</em> “Anyway, before leaving I wanted to tell you a secret. Remember, a few months ago I said there was a second big reason I cared about you? Your aunt and I decided you should know about it.”</p>
<p>He perked up and set his tea on the table. “Why did you have to ask her?”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s part of the reason. We were going to tell you together. Unfortunately, an important matter of the realm arose and required her presence elsewhere this afternoon. We decided I should go ahead. Hopefully, she’ll make it back before you go, and we can all chat about it.”</p>
<p>A wrinkle creased his forehead. “Uh, ok.”</p>
<p>“Right. The thing is…” <em>Just say it!</em> Alayna let the words tumble out. “Your aunt is more than my first handmaiden. She is my partner. In every way. I love her deeply. So, her family is my family.”</p>
<p>Jo’s mouth hung open for several seconds. Then, he snapped it closed and jerked his gaze to the fireplace.</p>
<p>Waiting for a response that didn’t come, she finally ventured, “Are you ok with what I said?”</p>
<p>A muscle in his jaw twitched. “What happens if—” He blinked rapidly but didn’t continue.</p>
<p>“You know our relationship isn’t, well, a licker one, right? It’s based on love not—”</p>
<p>“I know!” Pulling knees to his chest, Jo squeezed himself into a ball. A tiny voice whispered, “It’s like they were.”</p>
<p><em>Oh. So stupid, Alayna. Have you forgotten why he’s even here?</em> “Yes,” she said quietly and then brushed his cheek.</p>
<p>He flinched and scrunched himself even smaller.</p>
<p>Resisting the urge to gather him up in her arms, she dug fingernails into her palms. “Jo, I know this is probably difficult. However, the danger is the same whether your aunt is my handmaiden or anything else. Being with me in a romantic way doesn’t make her more likely to be hurt.”</p>
<p>His bottom lip trembled. “You don’t understand. Paddy got shot right in front of me. I watched her—watched her d-die. Both of them—Mom couldn't handle—” He clenched fists. “She just gave up! Left me! I tried everything. I told her it would be ok. I’d take care of her. But it didn’t work!” His entire body began to shake, pale olive skin mottling with dark splotches. “They left me all alone! What if it happens again?!”</p>
<p>Alayna grabbed his face. “Alright, I see. But for just this moment let everything else go and focus on me. Please.”</p>
<p>Jo’s expression strained as he evidently tried to reign in his emotions.</p>
<p>She circled thumbs over his cheeks. “Calm.”</p>
<p>The quake slowed to a shiver, and he croaked, “I’m ok.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine if you’re not. No one is ok all the time. I only want you to listen to what I’m about to say. Can you do that for me?”</p>
<p>He took several deep breaths. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She rubbed his cheeks once more before reluctantly releasing her hold. “Being upset and even a bit scared makes sense. When you feel ready, maybe we can talk about why your mom made the choice she did. For now, try to remember that your aunt is not your mother, just as I am not Padmé. Simply because we have one thing in common doesn’t mean anything else will be. Do you think of us as the same people?”</p>
<p>His muscles jerked and then began to relax. “No. Guess not.” A weak grin curled his mouth. “I mean Aunt Leeka is way stricter than Mom. Though, you <em>are</em> kinda soft like Paddy.”</p>
<p>Alayna arched an eyebrow. “Is that right?”</p>
<p>Jo gave an airy handwave. “Clearly, you both properly recognized my specialness.”</p>
<p>She laughed. “Oh, I absolutely do.”</p>
<p>He ducked his head. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>Something behind him caught her attention. Leeka was leaning against the corridor archway with a soft smile. Just her visual presence calmed Alayna’s nerves and she lifted his chin. “I am sorry, Jo. I wish I knew how to make it better. I promise I’ll fight to my last breath to keep your aunt safe, if that means anything.”</p>
<p>“It’s not only—” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I don’t want to lose you either, you know.”</p>
<p>Her heart swelled, bringing tears with it. Swallowing them, she replied, “I’m glad.” The raspy understatement was the best she could manage in the moment.</p>
<p>Umber eyes met hers, and Leeka mouthed, ‘Keep going.’</p>
<p>Refocusing on Jo, she continued, “It’s always possible some unexpected event could take any of us away, of course. That doesn’t mean it will. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better about things?”</p>
<p>He pinched a lip between his teeth. “So, I know people can’t promise to live forever. But could we maybe say if something did happen to one of you, the other one wouldn’t… well, you know?”</p>
<p>She slowly reached up to run fingers through his curls. “Are you saying, if you lost one of us, you want the other one to promise to stay with you?”</p>
<p>Jo nodded a vehement head. “You can’t get all sad and…” His voice coarsened. “... give up.”</p>
<p>Leeka winced behind him and scrubbed hands over her face. The woman’s mouth opened and then closed. It opened again. ‘Later.’</p>
<p>Agreeing this wasn’t the time to address H’lyn’s impossible choice, Alayna decided to simply speak her own truth. “That scares me too. I’m afraid if something happened to your aunt, I might lose a part of myself.” She shuddered even saying the words. “Maybe we could agree to help each other. If the worst happens, will you remind me that you need me? Hit me over the head. Yell and scream. Whatever you have to do. Because if I know you need me, someone would have to drag me kicking and screaming from this life to ever make me leave you.”</p>
<p>He shot up and fixed her with hopeful eyes. “You promise?”</p>
<p>“I promise.” Alayna slid tentative arms around him. When he didn’t pull away, she tightened her embrace and kissed the top of his head. “I love you very much, Jotaal.”</p>
<p>A muffled gasp came from her chest. It was followed by quiet words that made pure joy ripple through her soul. “Love you too… Layna.”</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alayna flew out of her tent amid shouts. Following the movements of her soldiers, she spotted a masked figure, pitch black tunic barely visible in the firelit night, weaving between tents.</p>
<p>Commander Bly ordered a pincer and they slowly boxed the intruder in. Evidently realizing the futility of evasion, their opponent went on the offensive. Twirling a pair of very familiar nunchaku, he began knocking soldiers out of his way in an impressive display of flying leaps and spins.</p>
<p>Growling, Alayna launched herself into the air. Rotating in a three-sixty, she landed behind him and hooked his leg. He toppled onto his back. Her saber hissed to life as she stuck it in his face. “Enough! Châtsatul nu midwan!”</p>
<p>He froze and then pulled his hood off to reveal a bleached face and slicked, snowy blond hair. Emerald eyes squinted up at her in the glaring saber light. “Alayna?”</p>
<p>She glowered down at him. “What are you doing here, Alax?”</p>
<p>A sneer upturned her brother’s mouth. “You know I can’t answer that.”</p>
<p>“We’ll see.” She flicked a hand and a squad rushed in. They slapped binders on him, confiscated his weapons, and hauled the man to his feet. “Take him to my tent,” Alayna commanded. “I will question him myself.”</p>
<p>Bly saluted. “Yes, Eminence.”</p>
<p>Alax twisted his head to stare at her as he was dragged away.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alax sulked in his chair. “What do you want from me, Alayna? I infiltrated your camp. You caught me. What else is there to say?”</p>
<p>She cocked an eyebrow. “What does our father want to know?”</p>
<p>“You’ve been breathing Mirial air for too long, if you believe I’d <em>ever</em> answer that question.”</p>
<p>Alayna crossed her arms and leaned against the table. “Perhaps, I simply hoped you grew a spine in my absence.”</p>
<p>Her brother stiffened. “Easy for you to say,” he spat. “Look at you.<em> Empress</em> Alayna. You certainly made the best of your situation. A child after our father’s own heart.” His eyes fell on her saber. “I can’t believe she lets you carry the symbol of her power.”</p>
<p>“Wrong. I carry the symbol of my own power.” Moving closer, she fixed him with a hard gaze. “Your life is in my hands now.”</p>
<p>Alax smirked. “Nice try. You wouldn’t dare. I’m the future King of Coruscant! You’re not even allowed to ransom me back. Our alliance would be at an end. You’d make an enemy of our father.”</p>
<p>Alayna barked a laugh. “Tell me you aren’t that naive. Do you truly believe our father would compromise his own interests for <em>you</em>? Your death would be used as eventual propaganda in his long-term plan, nothing more. I risk nothing by killing you, except the inconvenience of finding a place to dispose of your body in this wilderness.”</p>
<p>His sallow face drained of its little remaining color. “What happened to my nervy sister, who would barely look people in the eye?”</p>
<p>“She listened and observed, while you were preening for our father. That girl learned her lessons well and became what she was supposed to be. The ruler of a realm, <em>little</em> brother.”</p>
<p>Alax grunted. “Father is probably livid. He gave you to Mirial and is left with me.” Meeting her gaze, he licked his lips. “And what about the defiant girl she once was? The one that told me to hide, while she endured the brunt of our father’s temper. My <em>older</em> sister, who thought it was her duty to protect me. Is she still in there somewhere?”</p>
<p>It was a feeble attempt at manipulating her emotions. He couldn’t even deliver the words without betraying himself. <em>You can never be like him, Alax. </em>Her brother had always lacked the unyielding drive and cold calculation required. His talents lay in compromise, charm, and creativity. Traits a young Alayna had often wished for herself. Yet, instead of capitalizing on his innate gifts, he’d kowtowed to what their father viewed as strength. The result was only weakness. <em>Why do you try so hard to be something you’re not?</em> As she contemplated the jaw that slightly quavered and the eyes that couldn’t quite hide the vulnerability behind them, she saw her little brother once more. The boy that had always worn his heart on his sleeve. The one who had needed her, who had cried in her arms, who had clung to her as their father raged. Kneeling beside him, she rubbed his cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you, Alax. Follow our father’s example this once and do what’s best for <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>He jerked away. “Enough. You don’t give a damn about me. You want information, fine. Don’t treat me like a gullible child to get it. I’ve survived without you for years. Give me the respect I’ve earned.”</p>
<p>She blinked. For the first time, it occurred to Alayna that his coldness to her in their teenage years may not have been what it seemed. <em>Oh, Alax. If you still needed me, why did you push me away? </em>Her chest twinged as the answer came.<em> For the same reason you started doing what you were told.</em> Gripping his chin, she forced Alax’s gaze back to hers. “I’m treating you like my brother. Or do you think anyone else caught infiltrating Mirialan defenses would get a personal conversation with the Empress? If I didn’t care, I’d simply have let my soldiers take you down, dead or alive.”</p>
<p>His expression fluctuated. “Or that’s what you wanted me to think. Father may have underestimated your calculating mind, but I know better.”</p>
<p>Alayna hissed a breath. “Tsis nuri! Fine, believe whatever nonsense you want. It doesn’t change our current situation.” Softening her tone, she pleaded, “Please, Alax. Give me a reason to let you go. You don’t have to betray everything. Just tell me what he wanted you to do.”</p>
<p>Her brother chewed his lip for a few moments. Then, he slumped back in the chair and mumbled, “I was supposed to assess your forces in terms of quantity, efficiency, and mobility. If possible, bring back a high-level target for interrogation. He didn’t tell me why.”</p>
<p><em>Interesting.</em> That meant an offensive within the next few months. Their plan was coming to fruition sooner than expected. Alayna needed to finish her mission swiftly. “Thank you.” She unfastened his binders. “Your weapons stay with me for now. However, I’ll leave them behind when we move out. You can retrieve them at a later date.”</p>
<p>Halting the rubbing of his wrists, he evaluated her warily. “Why would you? Is this a stratagem to recapture me? Or take me out another way? Setting a trap to avoid the blame being laid on Mirial?”</p>
<p>She sighed. “Look what our father has done to you. Every kindness must be a nefarious plan. You’re not my enemy. I hope you never will be. And I know the nunchucks are important to you.”</p>
<p>His eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>Alayna shrugged. “It’s up to you, Alax. Leave our mother’s prized possession laying in the desolate mountains for scavengers, if you want to be a slave to fear and distrust. Or rise above it and take what’s yours.”</p>
<p>He stared at her for a moment and then rose to his feet. “May I go?”</p>
<p>Crossing to the open tent flap, she beckoned Bly. “My brother will be leaving peacefully now. He regrets any injuries or destruction caused by his ill-judged infiltration.” Alayna eyed him.</p>
<p>His jaw clenched. “Yes, my apologies for the misunderstanding. It won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>Bly grunted. “I will personally escort his highness well out of range of any temptation to revisit us, Eminence.” He whistled and two squads appeared outside.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Commander.” Returning to Alax, she leaned into his ear. “One day, you’ll have to decide what kind of ruler you want to be. When you do, remember that your sister knows you are capable of so much more than he believes. Choose to be <em>Alax</em>.”</p>
<p>His face tightened. “Be safe, Alayna.” Then, he thrust out his chin and strutted from the tent.</p>
<p>Drifting to the table, she stroked his nunchaku. <em>Oh, Alax. I can’t protect you anymore. </em>Teardrops splattered onto the golden inlay. Alayna wiped them away and pressed palms into the table. <em>Please, don’t make me kill you.</em></p>
<p>Arms slid around her stomach, and she smiled through more tears. “You were hiding in the back the whole time, weren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Leeka murmured. “You needed me.”</p>
<p>Wrapping fingers in hers, Alayna leaned back into the comforting embrace. “Always.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Our little Alayna has come so far and yet the girl she was remains. Anyway, I like this chapter. That is all. :)<br/>[Now, where did I put that darned Tano...]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Lost Halves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alayna delivers truth, Ahsoka stops running, and Barriss finally understands.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alayna hoisted the flag of the Empress and sat in her tent, waiting and hoping. Two nights went by in this manner. On the third, it finally paid off.</p><p>A figure emerged from a darkened corner, unlit saberstaff at the ready. “What are you doing here, Alayna?”</p><p>Ahsoka looked terrible. Her features were haggard, almost hollow. Scorch marks and rips riddled her leather hide tunic. Once majestic lekku were besmirched with grime, while scars littered gaunt skin. Eyes that had always flared with life were now sunken and dark. The fiery warmth Alayna remembered was gone, replaced by a weary dullness. “Looking for you.” Crossing to the table, she uncorked a bottle of wine and poured two servings. <em>I can do this.</em></p><p>A wary gaze assessed her. “With a small army?”</p><p>“Of course.” Setting one glass on the end closest to Ahsoka, she moved to a respectful distance and sipped her own. “If my father hadn’t demanded our assistance to hunt you down, there would have been no need for me to talk sense into you.”</p><p>She raised eyebrows. “Is that what’s happening?”</p><p>Alayna tapped fingers against the side of her glass. “Why are you doing this, Ahsoka?”</p><p>Sheathing her weapon, she picked up the wine with a bitter smile and took a swig. “Why are you?”</p><p>“Are you sure you want me to answer that question? It would require you to hear the truth.”</p><p>“The only truth is reality,” she snapped. “Most of my tribe is dead. I will not let it happen to anyone else. Now, it appears those who should be supporting my cause have gone from indifference in the face of evil to actively aiding it. No matter what lies you spin, you can’t change what is.”</p><p>Alayna scowled. “Your reality is skewed by anger and loss. The first fact has caused you to cloak the rest in your own lies. Most of your tribe is dead, yes. It is tragic and unjust. However, getting revenge will not make those deaths meaningful. Telling yourself you’re saving others doesn’t change the hatred motivating you. Nor does it mean your increasingly violent and chaotic actions aren’t causing more suffering in the very innocents you claim to be protecting. And those who <em>do</em> support your cause are here to keep you from being destroyed as a result.”</p><p>Ahsoka stiffly set the wine back onto the table. “Your self-serving opinions are not truth.”</p><p>Clenching her teeth, she hissed, “If you weren’t eaten away by rancor, you would see there are other paths to reach your objective. What makes you better than the very man you’ve sworn to destroy? Soon, even those who love you may not be able to tell the difference.”</p><p>Fire entered her eyes once more. “Be careful, Alayna. My patience will only be pushed so far.”</p><p>She gazed at her sadly. “Do you know who used to say that to me before leaving the bruises you occasionally tended?”</p><p>The Togruta flinched.</p><p>Alayna pressed harder. “Mirial is teetering on the brink of war, where more innocent people will die by Chitar’s hand and my father’s. Instead of doing the most logical thing to protect the realm, Barriss has decided to continue to save you at the expense of everything. I convinced her to stay in Mirial with great difficulty, despite the fact her leading this search would have likely resulted in letting my father further his plans. I came to find you and negotiate another solution. However, if that proves impossible, if you choose to give my father the leverage he needs, if you can’t see past your hate, I will do what she cannot. I intend to use every resource to stop you from harming my people and my empress. Even if it means killing someone I have always admired, I die in the effort, or Barriss hates me for it. And <em>that</em> is the actual truth.”</p><p>Her lip twisted. “I see Barriss has turned my scrappy fighter into her cold tiger, including a devotion to duty above all.”</p><p>Heat flushed her skin, and she flung her wine at the table to the sound of shattering glass. “How could you ever have loved her?! It’s as if you don’t know her at all! Have you deluded yourself into forgetting why we’re in this situation? There were other ways to protect Mirial than allying herself with Coruscant. Yet, she chose the riskiest path because of who she is.”</p><p>Ahsoka crossed her arms. “And? She made her choices. She must live with them. If her brilliant plan didn’t work out, it’s not my responsibility to fix it.”</p><p>The utter disregard sent Alayna’s temper flying over the edge. “You caused them! My father held your life and your tribe’s in his hand, thanks to <em>your</em> failed coup. She saved me, saved you, and even managed to negotiate a third of your people’s freedom. It cost her heart, risked future repercussions to the realm, and forced a woman of scrupulous principles to bend them so far it hurt. You repaid this sacrifice by leaving her to face the consequences alone and have now taken action to its extreme, forcing her to choose between Mirial and you once again. Yet, you <em>dare</em> to act like she’s the one who betrayed you! Look at yourself, Ahsoka. Do you even remember who you once were? You are destroying everything she’s sacrificed to protect, including yourself.”</p><p>Ahsoka went rigid. Her expression lost all comprehension and stared at her with an empty blankness. Just as Alayna started to become concerned, the Togruta gasped and stumbled to a chair. “Tell me you’re lying, Alayna.”</p><p>Her brow furrowed. “What?”</p><p>“Say it’s not true! That’s not why she allied herself with your father.” Eyes that were suddenly alive with emotion pleaded with her. “Please.”</p><p>Alayna’s mouth dropped open. “You—you didn’t know? How could you not? Why do you think my father freed your people on my bonding day? Why he waited so long to take action on your plot? Why he spared your life in an unprecedented display of mercy? Force, Ahsoka, she still wears your bloody necklace.”</p><p>The woman gazed into the air. “No…”</p><p>“You really didn’t know,” she murmured. “I’m sorry. I assumed the source of your separation was disagreement on the solution. Barriss found a way to serve both duty and heart. However, a compromise always means losing something to achieve your goals. I’m not sure why, but I suppose saving you meant letting you go.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s jaw set. “Damn her. She knew better than to tell me. I never would have let it happen. I would have killed myself to prevent Alaa’s retaliation against my people and protect her.”</p><p>“Oh. I see. Hiding the truth from you, at least until it was done, would have seemed the wisest course. Perhaps, she hoped to fix things afterward.” A memory surfaced of a shattered bottle and a broken voice. “Yes. That’s what she meant about not repeating her mistakes. It got away from her. Barriss likely had a long-term plan to leverage the alliance and your position in Coruscant to help both Togruta and Mirial rid themselves of my father. When you started an uprising, every parameter changed. She didn’t account for your drastic and rapid reaction. You being angry, altering strategies, needing persuasion, or leaving her were maybe outcomes she expected. However, you didn’t simply rearrange your pieces; you destroyed the entire board.”</p><p>“I had to,” she croaked. “I couldn’t wait any longer. Togruta can’t handle captivity. My people were dying inside and out. Once their spirits were crushed, freedom would be irrelevant. What made them who they are would have been destroyed. It was all or nothing.”</p><p>Alayna chewed her lip and then knelt beside her. “Please, Ahsoka. If you ever loved her, help me. My father has pulled us into his web earlier than anticipated with the demand for your head. We need a little more time. If you shut down operations and take your forces into hiding, we’ll have it. Then, I swear he will be vanquished or we’ll die trying. I know you’ve suffered; your people have suffered. I don’t blame you for being angry, for wanting justice. But Barriss needs you more right now. If it came down to it, I’m not sure she’d be capable of choosing between you and Mirial. The Barriss I know leads with her heart. And I’m afraid that kind of choice would kill everything she is.”</p><p>Her mouth trembled and then hardened into a thin line. She leapt up. “My forces have already retreated from the mountains. You can use that information however will best serve your purpose.” Ahsoka strode toward the exit.</p><p>“Wait! Does that mean you’re breaking off your campaign?”</p><p>She paused at the tent flap. “Not forever, Alayna. Alaa must be stopped. No matter what you believe about my motives, I am fighting for those that can’t fight for themselves. They are my tribe now. But if it will help Mirial, I’ll call a temporary halt as you enact your strategy. If that’s all, I have… unfinished business to attend to.” With that, Ahsoka vanished into the night.</p><p>Alayna stared after her and then slowly smiled.</p><p>_______</p><p>Ahsoka kept running. From what she didn’t know. It wasn’t as if anyone was chasing her. She’d half-expected Alayna to send someone to track her. But it didn’t happen. <em>She trusts you. Still.</em></p><p>Muscles faltering, she crumpled against a rock. Clutching the stitch in her side, Ahsoka exhaled ragged breaths. <em>Damn you, Barriss.</em></p><p>It wasn’t the actions. Ahsoka understood them. It wasn’t that she’d run away instead of discovering the truth. Not even the fact that she’d spent years in bitter torment as a result. No, it was something else. The thing she couldn’t ever seem to conquer. <em>Fear.</em> No, not just fear. Pure terror. <em>I can’t go back. I can’t.</em></p><p>Emotions Ahsoka hadn’t let herself feel in a very long time barreled through her defenses. She struggled to fend them off but there were too many, their intensity too great. They’d escaped and refused to be caged any longer. And she knew what came next. It was always pain.</p><p>Ahsoka crunched into a ball on the rocky ground as her insides heaved in agony. <em>Don’t. You can’t go back. </em>It didn’t matter. She was powerless, weak, lost. Voices and images she’d worked so hard to bury swirled in lifelike clarity.</p><p><em>‘What is doesn’t have to be all there is for you,’ </em>cracked words on a pad insisted.<em> ‘Life is worth living. Don’t give up on yours.’</em></p><p>Ahsoka shook a vehement head. “This <em>is</em> my life. The only one I can have.”</p><p>Rex smiled sadly at her. <em>‘The one you’ve chosen to have, you mean. We all have a choice.’</em></p><p>“Fine,” she hissed. “My choice is to focus on what is. What was can never come again.”</p><p><em>‘Doesn’t sound like it ever left to me.’</em> Her brother pleaded from behind prison bars,<em> ‘Don’t repeat my mistakes, Snips. Remember who you are.’</em></p><p>Screwing her eyes up tightly, she shouted, “No! That me doesn’t exist anymore.”</p><p>Padmé laid a hand on her cheek.<em> ‘You know better. You’re just not accepting it.’</em></p><p>“That’s not true! I don’t even know what to accept, when everything that made me who I was is gone.”</p><p><em>‘Does your heart not provide the answer?’</em> an unusual woman framed by a moonlit mausoleum mused.<em> ‘Perhaps, duty to those you love is who you are?’</em></p><p>Tears she thought were gone forever began streaming down her face. “I can’t go back. Please, don’t make me lose it all again. It… hurts.”</p><p>A battered young girl, who never seemed to give up, tried to hide the pain as Ahsoka wrapped her fractured wrist. Alayna gazed at her. <em>‘One day, maybe I’ll be brave enough to do anything. Like you.’</em></p><p>Shuddering a breath, she lifted foggy eyes to the indigo-painted stars as advice once given to that same girl mocked her. <em>Don’t let fear stop you from chasing what you want. Be… Ahsoka.</em> “No. I can’t.”</p><p>The adoring face twisted, scarlet streaking across her pale skin. <em>‘You are destroying everything she’s sacrificed to protect, including yourself.’</em></p><p>Ahsoka flinched. “It’s too late. I’m lost. She’s better off without me.”</p><p>Alayna threw her wine glass against a nearby rock. <em>‘It’s as if you don’t know her at all! Force, Ahsoka. She still wears your bloody necklace.’</em></p><p>A smile like gentle rains bringing an end to the summer drought appeared. The one Ahsoka could never seem to banish. It haunted even her dreams. <em>‘My heart is still yours. Now and forever.’ </em>The serene blue whipped into a frenzied storm, and Barriss sprinted away with a desperate cry.<em> ‘Soka, wait! Please!’</em></p><p>Reaching out a shaking hand to the vanishing mirage, she croaked, “I’m sorry. Don’t think… can handle it.” The words tasted bitter in her mouth.</p><p>Barriss’ voice wafted through the desolate mountains. <em>‘We can handle it together. I promise. Please, Ahsoka. Trust me.’</em></p><p>Rolling up, she scrunched knees to her chest and gazed blankly into the night.</p><p>Ahsoka wasn’t sure how long it took to realize Anakin was sitting beside her. It felt so real. His solid presence calmed her mind’s storm. Spasming muscles became a twitch. The weight crushing her chest lightened, allowing oxygen to reach her lungs once more. Her heartbeat slowed to a steady pulse. Leaning against his shoulder, Ahsoka let the moment swallow her.</p><p>He brushed a kiss across her montrals with a quiet question. “Do you still love her?”</p><p>She took in a cleansing breath and whispered, “Yes.”</p><p>Her brother hopped to his feet; piercing eyes glittered in the moonlight. “Then, do something about it.” Anakin grinned and faded away. Yet, she somehow knew he was still there. Perhaps, he always had been. A dry voice floated across the crisp night air. “Now, Snips.”</p><p><em>You can’t be anyone without your heart.</em> Leaping up, she tore across the landscape, flipping over rocks and sliding through mud to reach her stashed hoverbike. Slamming down on the accelerator, Ahsoka Tano set off to recover her heart.</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss sat in her darkened bedchamber, staring at a reflection she couldn’t see. This time she couldn’t find a solution she could live with.</p><p>Her mother’s stern face emerged from the shadows. <em>‘Why do you insist on engaging in actions that can only bring you unhappiness?’</em></p><p>“I had to,” she rasped. “She’s a part of me.”</p><p>Sad cerulean eyes gazed back at her. <em>‘You lead with your heart, Barriss. I didn’t want you to have to sacrifice it, as well.’</em></p><p>Tears rolled down her face. “Because it’s who I am.”</p><p><em>‘Yes.’</em> Gentle fingers rubbed her cheek. <em>‘Oh, my child. I am sorry. I wish I could have kept you from this pain.’</em></p><p>“I know,” Barriss whispered. “I’ll do my duty.”</p><p><em>‘Duty is fueled by heart, my brave girl.’</em> The woman kissed her forehead and then faded into nothingness.</p><p>Propping elbows on the vanity, she cradled her head in her hands. She truly understood now. Duty to Mirial, duty to Ahsoka, duty to herself. It was all dictated by one tattered heart. And, without her heart, there was no Barriss. Folding her arms, she buried her face into them. <em>Time to let go of yourself, Empress.</em></p><p>Something brushed her back. Jolting around, she spotted a shadowy figure and scrambled to her feet. Barriss ignited her saber, bathing the area in an ethereal blue, and then gasped at what couldn’t be. “S-soka?”</p><p>The woman moved so close, the blade’s glow washed out the blue stripes of her lekku. “I never could bear to see you cry.”</p><p>“You’re… here.” Her muscles seized up. “W-what’s going on? Where’s Alayna? Is she alright?”</p><p>“She’s fine.” Wrapping fingers around the ones gripping the hilt, she steadied her wavering saber. “We talked. I’ve called a temporary ceasefire. I suspect your able consort is currently extricating Mirial from Alaa’s now pointless hunt.”</p><p>Barriss stared, unable to process. “I don’t understand.”</p><p>There was a faint smile. “Neither did I. Until Alayna told me the truth you didn’t. I understand why, but I wish you hadn’t.”</p><p>An off-kilter dizziness swam through her senses, vision distorting into a bent version of reality. “And I wish you had listened to me. We could have worked to free your people together. Found a way that didn’t force you to lose so much in the process.” A spike of hurt broke through her mind’s fog. “You didn’t trust me.”</p><p>“That’s not true.” Ahsoka’s hand tightened around hers. “It wasn’t a matter of trust but time. Events simply pushed me to do what I should have already done. My people needed immediate action not backroom deals. I was fighting a losing battle on someone else’s terms. Then, I found a new purpose and couldn’t turn back. If you’d been in my place, I think you would have made the same choice. Perhaps, I would have made the same one as you.” Her mouth pinched. “Though, I wouldn’t have given you up in the process.”</p><p>“I didn’t! You gave me up!”</p><p>She shook her head. “I ran away, but I <em>never</em> gave you up.”</p><p>Tears began to choke her breaths. “Then why did you attack me in Chitirial?"</p><p>Ahsoka’s jaw went slack. “What?”</p><p>“You threw me into a control panel and left me bleeding on the ground! Even if you didn’t want to see me, I never thought you’d… hurt me.”</p><p>Her apricot skin blanched. “No, no, no! That’s not what—I was trying to save you! One of Alaa’s acolytes was behind you. Do you know what could have happened if he’d realized who you were? Or thought you knew me?” Color flushed back into her face. “You were in Chit territory totally unprotected! What were you thinking?!”</p><p>“I was looking for you! To tell you the truth! To try to make things right. Do you know how many rumors I followed until that day? And then you—you—”</p><p>“Oh, Barriss.” Her free hand slowly lifted. Fingertips touched Barriss’ face but then flinched back. After a split-second pause, they returned. “How could you ever think I’d want to hurt you?”</p><p>The calloused fingers resting against her skin only heightened the turmoil. “You told me to stay away from you!”</p><p>“To keep you safe. Always to keep you safe.” Chin quivering, Ahsoka swallowed and stroked her cheek. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I panicked. If I hadn’t been terrified of losing you forever, I never could have left you there. I had to lead him away. And my head was—it was too much at once.”</p><p>She latched onto the words like water in the desert. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to go. It all went wrong.” Ragged inhales came hard and fast. “I just needed you to l-live. I was so afraid you would sacrifice yourself and couldn’t risk—” Her chest compressed into a strangled sob. “I was going to fix it and help. I swear!”</p><p>“Ssh…” The woman jerkily dried her face. “Please, don’t cry. I can’t handle solving the past yet. Can we just exist in this moment?”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Her ribs tightened. “Ahsoka, please. Don’t do this to me if you’re not sure. I can’t lose you again. I won’t survive.”</p><p>“That isn’t—” Her eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t know about the past or the future, Barriss. I can’t even tell you who Ahsoka Tano is anymore. There’s only one thing she’s sure of, the only thing she couldn’t change.” Evocative blue reappeared, glowing with their own radiance amidst the saber’s incandescent hues. “You are still etched into her soul.”</p><p>Heart thudding in her ears, Barriss gasped oxygen that wouldn’t come.</p><p>Taking the saber from now limp hands, Ahsoka continued hoarsely, “No matter how lost I’ve become, you never lost me.” The blade hissed and darkness fell around them. “I’ve lost something, though. And I need it back.” Hot breath wisped into her ear. “Only half a heart do I possess.”</p><p>A feeling she never thought to have again filled her senses, wrapping crushing pain inside a cocoon of tingling warmth until only light remained. There was no hesitation as Barriss committed to its embrace. Her lungs gulped air sweeter than they had ever tasted. An ethereal smile floated onto her face as she murmured, “It was never lost. Your half has always been part of mine.”</p><p>A hand felt along her chest until finding what was always there. A weak cry sounded, and Ahsoka sagged against her. She started the ritual response but kept stuttering to a halt. “H-here is the… other half. All I have—have left to g-give.” Her body shuddered. Spikes of raw pain fractured the currents, calling out to Barriss like a desperate plea. “My—my heart—”</p><p>Pulling the woman’s forehead to hers, she murmured, “I’m here. Focus on me. Let everything else go.” Opening herself completely, Barriss projected as much stability as her own chaotic emotions could manage and finished the pledge, “My entire heart still belongs to you. Now and forever.”</p><p>Silence fell, broken only by Ahsoka’s erratic exhales. Until tremulous fingers pressed the Akul’ayt into her skin. “Then, I am… whole.”</p><p>This time, the tears that ran down her cheeks contained only joy. They stood motionless, breaths rising and falling as one. Barriss basked in the presence she hadn’t felt in far too long. It weaved through her own, binding the laceration in her soul.</p><p>Their connection flowed deeper, carrying aching need along it. The rhythmic pulses cycled into a rapid patter. Both women lifted their heads in the darkness and gazed at each other with perfect clarity.</p><p>Tender lips brushed Barriss’ temple, then her cheek, and finally the corner of her mouth. “I’m yours,” she breathed. “Take what you want.”</p><p>Her hands shot up and seized Ahsoka’s face. Barriss crushed their mouths together as broken halves melded into one once more.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And... huge exhale. Some of us add with a mutter, "About freakin' time!"<br/>(I'm tempted to point out that this chapter does not say 'The End' for a reason. But I'll let you bask in your little ray of solace. For now.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ahsoka, Barriss, and Alayna navigate their new personal reality.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss traced fingers along the scarred stomach as early morning light crept into the room. “You look terrible.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka’s eyelids fluttered open along with the damned grin Barriss still adored. “Good thing you don’t love me for my looks.”</p>
<p>She squinted at her. “I’m serious. You’re far too thin. Your color is peaky. The skin on your palms feels like sandpaper. I’m positive those are scorch marks on your thigh. And look at this filthy lek! You’re lucky the lights were out last night, or I never would have let you into my bed.”</p>
<p>“Hey! I scrubbed myself down and even put on a fresh tunic before, you know, <em>risking my life</em> to see you. Count your blessings. If Alayna hadn’t wrinkled her nose as she ran a very judgy eye over me, I wouldn’t have forced myself to stop and clean up. I was a bit impatient to get here.”</p>
<p>Barriss grunted. “If this is the improved version, I suppose I should be grateful. Is there any part of your body you haven’t damaged?”</p>
<p>Sliding arms around her, the woman pulled Barriss onto her chest. “My lips are just fine, thank you very much.”</p>
<p>She warmed at the memory of those same lips caressing her body in a myriad of wonderful ways. “Mmm… no argument there.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka snorted and nuzzled into her hair. “Ashla above, I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” she murmured. Barriss traced the woman’s shoulder for a few seconds before venturing, “We still have alot of problems to solve. We probably should talk.”</p>
<p>Hands lifted her face, and the evocative blue eyes she remembered gazed at her. “Is that what you want to do? Talk?”</p>
<p>Unable to help herself, she began trailing tiny kisses along Ahsoka’s jawline. “Definitely not.”</p>
<p>There was a happy sigh. “Me neither.”</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Ahsoka examined the map with a dangerous gleam.</p>
<p>Barriss moved behind the woman. Sliding arms around her waist, she propped a chin on her shoulder. “It’s that fascinating?”</p>
<p>“We are talking about eradicating the monster I’ve spent years trying to destroy. I’m more than fascinated.”</p>
<p>“I know. But…”</p>
<p>Ahsoka stiffened. “But what?”</p>
<p>Barriss sighed. “I suppose I was hoping for something that’s not possible.”</p>
<p>Straightening from the table, she turned to face her. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”</p>
<p>She searched her face. “You believe your life can’t go on until he’s dead. Don’t you?”</p>
<p>Ahsoka blinked. Then, she looked away. “It’s my purpose, Barriss. I have to make it all mean something. Whatever it costs.”</p>
<p>“And once you do? What then?”</p>
<p>There was a half-shrug. “Does it matter?”</p>
<p>Moving to the study window, Barriss wrapped arms around herself and gazed at the rainy haze. “Not to you, obviously.”</p>
<p>“I just can’t afford to take my focus off the goal by planning some imaginary future.” She paused. “Whatever comes, it will include us. I’m not leaving you again.”</p>
<p>“Unless it means getting your revenge on Alaa.”</p>
<p>There was a heavy silence and then Ahsoka blew out a long breath. Walking over, she tugged Barriss around. “Like you, I have people counting on me. Yes, I’m angry and maybe a bit obsessed. But I’m also fighting to protect the whole. I can’t fail them. Not again. Please, understand. I need you to understand.”</p>
<p>She jerked out of her grip, heat flushing her face. “You think I don’t understand? You’re the only one who’s suffered? I’ve spent six years losing, Ahsoka. Watching friends and innocents die, warding off threat after threat, worried the next report would tell me I’d lost you forever. There were days I could have ripped Alaa apart with my bare hands. I’ve sat impotent in the face of his cruelty again and again; knowing if I gave in to my impulses, I’d destroy any chance of stopping him.”</p>
<p>“That’s the path you chose,” she shot back. “While you’ve been plotting and scheming, I’ve been actually doing something about it.”</p>
<p>“You’re not even trying to understand what I’m saying! I chose that path because who I am demanded nothing less.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one that doesn’t understand,” she snapped. “You didn’t fail, did you? Your people live in safety and comfort. You sacrificed part of yourself and <em>me</em> to keep them that way. Why is it so hard to believe I would do the same? Just because I’m not a Chieftain anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not a leader trying to save people who’ve entrusted their future to her.”</p>
<p>Biting her tongue, Barriss took a calming breath. “Alright. Help me understand what that means then.” She laid a hand on her cheek. “What would you give up to kill him—yourself, your code, the tribe, other’s lives, me? Everything?”</p>
<p>Ahsoka slumped, chin sinking into her chest. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I hope not.” Her eyes lifted. “If my life wasn’t part of the deal, could you have—would you truly sacrifice me to protect Mirial?”</p>
<p>Barriss winced. Gripping the woman’s face, she pressed their foreheads together. “Protection is not the same as revenge, Ahsoka. If you’re really asking whether I could choose between you and Mirial, I finally know the answer. My duty is to you both. I’d never be able to sacrifice either of you and survive. The day that’s not possible is the day I am no more.” Raising her head, she met the stormy blue. “You taught me this years ago. What is it your father used to say about duty?”</p>
<p>She cleared her throat. “Duty to who you are is just as important as duty to the whole.”</p>
<p>“It took a long time to understand your father’s wisdom. He was pointing out that you can’t have one without the other. A duty fulfilled that betrays yourself is a losing proposition. I used to think of Mirial as my duty and you as my heart. But you are both a part of who I am. It has nothing to do with heart versus duty. They are intertwined.”</p>
<p>“Ok… what are you getting at?”</p>
<p>“I’m asking you to decide where your heart dwells. Killing Alaa, leading others, saving the oppressed, being a hunter, what? Whatever the answer, that’s where your duty lies. Any other path is swimming against the currents. Eventually, you will drown. So, who <em>is</em> Ahsoka Tano?”</p>
<p>Her eyes floated away to some distant point in the air. “I haven’t been able to answer that question since the day my brother died. I stopped trying.”</p>
<p>Barriss caressed her cheek. “Will you try again? At least, give it some thought?”</p>
<p>Ahsoka’s attention refocused on her with a tentative grin. “I suppose you’re worth an existential crisis.”</p>
<p>She cocked an eyebrow. “Better be.”</p>
<p>The grin widened. Pulling her closer, Ahsoka ghosted lips over her eyelashes. “Mmm… I might need some convincing.”</p>
<p>A hand traced Barriss’ spine, cascading goosebumps across every inch of skin. Stroking a thumb across the small of Ahsoka’s throat, she hummed. “So demanding.”</p>
<p>Fingers danced up and spiraled through her hair. “I thought an Empress made things happen,” Ahsoka murmured and then nibbled on her ear lobe.</p>
<p>Smirking, she lightly scraped nails across her montrals. “Oh, that’s exactly what she’s doing.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka gasped and then crushed Barriss against her body, digging a fierce mouth into hers.</p>
<p>Throwing arms around her neck, she returned the kiss hungrily. Ahsoka’s hands dropped and squeezed the back of her thighs. Letting out a small whine, Barriss kneaded knuckles into a lek.</p>
<p>Ahsoka’s grip shifted into a familiar position. One she never thought would be real again. Arms of steel were about to sweep Barriss up and carry her away. Where didn’t matter. Only that it was Ahsoka carrying her.</p>
<p>Before her dream could become reality, they were interrupted by a squeak. Jerking apart, the women spun around to the study door.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” A pink-faced Alayna blurted. “I wasn’t expecting—didn’t know anyone else was—uh, I’ll just—right.” She edged out of the room.</p>
<p>“Come back here, my flustered consort,” Barriss called. “We’ve been waiting for you to get home.”</p>
<p>Her head peeked around the doorway. “Are you sure? Looked like you were, erm, having a moment.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka snorted. “We were. But we’ll pick it up again later.”</p>
<p>Caressing the rough lips with her fingers, Barriss breathed, “Damn right, we will.”</p>
<p>She rubbed her mouth against the tips. “No argument here.”</p>
<p>Alayna fidgeted with her sleeve and coughed. “So, you said you were waiting for me?”</p>
<p>“Yes, to review where things stand and adjust our strategy since…” She couldn’t stop her gaze from drifting to Ahsoka. “... we have a new player on our side.” Shaking herself, she crossed to Alayna. “However, first things first.” Barriss lifted her chin and rubbed a thumb across it. “Welcome home. I’m relieved you’re alright. And thank you for…” She indicated Ahsoka with a slight head tilt. “... this.”</p>
<p>A soft smile lit her face. “You seem happy.”</p>
<p>Pulling Alayna into a hug, Barriss kissed her hair. “I am.”</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Ahsoka marveled at the complex array of bogs Mirial had secretly designed and created in the moors over the last few years. Perhaps, more impressive was the large quantity of supplemental troops quartered in an isolated factory complex at the center. They had been producing precious metal for export, while also developing new types of armor, weapons, and warcraft. Even to the soldiers themselves, it would appear they were manning a classified facility in order to protect Mirial’s intellectual, military, and economic interests, not holding position for a battle to end all battles. Added to the forces of ally realms required to come to their aid when Alaa invaded, Mirial had managed to assemble an army of gargantuan proportions without tipping their hand.</p>
<p>Ahsoka skimmed through the other documents. <em>Incredible.</em> The political maneuvering with non-aligned realms, purported intel leaks, and faked protests in the streets against Empress Barriss were all there. Crowning Alayna as a co-regent had been a calculated move to convey the impression that her grip on power was slipping, forcing Barriss to placate her court. Which struck Ahsoka as an especially savvy choice. In Alaa’s mind, a ruler would never willingly share power. It also enhanced his false feeling of security since he would see Alayna as a weaker opponent.</p>
<p>The level of deception and planning was breathtaking in its intricacy and its risk. Barriss certainly hadn’t been sitting on her hands as was widely believed. Every inaction and concession had been in service of a mirage, presenting a realm being slowly weakened by Alaa’s stratagems. They had lulled him into complacent arrogance. Now, Mirial would appear to have become desperate enough to plan a last-ditch invasion of Coruscant. When it was time to unveil reality, Alaa would fall victim to a carefully cultivated sense of overconfidence.</p>
<p>Laying the sheaf of documents down, she leaned against the back of Barriss’ chair and slid arms over her shoulders. <em>You are amazing.</em> Ahsoka felt the smile she couldn’t see on the other woman’s face. Their Force connection had either deepened during the last two days of being reunited or she’d forgotten the sensation. <em>No, it’s more than it was.</em></p>
<p>In the past, physical closeness could occasionally cause strong emotions to resonate. And there had always been a general sense of the other’s presence. This was different. The connection had a richer, more visceral quality. Once or twice, Ahsoka could have sworn she’d also heard a stray thought from Barriss. <em>Is that even possible?</em></p>
<p>Having Barriss in her arms once more was almost too much to wrap her mind around. Something inside of her felt changed. Ahsoka had no idea what that meant but hoped it was for the better. Tightening her embrace and brushing a light kiss across Barriss’ temple, she reveled in the sublime moment. <em>I missed you so much.</em></p>
<p>Without looking up, Barriss murmured, “Me too.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka’s jaw dropped. But before she could verify what had just happened, an insistent throat cleared across from them.</p>
<p>Alayna cascaded fingernails along the table. “If you’re quite done, I was recommending we send out calls to Alderaan and Chandrila now. Alax’s failed infiltration suggests my father is aware of Mirial’s overtures to non-aligned realms. It needs to look like we’re gathering combined forces for a surprise attack on Coruscant, not preparing to meet him on home soil. If we don’t set things into motion, he may not sign the alliance with Chitar to preempt us. We should reinforce the idea that we’re advancing our supposed plans in blissful ignorance.” Her eyebrow quirked. “Which shouldn’t be too difficult for the both of you.”</p>
<p>Barriss snorted. “Assuming we don’t give him a reason to do so, my impertinent consort, it’s improbable he’ll pull back at this stage. Don’t forget your father doesn’t understand those unlike himself. He’s been expecting us to turn on him and make a play for years. Now that it appears to be happening, he’s bought in easily. While you’ve been away, he has been courting Chitar and intensifying efforts to neutralize our allies. Undoubtedly, his intention is to attack soon but there are still a few loose threads. We need to ensure he’s committed to his chosen counterstrategy prior to calling everyone. It’s a calculated risk, I agree. But deliberate action, not <em>re</em>action, is called for in this phase. No matter how intricate a trap you build, it only works if you spring it at the right moment. Even if he does deviate from the expected, we have a backup option to entice him to invade in Ahsoka’s forces.” Her tone filled with crisp dryness. “Also, I heard you the first time. I can actually do two things at once.”</p>
<p>Alayna sighed. “Maybe you can, but you’re driving me to distraction.” One side of her mouth edged up. “I warn you. Any more infractions will spur me to bring my own illicit mistress to our planning meetings. At least, I’ll have someone to roll my eyes at while you’re staring into each other’s for minutes at a time.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka grunted. “My earnest little princess has gotten decidedly snarky. I blame you for this, my dear.”</p>
<p>Barriss smirked. “I consider that a compliment.” She tapped a finger against her chin. “Though, Leeka is coordinating the communication system. So, we’ll need her at some point today. In fact…”</p>
<p>The conversation faded as Ahsoka tried to pin down a memory that eluded her. <em>Leeka… Leeka… hmm… </em>Barriss nudged her arm and she returned to the present to see the other women staring at her. “Sorry, do I know this Leeka? The name sounds familiar.”</p>
<p>Alayna shook her head. “Unless you met her on one of your visits to Mirial years ago. She is my first handmaiden and…” Her expression softened. “... my partner.”</p>
<p>“H’lyn was her sister,” Barriss added. “Perhaps, the name came up in conversation?”</p>
<p>Ahsoka flinched as the final letter from H’lyn, sent by her sister, emerged from the ashes of pain. Pushing it away, she said, “I don’t recall H’lyn ever mentioning her sister’s name. Oh well. Perhaps, I’m simply delusional.”</p>
<p>“Did you want an opinion on that theory?” Alayna put in sweetly.</p>
<p>Ahsoka squinted at her. “Watch it, little Empress.” Putting on an airy tone, she remarked, “Leeka, huh? Taming Alayna’s heart is no small accomplishment. I need to closely examine the woman that managed such a feat.”</p>
<p>Alayna groaned. “On second thought, maybe bringing Leeka is a bad idea.”</p>
<p>Barriss laughed. “We’ll find out, I suppose. First, let’s go to your study. The full terrain map with the bog system is there. We need to analyze the best positions for Ahsoka’s forces.”</p>
<p>There was a long exhale from Alayna. “You know, I thought getting home would be less exhausting than navigating rockslides and wild insurgents.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka eyed her. “Wild? Don’t you mean wily or committed or daring?”</p>
<p>Alayna smirked. “Is that what you insurgents call it?”</p>
<p>The Togruta threw hands into the air. “No respect! Unbelievable!”</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Alayna jabbed the pad with each stroke of her stylus, trying to ignore the two women on the other side of her study. Ahsoka was making notations on the huge wall map with an occasional question. Between answers, Barriss simply gazed at her.</p>
<p>The spectacle was driving Alayna into unheard of levels of annoyance. And she had no idea why.</p>
<p>Looking back up, she blew a rogue curl out of her eye. Now, Barriss was stretched across the wall, placing location pins in an upper quadrant. That meant it was Ahsoka’s turn to stare. Except, she took it one step further by leaning closer and whispering into the woman’s ear, followed by a lingering brush of lips on her temple. Barriss smiled happily as she stuck another pin in the map.</p>
<p><em>You’re both grown women for Trikara’s sake. Not infatuated schoolgirls.</em> Alayna cringed. They’d been separated for years. Yet, time they probably needed and could have rightfully claimed to deserve together had been put aside to work on a greater goal<em>.</em> Was it surprising the women were still soaking in their reunion and fitting in moments where they could? At least, that’s what Alayna told herself for the fiftieth time since she’d arrived home this morning.</p>
<p><em>Force, I’m tired.</em> Other than a brief stop at her chambers to rid herself of travel clothing, Alayna had been closeted with the two sappily in love women all day. And one of said women was actually <em>her</em> consort. <em>I haven’t even seen Jo yet.</em></p>
<p>Slumping back in her chair, she massaged her temples. Alayna couldn’t decide if it was general exhaustion or something else pushing her nerves. There was a rising knot in her stomach she couldn’t pinpoint.</p>
<p>A knock came from her study door. The other women barely acknowledged the disturbance before continuing their halfway productive activities. Alayna sighed and rose from her desk. “Please, don’t stop what you’re doing. I’ll see who it is.”</p>
<p>Barriss hummed as she stuck another pin in the map. “Well, it is your study, my dear.”</p>
<p><em>Right. As if being in yours would have made one iota of difference to the outcome.</em> Slipping out the door to prevent anyone from spotting Ahsoka, Alayna’s vexation vanished. Resisting the impulse to grab Jo up in front of her secretary, an office page, and two praetorians, she settled for a bright, “Good afternoon, Jotaal. What can I do for you?”</p>
<p>His eyes sparkled and then flicked to the other page, who had looked up from his copy work. Turning impassive, Jo bowed. “I have a priority message for you, Eminence.”</p>
<p>“Ah, excellent.” Alayna opened the door and motioned him inside. “Would you please await my review? I believe it may require a reply.”</p>
<p>“Of course, my lady.”</p>
<p>After closing the door behind them, Alayna couldn’t hold herself back anymore and pulled him into a hug. “Hey you.”</p>
<p>There was a pause before he returned a quick squeeze. “Erm, hey.”</p>
<p><em>Don’t make him wish he hadn’t come.</em> Reluctantly letting go, Alayna produced the warmest smile she could conjure. “I’m so happy you’re here.”</p>
<p>Jo flushed and shifted from one foot to the other. “Thanks. Sorry, I lied about a message. It’s only Aunt Leeka didn’t know when you’d be done with your work, and I’m on duty all night. I didn’t want to interrupt but thought if I maybe came to say hi before my shift it would be ok.”</p>
<p>She rubbed his cheek. “It’s perfect. You can deliver fake messages to me anytime you want. I was actually moping about not having seen you yet. If I could have gotten away, I would have.” Alayna added quietly, “I missed you very much.”</p>
<p>A pleased grin crept onto his face. “I, um, missed you too.”</p>
<p>Remembering they weren’t alone, Alayna glanced over at the other women. Ahsoka was engrossed in examining the lower moor terrain, paying them no mind. However, Barriss was gazing at them with a soft smile. “I’m sorry, my dear. We haven’t given you a chance to breathe since getting home. Shall we take a brief hiatus and reconvene after dinner?”</p>
<p>Jo jumped, evidently not realizing others were present. He pivoted toward the voice and froze in place. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly. “Ant Soka?!”</p>
<p>The Togruta jerked around. “Jo?” Then, an expression that reminded Alayna of a delighted child lit her face. “Jo!” She jumped forward and opened her arms.</p>
<p>Alayna gaped as Jo raced across the study and threw himself into Ahsoka.</p>
<p>Laughing, the woman swung him through the air. “Ashla above, you’ve gotten taller.” She groaned and plopped him back onto the ground. “And heavier.” An affectionate smile settled onto her face. “I’m so happy to see you. I knew you’d gone to live in Mirial but didn’t know where exactly to track you down. This is turning into the best week I’ve had in a very long time.” Ahsoka brushed knuckles across his forehead. “My sprout is all grown up.”</p>
<p>His skin darkened in the way Alayna knew meant he was both embarrassed and pleased. “Ant Soka, really. I’m eleven now.”</p>
<p>“I’m not seeing your point,” Ahsoka replied innocently.</p>
<p>He huffed but evidently couldn’t help a grin. “Whatever. I’m happy to see you too. What are you doing in Mirial?”</p>
<p>“Just some business.” She winked. “It’s supposed to be a secret.”</p>
<p>Jo straightened his shoulders. “Don’t worry. A royal page never betrays a secret entrusted to him.”</p>
<p>“A royal page, huh? Impressive.” She smoothed down a red curl. “You really do look so much older. One wouldn’t think two and a half years makes such a difference, but it does.” Her lips twitched. “The real question is, can you now take me down with a full roundhouse kick?”</p>
<p>“Yep.” He puffed out his chest. “I can do all the ones you taught me. Wanna see?”</p>
<p>Alayna hugged her stomach as she watched Jo perform a variety of well-executed kicks to enthusiastic acclaim from Ahsoka. Bracing herself against the door, she fought the now painful knot twisting her insides.</p>
<p><em>How do they even know each other? Did Ahsoka know H’lyn well? Perhaps, Queen Padmé?</em> They could have remained close even after the relationship with her brother ended.</p>
<p><em>Ant Soka. As in Aunt Ahsoka.</em> A young child’s version of a name he hadn’t learned to pronounce. It had evidently stuck. That suggested a long and deep connection, where the boy had been encouraged to think of her as family. More than that, the easy affection Jo showed Ahsoka was something Alayna hadn’t accomplished after nearly two years of work. Their awkward hug a few short minutes ago was as close as she’d gotten. <em>They can’t have even seen each other since he was what, eight? Nine? She wasn’t even around when Jo needed her! When Barriss needed her. Well, I was. I’ve always been here, you know. This is my family. Mine!</em></p>
<p>Alayna flinched at her own vehemence. <em>But Ahsoka was there when </em>you<em> needed her.</em> Her shoulders hunched, cheeks burning in shame.</p>
<p>Dragging herself back to the desk, Alayna picked up her pad and reviewed their timeline notations. She couldn’t focus. Then, Jo proudly declared Master Nu had told him he was the brightest pupil she’d ever had. A fact the boy had never shared with Alayna. To add insult to injury, Barriss was gazing at Ahsoka and Jo in utter adoration.</p>
<p>Tears clawed at her throat. Walking toward the door, she announced, “Actually, I think I will take a brief break for dinner.” Then, Alayna fled her office without looking back.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here's a question if you'd like to answer it... What is it YOU care about in this story? To put it another way, why are you still reading? Since you've made it to Ch. 24, I'm assuming you care about something. (Or you're just a very loyal reader and I love you!)</p>
<p>This isn't a trick question or critical to the future plot. Our ending is already written. It's simply for my writer improvement/knowledge. Input from your audience is extremely helpful in crafting more (hopefully) compelling stories.</p>
<p>Awright, the endgame approacheth. Onward!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Moments of Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Life is made up of moments. <i>Someone, somewhere said that at some point. Because authors like to state the obvious in a way that makes it sound profound.</i> *Ahem.* As I was saying, life is made up of moments. This chapter contains both small and grand varieties of these poetic bits of time, each of them important in their own way. Occasionally, they may even rise to that ever elusive moment of truth. Where mettle is put to the test. Where the rubber meets the road. Where we make or we break. Where faith becomes truth or lie. At this crossroads, a turning point if you will, we commit to the chosen path and are forever changed by--Am I still talking? Why aren't you reading this chapter yet?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss frowned at Alayna’s abrupt departure from the study.</p><p>Jo’s posture drooped as he watched her go. Tucking hands behind his elbows, he looked back to Ahsoka. “Um, anyway, I’m doing good.”</p><p>She sent a questioning glance at Barriss before giving him a smile. “I never doubted it. Jotaal doesn’t give up. You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to doing.”</p><p>His gaze returned to the study door. “Thanks. Layna says that. She thinks I can do anything I want.” Jo’s voice wavered. “At least, that’s what she said.”</p><p>Barriss put a hand on his shoulder. “And she meant it, my dear. In fact, why don’t you go find her? I know you haven’t seen each other in weeks.”</p><p>He straightened into the stiff pose of a royal page. “Thank you, Eminence, but that is not necessary.”</p><p>“None of that,” Ahsoka admonished. “The Empress isn’t going to think less of you for wanting to spend time with those you care about. As for me, I’ll be here for a few more days. Plus, I hope to make regular visits to Mirial in future.”</p><p>Her eyes flicked to Barriss, who arched an eyebrow and mouthed, ‘You better.’</p><p>Expression brightening, Ahsoka grinned at Jo. “We’ll have plenty of chances to catch up.”</p><p>He pinched a lip between his teeth. “But if she wanted to see me, she would have stayed right?”</p><p>Barriss sighed. “Jo, did it occur to you that she’s the one who’s not sure if you want her?”</p><p>“Oh. No. You mean—oh.” He winced. “I do. It’s just… complicated.”</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be.” Ahsoka’s gaze drifted to Barriss. “The past is done. It shouldn’t stop us from chasing what we want.”</p><p>A smile blossomed in her heart. <em>I love you so much.</em></p><p>“Me too,” Ahsoka murmured.</p><p>Jo glanced between them. “Right. It’s not only, you know, what happened before. It’s also that we…” He stared at his feet. “It’s not as if I’m really hers or anything. I can’t even act like she is.”</p><p>Barriss dragged herself away from Ahsoka. “Actually, you can in many ways. An Empress isn’t beholden to the strictures of the serving quarters. Given your age and position, there’s no issue with Alayna displaying an appropriate level of interest in you. There are limits, of course, especially in terms of official—well, that’s a discussion for another day. My point is her behavior is dictated more by your wishes than her own. What I believe you’re referencing is the social ramifications of being seen as a favorite of the Empress, yes?”</p><p>Rolling his shoulders, he mumbled, “I guess.”</p><p>“I understand,” she said gently. “You’re straddling two worlds. It’s a difficult position to balance. When you do, try to remember people’s expectations of you have no bearing on who you truly are. What’s most important isn’t what others think of us. It’s what we think of ourselves.”</p><p>“Are you saying I shouldn’t care what people think? Even if it might make me a licker or cause problems with my post?”</p><p>“Not at all. Sometimes managing perceptions is critical to our success. I’m saying there will be many demands placed on you by others in life. Some have no relevance to accomplishing what you want. You heed those necessary to become the person you’re meant to be and disregard the rest. Is making a family important to the life Jotaal of Mirial is creating for himself? Will the consequences of doing so prevent him from achieving something that’s critical to who he is? What does he truly care about? Only you can answer these questions.”</p><p>The boy was silent for several moments. Then, hazel eyes lifted to hers. “He wants his family, no matter what it means.”</p><p>Ahsoka rubbed his cheek. “Like your mothers.”</p><p>His face lit up. “Really?”</p><p>“Really,” she confirmed with a wistful smile. “Both of them sacrificed in different ways to create a family. They never regretted it. I suppose your mothers understood who they were and what those people needed to succeed.” Ahsoka stared off into empty air. “Some of us go a lifetime without figuring that out.” Giving her lekku a quick shake, she appeared to hesitate. “If you feel up to it sometime, we could talk about them more.”</p><p>Jo gazed up at her. “I think I’d like that.”</p><p>“As would I,” Ahsoka replied slowly as if just realizing it herself. Releasing a long exhale, she put on a stern look. “No more dithering, Jotaal. Go make sure your family knows you love them. Don’t let anyone stop you. Now.”</p><p>His mouth parted and then curved into a mischievous grin. “Yes, ma’am.” Giving Ahsoka a quick hug, he sped out the door.</p><p>_______</p><p>“Empress… Layna!”</p><p>Alayna spun around, jaw dropping. Jo was running down the long corridor. Its scattered occupants halted in their tracks to gawk at him.</p><p>Her heart swelled as she watched his determined weaving past a serving cart, two flabbergasted scullery maids, a frowning varlet, and—perhaps most incredibly—a fellow page. Before Jo even reached her, Alayna’s smile had consumed her entire being.</p><p>She opened her arms just in time for Jo to throw himself into them.</p><p>_______</p><p>Leeka cleared the dinnerware from the ornate low table they’d commandeered to eat on. “Hmm, if this is going to be a habit, we’re going to need to figure out some logistics.”</p><p>Jo smirked. “Like plates that aren’t the size of my hand?”</p><p>His aunt shot a glare. “We don’t run a gourmet kitchen here, mister. I didn’t hear you complaining when you scarfed down your third plate of meat rolls.”</p><p>“I’m a growing boy. I need sustenance.”</p><p>Alayna laughed. “We’ll have to ensure dinner meets your high standards in future.”</p><p>Leeka flicked her eyes to the ceiling. “Or he’ll eat whatever I can find in the pantry like the rest of us.”</p><p>Jo looked at Alayna. “I sense a severe lack of enthusiasm for our discriminating palates.”</p><p>Leaning across the table, she ruffled his curls. “Shameful. Not to worry. I’ll instruct my first handmaiden to ensure a proper dining area is installed. I’m sure she can come up with a brilliant solution. Of course, that will naturally mean expanding the food selection. What do you think? Nabooian hot roast? Eopie stew?”</p><p>The boy tapped his chin. “Hmm… definitely. And lots of drumsticks. Of course, we can’t neglect dessert.”</p><p>Alayna nodded solemnly. “Indeed. Chocolate or fruit, do you think?”</p><p>“Why not both?”</p><p>“Excellent. Royal-level thinking, my dear.”</p><p>Leeka hissed a breath. “Keep it up, you two. I’ll start taking the night off and let Melita figure out how to feed you.” A fork slid off the top plate and bounced along the sitting room rug. “Dammit! That stain better come out.”</p><p>Hopping up, Jo retrieved the wayward utensil. He took the pile of dishes from her hands. “I’ll handle these, Aunt Leeka. Don’t worry.”</p><p>The woman blinked and then grimaced. “I’m sorry. I get caught up in details sometimes.” Leeka kissed his forehead. “I’m happy you stayed. I promise we’ll figure out how to make this work for all of us.”</p><p>Balancing the dinnerware in his arms, Jo moved to the doorway. “Oh, I know. I only thought you might want to relax a little before you start work on meeting my demands.” A mischievous grin flashed as he vanished into the corridor.</p><p>Leeka snorted. “Well then. I believe we’ve just had our equivalent of a… family dinner? Quite an accomplishment. How did you manage it?”</p><p>“No idea. It was Jo’s surprising suggestion.” A possible explanation for the pendulum swing came to mind, and Alayna winced.</p><p>Perching on the arm of her chair, she massaged the back of Alayna’s neck. “What is it?”</p><p>Her head relaxed forward as taut muscles loosened under Leeka’s nimble touch. “At first, it felt as if we were back to him treating me like an Empress. I didn’t exactly handle it well. While he was talking with Barriss and… someone else, I basically ran away. Jo chased me down and hugged me in front of an entire corridor of royal staff. Honestly, I’ll probably have to talk to Lim to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble for it. The point is I can’t really explain the sudden change on his part, unless…”</p><p>“Her Eminence realized the issue and encouraged him,” Leeka finished. “Why does that upset you? Because she intervened?”</p><p>Alayna started. “Actually, no. That doesn’t bother me. Strange.”</p><p>Leeka snorted. “You act like this miracle is a bad thing. So, what <em>is</em> bothering you?”</p><p>Chewing her lip, she leaned into the woman’s side. “I’ve been moody and petulant all day. The other person there was someone she’d lost. They just found each other again. It’s made her so happy. And I am happy for her. But I’m also—I don’t know. I’ve been the equivalent of a selfish child since I got home. Yet, when she could rightfully claim a bit of selfishness for herself, she still took the time to make things better for me.”</p><p>The woman scratched nails along her scalp in a gentle rhythm. “It sounds like she loves you very much as you do her. Her recovering someone she also loves doesn’t change either of those facts.”</p><p><em>Ahsoka’s return doesn’t change what’s already true. </em>The perpetual knot in the pit of her stomach finally unwound. Alayna smiled up at her. “Just as it doesn’t change how perfect you are.” Lifting her hands, she pulled Leeka’s lips down to her own.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna reentered her study to once again find Barriss and Ahsoka locked in a passionate embrace. Producing an exaggerated sigh, she remarked, “Seriously? Did you two even notice I was gone?”</p><p>The women broke apart with guilty grins as Leeka took up position beside her.</p><p>Ahsoka snapped her fingers. “Leeka. Of course. Huh.”</p><p>Her handmaiden’s eyebrows knitted. “Do I know you?”</p><p>One side of her mouth curved up. “We have met, but I wouldn’t expect you to remember. You only saw my face briefly on a moonlit night between punches. Besides, I’m No One Important.”</p><p>Leeka started and then scanned Ahsoka’s entire figure. “Oh.”</p><p>Alayna glanced between them. “Uh, how do you know each other?”</p><p>“We ran into each other in Naboo when—” Leeka’s voice hitched. “Right after H’lyn died.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s smile faded. “That’s why you were near the mausoleum.” Walking over to them, she bowed. “Ahsoka Tano, at your service.”</p><p>Umber eyes widened. “<em>The</em> Ahsoka Tano?”</p><p>Barriss made a strangled noise. “Oh, Leeka. No, no, no. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”</p><p>Ahsoka brushed nails across her tunic with a superior air. “I can’t help if I’m famous, my dear.”</p><p>“Infamous is the term I believe you’re looking for,” she replied dryly. That got a glare in response.</p><p>Leeka pursed her lips. “So, that’s a yes. You’re Ahsoka Tano—Togruta Chieftain, rebellion leader, longtime friend of the Empress as well as my sister, and…” Her gaze flicked to Alayna.</p><p>“Yes,” she answered the unspoken question, “the same.”</p><p>Ahsoka raised her eyebrows. “The same?”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her. “As in the same person I’ve told Leeka about. The one that taught me there can still be a spark of light in darkness and falling is simply what happens before you get back up. The woman who first showed a scared little girl how to be a fighter,” she ended quietly.</p><p>The fiery blue softened. “No. That girl already was one long before I met her.” Ahsoka brushed knuckles across her forehead. “You are so special, Alayna. You’ve become everything I knew you could be.”</p><p>Barriss floated over with a warm smile. “Indeed.”</p><p>Heart bursting in her chest, Alayna suddenly felt like the young princess she once was. “If that’s true, it’s only because I had the people standing in this room.”</p><p>Taking her hand, Leeka squeezed it and then fixed on Ahsoka. “That is definitely someone important.”</p><p>The woman blinked. An emotion that looked like regret or perhaps pain flared before it was replaced by a wan expression. “Depends on who you ask. I do want to thank you for ensuring I received your sister’s letter. It… meant a great deal to me.”</p><p>Leeka’s eyes misted. “I’m glad. I suppose duty fulfilled means something after all.”</p><p>Ahsoka smiled. “Only when it includes heart, I hear.”</p><p>Her lips edged into a slight smirk. “Wise advice.” Leeka’s face pinched. “Though, if you’d simply told me who you were when we met, do you know how much trouble that would have saved me in getting that letter delivered? Ridiculous!”</p><p>The Togruta chuckled. “My apologies. I’ll make it up to you. One day.” An impish gleam flitted across her countenance. “Tell me, are you or Barriss most responsible for turning my scrappy little princess into a demanding empress?”</p><p>“Oh, she did that all on her own,” Leeka deadpanned.</p><p>“Alright,” Alayna huffed, “we’re done. This sappy moment has officially ended by order of the Empress of Mirial. Specifically, this Empress.”</p><p>Barriss snorted. “A few weeks in and already telling me what to do.” She tweaked Alayna’s nose. “Time to plan a battle to the death, Eminence. Let’s see what you’ve got.”</p><p>She arched an eyebrow. “You just wait. I’ll show you what this Empress has learned.”</p><p>Smiling softly, Barriss rubbed her cheek. “You don’t have to show me. I already know.”</p><p>_______</p><p>In the ten years she’d known her spy chief, Barriss had never witnessed such an expression on his face. It took a full five seconds to recover after he materialized in front of her desk. An occurrence she usually took in stride. Except this time, it was accompanied by… <em>Is that supposed to be a grin?</em> Shaking off the consternation, she rested elbows on the arms of her chair and steepled fingers. “I take it you have, erm, exciting news?”</p><p>Haaj practically bounced on his toes. “Both Malastare and Cato Neimodia have reported Chancellor Mothma’s overtures made on our behalf.”</p><p>“Alright. That was expected, yes? We already knew they were in Alaa’s pocket, despite their claims of neutrality.”</p><p>“Oh, Lady Mothma has far exceeded expectations. Her negotiations were so convincing that both realms independently reported Mirial’s planned invasion of Coruscant within hours of her departure. They also asserted our timetable had been accelerated due to Corellia and Kashyyyk joining our secret alliance.”</p><p>Barriss grunted. “Clever, Mon. Realms Alaa fears that are neither allies nor enemies of Mirial. Reasonable but not too obvious.”</p><p>“That’s not all she improvised,” the man continued with singular enthusiasm. “Are you aware we’ve completed successful field tests of a new electrical charge cannon that can demolish castle walls in two strokes? It will be ready to transport and deploy within <em>a week</em>. I’m told her ladyship even condescended to allow them a glimpse of partial schematics, which were later stolen from her quarters and delivered to Coruscant to substantiate their story.” The usually unreadable eyes sparkled. “Pure brilliance. Even I didn’t fathom such a strategy.”</p><p>It took a few seconds for the implication to penetrate. Sliding to the edge of her seat, Barriss gripped the desk. “Did Alaa buy it?”</p><p>Haaj’s mangled grin exploded. It now might as well be attached to his lekku. “His excellency immediately mobilized his army and will reach Chitar within the hour.”</p><p>Barriss’ mouth dropped open and then stretched across her face in a matching grin.</p><p>_______</p><p>“It’s done,” Haaj reported. “Alaa signed the pact with Chitar two hours ago. They are already on the march and should converge on our western border by morning.”</p><p>Alayna wrapped arms around her stomach. “The moment has finally come.”</p><p>Barriss continued to gaze out of her study window. “Indeed.”</p><p>After a good ten seconds of silence, Cody cleared his throat. “Shall we deploy, Eminence? And what about the supplemental troops?”</p><p>It took five more seconds for Alayna to realize Barriss had no intention of responding. Throwing her shoulders back, she stepped forward. “Deploy all battalions to the moors as planned. Remember, they must follow the prearranged bunker stationing in the bog system without exception. The defense force is to remain in reserve here. Put the supplemental troops on alert status.”</p><p>The man glanced at Barriss without responding.</p><p>Alayna cocked her head. “Were my orders not clear, General?”</p><p>He hesitated before answering, “No… ma’am. Understood.”</p><p><em>Hmm.</em> Turning to Haaj, she inquired, “Are Chandrila and Alderaan prepared to march?”</p><p>The Twi’lek nodded. “They are awaiting our signal.”</p><p>“Good. Let’s give it at once. King Alaa expects them to join our attack on Coruscant. Their movements should reinforce the perception that our invasion is imminent. Lady Tano’s forces are already en route as of this morning.”</p><p>Haaj bowed. “I will tend to it now, Eminence.” Shooting a look between her and the frowning Cody, he exited the study.</p><p>Alayna shifted attention to her general. “Was there something else?”</p><p>His eyes darted to Barriss’ still turned back before reluctantly returning to Alayna. “Yes, ma’am. I noticed you did not order a call to our other allies. A crisis summons with immediate response will still require a minimum of twenty hours for mobilization and travel from even the closest realms, during which we may be in dire need of reinforcements.”</p><p>“I understand your concern. However, despite us paving the way for their participation, the remaining allies are aggressor-only pacts. They are not ostensibly part of our Coruscant operation. If we call them too early, Alaa may hear of it and sense a trap. For this to work, he must cross the border. We will not request reinforcements until that happens.”</p><p>Cody’s expression hardened. “My apologies, but I must speak directly. Ninety percent of our forces will be expended in the Moors. If Alaa breaks our line and reaches the palace, there will be minimal defenses to repel him. You are endangering the lives of your soldiers as well as Mirial’s survival based on a low probability outcome.”</p><p>Alayna stiffened. “In your opinion, General. I know my father. What you consider a low probability, I consider a near certainty.”</p><p>His jaw clenched. “I see I’m fighting a lost cause. You’ve already made up your mind. If there is nothing else, may I be dismissed to carry out your orders?”</p><p><em>Handle this.</em> Taking a moment to settle, she softened her posture. “Your counsel is always welcome, General. Normally, I would defer to you on such matters. And your advice is not without wisdom. It’s simply not feasible based on the totality of our strategy. There is not only a physical battle we must win. We are also playing an equally dangerous game of deception.”</p><p>Alayna let a genuine note of emotion seep into her tone. “This is all or nothing, Cody. Years of carefully choreographed sacrifice brought us here; every action taken in service of creating this exact opportunity. It will be for naught if we tip our hand. When we spring our trap, the prey <em>must</em> be in it. Otherwise, there will be no realm left to protect.”</p><p>Head lifting high, she fixed him with an unwavering gaze. “We always knew, no matter how clever the plan, the future of Mirial would eventually hinge on the tenacity, skill, and courage of its soldiers and the man who commands them. That is the foundation on which we built our entire strategy. Now, we’ve reached the moment of truth. Everything I am says our faith shall be rewarded. They <em>will</em> see us through.”</p><p>He returned her intense gaze for a few moments and then snapped into a salute. “Understood, Eminence. Your faith won’t be in vain. We won’t fail you or Mirial.”</p><p>“I know,” she responded with quiet conviction. “May the Force shine upon you, our soldiers, and all of Mirial today.”</p><p>“And upon you, my lady.”</p><p>As Cody marched out, Barriss murmured, “Well done, Empress. <em>Very</em> well done.”</p><p>Alayna’s heart swelled. Moving behind Barriss, she slid arms around the woman’s stomach and propped a chin on her shoulder. “I learned from the best.”</p><p>Tilting her head, she touched lips to Alayna’s temple. Then, they both gazed out across the painted moors together.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Speaking of moments, I've had several this week. Yep. I'll just leave that chad hangin'.<br/>Um, right. Where was I? Oh, yes... </p><p>War! Next time on <em>In Duty</em>, our brave heroines take up arms against their nemesis, the evil Sith Lord, King Alaa. Will their daring plan finally succeed? Will they at last deliver peace and justice to the galax--world? Or will obeying their duty be too much for their hearts? See the climactic battle on next week's gripping epis--chapter! </p><p> </p><p>  <em>Fine Print: The author of this story (hereafter referred to as Gabby) makes no guarantee on level of personal climacticness experienced. This includes emotional states arising from but not limited to subjective definitions of gripping, climactic, and war. Nor does the above constitute a binding agreement to deliver answers to questions posed. In fact, Gabby makes no guarantee any of the above will happen next chapter. Well, except a battle. There will definitely be a battle.</em></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Love and War</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is where the fun begins!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss analyzed the north-eastern zone where an ally battalion was being pushed back by a group of Onderonian charioteers. Clearly, the Chandrilans weren’t accustomed to this form of combat and were being whittled down with each new pass. “We only have one more set of mines in that sector. They are to be used as a last resort, not in a winnable skirmish. Tell the Chandrilan commander we’ll send direct support. She is to give them command of the situation as they have experience defending against ground vehicles. Then, relay the need to Cody for unit assignment based on his strategic situation.”</p><p>Returning attention to the main line of resistance, she watched her forces get knocked around the landscape with increasing helplessness. Troops from Alaa’s conquered realms of Onderon and Sullust had reinforced him, tipping the stalemate in Coruscant’s favor. Fingering her saber, she reminded herself that coordinating the disparate pieces to maintain their position was vital. Until their own reinforcements arrived, they must hold. <em>You’re needed here.</em></p><p>Despite agreeing with her own logic, hearing her soldiers’ screams rise from the moors was almost too much. Meanwhile, praetorians circled her position in dogged determination. They intended nothing to get to their Empress. It only hurt her heart more.</p><p>Eyes flitting over the battle raging below, Barriss found Ahsoka’s green among the mass of clashing blue and black. The double-bladed staff twirled and slashed through enemy after enemy, clearly on a mission. Looking further along the intended path, she was unsurprised to discover it led straight to Alaa. The king was bellowing orders from a safe distance, surrounded by his own entourage.</p><p>“Eminence, General Cody has requested approval to deploy one-half of the supplemental troops. He wants to keep the rest in reserve.”</p><p>Tearing her gaze away from the battle, Barriss calculated the timeline. <em>Close enough.</em> “Signal Styles to prepare for imminent engagement. Then, tell Cody to deploy at will.”</p><p>Brianna nodded and sprinted to the left side of their hill. She sent a complex series of flagged signals to Leeka, who was stationed on a hill at the opposite end of the battlefield overlooking their secret facility. The two women had designed the communication system together and trained selected handmaidens in its usage. Even Barriss didn’t understand it. Which, of course, was the point. The code didn’t follow military, civilian, or any protocol really. Only the handmaidens could translate it. Which meant Alaa’s forces had no hope of detangling the commands. Of course, that also meant the death of a handmaiden in a key position could be disastrous.</p><p>Checking the hill adjoining hers, she saw Alayna pacing like a caged nexu inside her own safety net. The girl thumped fists against her thighs before coming to a halt. She refastened her cape twice and then jerked the pins out of her hairbun; snowy blonde curls whipped around her face. Through it all her gaze never wavered from the battle. Since her role was to take command should Barriss die or become otherwise incapacitated, Alayna had been effectively doing nothing but watching their soldiers die for hours. <em>She’s not going to stay in place much longer.</em></p><p>Relaxing the hand gripping her saber, Barriss steadied her resolve. <em>You can’t play the hero today, Eminence.</em> One of them needed to be available to ensure each piece of the puzzle was secure. Besides, the troops couldn’t see both of their rulers vanish. The final thought sparked an idea.</p><p>She managed a half-step forward. Apparently anticipating the movement, Waxer planted himself in front of her. “My apologies, Eminence, but we will not allow you to enter the hot zone.”</p><p>Barriss arched eyebrows. “Am I to understand you would refuse a direct order?”</p><p>The other praetorians closed into a tight circle around them. Waxer gave her a curt nod. “You understand correctly, my lady.”</p><p>Her mouth parted and then drew back into a slight smile. “I see. Well, Captain, you’re in luck. Because my intention is to go no further than the edge of the hill. It is improbable any ranged weapon will reach that position. If the enemy gets close enough to do so, we have bigger problems.”</p><p>His expression pinched. Clearly, he didn’t like this plan but couldn’t find a reasonable justification for insubordination. Gritting teeth, he motioned to his guards. “Then, we will join you there.”</p><p>She gripped his arm. “I’m honored.” Moving into plain view, Barriss steeled her muscles. Taking deep breaths, she enhanced her voice and let a rally cry rip from her chest. As it reverberated through the smooth hills, she stretched her lightsaber high into the air.</p><p>Clumps of battling figures jerked around at the ringing sound. Barriss flicked a finger and her bright blue blade hissed toward the gray sky.</p><p>Responding whoops began echoing up to her. Then, the enemy forces fell back for the first time.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna gaped at the adjoining hill. Just the woman’s visual presence had turned the tide. <em>I can’t do that.</em> Even if she carried the gravitas and trust Barriss engendered in the troops, she had no idea how to inspire such an effect.</p><p>Gaze drifting to a group of struggling soldiers directly below her position, she chewed her lip. <em>But I can be me.</em></p><p>Not even bothering to argue the point with her praetorians, she waited until Appo turned his head and then ran. Yells sounded behind her as Alayna reached the edge of the hill. Diving off the side, she tucked her body and spiraled toward the ground.</p><p>Using the Force to cushion her landing, Alayna lit her saber on impact. Without interrupting her forward momentum, she bounced back up and over the heads of her soldiers. Letting out a growl, she planted herself in the middle of the enemy forces and began cutting down two at a time.</p><p>After all, Alayna had always been a fighter.</p><p>_______</p><p>Ahsoka paused her relentless assault at the sight of Barriss standing tall, framed by the muted landscape, scarlet cape billowing behind her, lightsaber poised in defiance. <em> Force, you are glorious. </em></p><p>A squad of enemy soldiers charged her. Shaking herself back into reality, Ahsoka absently disposed of them as she assessed the best path to her ever elusive target. She scowled. Alaa had reinforced his position twice over. Every step towards him required two steps sideways. <em> Coward. </em> </p><p>Glancing left, she nodded with satisfaction. Caleb and his Togruta hunters were holding their own with ease. Switching to her right, she smiled. Rex barked orders as a mass of whooping rebels crushed a rogue pocket of Chits trying to break through the forward defensive line. </p><p>Ahsoka had expended every resource in her arsenal for this desperate gambit. It was the biggest leap of faith she’d taken in a very long time, faith in others to see it through. Once again, it was all or nothing. This was her last stand.</p><p>Eyes fixed on the prize, Ahsoka waded forward. It might take the rest of the battle to get there, but she would reach her destination. Eventually, reinforcements would arrive. And when Alaa realized he had no chance of taking Mirial, the coward would flee. She had no intention of letting him escape her grasp yet again. </p><p>If it meant everything she had left to give, she would end this. Ahsoka Tano wouldn’t fail this time.</p><p>_______</p><p>Flexing fingers against her still outstretched weapon, Barriss chuckled as she watched Alayna mow through an entire line of Chits. <em>That's my girl.</em></p><p>Thrusting her saber in the air, Alayna pointed it toward another squad of struggling soldiers. The ones she had rescued from certain death gave a collective roar as they followed their Empress across the battlefield to help their comrades. <em>She will be a magnificent leader.</em></p><p><em>First let’s make sure you have a realm to lead, my dear.</em> Surveying the swarming armies, Barriss cursed. While the earlier resurgence had pushed back the Chitaran attempt to break through the right, Alaa had poured his own forces into the extreme left in a flanking maneuver. Cody had evidently responded by diverting the mobile brigade to repel them, but parts of the line were buckling. The Mirialan units were losing cohesion and effectiveness as their situation turned desperate.</p><p>Licking her lips, she sorted through possibilities. Then, the murky clouds parted; waning sunlight hit the ground in cascading sparkles. A strange sensation prickled the edges of her consciousness. Something about this moment felt… extraordinary. As if she’d been waiting for it her entire life. <em>Yes. Put it all together.</em> It was time to see what Barriss of Mirial could really do.</p><p>She closed her eyes and let the Force flow through her entire being. Reaching a rare state of perfect balance, she honed in on the fear and demoralization emanating from her soldiers. Inverting her own state outward, she projected confidence, focus, and harmony. Each element intertwined amid the living currents with a creeping potency. Everything swayed for a long moment. As if the Force itself was holding its breath, awaiting a thousand essences to decide their fate. Then, the currents crackled as desperate fear morphed into defiant hope.</p><p>Eyelids fluttering open, Barriss smiled. The entire left side had coalesced into an unyielding wall. Everything was holding once more.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna cut through three crackling magna-shields with one swipe, including the soldiers holding them. The electrified doonium might deflect electroblades and shock attackers into submission, but they were no match for a Jedi and her lightsaber.</p><p>An arrow whistled toward a soldier rushing into the hole Alayna had just created. “Tira, don’t!” Lunging left, the tip of Alayna’s blade caught the arrow six inches in front of the girl’s face.</p><p>The young Mirialan blew out a breath and then grinned. “Thanks. That would have put a serious damper on my dazzling beauty.”</p><p>Alayna snorted as she disposed of two more arrows. She assessed the platoon of archers safely ensconced behind the shield wall. <em>Time to do some real damage.</em> Addressing her now sizable group of adopted soldiers, she ordered, “Break the line! I want these grotthu to rue the day they stepped foot on the moors of Mirial.”</p><p>Within two minutes, the wall splintered. Losing their formation, the enemy began to flee in droves. Letting out a victorious whoop, she led her ragtag unit toward her true target—the damned Coruscant archers serving as the base of fire for this sector.</p><p>Instead of sending out a flight of defensive arrows or even falling back to regroup behind the secondary line, the archers pointed at her in panic, threw down their bows, and scrambled in all directions.</p><p>
  <em>Well, that was easy.</em>
</p><p>A hot on her heel’s sergeant named Jesse yelled, “Look at ‘em go! One look at the Empress and they run for the hills!”</p><p>There were raucous laughs as someone called back, “Maybe they just don’t want to get up close and personal with your ugly mug!”</p><p>Alayna chuckled and halted their charge to evaluate if the secondary line of troops was a viable new objective. This company clearly wasn’t part of the same battle group they’d decimated moments ago. Instead of the dull black customarily sported by Coruscant infantry, they had a stripe of green crossing a chest plate made of reinforced steel several notches above standard issue. A dragonesque figure decorated their pauldrons. <em>Strange.</em></p><p>Alayna couldn’t recall ever seeing the design before. The fact that every soldier had been issued full protective armor of such evident quality surprised her more. Father disliked wasting resources on foot soldiers, who he used as expendable targets to wear his enemies down. Additionally, their movements were sharper with no obvious weak links. And, unlike their fellows, they were standing fast and had formed a strong defensive square in anticipation of her assault. Her fingers twitched around her lightsaber. This might be an enemy worth fighting. “Alright. Looks like somebody wants to get up close and personal after all.”</p><p>Still hovering at Alayna’s elbow, Tira quipped, “Nobody said Cories were smart.”</p><p>Winking at her, Alayna cried, “Melee Swarm! Pick your targets!” Coiling her body, she cartwheeled into the enemy line and started doing just that.</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna wiped her brow. They were making bloody progress. However, this unusual company wasn’t going down easily. Glancing around, she ground her teeth. Additional green-striped squads were approaching from the west to reinforce their comrades. If they didn’t finish this soon, Alayna’s forces might find themselves on the defensive end of this skirmish.</p><p>Spotting the enemy captain amid the fray, she worked her way toward him. The man saw her coming. Snapping a command at his nearby soldiers, he darted away.</p><p>Alayna cursed and chased after him. Then, he skidded to an abrupt halt. Planting himself in open space, the man brandished two electroblades. Apparently, his goal wasn’t to save himself but draw her away from his troops. She’d never witnessed such selfless mettle from one of her father’s officers.</p><p>Dancing around, she allowed him a few useless swipes before commencing her own attack. He made a valiant effort, rotating electroblades in rapid motions to fend her off. But he had no chance. Alayna slipped her saber between his spinning blades and sliced through both in one smooth motion.</p><p>Once again, concession or escape seemed not to be in his vocabulary. Drawing a curved dagger, he initiated a series of hit and fade jabs. After a few dodges, Alayna ran out of patience and leapt into a flying kick.</p><p>The dagger flew out of his hand as he hit the ground. Grimacing in pain or frustration she didn’t know, the man rolled to his feet. Alayna adjusted her grip for a clean saber strike. This one deserved a quick death.</p><p>A defiant pair of aqua-shaded eyes lifted to hers. Squaring broad shoulders, the captain growled and raised his fists. He clearly intended to die fighting, no matter how ineffective the effort.</p><p>Impressed at the unshakable courage, she hesitated. “I wish your valor could be rewarded.”</p><p>His eyebrows shot up. “My reward has been service to a good man.”</p><p>Drawing back her saber, she hissed, “Alaa deserves neither your admiration nor your service.”</p><p>The rugged face darkened. Crouching in his final stand, he spat, “I do not serve cruelty.”</p><p>A high-pitched shout rang out from somewhere on their right, “No!” What felt like an invisible fist punched her body, hurling Alayna nearly ten meters backwards.</p><p>Jumping up, Alayna searched for what she didn’t want to find. A chill ran over her body. It appeared her prayer to escape this moment wouldn’t be granted.</p><p>Alax pulled the enemy forces back and directed them into a new line. The courageous captain she’d just battled carried one of his injured soldiers behind the cordon and then stood by her brother’s side.</p><p>Her own soldiers rushed over from the now paused skirmish to line up behind her. Gaze never leaving her brother, she watched him issue orders that were obeyed without question. Then, she blinked. Alayna could have sworn Alax momentarily gripped his captain’s hand.</p><p>Tira appeared at one elbow, Jesse at the other. The young woman hesitated and then asked, “Everything ok, Eminence? What do you want us to do?”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Alayna steeled herself for what she may have to do. “Hold until I give the order. Whatever happens, do <em>not</em> engage the prince. If I’m incapacitated, I want the entire group to retreat immediately.”</p><p>Jesse whistled. “So, that’s the baby king, huh? Pasty little blighter.”</p><p>Tira punched his arm with a furious glare. “Show some respect. Have you forgotten that is her eminence’s blood?”</p><p>He cringed. “Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry, my lady.”</p><p>Alayna gazed at her brother and whispered, “So am I, Jesse. So am I.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss pressed hands to her stomach with a shaky laugh as she saw the first wave of ally reinforcements flood the southern quadrant. The fight wasn’t over by any stretch. But they had <em>held.</em> “Brianna, signal Cody that my pieces are complete. The battle is now his to win. Oh, tell him I’ll be seriously displeased if I don’t see a white flag and groveling from Alaa by nightfall.”</p><p>Her handmaiden raised eyebrows.</p><p>Suppressing a grin, she flapped her hand at the woman. “You may adjust my wording to convey an appropriate level of tact and authority.”</p><p>“Certainly,” Brianna replied with a crisp inflection. “Because an irregular system of communication, consisting primarily of action verbs, and conveyed through colored flag patterns is so effective at delivering nuanced statements.”</p><p>“I’m certain the Empress of Handmaidens can handle the challenge.”</p><p>“Of course, I can handle it. An Empress of Handmaidens must occasionally remind people she holds that position for a reason is all. Speaking of, don’t do anything impulsive, dangerous, or stupidly noble while I’m busy making you look good.”</p><p>She flattened a palm against her chest with a wounded expression. “Me? Perish the thought.”</p><p>The sharp gray eyes narrowed and then flicked to Waxer. Returning a subtle nod, the man moved to stand beside Barriss.</p><p>Hissing a breath through her teeth, Barriss glared at her handmaiden.</p><p>Brianna smirked. “Be right back, Eminence.”</p><p>Waiting for the woman to reach the far side of the hill and begin flagging, she turned to Waxer. “I’m afraid it’s time for me to go.”</p><p>He stiffened and motioned his praetorians closer. “Absolutely not.”</p><p>She laid a hand on his arm. “Captain, you’ve done more than duty demands. Now, I have to do mine. The king cannot be allowed to escape. If it takes everything I have to give, I must protect Mirial.”</p><p>His jaw set. “As must we by protecting its heart.”</p><p>Chest swelling at the sentiment, she murmured, “Thank you, my friend. An Empress couldn’t have asked for better than you by her side.” The edges of her mouth curved up. “Unfortunately, our current goals appear incompatible.” Shooting to her left, she used a light Force push to knock him onto one knee, slid between two guards blocking her path, and took a running leap onto a ledge halfway down the hill. “Protect Brianna!” she yelled up. “See you soon.”</p><p>Grinning to herself, Barriss the Wise dove into battle.</p><p>_______</p><p>Activating a red lightsaber, her brother took up a position in the empty space between Alayna and his soldiers. They were beyond her easy striking distance and therefore also out of range to protect their prince. Yet, they made no move to follow him and simply remained at the ready. “I will not allow you to continue ripping through my line, Alayna. If that means killing my own sister, so be it.”</p><p>She ordered her people back to mirror the positioning of his. “If I were you, I’d be worried about your own skin right now, little brother.” Keeping her weapon lit but lowered, she stepped out of her own safety zone to face him. “I see Father gifted you with a shiny, new toy. How magnanimous of him.”</p><p>He thrust out his chest. “Father intends me to rule Mirial after we conquer it. As I pointed out, the populace will be more likely to accept your brother as an interim leader and not cause major disruption. I suppose he’s finally come to terms with the fact that you’re not going to fall in line.”</p><p>Alayna barked a laugh. “He’s right. I will die before letting him put one grubby finger on Mirial. Besides, I’ll <em>never</em> go back. You should consider the idea.”</p><p>Her brother scowled. “What do you think I’m working towards? I need time and resources. With Mirial in my pocket, I will have both.”</p><p>“Oh, Alax. How can you have lived with our father for so long and still not understand him? You think he’ll let you have either? You’ll be a puppet with no real power. All of this work will drop you back where you started, only worse. There will be no one left to oppose him. You’ll be trapped forever.” She gazed at him sadly. “You’re escaping the wrong way.”</p><p>Emerald fire blazed in his eyes. “You’re just like him! Underestimating me. Trying to control me. Well, you’ll see. I’ll show you both what I can do.”</p><p>She winced. “I’ve always believed in what Alax can do, but that’s not who I’m talking to. You’re attempting to win on his terms by being something you’re not. That’s a losing battle from the start. It's not too late though. Don’t choose his path. Choose your own.” Alayna lowered her voice. “Come with me. I’ll protect you. I promise.”</p><p>His body went rigid. “Stop treating me like a naive child! Your lies have no weight with me anymore. You didn’t care whether I was dead or alive for years. Now, when I’m interfering with your goals, I’ve become suddenly important again.”</p><p>“That’s not true!” she cried, heat rising. “I always cared. You’re the one who abandoned me!”</p><p>He smirked. “Nice try. Even when you fooled Father into believing he’d beaten you into submission, you didn’t fool me. I knew you were simply awaiting your chance to strike.” His tone turned mocking. “Be strong, Alax. Don’t let Father win. We can beat him <em>together.</em>” He practically spat the last word. “I should have seen it coming. Attachment is weakness after all. Why worry about others on your single-minded mission to victory? Tell me, was Empress Alayna always the plan or did you merely seize opportunity?”</p><p>Her mouth parted. Alax had apparently spent their teenage years waiting for Alayna to snap out of her tormented existence and magically overthrow their father. Whether he hoped she’d free him or feared she’d destroy him in the process, she didn’t know. Either way, leaving Alax to fend for himself clearly hadn’t been an outcome he’d anticipated. <em>You’re the one who gave up on me! </em>Muscles going taut, she bit out, “So much faith in me and yet not enough. You can’t have it both ways. You were with me or you were with him. You chose <em>him.</em>”</p><p>There was a momentary flinch and then his lip curled back. “Still the same Alayna. Everything is black and white in your world. Fight or surrender. Victory or defeat. Compromise and withdrawal don’t exist for you, do they?” He raised his blade. “I can see this is pointless. You never could cede a battle, no matter the cost to anyone else.”</p><p>Alayna’s ribs tightened. <em>Please, Alax. Don’t make me kill you.</em> “It doesn’t have to be this way.”</p><p>Twirling his saber into an attack position, he circled her. “That depends on you. I cannot allow you to continue killing my soldiers. You like absolutes. Make your choice, Empress. Turn back or die.”</p><p>She reluctantly lifted her own saber. Analyzing his movements to determine her approach, she played for time. “Since when does Coruscant care about the lives of its slaves?”</p><p>Alax’s bleached skin flushed scarlet. “This is <em>my </em>battalion you are slaughtering. Mine! They aren’t slaves. They’re good soldiers. And they’re loyal to <em>me.</em> Understand? There are plenty you can kill elsewhere. But no, you came after mine!”</p><p>The hot defiance she’d rarely seen her brother display brought sudden clarity. <em>He really is prepared to fight me, even die, to protect them.</em> Pain stung her chest. <em>It’s the only thing that’s truly his.</em> This unit was different for a reason. They reflected Alax, the <em>real</em> Alax. Surveying the soldiers still hovering behind him, she found not fear but determination. Except for his captain, whose full attention was riveted on her brother. The same man who’d faced her with unshakeable courage not ten minutes ago now wore an agitated expression that well exceeded the concerned watchfulness of a soldier. It looked almost… <em>Oh.</em> Her heart demanded the only choice it could make. “Alright, Alax. You win. Hold your line.”</p><p>His eyes popped wide and then narrowed. “The girl who once refused to give in as she lay dying on a castle floor is backing down. Even when her brother begged her to stop, she kept fighting. Yet, that same girl is now conceding to <em>me.</em> In front of her soldiers, no less.”</p><p>She deactivated her blade. “Not killing my brother <em>is</em> a victory. My troops trust me. I don’t need to prove anything to them or anyone else. Father would call it weakness, but I suspect you understand the concept more than you pretend. However, know this. If it comes down to your soldiers or Mirial, I will do what needs to be done. You were right about one thing. I can never let our father win.”</p><p>The saber floated down to his side. “You’re… serious.”</p><p>“I told you. I’ve always believed in who Alax is. You’ve just shown me he’s still in there.” Looking away, she added quietly, “Don’t you see? That girl kept fighting for one reason. Her little brother needed her. She probably went about it the wrong way, didn’t always think of the consequences, and even caused him more harm than good sometimes. But she didn’t refuse to give up <em>in spite</em> of him, she refused to give up <em>for</em> him.” Alayna returned her gaze to his. “When he gave up, she had nothing left to fight for. Until she found a place to belong and others who needed her. However, that doesn’t mean she ever gave up on him.”</p><p>His jaw went slack. He blinked rapidly and then fixed on the ground. “If that’s true, why would she bother with such an ungrateful weakling?”</p><p>She frowned. “My brother is not weak. He never was. Like the rest of us, he just needed something to believe in, something worth fighting for. I tried but wasn’t strong enough to give that to him. I think, perhaps, he’s found it on his own. I’m just glad he did.” Clearing her throat, she pivoted and ordered her troops toward a pocket of nearby Chits.</p><p>“Alayna!”</p><p>She twisted her head back. Alax fidgeted with his hilt before lifting eyes to hers. “You’re wrong. You’ve always been—” He licked his lips and blurted, “Sessuojontû châts nuyak tyûk.”</p><p>Her lungs hitched. She was a child once more, struggling to rise from the floor, making sure her brother saw only strength, hoping it would be enough. Now, she knew it… was. Tears clawed at her throat. “Dazek tu. Remember what I said. When Alax is ready, his sister will be here.” Then, she sprinted away to rejoin the battle.</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss sliced her way through a maze of Chits and analyzed Alaa’s position. Several squads of Alderaanian soldiers were being decimated by his flashing red blade. Meanwhile, Ahsoka was closing fast from the other direction.</p><p>She frowned. The minimal number of troops protecting the king felt wrong. Circling left, her stomach dropped. At least three platoons of enemy soldiers, including an entire line of archers, were hidden behind an outcropping of rocks. <em>Damn him.</em></p><p>Alaa clearly had anticipated Ahsoka’s obsession and prepared accordingly. Once she reached him, his people would attack. She couldn’t fight off a Sith Lord on one side, while dodging arrows and electroblades on the other.</p><p>Kicking off, Barriss raced toward the opposite side of Alaa’s position. It took what felt like an eternity to reach the outcropping. Glancing over, her pulse shot higher. Ahsoka had already engaged Alaa. She was pushing the man back with rapid, powerful strikes, while blocking his every counter. Her focus was incredible. <em>Force, you become even more beautiful when you’re killing things.</em></p><p>Leaping onto the rocky crag, Barriss crept to the top and peered over the side. <em>Gotcha. </em>Assessing the numbers, she grimaced. There had to be half a company packed into the tight area. Her chances of defeating them all were basically nonexistent. But taking out enough to save Ahsoka and keep Alaa from escaping? <em>Oh, that I can definitely handle. </em></p><p><em>Huh. </em>It was fitting. If she had to choose a way to die, this couldn’t be more perfect. She’d serve both duties till the end.</p><p>Pinned against a bog by Ahsoka’s relentless assault, Alaa whistled. His archers leapt up. Bows whined as power settings were set to full and arrow tips sparked with blue energy pulses. A squad of foot soldiers emerged from their cover.</p><p>Ahsoka backed to the side to keep both threats in view. Blocking Alaa’s strikes, she simultaneously snagged a large rock and Force threw it at the approaching enemies. Half of the initial squad went down, but two more prepared to run in.</p><p>Lighting her saber, Barriss let out a war cry worthy of a Togruta and dropped over the side. Landing in the middle of the archers, she grinned. “Sorry, but today is not your day.”</p><p>Then, Barriss commenced what would almost certainly be her final battle for both heart and duty.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Duh, duh, duuuhhhh!<br/>Next time on <em>In Duty</em>...<br/>The clash between good and evil comes to a head! Will Mirial stand victorious? Does Barriss pay the ultimate price? Can Ahsoka finally slay her monster? Will Alayna find more challenges await her? Does Alaa reap his just rewards? Should you be worried about Leeka? [wait--what?!] Tune in next week for the dramatic conclusion!<br/>(um, not like conclusion, conclusion. the story's end is nigh. just not yet. "tune in next week for the dramatic conclusion of the battle but not the whole story" kinda ruins the rhythm, yes?)<br/>---<br/>Update note: Next chapter may be a bit delayed. The job that actually pays my bills has me putting in 60+ hour weeks lately, which means less free time to write. Now, I've also caught up with the chapters I already had in decent shape. For this story, I'm averaging 25-30 hours to take a standard chapter from draft to final edit. Not a complaint. If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't spend that much time on it! Tbh, a little embarrassing to admit my hobby is the equivalent of a PT job. 😳 Anyhow, just rolling the 'say what and say why' communication. Everyone's on the same page that way, yeah? If delayed, I'll throw up a random Barrissoka one-shot from my *cough* backfiles. So, should you see me post an unrelated fic this coming week, that's your FYI not to expect an update on the weekend for this story. Deal?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Duty of the Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Who will triumph?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Scanning the battlefield, Alayna froze. A familiar figure was backing up against a bog as an outrageous number of Chitaran warriors surrounded her position. Ordering her soldiers to join a nearby company, she raced toward her trapped commander. </p>
<p>Sabine crouched low and rotated in place. Her matching vibroblades sliced through the first line of approaching legs. Gaining a small buffer, the woman launched herself into the air and flipped over their heads. She almost made it. An electrowhip snagged her ankle, and Sabine crashed onto her back.</p>
<p>Scuttling away from the incoming strikes, she regained her feet. The woman dodged and weaved constant attacks from all sides. The amount of lightning quick maneuvering was incredible, but the odds were impossibly stacked. A mace slipped through her defenses. It glanced off Sabine’s shoulder, spinning her face first into the muddy ground.</p>
<p>Alayna at last barreled into the fray. Her lightsaber slashed through limbs, chests, and anything else it could find. “Get out of here!”</p>
<p>“Not happening, Highnessness.” A sluggish and bleeding Sabine took down a Chit rushing Alayna.</p>
<p>“Blast it, Wren!” Finishing the enemies in front of her, she swung around. Without even a warning, she rammed straight into Sabine, hoisted her over a shoulder, and ran.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Winding a burn bandage around Sabine’s ankle, Alayna maintained a wary vigilance for enemy movement. The foot of the hill they were occupying appeared to be a calm in the storm, but she was taking no chances. “Alright. That’ll have to do.”</p>
<p>The woman huffed. “It better. You just carried me off a battlefield. If you weren’t my Empress, I’d throttle you.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I don’t carry just anyone you know.”</p>
<p>The edges of her lips curved up. Taking Alayna’s hand, she kissed the knuckles. “I’m honored, Eminence.”</p>
<p>She smiled and squeezed her fingers. “No way am I letting my favorite commander die.” Checking their surroundings once more, she stiffened.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Sabine rolled up next to her. “Woah.” </p>
<p>They both gawked as Ahsoka slashed and spun around her father. <em> Incredible. </em> Scanning the area to determine placement of the Coruscant forces, Alayna’s breath caught in her chest.</p>
<p>Atop a nearby flagging post, Leeka drew an electroblade as Chits attacked her perimeter guards. Moving with methodical grace, she neutralized any warrior that came into range. However, down below several enemy squads had broken through the Mirialan lines. They set a direct course for the bottom of Leeka’s hill, clearly intending to capture the position. <em> Too many. </em> Alayna leapt up and started to run.</p>
<p>A hand seized her arm and jerked her back. “No. Your saber is needed elsewhere.”</p>
<p>She twisted out of the hold. “What are you talking about?!”</p>
<p>Sabine grabbed her head and forced it toward the ongoing fight between Ahsoka and her father. Barriss danced in and out of view behind an outcropping. </p>
<p>Edging to her left, Alayna inhaled sharply. The woman was in a mass of soldiers she couldn’t possibly survive fighting her way through. Her heart cleaved. Who needed her more?<em> I need them both. </em>And her father had to be stopped. Alayna’s insides twisted in paralyzed terror. </p>
<p>Breath hissed into her ear. “Do your duty, Eminence. Save Mirial. I’ll save the woman you love. Trust me.”</p>
<p>Alayna leaned back to search the autumn eyes as lessons from the past pinged in rapid succession. <em> Trust others with your heart to keep it. Dependence does not make you weak. No one is stronger alone. Face your fear to conquer it. </em></p>
<p>She knew what had to be done. Pressing lips to Sabine’s, she murmured, “Thank you.” Then, Alayna raced toward the spot where her past, present, and future were colliding.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Ahsoka backed Alaa against the embankment. Spinning her staff in a rapid series of feints and flourishes intended to confuse her opponent, she let go of everything. The currents rippled and flowed. Her weapon started moving without conscious thought, in perfect harmony with each swell. <em>Now.</em></p>
<p>Dropping into a crouch, she swept the blade at his legs.</p>
<p>With no room to maneuver, the man dove to his right. Anticipating the move, Ahsoka lunged forward and finally connected. Her blade sliced through his lower arm like butter. Bellowing a roar, he collapsed.</p>
<p>Flicking her fingers, Ahsoka sent his lost saber skidding away. Alaa scrambled along the ground, while attempting to call it back to his remaining hand.</p>
<p>She stuck a hissing blade in his face. “Don’t try it.”</p>
<p>Clutching the stub of his arm, he spit at her. “Togruta vermin.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka gazed down at his pathetic figure and processed the glorious moment she’d only experienced in her dreams. <em>I have… won.</em> She was about to achieve the single purpose of her life for the last six years. The man who had taken everything from her, had destroyed so many lives, and would continue to do so unless she stopped him was about to end.</p>
<p>Exhilaration rose as Ahsoka swung her saber back. “Goodbye, <em>my lord.</em>”</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Barriss struggled to fight off another wave of enemy soldiers. She was about to be overrun. Risking a glance at the ongoing saber fight, she gasped.</p>
<p>Ahsoka towered over a weaponless Alaa with the damned grin Barriss would always adore. <em>You are amazing.</em> A second later, joy exploded into agony as an electroblade pierced her chest.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Ahsoka froze mid-swing as a discordant cry echoed in her mind. She flipped around. <em>No.</em></p>
<p>While she’d been single-mindedly focused on bringing Alaa down, Barriss had apparently been making it possible by battling a score of additional hidden forces on her own. The woman fell to her knees, mounds of slain enemies surrounding her. Yet, not enough. More were closing in as Barriss fought to rise from whatever wound she’d received.</p>
<p><em>No!</em> Coiling back, Ahsoka let her staff fly from her hand. It spun a direct path to where the woman she loved was about to die. Reaching the front attacker, it slashed straight through him and started an erratic path toward the next.</p>
<p>Pushing aside shock at what she’d just managed to do, Ahsoka reached out a hand to try to stabilize it. However, the weapon faltered, wobbling midair as she struggled to keep it on course. <em>I won’t fail.</em> Everything snapped into clarity, and her staff steadied as she continued her deadly circuit through Alaa’s forces.</p>
<p>Danger flitted at the edges of her concentration. <em>Alaa.</em> She was going to die. <em>So be it. Duty to those you love, not those you hate, is who you are, Ahsoka Tano.</em> Someone else would destroy her monster. Her duty lay elsewhere.</p>
<p>Channeling every last shred of power into saving the woman she loved, Ahsoka didn’t bother to put up a defense. Her saber swept through enemy after enemy.</p>
<p>Barriss lurched up at the unexpected salvation and fixed on her. A desperate plea rang through her mind. <em>‘Ahsoka, don’t! Please.’</em></p>
<p>Smiling to herself, Ahsoka entered a state of contentment she hadn’t felt in a very long time. <em>‘I figured it out. My heart dwells with you. Always.’</em></p>
<p>Then, a buzzing saber sounded at the back of her neck.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Speeding toward the confrontation, Alayna could only helplessly watch the drama unfold. She was still too far away to do anything about it. </p>
<p>She heaved with relief and wonder as Ahsoka left her father unscathed in order to save Barriss. Then, her stomach twisted when she realized what the result would be. <em> Faster, Alayna. Faster! </em></p>
<p>Her father sneered and retrieved his lost saber. The man crept up behind an oblivious Ahsoka and raised his weapon. A nasty grin spread across his visage as the red blade careened toward the Togruta’s neck.</p>
<p>“No!” Alayna flung her arms out in desperation. Her still running body rocked at the raw power that blasted outward.</p>
<p>The saber jerked and missed Ahsoka’s neck by mere inches. <em>Woah.</em> Knowing what she was now capable of, Alayna focused her mind. She accelerated until the landscape blurred around her. Adrenaline rushing through her veins, she punched a fist straight out into empty air.</p>
<p>Her father flew backwards and slammed into the bottom of a small incline on the other side of the space.</p>
<p>Exhilaration rolled, followed by determination. Within seconds, Alayna was standing in front of the man who still tormented her dreams.</p>
<p>Alaa’s eyes widened when he saw her. There was no time to think. Alayna simply needed to end this. <em>Now.</em> Calling her saber from her belt, she lit it and swung.</p>
<p>His own saber whipped up to block the incoming blow. Wagging a stub of an arm, he executed a clumsy Force push that hurled Alayna a few yards away.</p>
<p>Rolling to her feet, she saw him doing the same. Glancing behind her, Alayna’s ribs tightened. <em>Looks like you’re on your own.</em></p>
<p>Ahsoka was completely engrossed in her rescue of Barriss, staff still rotating through every enemy in sight. The perfect control and intense power needed for the task was so unreal that if she hadn’t been witnessing it, Alayna wouldn’t have believed it possible. <em>All things are possible when we let go of what holds us back.</em> Her body shivered at the thought that came from nowhere.</p>
<p>Swallowing hard, she returned to what she’d somehow always known was her moment. <em>This is it. </em>Time to put it all together. Time to see everything Alayna of Mirial could be.</p>
<p>Planting her feet in a wide stance, she remarked, “Well, Father, here we are. One final move and you topple. Do you see the flaw in your philosophy, yet? Your attachment to power has been your undoing. My attachment to others has been my victory.”</p>
<p>“Stupid girl.” He chortled. “You’ve never had what it takes to achieve victory. For a brief moment, I thought you might be able to carry my legacy after all. I can see my original assessment remains accurate.” A corner of his lip curled. “You always were a disappointment.”</p>
<p>Clamping down on her spiking nerves, Alayna circled him. “Is that supposed to be an insult? Because only an idiot would emulate a fool. And I’ve never been either.”</p>
<p>A vein pulsed in the side of his neck. “Careful, daughter. My patience will only be pushed so far.”</p>
<p>She barked a laugh. “Unbelievable. You stand before me as if you’re worthy of my respect, instead of groveling for mercy like the court fool you’ve shown yourself to be. We laid the trap, but your blind arrogance and lust for power walked you into it. Everything is crashing around you. Your army will soon be defeated, your holdings will be lost, and your life will end.” Alayna tsked. “All those years of plotting and destroying to achieve <em>nothing.</em>”</p>
<p>His body went rigid, weapon jerking through the air with each snarling breath. “You declare victory that doesn’t exist. My achievements will live in the terror of those witnessing them and further still in those yet to come. You will be forgotten tomorrow. Such is the fate of those without vision and the strength to impose it. If you’d minded my lessons instead of defying me, you would understand that one battle means nothing in a war you have already won.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I see you’re the one that doesn't understand. Everything that’s transpired has been by our design. This is not <em> a </em> battle, it’s <em> the </em> battle. The war is over, and you’ve lost. That happened as soon as you crossed the border. Or perhaps it was the day you set your sights on Mirial. You were outclassed from the start. I only wish Barriss could be here to see her puppet’s strings cut. It is <em> her </em> vision you’ve been following like a mindless grotthu. I’m certain she’d give you her regards for being such cooperative prey.” Halting in place, Alayna flipped her saber upright and then slashed it down in a mock salute. “Control someone’s attachment, you control them, Father. You were nothing more than a pawn in <em> our </em> game.” Her mouth twisted into a dismissive sneer. “So weak.”</p>
<p>The florid skin mottled with splotches of white. His limbs quaked as spittle flung from his mouth. “Disloyal cur! I will teach you what strength truly is.” Face contorting into the vicious grin that still made Alayna shudder, her father attacked.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Barriss stayed on her knees but pushed through the agony to raise her head. <em> Don’t you dare leave me, Ahsoka Tano! </em></p>
<p>Alaa swung his saber at Ahsoka’s neck. Two seconds before the moment of impact, his arm jerked away, blade whooshing uselessly past the woman’s head. Then, he rocketed into a nearby embankment. </p>
<p>Scanning through spotty vision for what must be there, she found the source of salvation as Alayna landed in front of him. Barriss gasped, muscles sagging in relief before fresh fear made them spasm once more. Her eyes fixed on Alayna. <em>Please.</em></p>
<p>Alaa blocked his daughter’s attack from the ground. Using a mangled Force push, he tossed Alayna out of striking distance and then rolled up. The young woman swiftly regained her own feet.</p>
<p>Staying just out of range, she began prowling around him. Their mouths were moving, but Barriss couldn’t hear what was said. Whatever the words, they caused Alaa’s expression to twist into savage fury, revealing the wild beast within. He let out an inhuman roar and charged his daughter.</p>
<p>Alayna rooted to the ground. Her gaze locked on his malevolent face as if paralyzed with fear. Barriss’ heart pounded against her ribs. <em>Come on.</em></p>
<p>Alayna’s body maintained its unnatural stillness, until her father was mere inches from a killing blow. Then, a blur of speed ducked below his high, execution-style strike and a green blade thrust upward, directly into his unprotected chest. Alayna’s lips drew back into a grim smile.</p>
<p><em> Oh, that’s my clever girl. </em> She’d used his overconfidence, his belief that he could once more cow the defiant child that was. <em> I warned you not to underestimate your own daughter, Excellency.  </em></p>
<p>Tears mingled with sweat and blood as she watched Alayna end the evil that had tormented her life. <em>You’re free. We all are. It is… finished. </em></p>
<p>A victorious grin lit her heart. Then, Barriss collapsed, mind spinning into darkness.</p>
<p>_______</p>
<p>Ahsoka didn’t fall. No pain. There was nothing. Surprise registered somewhere in the back of her mind as it continued its work. She refused to stop until no danger to Barriss remained.</p>
<p>When the last enemy fell, Ahsoka finally released the mental grip on her staff and pivoted. She blinked. Her thoughts went fuzzy as they tried to parse reality.</p>
<p>Alaa was staring down at the green blade lodged in his chest. Alayna stood in front of him; hilt gripped in her hands. “Checkmate, Father.”</p>
<p>A chortle choked from his dying lungs. “Bold move, Daughter. As it should be. Only the strength I made could ever defeat me. My legacy will endure.”</p>
<p>Her expression took on the consistency of molten steel. “Your legacy never existed.” She shoved the saber deep with a parting bite. “Alayna the True made herself.”</p>
<p>His eyes bulged and then rolled back as a final growl rattled from his chest. Alayna pulled her blade out, and he thudded to the ground. The young woman remained standing over him, weapon shaking in her hand.</p>
<p>Ahsoka stared at the lifeless corpse of her greatest enemy. <em>Over. It is over. </em>An eternity of loss, torment, anger, and resolve came down to a soulless pile of limbs. Lifting her gaze to the setting sun, she let a torrent of tears flow across her cheeks.</p>
<p>Her brother’s grinning face and proud eyes appeared on the horizon. <em>‘Told you, Snips. Who you are is all you need to be. Now, live.’</em></p>
<p>Freedom like she’d never experienced rolled through her soul. Giant breaths came and went as she sucked in new life, a sweet taste of air on her tongue. For the first time in years, Ahsoka Tano realized she was happy to be alive.</p>
<p>Returning attention to Alayna, her heart clenched. The girl was still staring blankly at what had been the only father she’d ever had and yet never a father at all. Moving beside her, Ahsoka took the lightsaber from her trembling hand with a gentle murmur. “We’re free.”</p>
<p>Alayna’s mouth moved but no words came out. She dragged her eyes away from the dead and fixed on Ahsoka. Oh, those eyes.</p>
<p>Gripping her shoulders, Ahsoka kissed her forehead. “I know.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>⚔💥⚔</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Future Undefined</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Win or lose, a war's end always brings fresh challenges.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alayna couldn’t process anything. Sagging against Ahsoka, she tried to shake off the daze. The first thought to emerge from her foggy mind made her jerk up. “Where’s Barriss?”</p><p>Ahsoka’s glazed eyes sharpened. Both of them spun around. With matching gasps, they bolted toward the prostrate woman.</p><p>Dropping beside her, Ahsoka turned Barriss over and checked her vitals. “Pulse is weak, breathing shallow. Oh, please no.” Ripping fabric away from the wound, she cried, “This is bad. So bad.”</p><p>As Ahsoka frantically worked to stop the bleeding, Alayna scoured the area for assistance. Sabine was finishing off Chits on Leeka’s hill. Waxer was fighting his way through Alaa’s retreating forces, clearly on a mission to reach them. In the distance, she spotted Brianna flagging orders, though her head was fixed on their location. Alayna’s muscles stopped spasming as Leeka appeared from behind a cluster of rocks, a medic team in tow behind her. Turning back to Ahsoka, she said, “Help is coming.”</p><p>The Togruta didn’t seem to hear her. “She’s losing too much blood. I can’t make it stop. No, no, no!” Halting her efforts, she gripped the unconscious face. “Don’t you dare leave me! We’re free. I figured it out. This is what you wanted, remember? A future. It’s time to live.” Her voice fractured into a broken wail. “Barriss, please. I can’t. <em> Please…</em>”</p><p>The medics arrived and tried to push her out of their way. Snarling like a wounded animal, Ahsoka covered Barriss protectively. They jumped back in alarm.</p><p>Alayna swallowed. Motioning for the team to hold, she carefully crouched on the other side of Barriss. “Ahsoka. I need you to let go so the healers can help her. Focus on this moment.”</p><p>Her head snapped up; eyes that weren’t quite there careened in all directions. Hyper shallow breaths came fast and hard as she clutched Barriss tighter.</p><p>Stretching out a hand, she laid it on her cheek. “I understand. I can’t lose her, either. Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen.”</p><p>Ahsoka locked onto her and then shuddered. Falling away from Barriss, she tucked knees to her chest and croaked, “Save her. Please.”</p><p>Waving the medics in, Alayna watched as they went to work. Gazing at the limp body of the woman she’d somehow thought indestructible, she couldn’t stop her tears.</p><p>A hand took Alayna’s elbow and guided her back. Leeka leaned into her ear. “Let them do their work. Someone else needs you right now.”</p><p>Taking a cleansing breath, she wiped her cheeks and whispered, “I love you.” Fingers brushed hers in response.</p><p>Switching attention to Ahsoka, she winced. Her body was rocking, expression blank, arms clenched around her legs. Alayna sat beside her. Gently pulling one of the woman’s hands out of its death grip, she held it between her own. “Remember, you’re not alone.”</p><p>The violent tremors calmed to erratic jerks. Letting out a grating cry, Ahsoka slumped into her side. Tightening their hands, Alayna leaned against her in return. Then, they both simply waited.</p><p>_______</p><p>Flexing her fingers, Alayna took the pad from Cody. Barriss had made it through the emergency surgery to repair her internal damage. However, she was in critical condition. The healers had given her a 50% chance of survival. Yet, instead of staying by her side, Alayna was standing on what hours ago had been a battlefield.</p><p>It was where an Empress should be, honoring her fallen soldiers and supporting those tasked with cleaning up the grim aftermath. While her presence was important, it was also superfluous. People were requesting her approval, but they knew their jobs better than her. So here she was, amid the smells and sights of terrible sacrifice, pretending to make decisions and delivering approbation.</p><p>The words on the pad blurred. Her gaze wandered up and surveyed the quiet landscape of death. It skidded to an abrupt halt halfway through its canvass. “This looks excellent, General. Please, proceed. If you’ll excuse me, I see something that requires my attention.”</p><p>Barely noting the acknowledgement, Alayna picked her way through the remnants of victory and loss. Reaching Alax, she stood beside him.</p><p>Her brother continued staring down at the body of their father. The corpse reminded her of the unnerving realness yet milky falsity of a wax figure. It seemed fitting. After all, they had never truly had a father. She cleared her throat. “Strange, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes,” he rasped.</p><p>Alayna slid an arm in his. Alax didn’t respond, but he also didn’t pull away. They remained that way for quite awhile, staring at what no longer was.</p><p>Alax gave a short nod, whether to himself or the dead man she didn’t know. Then, he shifted attention to her. “I doubt Chitar will be in a position to pose a threat for some time. They committed their entire army to this assault. As Father intended, of course. Mirial was never going to be theirs. I don’t know the status of your forces, but I suspect if you mounted an immediate turnaround offensive, there’s a high probability you could wipe them out for good.”</p><p>“Is that what you’d do?”</p><p>His gaze returned to the fallen king. “It’s what he’d do.” Alax coughed. “My remaining troops are already on the march. They will be across the border by morning as agreed. I just stayed behind to… see it for myself, I guess.”</p><p>“I understand.” Alayna chewed her lip. “If you ever return to Mirial, I hope it won’t be as my enemy.”</p><p>“Don’t worry.” He turned to face her. “His path is not mine. I think it’s time to be… Alax.”</p><p>Her heart lit up. “Good.” She rubbed his cheek. “Because he can do anything.”</p><p>A smile she hadn’t seen since they were children flashed for a fleeting moment. “Thanks.” His eyes drifted out across the moors. “You know, when we were young, I used to have this dream. You’d trick Father into entering this room he couldn’t ever get out of. It was stark white and seemed endless. Once he was inside, you’d ask me to help you seal the door. It was such a heavy door; we could barely move it. Father would realize it was a trap every time, and he’d charge toward us with…” He shivered. “... that face. The one that made your stomach hurt. I always got scared and tried to run. But you’d say, ‘No, Alax, don’t give up. We won’t let him win. We can close it together.’ So, I’d stay. Then, we’d push and push. We pushed until my muscles burned, and I’d start to cry.” His voice choked into a whisper. “We pushed <em> so </em> hard.”</p><p>She swallowed the lump in her throat. “And did we close it?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he answered distantly. “I always woke up while we were still pushing. I wish I’d…” A deep crease wrinkled his forehead. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. You’ve closed it without my help.”</p><p>“Closing a door behind you is only the first step in any journey. There are many more. I’ve learned the key is to not take them alone.” She took his hand. “Come visit me, little brother. Leading a realm isn’t easy, much less cleaning up the aftermath of our father’s mistakes. Maybe we can figure out the rest of our journey together. Fasona kûskak saarai.”</p><p>Fingers tightened around her own. “Perhaps, I will.” Alax exhaled and then continued in a lighter tone, “Blood is in the water. Coruscant will need all the allies it can get.”</p><p>She arched an eyebrow. “What makes you think Mirial will be one?”</p><p>“Did I say that?” he replied innocently. “Or are you suggesting the idea? I suppose, given the proper incentives, I might consider it.”</p><p>Alayna laughed and kissed his cheek. “Be safe, Alax.” Stepping back, she curtsied. “I look forward to our future endeavors, <em>Excellency.</em>”</p><p>He blinked and then straightened. Puffing out his chest, her brother returned a deep bow. “As do I, <em>Eminence.</em>”</p><p>_______</p><p>“Ahsoka, we’ve lost so much. You could resume your position as Master of the Hunt and serve on the Council. The two elders that remain won’t be with us much longer. A whole new generation of Togruta must have guidance if the tribe is to thrive. You’ve made it possible. Can’t you be a part of that future?”</p><p>She blew out a breath. “Caleb, the woman I love has spent the last two days fighting for her life. She’s only just today made it to the other side of dying. We don’t even know if she’ll fully recover or have permanent damage. I can’t focus on this conversation, much less make life decisions.”</p><p>The man winced. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not the best timing, but I couldn’t leave Mirial without ensuring you know that your tribe still needs you. More than that, we want you. Please, at least consider finally coming home?”</p><p><em>Where your heart dwells is where your duty lies. What if your heart belongs in two different places?</em> Her hands began to tremble. <em>I can’t handle this right now.</em> “All I can promise is that after things calm down, I’ll think about it.”</p><p>Caleb gripped her shoulder. “Good enough.” He added quietly, “You deserve a life. No matter what it looks like, you’ll always be Togruta. And your tribe will always be here.”</p><p>Her chest tightened. “Thanks. I suppose what I want my life to be is the question I’ve yet to answer. It may be an impossible one to solve.”</p><p>“Nonsense.” He flashed a grin. “You’ll figure it out. When Ahsoka Tano has a goal, she doesn’t fail.”</p><p>She stiffened. Except, the usual pain didn’t come. What did come surprised her. It was a smile.</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss surfaced in a haze of confusion once more. <em>I feel terrible. Still alive, though. I think. </em>How long she’d been in this bed, she didn’t know. Her memories were disjointed. This moment felt like reality, though. <em>Wonder if that means I’m getting better?</em></p><p>She attempted to center her fuzzy thoughts. A sterilized smell of healing disinfectant, the throbbing in her chest, and her parched throat as she swallowed all registered. Then, wisps of conversation began floating into her ears. Concentrating, she brought the words into focus.</p><p>“I <em>have</em> been thinking about it, Alayna. I need to talk to Barriss and go from there. However, I can’t deny that my tribe needs me as much as they ever have.”</p><p>“Barriss needs you, as well,” Alayna pleaded. “If you don’t want to be a general anymore, there are other options. Whatever you like. You could still help the tribe. If they relocate within our borders, we could provide protection during the rebuilding process.”</p><p>There was a shaky exhale and then calloused fingers stroked Barriss’ cheek. “It’s a thoughtful offer. However, Togruta have to migrate for the hunt. We can’t stay in one place for too long. I wish there were an easy solution. There just isn’t.”</p><p>Silence fell, until Ahsoka spoke again. “Alayna, I have a duty to my people the same as you do.” There was no response and then a more concerned sounding Ahsoka continued, “If I do rejoin the tribe, it’s not as if I’m vanishing forever. You understand that, right? Barriss and I have made our separate lives work before. If you’re worried about the last few years, I swear to you I’m not repeating my mistakes. I’ll never leave her again.”</p><p>Alayna blew out a short breath. “I’m worried about her leaving <em>me</em>, alright? You don’t understand how unhappy she was without you. I won’t make her live that way again. Barriss deserves what I have, what she sacrificed to give to me. Something she's never truly had. A life of her own choosing. For her that includes being with the person that holds her heart. Except to get it, she’ll have to give up the life she has. And I can’t—I can’t—”</p><p>Her words cut off in a muffled sob as Ahsoka evidently pulled the girl into an embrace. “Ok, I see. Remember, these decisions aren’t going to happen anytime soon. Let’s focus on getting Barriss on the road to recovery for now. We don’t even know what she wants.”</p><p>“Yes, I do,” Alayna cried. “She wants you. She’s always wanted you. Now, she doesn’t haven’t to harm Mirial to get there. Her life can be her own. And I’m too selfish to let her have it.”</p><p>Unable to handle anymore, Barriss forced heavy eyelids open. “L-Layna… don’t cry.”</p><p>Both women flipped around and then knelt next to the bed. Ahsoka felt her forehead. “Hey, you’re forming sentences this time. Can you understand what I’m saying?”</p><p>Barriss answered with a weak nod.</p><p>That got two relieved exhales. Ahsoka leaned down and kissed her hair. “That’s good. Don’t move too much. The healers said that could cause a setback. How are you feeling?”</p><p>Her tongue had the consistency of a cotton ball, but she managed a thick, “Getting there.” Barriss fixed on Alayna. “Come here, s-smarmy consort.”</p><p>The young woman sat on the edge of the bed. Taking her hand, Alayna pressed it to her mouth. “We were so worried.”</p><p>“I know.” She stretched cracked lips into some sort of smile. “D-don’t be scared, k? Figure out… together. Promise.”</p><p>Her chin trembled. Then, Alayna bent down and buried fresh tears in Barriss’ shoulder. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p>“That’s my girl.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna wandered into the sitting room, still squinting at her pad. “Leeka, do you know where my favorite stylus is?”</p><p>The delicate cough in response made her glance up. Alayna jumped at seeing an unexpected figure sitting beside her handmaiden. Switching to a smile, she said, “Well, hello. I didn’t know we had company.”</p><p>Leeka cocked an eyebrow. “<em>We</em> don’t.”</p><p>Sabine shifted forward on the settee. “Yes, I just finished meeting with General Cody in the command center. Since I was in the area, I decided to drop by and see if Leeka’s injury had healed. But I should probably be going.”</p><p>Alayna’s brow furrowed. “Injury?”</p><p>Mouth parting, Sabine glanced between them. “Uh, did I say something I shouldn’t have?”</p><p>Leeka sighed. “No, it’s alright. Things have been a bit chaotic this week, so we haven’t discussed it.”</p><p>Alayna stiffened. “Wait. Are you saying you’re injured, and I don’t know about it?”</p><p>There was a wince. “Maybe we should talk about this later?”</p><p>“That is what you’re saying.” Crossing the room, she knelt in front of her. “What happened? Why didn’t you tell me?!”</p><p>Giving Sabine an apologetic look, Leeka rolled up a pants leg to reveal a heavy bandage. It wrapped from her lower calf up to the bend in her knee. “An electroblade from one of the Chits. Actually, he would have finished me off if Commander Wren hadn’t arrived in the nick of time to save us all.” She flashed a diffident smile at the woman in question.</p><p>Alayna stared at the leg, muscles trembling. “Why didn’t you tell me this? I’ve had you running all over the palace!”</p><p>Leeka grabbed her face. “Please, don’t get upset. It didn’t make sense to bring it up in the limited time we’ve had together. You’ve had major decisions amid long days, while also attending your critically injured consort. Worrying about me is not something I wanted to add to your list. Besides, you would have insisted I rest and then tried to do everything yourself. You needed me.”</p><p>She jerked away. “I don’t care whether you thought the entire realm would collapse! You should have told me! I get to decide what action I do or do not take in response to information. You don’t get to keep things from me based on your assumptions of how I’ll react.”</p><p>Thrusting out her chin, she retorted, “Actually, sometimes I do. I’m your first handmaiden. That also means my personal injury has no relevance, especially when duty requires us both to be at full capacity. Mentioning it would only have interfered with that goal. If the wound had seriously hindered my ability to serve, I would have informed you.”</p><p>Heat flushed her skin. “If you were only my first handmaiden, you wouldn’t be concerned about me potentially compromising my duty as a result! You simply didn’t trust me to handle it in a manner <em>you</em> deemed appropriate.”</p><p>Leeka hissed. “You’re working yourself up over nothing, Alayna. Yes, I didn’t want you to worry or put more on your overflowing plate. Whether I was acting as a handmaiden or a mistress makes no difference. My job is to ensure your wellbeing in any circumstance.”</p><p>Alayna slammed her mouth shut before saying something she’d regret.</p><p>Sabine cleared her throat in the resulting silence. “Ok… it’s done now, right? You both know how the other feels. The wound is healing well, so no harm done this time. Maybe talk about what to do if such a situation happens again in future? Agree on an approach you both can live with?”</p><p>Exhaling, Leeka placed a hand on Alayna’s cheek. “I’m good with that advice if the woman I love is. I’m sorry. I was only doing what I thought correct. My duty as a handmaiden is clear, but when or how that should change due to our relationship is not.”</p><p>The anger drained, leaving fresh exhaustion. <em>Why are you starting battles you can’t handle right now? Leeka’s not the one who’s leaving you. </em>Taking the hand from her face, she squeezed it. “I’m sorry too. We’ll talk about it after things settle, I suppose.” Alayna shot a weak grin at the other woman. “My peacemaking commander wins this round.”</p><p>Sabine snorted. “If it’s all the same to you, I’ll retire from service. No need to invite me to the next fight.”</p><p>Leeka’s eyes glinted. “Oh, you’re not getting off that easy. The total number of people I’ve <em>ever</em> needed to save my life is up to one, thanks to you. Now that you’ve been promoted to command the capital forces, you can’t escape me.”</p><p>Alayna blinked. “You have?” She smiled and kissed Sabine’s cheek. “Congratulations, Commander General. It’s about time Cody recognized your brilliance.”</p><p>She rubbed the back of her neck. “Thanks. I’m going to do my best, anyway.” The corners of her mouth twitched. “Of course, my new duties will keep me busy.” Staring at Leeka, she emphasized, “Very, <em>very</em> busy. I doubt I’ll have time to awkwardly witness and mediate any future relationship disputes.”</p><p>Leeka gazed back at her with an innocent expression. “Is that right? I suppose we could simply store up a list until you are available. Not to worry, though. If something really dramatic happens, I’ll have Alayna issue a royal summons.”</p><p>The autumn eyes flicked skyward. “You’re too good to me.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss gave her a watery smile. “What now?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Moving to the bed, she stretched out beside Barriss and curled an arm around her head. “Maybe I could reduce my involvement in the tribe. If I weren’t Master of the Hunt, I’d be able to get away a little more.”</p><p>“It doesn’t solve the underlying issue. And you’ve always been happiest in that role. Everything about you comes alive. Besides,” she sniffed, “I’m not the trophy woman of just any apex hunter. Only <em>the</em> apex hunter.”</p><p>Ahsoka unsuccessfully tried to suppress a grin. “So elitist.” She twirled a strand of hair in her fingers. “I just don’t want to go back to how things were. We never got to spend enough time together. When we were in territory the Empress of Mirial couldn’t enter or I was in the thick of the hunt it meant weeks of separation. While I was serving Alaa, it was even worse. You felt so far away. It made me… less confident. When you made your choice, I didn’t fight like I should have to keep you.”</p><p>Barriss winced. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I didn’t give you a reason for confidence. In fact, I did the opposite.”</p><p>She shook her head. “I should have trusted you. Anakin even told me I was making a mistake. If I’d listened—”</p><p>“Don’t, please. I should have trusted you, as well. Let’s agree we both made mistakes and promise never to make them again.”</p><p>“That’s what I’m—” She blew air into her cheeks. Releasing it, she said, “Things are sometimes still weird in my head. Too many years being something I’m not, I suppose. It wasn’t easy before. Now, I’ve lost every—things are different. It feels like I’m starting a new life altogether. I think I might need you more. Alot more. Two days here and a night there isn’t enough. I’m worried without help I can’t… handle it.”</p><p>Barriss raised a hand to her cheek. “I understand. You need what I’ve never been able to give. A partner to support you, someone who’ll be there, a true maté.” She hesitated. “Alayna wasn’t wrong that it’s possible now. If I abdicate, we could start a new life together. In some ways, that sounds like paradise. It’s also a bit terrifying to leave everything I’ve ever known. I could handle it to be with you, though. Except, there’s Alayna to consider. I can’t abandon her. She’s my consort and important to me.”</p><p>Ahsoka ran fingers through the raven locks. “I know. I don’t want you to upend your life. I only want it to feel like you’re completely part of mine. How to make that a reality is the problem. Being a Togruta, my duty to the tribe, it’s part of who I am. I’ve finally accepted that. But so are you.” Scrubbing a hand over her face, she cursed. “What if I simply live in Mirial as your courtesan?”</p><p>“Absolutely not. You’ve sacrificed a good deal over the years to make our relationship work. I won’t allow you to sacrifice part of yourself as well.”</p><p>“It’s better than the alternative. How I felt when—” Her throat burned as emotions she didn’t want rose from her still fragile soul. “I can’t go back, Barriss. I can’t.”</p><p>Barriss grabbed her hand. “That’s not going to happen, Ahsoka Tano. I’ll never let you go back. We’ll figure this out. It might take some time to solve is all. For now, I can arrange more frequent or perhaps longer visits to you, especially if I let Alayna start taking a lead role in some areas. What if we start there? See how it feels for all of us?”</p><p>The weight on her chest lightened. <em>Maybe we can actually do this.</em> “I could also rejoin the tribe but delay taking on any permanent duties. That will free up some time to stay here.”</p><p>“Ok, but not for too long. You need stability, to settle into a new reality. Let me do most of the heavy lifting this time. I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me anymore.”</p><p>Shifting her head, Ahsoka brushed lips over hers. “You’re worth it.”</p><p>Barriss traced a finger along one of Ahsoka’s face markings. “I love you so much.”</p><p>“You better.” She grinned and then sighed. “Why are our lives so complicated?”</p><p>Her eyes gleamed. “Because I let a totally inappropriate future chieftain sweep me off my feet.”</p><p>“I know, right? Why couldn’t I have charmed a brilliant, witty, and stunningly attractive Togruta? All these options and I choose the most powerful woman on the planet.”</p><p>Barriss grunted. “Stunningly attractive, huh? So <em>many</em> choices for this paragon who isn’t me? Watch it, Tano.”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed. Hovering in front of the quirking lips, she murmured, “Not to worry, Empress. There’s only one you.”</p><p>“Mmm… prove it.”</p><p>“As you wish, my lady.” With a smirk, Ahsoka sunk into a kiss she’d been waiting years to deliver.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew! Look at that. *9th Doctor voice* Just this once... Everybody lives!<br/>[What kind of story is this?! I wanted a wallowing pit of tragic despair, Gabby! I'll have to assuage my depressive needs by rereading Chapters 10-20. Outrageous!]  Of course, now we have to deal with the results. Life is alot less complicated when you're dead. 🤨 Luckily, we have two more chapters to figure this mess out.<br/>-----<br/>I won't bore you with a rambling explanation, but Alayna and Alax occasionally speaking in Sith serves various purposes as a story device. While the gist of what they're communicating can usually be inferred from context, each line does have a translation based on what is known of the Sith language. Though, I sometimes take minor liberties for better dialogue rhythm. Since it's fun (and Dragonheart will ask), here is a loose translation of Alayna's line in Scene 2: Fasona kûskak saarai = Make your dream truth.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Tides of Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>change • /cHānj/<br/><em>noun</em><br/>the passing from one place, state, form, or phase to another</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barriss looked up from her book as Alayna popped out of the passageway. “Well, this is a day to remember. Emerging from my wardrobe in sunlight. What am I to do with myself?”</p><p>The young woman bounced onto her side of the bed. “That’s what happens when you decide to almost die on me.”</p><p>“Oh? Maybe I should try it more often then.”</p><p>“Don’t even think about it.” Taking a hand, Alayna clasped it between her own. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Better. I make it all the way to the bathroom without collapsing now. Impressive, yes?”</p><p>“Small goals, huh?”</p><p>Barriss chuckled. “What about you?”</p><p>Her expression became far too bright. “Great. I think we’re close to a new alliance with Coruscant. Alax and his advisors are reviewing the final terms. I told him not to take any of their lip. I’ve also sent envoys to Chitar to see if we can negotiate a non-aggression pact. They don’t really have much choice—”</p><p>“Alayna. Tell me how <em>you’re</em> doing.”</p><p>She looked down. “I’m fine.”</p><p>Pulling her hand out of Alayna’s, she lifted her chin. “Be honest with me, please. I need to understand what you’re feeling.”</p><p>A muscle in her jaw twitched. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, ok? My head is a mess.”</p><p>Circling a thumb over her chin, she murmured, “You’re scared.”</p><p>Alayna barked a short laugh. “Terrified.”</p><p>“Of what? That I might leave you?”</p><p>A cry erupted from her lips. “Everything!” Alayna slumped against her shoulder. “That you’ll go. That you’ll stay. That I can’t handle it either way.”</p><p>Curling an arm around her head, she ran fingers through the loose curls. “Why that I’ll stay?”</p><p>“Because you shouldn’t. You deserve a life. I don’t want you to sacrifice it again for me. But I also don’t want to lose you.”</p><p>“Oh, Alayna. You are not responsible for my choices or your father’s villainy. Whether I married you or not, Ahsoka and I would have ended up in the same situation. It was my alliance with the man who held her tribe in bondage, my withholding of the truth, my seeming betrayal right when she believed freedom was at hand that caused our rift. It had nothing to do with taking a consort. In fact, the only consolation Ahsoka had was that you would have a better life. Don’t take our choices upon yourself.”</p><p>There was a sniffle. “I can’t help it sometimes.”</p><p>Barriss sighed. “I guess we’ll work on that one as we go. Tell me this, though. If I were to hand Mirial over to your care, how would that mean losing me?”</p><p>She shot up, mouth gaping. “Because that <em>is</em> what it means. You’d ride off into the sunset with Ahsoka never to return. And I’d be here. Alone.”</p><p>“None of that is true. First off, you’re not alone. You have a family to support you.”</p><p>“Family. The magical dream of a child who pretended her own reality.” Her mouth drew back into a bitter smile. “My mother vanished. My brother decided I wasn’t worth the risk of keeping. The man who was supposed to be my father hated me. Then, I tried so hard to create a new one. I managed a first handmaiden as my illicit mistress and a boy I wish were mine but can’t be. Meanwhile, my only official family member is going to abandon me to make a new one.”</p><p>“I’m not doing any such thing.” Ignoring the pain the movements elicited in her chest, she shifted positions to face her. “Family transcends the banality of our world. It isn’t defined by blood, societal biases, or signatures on a document. It’s a shared bond of commitment, love, and belonging. The rest is window-dressing. Of course, having that dressing makes stabilizing your family easier. We could leverage this situation to somewhat alleviate those issues.”</p><p>She hissed a breath. “By giving up part of it?”</p><p>“You know very well what I’m getting at, stubborn girl. Should I become seen as <em>your</em> consort, instead of the other way around, denying your relationship with Leeka becomes moot. First Handmaiden to an Empress is already viewed as a lady to most. She’s also earned a great deal of respect. If we went a step further with my abdication, tacit acceptance of her as a consort in all but name would be achievable. You’re rightly concerned that taking a special interest in Jo becomes problematic as he gets older. Building your own political largess, especially with certain segments of the court, will provide enough clout to make him an Imperial ward. The amount of wrangling and limited timeline to meet the age requirements means a royal rank is unlikely, but he would be the equivalent of yours. These things are only possible if you aren’t beholden to my reign. You may be co-regent, but you’ll never get to truly shape your own future while I still rule.”</p><p>Her face pinched. “Right. To create what I want means losing you.”</p><p>Barriss ground her teeth. “Alayna, I am <em>not</em> leaving you. Even if I’m not in charge or here every moment that doesn’t mean you’ve lost me.”</p><p>Wrapping arms around her own stomach, she looked down at the bed. “What would you call it? I can’t come to you at night when I miss you. I won’t be able to drop by your study to talk about a problem. Even painting won’t be enjoyable without you.”</p><p>She grimaced. “Ok. I understand what you’re saying. I’d miss those things, as well. You’re right that our everyday dynamic may alter. However, the essentials wouldn’t. We’re talking about a theoretical power transition not me vanishing from your life.” Barriss brushed her cheek. “I’d still be yours.”</p><p>Her gaze lifted with a slow exhale. “I’m being a selfish child. I do want you to be happy.”</p><p>“It’s not selfish to be upset or anxious about uncertain change. My head is a bit of a mess, as well. Being an Empress is all I’ve ever known. I thought to die as one. I’ve no idea if who I am demands serving Mirial as its ruler or something else altogether. I don’t have answers yet. I’m simply saying that change doesn’t have to mean loss. It’s also how we gain things we didn’t realize were possible.”</p><p>“I guess.” Alayna chewed her lip. “Would you consider keeping things the same, though?”</p><p>Barriss smiled. “I’m already considering it. The only thing I know is I’ll be out of Mirial more often to visit Ahsoka and she’ll be staying with us periodically. Spending time with the other party would occur for any of our relationships, right? Steps beyond that norm are up for discussion.”</p><p>“Yes, that’s not an issue. It’s the beyond part I’m…” She tapped her fingers on the cover. “If you realize starting a new life is what you need, is there a rank that would give you the freedom to do so but also retain standing in the court? For instance, if a circumstance arose where I wanted a royal envoy or someone to act in my stead?”</p><p>“Interesting idea. Hmm… it hasn’t been used for generations, but there is Empress Emeritus. That carries no real power but would allow you to delegate privileges to me for limited purposes. It’s essentially a retired ruler. We can put it on our list of options if that’s important to you.”</p><p>“It is,” she replied softly.</p><p>“Alright. We’ll figure it out as we go. Where we end up depends on what you, Ahsoka, and I decide together. Even then, there’s flexibility should other needs develop. No matter what, I am <em>not</em> going to ride off into the sunset never to return.”</p><p>Tears pooled in the intense green. The voice of the girl Barriss had met so many years ago whispered, “Promise?”</p><p>She pulled Alayna’s forehead against her own. “It’s more than a promise, my smarmy consort. We are family. No matter what new paths we forge together and apart, you will always be a part of my life as I will yours.” Barriss brushed lips over hers. “I love you. That will <em>never</em> change.”</p><p>Choking a breath, Alayna leaned against her. “And I you.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Wrapping arms around her pillow, she gazed at Leeka. “How do you feel when I’m not here at night?”</p><p>Her nose scrunched. “Do you mean when you’re with the Empress?”</p><p>Alayna nodded. “There are times where I’m attending to my duties, you’re attending to yours—which may or may not include being with me in an official capacity—and then I run off to my consort. Our quality time is practically non-existent on those days. I guess I’m wondering if that bothers you.”</p><p>“Not in the way you’re probably thinking. I’ve never been jealous or wanted to keep you all to myself. I mean we live and work together, Alayna. There are also days where we spend every waking <em>and</em> sleeping moment in each other’s company.”</p><p>“Are you implying that you may, on <em>exceedingly</em> rare occasions, get tired of me?”</p><p>One side of her mouth quirked. “Now, did I say that? Perish the thought.”</p><p>Trying to keep a straight face, she scooted closer and kissed her nose. “Uh huh. The truth comes out.”</p><p>Leeka’s eyes crinkled. “In all honesty, the amount of time we spend together in our personal lives—assuming such a concept exists for us—surprises me.” Lifting her hand, she trailed light fingers across Alayna’s lips. “Not that I’m complaining.”</p><p>“Mmm… better not be.”</p><p>A brief grin flashed. “Your elite society is structured around rules and levels of relationships for a reason. The elite ranks of service employ a similar system. Lim has two consorts and a kept mistress, for example. Multiple commitments are the norm. So, why would it bother me?”</p><p>“Well, knowing and experiencing can be different things.”</p><p>“But I have experienced it. My mother had two consorts. Actually, Stefyn is my half-brother. My sisters and I were all first children. Stefyn came from my mother’s secondary consort.”</p><p>“Really? I only had Alax, so I never had that dynamic. Did it matter to any of you?”</p><p>“It mattered to Stefyn. He’s only a year older than me, but I was the baby and a first daughter. He <em>claims</em> I hogged all the attention.” A distant smile formed. “Stefyn said when he got upset, H’lyn would take him on walks and encourage him to embrace being different. A second son was special. He could be anything he wanted in life. Stefyn took the advice to heart and prided himself on being the odd man out. Literally. He still loves to proclaim his superior bloodline, much to Raas and Ilyian’s annoyance. Which, of course, is most of the fun for him.” Smile fading, she cleared her throat. “H’lyn wasn’t wrong. It gave him the benefit of the family legacy without much pressure to carry it. As long as he didn’t tarnish the family honor, Stefyn was mostly left to his own devices.”</p><p>Alayna noted the strained expression. <em>Her family has fallen apart.</em> Sliding an arm over Leeka’s waist, she pulled her closer. “I learn something new about you everyday, my enigmatic handmaiden.” That sparked a new thought. <em>What if she wants someone else besides me? I think I’m ok with that. </em>Alayna didn’t particularly want to share Leeka, but she also didn’t mind sharing Leeka, especially if it would make the woman she loved happier.</p><p>“Keeping you guessing is all part of <em>my</em> fun.” Leeka smirked. “The point is, in my head, it doesn’t matter what other commitments you have. You’re still mine.”</p><p>Delivering a quick brush of their lips, she smiled. “Always.”</p><p>“Better be, Empress mine. Anyway, personal experience notwithstanding, it would be a ridiculous notion to hold given your position. An Empress must eventually secure or produce an heir, much as her eminence did. Of course, most of the serving quarters were concerned she never would. That’s one of the reasons they latched onto you with such enthusiasm. You were the most promising possibility in nearly two decades.”</p><p>“And here I thought it was my stunning grace and wit that won the day. Outrageous!”</p><p>“Well, <em>someone’s</em> sensitive about their popularity.” The smirk came back full force. “If it soothes the pain, I did say one reason. They wouldn’t have thought you promising if you didn’t charm them. No one wants to serve a mercurial, high-handed, or incompetent ruler, who can’t put a sentence together. They weren’t <em>that</em> desperate. Though, let us not forget the critical role I played in making you look the part while spreading tales of your virtues across the palace.”</p><p>Alayna snorted. “Indeed.” Her thoughts drifted. “I don’t know how Barriss planned to continue the line of succession before I was thrust upon her. I mean love has never prevented anyone from taking a consort or five. I wonder if something inside of her demands that level of singular focus.” Though, Alayna had to admit she didn’t particularly want anyone else either. She had Leeka. <em>And hopefully Barriss. </em>What was the point when she already had all she needed? Maybe if the imaginary someone was intertwined, like adding a family member, it might be nice.</p><p>“Speaking of, do I need to mention the obvious? You were married when our relationship started. This is an odd bedtime conversation.”</p><p>She traced a splotch of freckles on the woman’s cheek. “The possibility of Barriss changing the status quo is sending me into weird places. It’s not as if we see each other everyday now, yet some part of me thinks her lack of constant physical presence means I’m losing her. Last week she insisted our relationship wouldn’t alter in essentials, even if she were here less. I’ve been rolling that around in my head. All of this introspection made me curious about how you felt when I’m not physically with you.”</p><p>“I see. And have you come to terms with the idea?”</p><p>Shifting up, Alayna leaned over her. “Nope, but that’s not the discussion tonight. No distracting me. You said earlier it didn’t bother you in the way I was thinking. That implies it bothers you in a different way. Am I going to have to drag an answer out of you?”</p><p>The woman glared and then looked away. “It’s more the nature of—I have my duty, you, and Jo. That’s my entire world. I guess I occasionally feel…”</p><p>Turning Leeka’s face back hers, she finished, “Lonely.” Alayna suddenly realized they talked about their days, their problems, and various people in them. But Leeka never mentioned doing personal activities with anyone in particular. <em>It’s like you don’t know anything about her life outside of your bubble. </em>“You don’t spend time with other people? What about that one friend you used to torment me with before we were together?”</p><p>A mischievous gleam flitted over her face. “Not sure who you mean.”</p><p>Alayna squinted at her. “Uh huh.”</p><p>She chuckled. “That’s Rabé, one of Queen Padmé’s handmaidens. We became friends during my first stay in Naboo. Whenever she’s in Mirial, we have dinner.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, what about Melita and Lutte? Or any of the other household staff? R’alo? Telir?”</p><p>“Alayna, would you say you’re friends with members of your court?”</p><p>She grimaced. “Ok, fair. There’s always an unspoken divide. Not to mention, it’s a perception nightmare. Maintaining a certain level of distance as a leader that can bestow both advantages and consequences is usually better for everyone. I also doubt they would want their Empress privy to their private lives. What about elite handmaidens or varlets outside of your purview? Brianna?”</p><p>Leeka grunted. “If anyone is friends with Brianna, I’ll eat my carpet runner. That woman is empress of her world. No one doth approach.” Her gaze drifted away. “I understand it, though. Being first handmaiden to an Empress necessitates staying apart. Not only to protect yourself but to protect your mistress and by extension the realm. Everything you say and do has repercussions, potentially severe ones. Much like the ruler you serve, there’s no separating your work from who you are. It’s your purpose and your life. I wonder if Brianna ever gets lonely?” Shaking herself, she continued, “Even other handmaidens can’t understand how it feels. Of course, they’re also the same people I long ago alienated. They simper and fawn now because they know what’s good for them. But I wouldn’t trust them further than I could throw them.”</p><p>“I see.” Alayna frowned. <em>Not her sisters.</em> When speculative rumors about their relationship had surfaced, the women demanded Leeka publicly affirm they had no veracity. Her refusal to do so resulted in them disassociating themselves from their own sister. To them she was another H’lyn, a stain on their warped concept of the family legacy. It made Alayna’s blood boil, but Leeka had forced a promise not to intervene. Otherwise, she’d have snapped the self-righteous grotthu back so hard they’d be groveling for mercy at Leeka’s feet. <em>She’s so alone. Because of me.</em> “You need someone outside of the serving and elite hierarchies but high-ranking enough not to cause a scandal or complications you don’t want. A person you can trust without self-serving or political motivations.” <em>This paragon is starting to sound like a mythical loth-wolf, Alayna.</em></p><p>Her eyebrow cocked. “Who said I needed anyone at all? You asked the question. I answered it. I never suggested I wanted to change the situation.”</p><p>She sighed. “Alright. It’s your choice.” Still, it worried Alayna. Should something happen to her, would Leeka be able to move on? <em>H’lyn couldn’t. </em>Their relationship would by its very nature continually hinder Leeka’s ability to have her own life. Considering for a moment, she realized Barriss had already taught her a place to start. Many rulers expected monogamy that they didn’t practice themselves. <em>Give her the freedom you were given.</em> “If you do find someone you enjoy spending time with—platonic friend, casual lover, or long-term paramour alike—you know I’m fine with it, right?”</p><p>Leeka smiled softly. “I do now.” Lifting fingers, she caressed Alayna’s mouth. “Sometimes, I think you’re too good to me.”</p><p>“Oh no, partner.” Gripping her face, she locked their eyes. “You are my heart’s consort. By definition, I can be no such thing.”</p><p>Tears sprang in the umber hues. “I love you so much,” she whispered and then pulled Alayna’s lips against hers.</p><p>_______</p><p>“I’m glad to see you fully recovered, Eminence.”</p><p>Taking the message pad, Barriss smiled. “Many thanks, Jo. I must own being quite pleased to escape six tedious weeks of coerced convalescence. It appears in my absence you have reached another milestone. Congratulations on making the elite squad of pages in record time.”</p><p>He ducked his head. “Thank you, my lady. I’ve only been in my new post for three days, though.”</p><p>Barriss settled back in her chair. “Still impressive. Your mothers would be proud of your continued success.”</p><p>Jo’s gaze darted to her but then dropped once more. “Do you really believe that?”</p><p>She frowned. “Of course. I don’t deliver approbation I think is unwarranted, Jotaal.”</p><p>His head popped back up. “My apologies, Eminence. I wasn’t implying you didn’t mean it. I’m only uncertain whether they…”</p><p>Steepling her fingers, she prodded, “You don’t believe they would be proud of you?”</p><p>Jo shrugged. “I guess I don’t feel like they should.” He rolled a lip between his teeth. “I’m very grateful for the opportunity and your interest in me. I’ll always do my duty to the best of my abilities. It just feels as if this kind of work is… not me or something.”</p><p>“Ah.” Barriss arched an eyebrow. “It’s about time you admitted that.”</p><p>He blinked. “Beg your pardon, my lady?”</p><p>“Being a page at any level only utilizes a small part of your talents. A scrubber required a different slice of those. Neither showcases your true capabilities. Recognizing that doesn’t take away from your efforts or accomplishments. However, Padmé worked to enhance your natural gifts and teach you specific skills for a reason. You were trained from birth to be royalty, Jo. Those formative experiences will always influence your approach.”</p><p>“Oh.” The boy seemed to consider the words. “You’re saying Paddy intended me to be like her?”</p><p>“In a sense. She undoubtedly knew those same abilities would serve you well in many paths. I’m certain she’d have left the final choice to you. Your mothers provided a foundation, but you must decide what to build on it. You could be successful in a wide array of professions, but if you choose one where your full potential can’t be met it will feel lacking. You’ll always be restless, frustrated, or dissatisfied on some level. There are options at the higher ranks of service where that likely wouldn’t be true. A seneschal, for instance, is a gentleman ruler of his domain. Mastering the role requires an extensive skillset, expert leadership, a keen mind, political savvy, and a good deal of wisdom. It takes a long time to earn such a position. Is this path one you’re willing to slog through to get there?”</p><p>His gaze unfocused. “I’m not sure. I suppose I was hoping my next post would be better.”</p><p>“It will bring new challenges for you to conquer, but I doubt you’ll find any assignment truly fulfilling until reaching the elite ranks. Your aunt’s case notwithstanding, there is a regimented progression to achieve that. It often requires decades of experience and then an opening in rarely vacated posts, no matter how exceptional the person. There are other occupations where working your way to the top is quicker or provides a more satisfying outlet along the journey. Many people have little ability to change their profession due to various personal circumstances. You do. However, you’ll soon reach an age where a significant track change may be problematic. Too long in one mold becomes difficult to break, both in your own habits and for others to see you any other way.”</p><p>He grimaced. “I don’t know what else I’d do, though. Layna and I have been discussing options, but I haven’t found one that really felt like me. Plus, many require leaving my family to pursue them. I don’t want that.”</p><p>“I understand.” Resting a chin on her fingers, she considered. “Would you like my advice?”</p><p>Jo perked up. “I’d be honored, Eminence.”</p><p>She chuckled. “You say that now.” Rising, she strolled to the fireplace sitting area. “Have a seat.”</p><p>The boy started and then hovered indecisively by her desk.</p><p>Hissing a breath, Barriss pointed to the settee. “I see I have another Leeka on my hands. Sit, Jotaal. Now.”</p><p>He hastened to obey the command. “Yes, my lady.”</p><p>Lowering herself beside him, she leveled an intent gaze. “Let’s discuss what’s possible, Jotaal of Mirial.”</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One lone chapter remains in our journey. Where will we end up? Perhaps, another beginning.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Life to Live</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>While this closes out our journey, it begins a new one for our characters. There is still so much life for them to live, just as there is for us all.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me steal a brief moment to express my gratitude to those who've left (or will leave) comments. You keep me laughing, smiling, and writing. Every single one, large and small, are special to me. For those who dropped a kudo and/or bookmark rec, thanks for telling me you were here and liked this story. Knowing people are actually reading something you've poured months of your life and a piece of your heart into is an incredible feeling. You are all kind and beautiful people. I truly appreciate it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Please, be honest with me.”</p><p>Barriss grimaced and sat beside Alayna. “What I want is rather nebulous and difficult to explain.”</p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>“Alright. I guess I started with this abstract idea that heart dictates duty. Yet, my heart had always felt at odds with itself while my duty always seemed clear. How could that be if they are inherently linked? After a plethora of fuzzy metaphors and philosophical ruminations over heart, soul, and every other esoteric construct you can imagine, I gave up on defining the undefinable. I just needed to know whether Empress Barriss of Mirial was me, a natural manifestation of Barriss the person if that makes sense. I’d always assumed yes, but why? Was it blind acceptance of who I thought I <em>should</em> be? That led to the only question that mattered, one I’d never had the leisure or inclination to ask myself. Am I who I think I am?”</p><p>Taking her hand, Alayna intertwined their fingers. “And are you?”</p><p>“Ready for this epiphany? The answer is… sort of.” She snorted. “I suppose you could say I’m Barriss of Mirial. Not the unequivocal directive I had hoped for, yet it is an answer.” She tightened their hands. “While serving Mirial is part of who I am, it is not <em>all</em> I am. I don’t want to leave part of myself behind completely, but I do want the freedom to find out everything Barriss of Mirial can be.”</p><p>Alayna nodded. “As I suspected. I’ve been swirling in my own odd contemplation of what I need and why. I can’t say I’ve figured it out. However, I do have a plan that may help us both explore the possibilities.”</p><p>Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Do impress me, Eminence.”</p><p>“You just wait, Eminence.” She inhaled a deep breath. “Your health never fully recovered from the trauma incurred during your courageous actions at the Battle of the Moors. You’ve been pushing through to fulfill your duty over the past year. However, you fear your worsening condition will soon prevent you from giving Mirial the unwavering energy and dedication it deserves. A vague, unnamed group of top specialists can do nothing to reverse the damage. Therefore, you have decided it’s in the best interest of Mirial if you abdicate and retire to an undisclosed retreat. These specialists agree a more natural environment without the stress of running a realm will at least stabilize your health. Empress Alayna shall bestow the rank of Emeritus. You intend to return home on a semi-regular basis to participate in ceremonial events, advise the Empress, or merely enjoy being among your people. Of course, you also remain committed to serving Mirial and this solution allows you the ability to do so should a critical need arise. Well? What do you think?”</p><p>She stared. “It’s brilliant, but are you sure?”</p><p>Alayna smiled wanly. “I can’t believe I’m suggesting it either. I suppose a year of changing realities showed me I can handle more than I thought.”</p><p>“You know you don’t have to handle all of it on your own, right? If we opt for this plan, I can return a decent amount. There’s also adjusting ad hoc. Even when I’m not on the other side of the wardrobe but you need me to be, you only have to say so.”</p><p>“I know,” she murmured. “That’s really what I mean. As we’ve increased your absences over the last year, it hasn’t been like I feared. I do miss you some, but it feels as if you’re still part of my life. And half the time you’re within traveling distance. After I realized that, it made me much more settled for whatever reason. I actually find the notion of shimmying down my balcony, hopping in my chariot, and visiting you whenever I want strangely appealing.”</p><p>Barriss winked. “That’s my girl.”</p><p>The rare but always adorable silly grin surfaced. “Point is, I think I’m ready for the next step. As you once told me, no matter where our paths go, you’re still mine.”</p><p>She rubbed her cheek. “Good. Because I am. Forever.”</p><p>Releasing a content sigh, Alayna laid against her shoulder. “Let’s do this. You can find out what your life can be, and I can find out my true capabilities. Plus, completing the power transition now carries advantages. Challenges to my rule will be highly improbable if you’re around. A change in leadership also causes anxiety among the people, especially when they’re losing the Empress that’s kept them safe and thriving for nearly two and a half decades. You remaining in the public eye on occasion will help defray some of that.” Twisting her head up, she smirked. “Besides, if we do it before you’re senile, you’ll be available to fix anything I mess up.”</p><p>Barriss laughed and slid an arm around her. “Alright, my smarmy consort.” Pulling her closer, she pressed lips to Alayna’s hair. “We’ll see what both of us can truly do.”</p><p>_______</p><p>“You could stay on here, but I doubt you’d feel satisfied with no employment while I’m out of Mirial. I could also secure a new position in the court if you prefer.”</p><p>“Absolutely not, my lady. I want none of those things.”</p><p>Barriss rubbed her forehead. “Then, we’re back to my original plan. I’ve already settled a sizable estate and enough resources to manage it well into your potential grand-progeny’s time. All you have to do is take possession of it.”</p><p>Her handmaiden’s face pinched. “You are not listening. My purpose doesn’t include retiring to a life of leisure, starting my own legacy, or serving someone else. It isn’t dependent on position, location, or type of work. There is only one constant. You. If you’re starting a new life, I start it with you.”</p><p>“Brianna, I’ll be living as a Togruta for much of that life. There’s no such thing as a first handmaiden in that environment. Togruta have radically different social mores, political hierarchies, and domestic habits. This is an opportunity to build your own life outside of me.”</p><p>There was a frustrated cry. “Why don’t you understand? You <em>are</em> my life.” The woman pivoted toward the wall, and a tremor pitched across her voice. “Please. Don’t take that away from me.”</p><p>Barriss flinched as Brianna’s usually shrouded presence spiked with pain. A deeper current, something rooted in the very fabric of her essence, shuddered underneath. Whatever it was, Barriss was somehow crushing it. She hesitated and then crossed the room. Lightly grasping an arm, she turned the woman to face her. Unshed tears permeating the steadfast gray pierced her heart. “Oh, Brianna. It isn’t that I want to lose you. I can hardly imagine a reality without you by my side. But you shouldn’t have to follow me to a place you never thought to go. I only want you to be happy.”</p><p>A single tear rolled down her cheek. “Then, take me with you. Let me be who I am.”</p><p>Having Brianna with her on this journey wasn’t a hope she’d allowed herself. Now, despite her best efforts, it was taking an intense hold. <em>No. Your happiness can’t be at the expense of hers. </em>“That’s my concern. Staying here means that while your duty may change, your identity does not. Coming with me would mean traveling the same path I must. It’s a quest of redefinition, exploring who you can be outside of how you’ve always thought of yourself. Doing so requires adapting to a different world altogether and finding your individual place in it.”</p><p>“I don’t care as long as I’m with you. I can adapt.” She licked her lips. “Actually, I’ve already started. In anticipation of your probable decision, I researched available information on the Togruta. During your absences, I’ve been honing my skills with various hunting weapons as well as studying animal migration patterns, habitat characteristics, tools, natural fabrics, medicinal plants, and principles of building construction. I even talked Cook into giving me lessons on preparing raw meat and edible vegetation.”</p><p>Barriss blinked and then rubbed her forehead. “Of course, you have.”</p><p>A hint of desperation tinged her voice. “Haven’t I earned a chance to try? Please, my lady. You are… where I belong.”</p><p>The puzzling current finally clicked. <em>I’m all she’s got. Her closest thing to a family. And I’m rejecting her, abandoning her just like the rest. </em>Barriss exhaled and gripped her shoulders. “I have no doubt you could master every practical skill if you so chose. I’m talking about altering your entire mindset. While there is a loose hierarchy among the Togruta, there aren’t really levels of society or formal tracks. Each member must contribute to the good of the tribe and support their clan but are otherwise free to make their own choices, have their own opinions, and pursue their own interests. You would be part of our family clan but your own person inside it, not a handmaiden serving my needs.”</p><p>“I understand, Eminence.”</p><p>She raised eyebrows. “Do you? Clanswomen don’t call each other by formal titles.”</p><p>Brianna sucked in a breath. Releasing it with a determined nod, she stated, “I understand, Barriss.”</p><p>Her mouth parted. “You did it.”</p><p>She huffed. “I told you. I’m not a delicate flower that can’t be transplanted. At the current moment, I am the Empress of Handmaidens. Give her some respect.”</p><p>A grin crept across her face. “Alright, soon to be ex-Empress of Handmaidens. Clan Tano would be honored to have you in it. This specific member would like that very much. There is one condition, though. I’ve settled that estate. It’s yours forever. If you find yourself unhappy in this new life of ours, promise me you’ll go make a different one.”</p><p>The stormy presence cleared and then faded behind its familiar veil once more. However, the light blazing from Brianna’s eyes said everything. “It’s a deal… Barriss.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Alayna jerked to a halt at the sitting room archway, pulse quickening.</p><p>Leeka stood in the middle of the space, only a side profile of her face visible as it twisted toward the ground behind her. Unrestrained copper hair cascaded down the back of a shimmering alabaster dress. Its multitude of layers flowed away from her lower body as they feathered outward. Tightening at the waistline, the fabric seamlessly fed into a bodice that softened the woman’s square figure, while ruffled oversleeves added just the right touch of elegance.</p><p>The garment itself was exquisite enough. On the woman she loved, it became truly breathtaking. Leeka’s entire presence glowed in a way she’d rarely seen. Or perhaps the glow was attributable to the other reason Alayna’s mouth was now hanging open.</p><p>Sabine was crouched on the floor, backside in the air with her head quite literally under Leeka’s voluminous skirts. Muffled words came from the enveloped woman. “Spread your legs a tad more, Freckles.”</p><p>
  <em>Freckles? How often does Sabine visit exactly? Often enough to have given my handmaiden a nickname. Huh.</em>
</p><p>Facing the fireplace, Leeka widened her stance. There was a grunt from the woman on the floor. “Ahhhh… yeah. There’s the prize.” Sabine wiggled further in. Leeka squeaked and lifted a hand to her chest.</p><p>Alayna couldn’t see her expression, but the arm’s motion suggested Leeka was stroking her throat. <em>There’s an explanation for this.</em> She knew there must be. Though, Alayna almost hoped there wasn’t. Leaning against the archway, she watched the inexplicable proceedings with a rising grin.</p><p>Leeka’s body seized up with a breathy gasp. “Sabine!”</p><p>Alayna jerked to attention. Now, <em>that</em> was a gasp she knew. Even more telling, there was no longer a ‘Commander Wren’, only… Sabine.</p><p>Flailing a path out of Leeka’s skirts, the woman blurted, “I’m sorry! It got caught in the garter and I was trying to—My hands are all sweaty and they slipped! Oh my Force, Leeka, I swear I didn’t do that on purpose. I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>Alayna’s interest piqued higher. She’d never witnessed this level of distress from her usually unflappable commander.</p><p>Scrambling to her feet, Sabine crushed fingers into her palms. “Please, believe me. I wouldn’t take advantage of your trust.” Her voice broke into a choppy rasp. “I could <em>never</em> hurt you.”</p><p>There was a shaky exhale. “I know. I believe you.” Leeka rotated to face her, eyes glazed with a glossy sheen. “Don’t get upset. Actually, it wasn't—” She yelped upon spotting Alayna.</p><p>Sabine spun around. There was a whimper as her darkly flushed skin drained of color.</p><p>Folding arms across her chest, Alayna ran an appraising gaze across their silent faces. “Well then. That was… enlightening.”</p><p>Leeka brought a palm to her face and muttered, “Dammit, Alayna. You’re not supposed to be here for another hour.”</p><p>She arched her eyebrows. “My apologies for interrupting your afternoon delight. Should I come back later?”</p><p>Her handmaiden groaned. “Not only have I been accidentally groped, said incident has sent my sole friend into such a state of guilty distress that she’ll probably never visit me again. Now, the woman I love is either thinking something’s happening that isn’t or simply torturing me by pretending to think that. Yet, for unfathomable reasons, the part of this entire situation I’m concerned about is that you have totally ruined your surprise!”</p><p>Alayna stared. “What?”</p><p>Sabine released a huge breath, evidently realizing she wasn’t in danger of being beheaded. Then, she stuck hands on her hips. “What about me?! My presence was requested at a secret rendezvous in the Empress’ chambers. I arrive to find myself privy to a surprise that is now ruined. Then, I’m asked to root around the skirts of a rather alluring and totally off-limits handmaiden to address an uncooperative fastener that can only be fixed while she is wearing the bloody surprise. Further compounding this trauma, I accidentally and horrifyingly assault the Imperial Mistress, only to find I did so in the presence of my Empress. In the final stroke of infamy, I am forced to exist under a cloud of sheer panic for a good two minutes before either of said people makes it clear there isn’t going to be a meltdown for me to mediate. Somebody better be taking me out to dinner very soon to make up for this outrage. I almost had an aneurysm.”</p><p>Leeka smoothed down the folds of her dress with a harrumph. “<em>Rather</em> alluring?”</p><p>Lips twitching, Sabine tapped a finger to her chin. “Stunningly beautiful with a touch of the divine?”</p><p>She sniffed. “Better. At least, someone has appropriately recognized my radiance. And it’s not even the woman this dress was specifically designed to awe during our anniversary dinner next week.” Leeka thrust her chin into the air. “I think the Empress who caused all of this trouble needs to make things right.”</p><p>Alayna couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer. Crossing the room, she pulled Leeka into a passionate kiss. Hovering by her ear, she whispered, “You look <em>breathtaking.</em>” There was a diffident smile in response. Pivoting, Alayna grabbed Sabine’s face and planted sloppy lips on hers. “Thank you for being amazing.” Stepping back, she smirked. “Good enough?”</p><p>Sabine cleared her throat and glanced at Leeka. “Um, what do you think?”</p><p>Leeka evaluated Alayna with a slight head tilt as if trying to ascertain the motivation underlying her reaction. Alayna winked. “Your choice, partner. Remember?”</p><p>Her mouth parted. Leeka looked down at her fingers, flexing several times. Shaking them out, she took a deep breath. “Not just mine.” A barely perceptible smile curved up as she moved in front of Sabine. “We might need a more creative solution for this situation.” Lifting her hand, she traced the woman’s lips in a slow caress. “Mmm… rough but delicate. It’s like a whole new world. Maybe we should have dinner on our own.”</p><p>Sabine’s eyes bulged. They darted to Alayna but only gave her a cursory flyby as they cut a direct path back to Leeka’s. Grabbing her hand, she delivered a tender kiss to the knuckles. “An intriguing proposal. Will it involve crawling around my lady’s skirts? I may have exceeded my allowance for today.”</p><p>Leeka’s gaze flicked to Alayna, who threw up a palm and said, “Don’t look at me. I wasn’t invited.” She added impishly, “<em>This</em> time.”</p><p>The familiar mischievous gleam flashed. Returning attention to Sabine, Leeka ran a finger down her cheek with a quiet hum. “Should the need arise, I imagine she’ll just take them off.”</p><p>A grin engulfed Sabine’s entire face. “Pick you up at eight?”</p><p>_______</p><p>The last courtier bowed in front of her throne. Returning a gracious smile, Barriss stood to her feet. “It has been my honor to serve as your Empress. We have weathered storms and sun together. We’ve seen evil rise and pushed it back as one. There is no greater spirit than the Mirialan spirit.”</p><p>Partially turning toward Alayna, she said, “I know those that come after me are more than worthy of carrying it into a brighter future.” A grin pulled at her mouth. “That is why my last act as your Empress will be to leave my people with something to preserve that legacy.” <em>And no one can stop me.</em></p><p>She was bypassing the customary review and dispensing with the court approval. Ordinarily, flouting tradition was a recipe for disaster. <em>Not today.</em> There were no future political battles to win. No risk of strife or weakening of Alayna’s position. Barriss’ power was truly absolute in this moment. And she intended to use it.</p><p>Alayna tilted her head in obvious confusion.</p><p><em>My gift to you, my smarmy consort.</em> Padmé’s face floated up from what had once been ashes of pain but were now memories of love. <em>And for you, my friend.</em> Wiping the emotions, she focused her full attention on the court. “I have uncovered a hidden jewel amidst the many bounties of Trikara. Among us lives a young man, once intended to become a prince of Naboo.”</p><p>There were matching gasps from the women behind her. Suppressing another grin, she began her grand finale. “The boy is of Mirialan descent on his mother’s side and noble stock on his father’s. Sadly, both were victims of the malignant usurper we brought to an end last year. Queen Padmé took him as her own shortly after birth. Naboo law requires an unrelated child to reach the age of nine prior to a wardship that carries royal status. However, at the dawning of his designated year, the beloved queen tragically perished in her fight against that same evil.”</p><p>Barriss brushed two fingers across her thigh, and Brianna delivered a pad to the court scribe. “She had drafted the certification of wardship at the time of her death. It awaited only her signature and final court approval. Queen Apailana has attested to these particulars and his informally accepted status among the Naboo.” Assessing the range of expressions as comprehension of her intent dawned, Barriss added, “Since Queen Padmé named him as her personal heir, the young man also possesses a substantial fortune in his own right.”</p><p>Several nobles visibly relaxed. <em>Yes, he won’t be competing for what you hope to wheedle Alayna into giving you.</em> Barriss snuck a glance at the still dumbfounded faces of Alayna and Leeka while the scribe reviewed her carefully cultivated documentation. It was all true. From a certain point of view.</p><p>The scribe coughed. “Everything is in order and as her eminence reports. All stipulations of the law have been fulfilled.”</p><p>Barriss returned an acknowledgement. “His provenance thus established, an Empress need go no further to bestow wardship. I do recognize this exertion of my rights may cause some unease. My difficult decision to relinquish the throne curtailed my intended timeline. Bypassing the traditional court review became a necessary evil. Since I am cognizant of your interest in ensuring an appropriate representative for Mirial, I will elucidate my desire to impart the honor and the young man’s personal merit.”</p><p>She paused to ensure undivided attention. “After the heralded queen passed, I wished her sacrifice not to go unrewarded and the boy she believed capable of greatness not to be sacrificed as well. He was brought to Mirial and offered many paths. However, this child chose one of the most challenging. He took a place with us in the serving quarters.”</p><p>There were disbelieving gasps. Barriss inclined her head. “Indeed. You might well be surprised as I myself was. Such a child, who had lost so much so young, could have decided his life had been difficult enough. As mentioned, his personal resources are also considerable. If he wished, the boy could have chosen to never lift a finger the rest of his life. I asked why he would choose a path of service when the world was open before him. His answer was simple. Who he had been meant nothing if he could not prove himself worthy of what he would become. He wanted to <em>earn</em> his place.”</p><p>Murmurs of approval sounded. Discipline, conviction, and tenacity were traits Mirialans prized.</p><p>“And he has,” Barriss continued. “Without informing any of his true background, the young man worked his way up multiple levels of service. At each post, he received accolades for his diligence, acumen, and loyalty. His elite education also continued. He excelled even amid often heavy duties and is a prized pupil of the Imperial educators.”</p><p>“Since the queen’s first handmaiden was Mirialan and from one of our most honored families of service…” She gave a respectful nod to Leeka. “... he was expertly schooled in our ways. I’m sure you agree that his conduct after losing his position and family represent those of a true Mirialan. They are marks of noble character and one who values others above himself. It is time for him to take the place he has certainly earned.”</p><p>The Empress of Mirial straightened into the imperious pose that had served her well for over two decades. “His wardship will therefore confer royal status. As is my right, this conferral includes a designation of succession. Should this court find him worthy upon reaching his age of majority, he will ascend to the rank of crown prince and potential future Emperor.”</p><p>Eyebrows shot up, mouths parted, and hushed exclamations buzzed across the entire space. Barriss expected the reaction. However, they had no legitimate grounds for objection. The court’s approval was required for a transition from prince to heir apparent. Jo would have to gain their approbation. A fact that pleased the boy himself. Of course, it also provided time to decide whether ruling a realm was a destiny he wanted.</p><p>She waited three seconds, long enough for the words to fully penetrate but too brief for someone to rally the temerity to object. “As is proper, the final decision lies with your wisdom.” Descending from the dais, she motioned toward her praetorians. They opened the inner doors to the throne room. “Now, I shall let his virtue speak on its own behalf.”</p><p>Jo strode in with his head held high, regal cape flying behind him. He was attired in a gold-threaded Tyrian tunic, leather breeches, and high boots. They’d chosen the outfit together, and Barriss noted the hint of pleasure in his face as a wave of admiration swept through the court. She couldn’t blame them. Padmé’s work had not gone to waste. The boy had the bearing of a royal, probably ingrained from his first step. Despite his still smaller than average size, Jo’s presence radiated a poised strength exceeding his paltry twelve years of life, and his open countenance engendered trust. The maturing features showed early signs of being handsome, while his red curls added a layer of uniqueness that made him stand out. A fine appearance was no negligible advantage in some quarters of the court, especially those with marriageable offspring. <em>Good luck, my boy. You’re going to need it.</em></p><p>Upon reaching her, Jo took a knee. Barriss surveyed the entire room, gauging the mood. <em>Excellent.</em> “The realm recognizes Jotaal of Mirial.”</p><p>Rising, he answered with ringing confidence, “His loyalty is to the realm.”</p><p>“And the realm returns it.” Brianna reappeared and presented a royal parchment of designation.</p><p>Jo flicked mischievous eyes to where Leeka and Alayna were leaning forward as if afraid of missing something.</p><p>Flourishing the ceremonial quill, Barriss pronounced, “By this signature, I convey both wardship and princedom, including all the privileges and responsibilities thereof. Do you accept this duty with no reservation?”</p><p>Locking his gaze on the two women behind her, Jo declared, “I do. It is my honor to serve the people of Mirial in whatever manner they see fit. I will do my utmost to justify their faith in me.”</p><p>Smile on her lips, Barriss affixed her signature and the imperial seal. Brianna then delivered the final step to the court scribe.</p><p>Taking the opportunity, Barriss twisted her head to meet Alayna’s eyes. <em>You have your dream, my dear. It’s your life to live now.</em> The woman gazed back at her, tears shining in the intense green. It tugged at her heart in so many ways.</p><p>The scribe coughed. “All is in order.”</p><p>Headiness swirled. <em>It’s done.</em> Her proclamation was irreversible. For once, Barriss had done exactly what she wanted. And, Force, it felt good. She squeezed Jo’s arm. “Well done, my boy.”</p><p>He flashed a grin and whispered, “If you only knew. I was so worried about tripping on my way in, I snuck in here every night this week to practice my entrance.”</p><p>Barely holding back a laugh, she remarked, “You are so like Alayna.”</p><p>His face lit up and then they both turned to the assembled nobles. Barriss swept out an arm. “I present to you, His Imperial Lordship, Prince Jotaal. May the Force shine upon him, this court, and all of Mirial. Shall it always endure.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Leeka adjusted the velvet trim decorating Alayna’s new and entirely too ornate robes. “Now, stop fidgeting. The sleeves are meant to be snug around your wrists.”</p><p>She gritted her teeth. “I don’t understand why I can’t wear my usual court dress.”</p><p>Her handmaiden groaned. “I told you why. This is your first appearance as the sole ruler of Mirial. It’s critical your presence dominates the room. An Empress has to outshine everyone else. Once things settle, we can tone the style down.”</p><p>“Settle. Right.”</p><p>The nimble fingers halted their tweaking of the robe’s jeweled clasp and cupped her chin. “Is it really that different than what you’ve already been successfully doing?”</p><p>She looked away. “Yes.” It was the first time she’d hold court alone. <em>The first time you’ve done any of this alone.</em> Alayna had thought herself prepared for this new reality. Yet, a familiar knot had been twisting her stomach since she’d woken up this morning.</p><p>Leeka slid her hand down to lay against Alayna’s heart. “She’s always <em>here.</em> Listen. What is she saying?”</p><p>Her mind drifted as the past swirled through it. Steel blue and a soft smile gazed back at her. “Experience brings wisdom,” she murmured. “Find out everything Alayna of Mirial can be.”</p><p>“Sounds like good advice to me.”</p><p>She refocused with a wry expression. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p>“That’s all you need to do. Remember…” Leeka locked their eyes. “... you’re not alone, partner.”</p><p>Her chest swelled as she soaked in the solid presence. “I know.”</p><p>The umber hues gleamed. “Not to worry. If you make a questionable decision, I have every intention of delivering a hard kick to the back of your throne.”</p><p>Alayna laughed. “Shouldn’t you be awaiting my illustrious arrival at the court entrance?”</p><p>“I’ll consider it,” she replied with an airy flick of her fingers.</p><p>“You’re too good to me.”</p><p>Her eyebrow cocked. “Oh no, my lady. I’m your first hand—”</p><p>Stopping the woman’s mouth with her own, she lingered in the moment. Alayna finally dragged herself away from bliss and whispered, “You’re much more than that, partner.”</p><p>Leeka grinned and pulled her in for another kiss.</p><p>_______</p><p>After Leeka departed her study, Alayna stood in front of the window and gazed out across the moors. Mirial’s future now rested on her shoulders. And she was terrified.</p><p>A respectful cough came from the door. “Eminence, they’re ready.”</p><p>“I’m not sure I am,” she replied quietly.</p><p>The man was silent for a moment. “That tells me you are.”</p><p>Twisting her head back, she raised eyebrows at Lim.</p><p>His mouth twitched. “It’s the same thing I once told your predecessor. And one can’t argue with the results.”</p><p>A smile curled her lips as the heavy knot loosened ever so slightly. “Fortunately, she had a wise seneschal to remind her of these things.” Pulling her shoulders back, she gathered up her robes and glided to him. “As do I.”</p><p>Lim’s eyes sparkled and he made a deep bow. “All in a day’s work for his Empress.”</p><p>Alayna’s smile widened. “Alright, let’s see what this Empress can really do.”</p><p>_______</p><p>Barriss leaned against the side of a hut and watched Ahsoka dance in the firelight. <em>Force, you’re still so beautiful.</em></p><p>Ahsoka’s gaze wandered to her as she spun in a flail of limbs. Working herself out of the circle, the woman jogged over. Kneeling in front of her, she grinned and whipped an object out of her pouch. “I brought you something.”</p><p>Slowly reaching out, Barriss took the flower and inhaled the aroma that still brought joy. Closing her eyes, she reveled in hyacinth and pine needles. “It’s lovely.”</p><p>There was a snort. “You’re not even looking at it.”</p><p>“I don’t have to. It’s from you.”</p><p>Lips pressed against hers for a long moment. “Ashla, you are still so perfect.” Plucking the flower from her hand, Ahsoka laid it to the side and then swept Barriss into arms of steel. “I think it’s time, my dear.”</p><p>Rolling a lek between her fingers, she murmured, “Time for what?”</p><p>“For you to learn how to celebrate like a proper Togruta.” She winked and carried her toward the dancing figures.</p><p>Barriss jerked up. “Ahsoka, this is a bad idea. I have no idea how. I’ll probably knock everyone else into the bonfire.”</p><p>The evocative blue shined like flecks of stars in the midnight sky. “I won’t let that happen, Barriss of Clan Tano, maté to Ahsoka, and soon to be expert dancer.” She set her down at the edge of the circle and offered a hand. “Trust me.”</p><p>Warmth flowed through her chest. <em>Your life is your own. Time to live it.</em> Taking Ahsoka’s hand, she whispered, “I trust you.”</p><p>Interlocking their fingers, Ahsoka kissed them with a soft, “Good.” Then, she laughed and dragged Barriss into the dance.</p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow. Done. Finishing a story is always bittersweet. It's completion, triumph, and a tinge of loss.<br/>I guess the real question is was it worth the journey?<br/>----<br/>I usually end a story with a tease of what's coming next. However, I have several in-progress works awaiting attention once 'real life' settles a bit, so I'm not sure yet. For those who aren't familiar with my other work and liked this fic, the <em>Where I've Always Been</em> series is closest to this story's setting and style. There are also AUs, one-shots, and a canon-compliant series lurking just beyond a click of my username. We would be honored if you would join us... on another Barrissoka adventure. (That's the royal 'we', Lord Vader.) </p><p>Now, I shall bid my farewell. May the Force shine upon you all.<br/>{|||~||}##############</p>
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